The sacrifices one makes

It's funny when I use to just read fanfic's I would wonder why the writer would type introductions in the first place, now that I'm the one posting a story I'm thinking 'wow so this is how it feels' I thank every single one of you guys that have read and commented you guys are awesome reading all the reviews and seeing the people following my story gets me all giddy, so I have an idea and you guys can follow along or just ignore it in a certain scene of this story I'm going to type a song that you could listen along to as you read that certain part of the story you may not like the song since everyone has different taste in music if you do that's great I am positive that I am not the only person who has thought of this but when I thought of this idea I was listening to music as I read the story I thought 'mmm not bad' just don't blast the song keep it low, think of it like when you hear back ground music in a show like at the end of the episode get it? Well I hope you do if you like this idea let me know and offer some music to me in a post telling me what kind of scene they fit whether its action or suspense so on and so forth, also just so you guys know there will be one SEX SCENE if you don't like reading that kind of stuff just skip over it I wrote the words SEX SCENE in big words before you read and after the scene is finished I am not planning to write any scenes like that again well at least that's what I'm planning right now who knows if I'll do it again I hope you guys like this chapter if you don't I'm sorry cause I didn't like how this scene ended in the show you will see what I mean when you read.

I DON'T OWN CHUCK if I did Casey would have gotten back with Kathleen

Chapter 4 tying up loose ends

The fresh night air hit Chuck as he stepped out Casey's apartment, stepping towards his own apartment he planned on taking a quick shower and putting on a different set of clothes the day's happenings where weighing him down and a shower was what he desperately needed.

Stepping out of the shower, his skin was red by the scalding hot water that had poured down on him, he could still feel the blood of the assassin on him and it made him feel dirty, if things went down the way he was planning hot showers were going to be part of the norm in his life for the foreseeable future.

Carefully clothing himself so as not to aggravate his wounded shoulder, he put on a baby blue long sleeved shirt and blue jeans and slipped on his normal chucks, stepping out into the courtyard he a constant thought running through his head.

'What am I going to tell Hanna?'

Hanna had been a woman he had met a while back on a plane to France when he had to complete a mission and they were able to hit it off instantly, he knew in his heart he didn't have the same feelings for her as he did for Sarah but a man can take only so much rejection, meeting Hanna had helped him keep his mind away from thoughts on Sarah.

'Should I tell her a lie?'

She had only known him for a short while it wouldn't hurt so much, or would it?

Chuck's thoughts plagued him so much to the point he hadn't noticed that he had driven on the freeway and that he was already across the street from the restaurant where he was going to meet Hanna's parents, Chuck observed Hanna laugh with her parents she seemed so happy and beautiful, Chuck wanted to lie he wanted to tell her some excuse on why they couldn't be together, but the things that were going to happen in the coming years were plaguing his thoughts and fear began to grow inside him, he wasn't afraid of dying, no he had made his peace with that he even welcomed it, Chuck was afraid of being hated, hated by his sister if she ever found out the truth, hated by Sarah who for so long all he ever wanted was her approval, he was afraid of the hate that was going to be aimed at him and the thought of having someone who didn't hate him seemed so welcoming.

The laughter around Hanna's table resounded around the restaurant she had never felt this happy about anyone, the one who turned her perspective on life was also the one who brought immense joy to it, checking her surrounding she caught sight of a pair of brown eyes that had the ability to pull her into a trance, she excused herself from the table and headed towards the tall and kind young man that made life seem more amazing than what most people think.

Chuck felt his heart skip a beat as he saw a smile so warm and so open, there was no hidden agenda, no secret that had to be hidden, no deeper meaning it was so beautiful and whatever resolve Chuck had made on lying to her flew out the window and a new resolve was made, he wasn't going to be the reason why that smile disappeared.

Hanna stood in front of Chuck and watched as a myriad of emotions played on his features until it rested on one she had seen on him more than once, determination, Hanna lifted her hand and rested it on his cheek caressing it with her thumb, it had its desired effect as she saw his eyes focus on hers.

"What's going on in that head of yours Chuck?"

Hanna's tone of voice soothed and encouraged him to make up his mind, her eyes expressed worry and made him feel like he was already failing in keeping his promise to keep her smiling.

"Hanna there is something I need to tell you, I don't expect you to believe me because it sounds so farfetched but it is the truth"

Hanna couldn't hide the worry she was feeling she could only nod fearing that her words would fail her.

"Hanna for the past three years I've been a part of a joint CIA and NSA operation my teammates have been John Casey and Sarah walker and starting tomorrow I will be leaving the team to start an undercover mission in which I highly doubt I will be coming out alive"

Chuck expected to see disbelief, anger, he even expected a slap or two but instead he felt Hanna place her other hand on his right cheek softly and her thumb began to do the same gesture of affection that was being done by her left hand he felt some of the stress he was feeling fall away and relief washed over him.

Hanna watched as Chucked melted into her hands and she wanted to cry, since meeting him at his car she could see his shoulders hunched over, they seemed to be carrying the weight of the world and when he began to speak she couldn't find any sign of deception in his words, she brought down her hands and began to wrap her arms around his waist and when she felt his arms close around her she wasn't able to hold in her tears.

Chuck watched as her body began to tremble a bit and her quite sobs made him feel so guilty for doing this to her, for burdening her with something that was his and his alone, he wished he could take back his words but as he opening his mouth she beat him to the punch.

"Don't you dare apologize Chuck, you have no reason to say you're sorry"

Her voice was muffled by his shirt as she had not separated from his embrace, even though it was muffled it held such tenderness and authority he decided to shut his mouth afraid he might mess up somehow by saying something stupid.

"Chuck… am I allowed to hear anything else?"

Hanna lifted her gaze to stare into his eyes and watched as he shook his head letting her know he couldn't tell her more than what she now knew.

"Who else knows?"

Chuck didn't say anything he just gazed back at her and then she understood

'I'm the only one'

She couldn't hide the surprise on her face and instead looked down not wanting to let Chuck see just how special she felt, instead she stepped out of his embrace and immediately held on to his hand

"Why are you doing this Chuck? Why are you telling me?"

She felt Chuck's hand tighten around hers and she tightened hers as well to let him know she was there for him she heard him breathe out a shaky breath as if to steel himself for what he was going to say.

"Hanna, I'm not a brave person in all honesty I'm a coward, I'm not afraid of dying or of failing and I'm not afraid of the things that I'm going to have to do, what I'm afraid of and what fills me with dread is the knowledge that everyone I hold near and dear to me is going to despise me, starting tomorrow everything about me is going to be a fabricated lie so that I could be seen as an enemy, as someone who needs a bullet to his head, I'm sorry for dumping this on you, doing this can cause you to be in danger and it was a very stupid deci-"

Chuck couldn't finish what he was going to say as a slap made his head spin, Hanna immediately grabbed him by his face after she had slapped him and planted a heated kiss that made Chucks legs wobble he didn't know how long they had been kissing just that when they separated they both where gasping for air.

"Don't you dare apologize to me and don't you dare call yourself a coward, don't worry about my safety and don't allow yourself to feel like you're putting a burden on me because if anything all I'm feeling is happy that your opening up to me, it's because of you I'm still alive in the first place so you have nothing to be sorry about, do you hear me?"

Chuck still felt his head spinning from that slap and heated kiss so he just nodded his head dumbly, hearing Hanna's laugh brought him to his senses once more.

"Good now come on my parents are waiting on us"

Chuck was about to protest but one glare from Hanna kept him quite, she was not going to let tomorrow's actions affect tonight, she led him by the hand to the table where her parents where at, the entire meal was once more filled with laughter and the entire meal Hanna had not let go of his hand in fact she held on tighter as time progressed, there were times in which she would keep her gaze on him as if she wanted to commit to memory this version of him the one that laughed and told jokes the one who would become a stuttering fool when he was nervous, Chuck was happy, it had been a while since he felt this free and it was all thanks to Hanna, the future was going to be filled with so much dread but tonight.. tonight was for him, he needed this one night for all the future nights in which he knew he would have to watch over his shoulder.

The meal had gone great and after giving each other their goodbyes they went their separate ways Chuck drove Hanna to her apartment in the Crown Vic the entire ride she wouldn't take her gaze off him, the silence was comforting they didn't need to say what they were feeling because they already knew what each other was feeling, Hanna's hand caressed his every once in a while and she would bring his hand to her lips to kiss it, he would do the same and it would elicit a small laugh from her, they got to her apartment and he turned off the Crown Vic.

"Can you drop me off at my door please Chuck"

Chuck knew what she wanted, a part of him told him not to do it, it told him she deserved better, that she deserved better than just one night even though that was all that he could give her, this voice was immediately shut out when he looked into Hanna's eyes, they let him know that even though it was one night she deeply wanted it, Chuck stepped out and headed to her side of the car and opened the door for her.

"I would be honored Hanna"

…SEXUAL SCENE…

The walk up to her apartment was quiet and once again there was this silent agreement that words where not needed, Chuck watched as she began to fumble with her keys as she felt his arms wrap around her waist, she melted in the embrace, he breathed down her neck it made her weak in the knees.

Hanna's breath hitched as Chuck began kissing her neck she quickly opened the door and turned to kiss the man that was going to leave her, she put all of her emotions into this one kiss her fear, her anger, her frustration and her affection she wanted Chuck to know that she would be okay that he deserved this one last night of intimacy where he wouldn't have to look over his shoulder.

Chuck felt everything she wanted to express with her kiss and picked her up in his arms he closed the door behind him with is foot as he entered the apartment, the pain in his shoulder forgotten as the fire In him began to burn, he yearned for this one act of intimacy he knew it wasn't love he felt for her ,one woman had taken his heart already, so he gave the only thing he could, his complete and utter affection this one night he would give her as much attention as she wanted and she wanted all of it.

Hanna began to take off her shirt wishing she didn't have to separate her lips from the man holding her but one small sacrifice would be needed for her to satiate her thirst for this man, seeing Hanna separate her lips from his he began to attack he neck with kisses while her hands ran though his hair.

Chuck stepped into her room and laid her down gently as if she would break if he did it too hard her bra had already been unclasped leaving her with only her pants on, she didn't move knowing that Chuck wanted the pleasure of taking them off, the light that came through the window of Hanna's room let him see her, her eyes began to tear up as she watched Chuck take off his shirt letting her see the wound he had on his shoulder she wanted to gasp but she bit her lip she wouldn't ruin this night for him with her worry if he was capable of carrying her than he was capable of receiving pleasure and she was going to make sure he did.

She sat up to take off his pants since he was still standing by the front edge of the bed, her hands trembled a bit taking off the button that held his pants together Chuck simply gazed at her as she finally brought his pants and underwear down she began to stroke his member taking him into her mouth, his hand began to caress her cheek as she did so, she felt his member pulse and then felt his sperm run down her throat she didn't complain as she stepped back enjoying the lust she saw in his eyes.

Hanna laid back down seeing the predatory look Chuck was giving her and shuddered with pleasure as he got on top of her kissing her lips while his hands massaged her breasts and nipples, his lips then started to travel down her neck her eyes rolled as pleasure swept through her body as he sucked on her breast and gave her nipples a small nibble, his mouth began to travel lower and lower until he reached her pants he quickly unbutton them and pull them off along with her panties he lifted her lower half towards his mouth, her legs dangled from his shoulders as his mouth brought pleasure to her, all this time she wanted to simply make him happy, make him feel good, but he wouldn't let her even if this was his last night with some one that cared for him romantically he would never allow her care to his needs without making sure that her own needs where met first his tongue glided around her thighs eliciting a moan from her mouth

"Please Chuck don't tease me"

Hanna moaned out but Chuck refused to listen enjoying her moans begging him to hurry he finally began to ravage her, her hands grabbed his hair indicating he was doing everything right after a few minutes she began to quake as her orgasm made her shiver seeing that he had completed what he was aiming for he quickly took her thighs off his shoulder and began to make his way to her lips once more, his member once more was ready for another around, Hanna still felt the tingling sensation in her loins but was willing for the second wave to hit her, Hanna wrapped her legs around his waist as he slid his member into her she bit the shoulder that wasn't hurt, even though it was their second time sleeping together his member still pushed her to her limits.

"Are you okay?"

Chuck whispered in her ear, she smiled seeing he still worried over her and she could help but feel extremely happy to have him one more night.

"Chuck please don't worry about me, it's all about you tonight"

She brought her lips to his ,moaning as his hips began to move in a steady rhythm, Chuck detached his lips from hers and began to suck on her neck, Hanna by this point felt drunk with pleasure wondering how he had so much energy.

'He sure has ruined me for any other man'

She couldn't help but give a sad smile at that thought, knowing there would be no other man like Chuck in her life, by now his hips had begun to speed up and her moans were fueling his lust for her, Chuck knew that Hanna wanted pleasure and he was going to make sure she had her fill.

"Hanna I'm almost there"

Hanna nodded letting him know he wasn't the only one

"I'm on the pill don't worry"

After a few more strokes they both let out a moan, Hanna's thighs squeezed harder while Chuck relished the feeling of them around his waist, Chuck pulled out making her shudder as his member left her feeling empty, they laid side by side panting their sweat covered their whole

bodies they both took a minute to catch their breath, finally after what felt like only seconds Hanna straddled Chuck and gave him a predatory grin and bent forward towards his ear

"Were not done yet"

…SEXUAL SCENE END…

(RIVAL & CADMIUM- DAILY FT JON BECKER)… this is the song if you want to listen as you read.

The early morning rays fell upon two individuals that held each other with so much affection, Hanna held on to Chuck afraid of letting go, the warmth of his body brought unimaginable peace to her and she did not want to lose it.

Chuck held on to this last piece of affection that he was going to have, it was a long night of love making neither of them slept the entire night and as the early morning rays hit them Chuck began to caress Hanna's back making her purr in satisfaction,

"Hanna I have to leave"

His voice indicated he didn't want to leave like this, but he didn't have a choice, Hanna untwined herself from him so as to let him get ready to leave, a tear rolled down her cheek knowing she wouldn't see him ever

"Chuck I just wanted to let you know that I'll be leaving Burbank I don't think after being with you these few days that I'll be able to walk around the city without thinking about you"

Chuck had put on his pants and shoes and turned around letting her see his wound, even though she had seen the wound the other night she couldn't help but gasp as she could clearly see that it had been cauterized.

"Hanna I don't know how to express to you how happy I am that I could spend my last night with someone as loving and kind as you and I truly hope that you find all the happiness that you deserve"

Chuck bent to grab his shirt wincing as he did so, when he stood back up Hanna threw herself at him to hold him just one more time, she brought her lips to his and savored as much as she could of him, Hanna couldn't stop the tears from freely falling down her cheeks as she stepped back and did her best to give him a smile.

"Chuck… I know that you love Sarah and it should have been her tonight with you not me"

Chuck wanted to deny it but she wouldn't let him speak

"It's okay I know how much she means to you"

She brought her hand to wipe away the tears and they were quickly replaced by more

"I am glad you chose me because you truly mean so much to me and to leave here angry and resentful is not something that I would have wanted to do especially if you were the reason I left so angry"

Her smile widen with the memories of last night, of the dinner and the drive to her home and lastly the love making.

"At least now where ever you go and whatever you're doing you will be able to remember last night, this place and you will remember me, I want you to know that no matter what happens, to me you will always be a good man".

Chuck put his shirt on and stared into her deep brown eyes as they began to glisten with more tears he brought his hands toward her cheeks and began wiping them away he brought his lips to hers and gave them one last kiss

"Hanna, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not a good man"

Chucks tone left no room for argument, he turned around and left the room closing the door behind him his hands began to ball into fists and his breathing began to get heavier he walked out the apartment and his pace quicken to leave the building finally reaching the Crown Vic he entered and gripped the steering wheel his tears were freely rolling down his cheeks, he hated himself so very much for hurting Hanna emotionally and wished he hadn't followed her to her apartment but he did and actions aren't meant to be taken back he started the car and made his way to his sisters place.

(THAT WAS THE SCENE WITH THE SONG FROM THIS POINT FORWARD YOU CAN TURN IT OFF)…

Chuck arrived at the apartments with the early morning rays still glancing over the horizon, the entire drive he debated whether he should tell his sister the truth, he had told Hanna, why shouldn't he tell his sister, he had reached the door to his sisters and opening it he entered to see his sister and her husband Devon sitting at the table eating and talking as was their normal morning ritual Ellie's smile seemed so bright and kind, she was innocent and oblivious to the dangers that surrounded him, Chuck knew if he told her the truth she would move heaven and earth so that her baby brother didn't go off to his demise to hell with the "greater good", Chuck couldn't tell her the whole truth but she did deserve a semblance of the truth.

Chuck gave her a wide smile and he received one in return

"Hey Chuck how was your date with Hanna"

She wiggled her eyebrows indicating she knew how it went going by how he had returned in the morning

"It went good"

Chuck smiled knowing this was actually true he really had enjoyed his time with Hanna.

"But we both decided we should break up, we are compatible in many things but she let me know she wants to leave Burbank and I am going to be gone also..."

Chuck saw Ellie's questioning gaze and began with his story

"Sis I want to tell you some crazy news, I umm... a while back I applied for an analyst position for the CIA, I didn't think I would get it but apparently they saw my potential and accepted my application"

Eli for her part couldn't believe her ears, her brother who for the past six years had worked at a Buy More was finally quitting and getting a different career, one that would appreciate his amazing talents she couldn't hold it anymore, she ran towards her brother shouting with joy and tears in her eyes

"I am so proud of you Chuck oh my god I can't believe it"

Her arms embraced him with so much love he simply hugged her back knowing he wouldn't be getting another one for a long time most likely never

"I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner are you going to be working here in California"

Ellie's gaze expressed how she hopped that his job would be located somewhere close, her eyes quickly became sadden seeing the expression on her little brother

"Sorry Eli but they are needing analysts in an undisclosed area they wouldn't even tell me"

Ellie's arms retracted and she stepped back, oh he knew that look, she was about to go mama bear on him

"Oh really, are you telling me that they are going to be taking you away from me and they don't even have the decency of telling you where you're going to be?, is it top secrete or something?"

Chuck looked at her sad expression his heart hurting with each beat

"Eli, there is something else I'm going have to tell you please don't panic"

Devon looked into Chuck's eyes and knew this wasn't awesome news so he quickly hasten his wife's steps towards a seat

"So what's up bro?"

He held on to his wife making sure he could hold her back if she didn't like the news

"Eli and Devon you guys know I love you with all my heart and I would move heaven and earth for you but as of today I'm headed off to an undisclosed facility and I won't be in contact for a couple of years"

Eli was about to stand and object to the idea of him getting the job but her husband's arm's held her down, she looked at him wondering why but looking into his eyes she understood he was being supportive of Chuck's goal

"Eli I know what you're thinking, you're thinking how could I do this how could I just leave, the truth is I don't want to"

He hoped he could convey his feelings through his words

"But I have to, for the past few years I've gone through this life without purpose or meaning I applied thinking it would be cool if I became some sort of agent, when they responded I was baffled and felt like this was a joke but they told me I could make a difference by helping agents on the field even while I was cooped up in some small room where the light doesn't shine"

He almost chuckled bitterly

'Like they haven't tried doing that'

Eli for her part was still trying to control her emotions she looked into his eyes and could see he was telling the truth of how he wanted to make a difference but something was off she just couldn't put her finger on it

"Chuck is this what you want to do"

Ellie looked into Chuck's eyes and saw something she had not seen in a while, determination,

"Sis it's not about me wanting anymore it's about doing what is needed"

Chuck wasn't lying, he didn't want to leave his sister, he didn't want to make enemies out of Sarah and Casey and Shaw, he didn't want to be on the run constantly looking over his shoulder, he didn't want to do any of this but he knew he needed to do this to protect his family to protect his friends and to protect Sarah even if it meant he would have to deal with all the crap that was heading his way

"I have to do this, it's for something much bigger than me, there are people using he innocent like pawns in some chess game so their plans can come to fruition and I want to be the opponent they face in this elaborate game, I can tell you one thing I'm not going to let them win"

Chuck stood firm in his decision and his Ellie knew it, she had seen him grow and when he had made up his mind on anything neither man nor demon would stop him and by the way he spoke he was going to be facing a lot of demons

"Chuck I don't know what you're going to be doing or where you're going but promise me this"

Devon had let her go by now giving her the chance to stand up, putting her hands on Chuck's shoulder's she breathed out

"Promise me that you will come back when you finish"

Ellie knew, she didn't know the whole truth but she knew that his job wasn't going to be an analyst Chuck watched her expressions wishing he could tell her everything but she would have to accept that he couldn't and that he wouldn't, he was not going to promise her anything because he refused to lie about this, he wouldn't voice his response so he nodded his head.

Eli felt tears come to her eyes but she pushed them down she wouldn't let her brothers last memory of her be of her crying

"Okay than I'll accept your decision, and guessing by your timing in telling us you're leaving soon"

Ellie looked at his crestfallen expression and felt her tears begging to be let out but pushed down harder there will be time for tears later

"You're leaving today"

It wasn't a question and he knew it, he nodded his head once more

"Alright call Morgan, Sarah and John were having one last meal this afternoon, Devon were calling in sick today cause you're going to help me make this the best meal ever and Chuck I'm guessing you haven't quit your current job so go do that and on your way back I need you to go to the supermarket to pick up a few things I'll send you a text of all the things I'm going to need"

Ellie headed for her room planning to change clothes and most likely let out her pent up tears

"Sis one more thing… don't tell anyone about anything that I've told you please"

She turned her head and smiled towards him knowing that 'anyone' was the people she had just mentioned

"Don't worry if there is something a Bartaowski is good at its keepings secretes"

Ellie didn't know how right she was, he smiled at her and headed towards the door feeling like everything was in its place and nothing was holding back

'well guess I'll be having one last meal'.