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Hey, so, the warnings pretty much apply to the entire story, but the first section of this chapter contains assisted suicide. I hinted at it in the last chapter, but it's described in more detail here, so keep that in mind.
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"I'm-I'm sorry I keep doing this…," Janus apologized.
Remus was holding Janus tightly in his arms. They were sitting on Janus's bed, wrapped up in the man's soft blankets while Remus rocked back and forth slowly.
"It's… I'm not mad, Dee…," Remus whispered. "I… I get it… It's not like I've never put you in the same position."
Remus ran a hand through Janus's hair, moving his bangs away from his eyes.
"... I'm still sorry, though…," Janus whispered back. "I… I know it upsets you."
"Of course it upsets me," Remus confirmed solemnly. "But I know it's not your fault."
"I'm sorry…"
Remus kissed the top of his head.
"It hurts…"
He knew it hurt. Janus had found a poisonous plant in the imagination, and the remains of that plant were lying on the bedside table. Remus had come up with the idea for it after watching a series of really graphic horror movies, so it had turned out especially nasty. He'd thought he put it somewhere Janus wouldn't have gotten ahold of it.
Apparently, he thought wrong.
He sighed, trying to blink tears out of his eyes.
"... Why'd you pick this plant, Dee?" Remus asked. "You know I have less painful poisons."
Janus didn't answer, so Remus left it at that. Instead, he gripped one of Janus's hands in his own, interlacing their fingers.
"When it gets to be too much for you, tell me, okay?"
He felt the man nod.
And about fifteen minutes later, Remus sat on the floor by the bed, covered in sticky, crimson blood, holding the knife that had technically killed Janus in uncharacteristically shaky hands. He dropped the weapon and cradled Janus's body close, not caring about the blood that continued to soak into his clothes.
Now, he would just have to wait.
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After their discussion about death, Janus had started avoiding them a lot, and the others weren't sure what to do about it. At first, they were just trying to give him some space and not pry into the man's secrets, but they were starting to get concerned- or at least, more concerned than they already were.
Despite this, any attempts they made to breach the topic with Janus- or really, most attempts at conversation- were quickly shut down.
On one of these days following the discussion, Virgil and Roman were sitting on the couch in the living room, watching something neither of them were really paying much attention to. They had been sitting there for about an hour when Roman spoke:
"Do you… think it's my fault?"
Virgil turned to look at him.
"Do I think what's your fault?" he asked.
"... Janus dying," Roman answered, not meeting Virgil's eyes. "He… I know he wanders around the imagination a lot. And I can control what happens in there, so if I'm in danger, I can just make the danger go away, but… Janus can't do that. What if the creatures I make have killed him?"
Roman's face was pinched with sadness, like he was trying not to let himself cry. Virgil bit his lip and fiddled with his hoodie sleeves.
"... I don't know, Ro," he replied. "I don't… know how he died, but other than Remus, I don't think there's anything dangerous in the mind palace, and Remus denied doing it. You know he doesn't really lie, so…"
Virgil let out a breath.
"I mean, there's... some chance he's been killed by something in the imagination," Virgil begrudgingly spoke. "But even if he was, that doesn't mean it's your fault. I mean, Remus controls half of the imagination, and his half is a lot more dangerous than yours. And even if it was something from your side, you didn't know that anything attacked him, right?"
Roman shook his head.
"No, but I knew he spent a lot of time there," said Roman. "I just… I never even considered whether he was safe or not. Sometimes, I would wonder if he was up to something, but it never even occurred to me to check if he was okay."
Virgil put a hand on the other side's shoulder, biting his lip.
"Well, maybe you could put some more safety features in? Even if that isn't what happened, it wouldn't hurt, you know?" Virgil suggested. "And… don't beat yourself up too much, okay? You don't know if you even did anything. And things were different back then, anyway. It sucks, but it makes sense that you're first thought hadn't been to check on him."
Roman groaned, leaning back into the couch and covering his eyes with his hands.
"Still, I'm a prince! A prince is supposed to keep everyone safe unless they don't have a choice, even if it's their enemy!"
"You didn't know he was in danger, Princey," Virgil stressed. "And… honestly, I don't… I don't think that's really it."
Roman looked at him, hearing the change in his tone.
"What do you mean?"
"I… I have a… a theory… of what might have happened. Or at least, what might have happened at least one of the times he died. Since it seems like he's probably died a few times…," Virgil spoke softly, his voice unsteady.
"What do you think, then?"
But Virgil just shook his head with a sigh.
"I don't… think we should talk about it here…," Virgil denied quietly. "I don't want to risk Patton overhearing it. Especially if it's true."
Roman looked him over.
"Do you want to talk in my room?"
"Honestly, I'd rather not have this conversation at all, but… I think we have to."
And so, the two of them stood before sinking into Roman's bedroom. Once they were there, Roman immediately flopped onto his bed, and Virgil went over to join him. They sat in silence for a few moments before Roman prompted him.
"So?"
"It's just… I knew him. Before," Virgil started. "And some of the stuff Remus said… I mean, it got me thinking and remembering some stuff. But I… really really hope that I'm wrong about this."
Virgil took a few shuddering breaths, and it was then that Roman realized Virgil was trying not to panic. He reached out and took Virgil's hand and began rubbing his thumb along the back of it, trying to provide comfort to Virgil like Virgil gave him.
"It's… Remember how Remus mentioned how he was Janus's friend when the rest of us hated him?"
Roman nodded.
"Well, I was his friend, too, before," Virgil continued. "And… I know he tried to hide it, but… Jan wasn't always exactly… okay."
Roman tilted his head.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm… I'm pretty sure he was depressed…," Virgil admitted. "But back then, I was so caught up in my own stuff, and we fought a lot, and then I left. So I didn't… I didn't ask him about it or anything."
Virgil's hands had clenched themselves into fists, and he couldn't meet Roman's concerned gaze.
"I… I didn't think he was that bad, but he's Deceit… And I knew he was hiding it already… so…"
Roman felt ice fill his chest as his heart plummeted.
"... Virgil, what are you implying?"
The anxious side had curled in on himself, guilt and fear for his friend weighing down over his shoulders.
"What if… What if he killed himself?"
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