Warning : Underage smoking, underage drinking, swearing.
disclaimer : Fairy tail belongs to Hiro Mashima and the song underneath, Alone together, to Fall Out Boy.
empty promises
I don't know where I'm going,
but I don't think I'm coming home
and I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead.
This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end
Sometimes she wonders...
She's not sure when she starts to spend so much time with Cary, James and a few she doesn't bother remembering the names of.
"No way! I thought you were kidding when you said you were a Fairy tail wizard," The girl snorts, lips a cherry-red color. "They're getting so popular too."
"Yeah..." something twists in her gut, "I grew up there so I don't really notice these sort of things, unless the Sorcerer sends that annoying jackass of a reporter." James raises a brow and she clicks her tongue. "Jason, he's not mean just...loud."
"You're a funny girl Cana," James smiles so she does too, if a bit more shy. "Oh, do some magic!" Cary frowns, plucking the cigarette from the other girl's fingers. "Leave her alone Nana, you don't have to."
"I don't mind," she shrugs, a small ribbon of gold forming out of thin air above her palm to dance around it. It's not much, practically nothing, but it earns her excited yelps. She's not used to it, not in a guild with people like Natsu or Laxus.
She blinks when James offers her a pack out of his leather jacket, the same kind as the one Cary and that other girl were sharing. "I never tried..." She admits, which in a guild full of the damn thing, almost comes as a surprise.
"I would, James never shares." Cary offers her a smirk, as if it's supposed to mean something. "It's not so bad I swear."
She barely hesitates before plucking a stick from the pack, James lighting it up for her as she inhales. Obviously, she harshly chokes, people around her laughing at her flushed face.
"That tastes like shit," she winces, but tries again. It slowly gets easier and she thinks she can see why people would take something that disgusting. Maybe the whole thing with her father had finally got to her.
(who's she kidding, Cana Alberona is a broken, broken little girl-)
She can't change that, no matter the flowers she put in her hair or the pretty orange dress that she destroyed, shit she just hopes Enno doesn't realize anything happened to the dress-
The small brunette somehow ended leaning against James' side, eyes heavy. She's still so tired, even after all these weeks of her last mission. She's not put a feet back in the guild hall now that she thinks about it, not since she got back to confirm the success of her last mission.
The master is such a sap about these things with the younger ones after all, expecting a verbal confirmation every time despite the client already doing it by written form.
She doesn't tell him about the way his eyes glazed over and lost any nuances, deaddeadeaddea-
It's okay. She'll get better soon.
how low her humble self...
It's just another night out with her new friends(?) when it happens.
The walls of her apartment were smothering her, sucking out the life out of her the longer she stayed there. So she dressed up to go back to that same pub she's been hanging out these past few weeks.
Cary and the others notice she doesn't speak as much and drinks twice her usual amount. They don't ask, until James do.
She's got five - six? - curious pairs of eyes on her now and she doesn't want to answer. She does so anyway, "I just got back from my home village, it's my mom's anniversary."
"She's dead," she clarifies when they don't understand.
"Oh." The pitying glances make her feel sick to her stomach and so she drags Cary off to get some more liquor. "You should really stop, girl."
She doesn't and pays the price an hour and a half later.
Everyone is still inside when she stumbles out of the building to puke out what little she ate that night - James insisted she does so, something about healthy diets and it's easier to tolerate the srong stuff. She doesn't expect anyone to follow her so she startles when loud footsteps stop less than a meter away from her.
"Got a problem?" She manages to get out with spite, fingers white from clutching the garbage can too tightly. She curses herself for not bringing a hair tie to keep her hair out of her face and gets the long strands out of the way so she can look up.
Laxus Dreyar is staring at her, openly gaping.
She closes her eyes as spots darken her vision. When she opens them he's still there and it's with regret she crosses out the hallucination theory.
"You're not legal." She's reminded of the time when the boy was grumpy and awkward instead of a certifies asshole.
"Aren't I?" Another wave of nausea washes over her and she leans more heavily on the roundish can. There's no sign of bright green hair or floating 'babies' at least, that's good.
"Not that this isn't pleasant, but are planning on staying there and watch or..?" Just go away and never talk about this, ever again.
"The old man said you weren't as the guild as much..." She's never thought she'd want Laxus to go back to his insensitive, I'm-so-much-better-than-you ways. Can't he see she's miserable and wants to be left alone?
"You're one to talk," she snorts. "Haven't seen you hang out at the guild more than ten minutes for like three years." When his father was kicked out of the guild.
She wasn't surprised back then, nobody was except for Laxus.
"Laxus are you coming? The boys just finished getting the groceries." A voice so sharp can only belong to Evergreen and that's when she decides she's done. She straightens up, head light and walks back towards the tavern's door.
Only to bump into Bickslow who apparently decided it was normal to get some food so late. "Cana?" The boy looked at her strangely, face scrunching up under his helmet and-
Nope, she's not dealing with this. She refuses.
She doesn't bother to answer this time and just walks faster intent on getting one last drink before going home.
"What is taking so long-?" The door closes before Evergreen can delight her with what she's sure is judgment.
"You good?" Cary seems to care, the others don't even pretend and she concentrates her efforts on convincing James to give her that goddamn drink.
"Look, you've already had too much and-" Anger burns into her veins, head pounding and no she doesn't care that she's having trouble walking. "I'm a paying customer, I don't care what you think about how unhea-"
"You've already done it James, just give the girl what she wants." Nana - she's pretty sure that's her name, says with an eye roll. The boy finally budges and serves her another beer, refusing to give her anything stronger.
With one last salute she drags herself out the place. She's met with four confused faces and prays to whoever is up there they'll just disappear.
They don't.
"What do you want?" Ignoring them had failed, obviously. She's so past caring it's hilarious.
"Are you trying to kill yourself, walking alone so late like this?!" Evergreen drops the haughty pretense and she's almost taken aback. Cana staggers when she tries to walk past the little group.
"Kill, kill-!" She'd try grabbing those things to crush them if she had the force. Instead she laughs, eyelids closing and shooting back open when her gaze meets that of a dead man.
She hears her mother telling her a story, her father not knowing who she is. A trail of curses leave her lips incoherently, she should've taken another drink. If only to keep her mind off things, to feel just as numb as earlier.
Bullshit, she leans on the closest wall to take off her shoes without a second thought. "You guys go home, I'll drop her to her place."
She's not sure who's talking, but it's not Freed. The boy's mouth is closed now, his nose wrinkled. Yeah, fuck you too buddy.
"You don't know where I live." She tries to shove away from the hand that just wrapped around her arm, it doesn't budge. "Let go..."
She's just managed to make out Laxus' face in her confusion, he doesn't even look at her when when she frowns angrily at him. Something burns it's way through her jumbled mind at being dismissed - again.
Fuck him and his stupid s-class, fuck Gray for never choosing her, fuck her father for-
She falls over, her legs giving out with the only thing holding her somewhat upright being the hand around her forearm. "Shit-!" Her magic lashes out, managing to take concrete form despite her evident inability to focus on anything.
The ground rumbles, falls apart under her. The last thing she sees is a pair of wide bluish eyes, something sounding almost like her name ringing into her ears.
can get, after all...
At least, she comforts herself, since Laxus would rather hang himself than talk to his grandfather, there's no risk of him telling on her.
"I didn't know you guys all lived together," is what she offers when she wakes up on a couch that's not hers. Far nicer than her place too. Suckers.
"You destroyed a good chunk of the pavement." Bickslow offers her some coffee and she names him her favorite. Her head hurts, worse than any other mornings like this one.
Maybe because she's not alone, or maybe it's that she drank her weight in booze and scotch and rum-
"Ah, I'll pay the town later today." The four seem to have trouble looking at her and for once she doesn't think it's because they dismiss her as weak. (hope builds up in her chest, crumbling down like it always do-)
"Eat. We can't have you passing out on us again." Laxus gruffly informs, pushing a plate of eggs and toasts in front of her.
"Thanks for not leaving me out there." I'm sorry you had to take care of the mess I made, she tries to give a smile. "You guys should have enough karma points for the next year or so."
"It's all good babe, we couldn't leave you alone to the wolves like that. Evergreen would've had our heads." Not many like Evergreen at the guild, she's always a bit mean and a whole hell lot defensive about everything.
She personally thinks the girl is wicked. (Cana is just a bit better at hiding the fact that people don't know her a lot, not at all-)
(she hides herself with grins and playful banter instead of sneers)
"Charming." They're a real piece of work, the Thunder Legion - Laxus especially so, but so is she. She should probably try and talk to them more the rare times they're at the guild.
Maybe? A very solid maybe, she decides.
It is then she realizes the shirt she has on is just a bit too big on her when she twirls a piece of tangled hair. "Where's...that's not my shirt?"
"Some old thing I had laying around, yours had dirt and puke on it. I threw it away." She winces because that is so very far from cute, she promises to give it back some time soon. "Don't bother, that thing isn't my color anyway."
"Gray goes better with your eyes," the older girl's face falls, not expecting the sudden sort of compliment.
"Is there a chance we'll find you shitfaced drunk in the near future?" She says no and it's the truth. If only because they're rarely in Magnolia and not likely to see her very often. A totem - the new holders of Bickslow's souls, floats to bump against her cheek.
"Sorry-" She raises a hand to stroke the wooden surface of the little buddy's head, Bickslow choking at the sight. "They um...do stuff on their own sometimes."
"Yeah? That's nice, you're a cute little guy aren't you?" The totem - the soul made it's way down to her shoulder, resting there almost like a bird. "Little! Little!" Things get less awkward after that.
They talk, they talk and she can't remembers the last time she actually talked with someone.
Laxus is still an asshole, Bickslow still a flirt, Evergreen still haughty and Freed is still silent. None of those things used to bring her comfort, now they do. Somewhat.
She leaves with a glamour as to hide her horrible appearance and she heads down to the guild in a bubble gum pink shirt that is not her own. Rent's due next week and she has just enough for that, what little she had went into flames the night before.
She needs to eat and pay back a debt now it seems, goddammit.
there's only so much this little girl can take.
Things go back to how they were - in surface at least.
She goes on quite a few solo missions, and tries not to spend everything in very bad habits. She grins and makes excuses for why she doesn't wear her orange dress anymore - she likes pants better, her boobs got bigger.
She and Gray will get some ice cream something like once a month and she'll exchange smiles with Erza on her way back to her apartment.
Cana gets better at hiding, her encounter with her four definitely-not-friends taught her a lesson at least.
She avoids going missing for long periods of time and vows to go to the guild more.
She plays family with Enno when she's not busy with one-year old Romeo, it doesn't happen a lot. She brings the woman flowers sometimes, the same ones she used to wear in her hair when Cana first got to the guild.
Once in a while, she'll catch the master's eye and feel like he's seeing all that she's trying to hide.
The drinking, the smoking, but mainly the fact that she's spiraling. It is not the fact that she's underage - most adults here don't give a damn, it's that she doesn't stop because she feels like shit when she does. (the word is on the tip of her tongue, but well Cana's never been particularly smart and she cannot for the life of her remember)
That the nightmares won't leave her alone no matter if she uses sleeping cards on herself or that she buys in-store medicine.
(oh right, depression)
That she's a mess, a pathetic mess.
Getting better...