The light on the horizon was brighter yesterday. With shadows floating over, the scars begin to fade. We said it was forever, but then it slipped away. Standing at the end of the final masquerade. ~LINKIN PARK
Will River be able to help her wife, or is this when she has to say goodbye to the Doctor for good?
They stepped out into what appeared to be an office. Tall shelves lined the walls, bursting with books of all shapes and sizes. A heavy wooden desk stood proudly in one corner, scattered with piles of paper and open books, some spilling onto the floor. An array of fascinating Artefacts occupied any remaining shelf space. Mementos and keepsakes, memories of travels and far-flung adventures. Despite its cluttered appearance, the room had a sense of grandeur and importance. Sunlight poured in through tall windows, its golden rays dancing through the room with a shimmering brilliance. Yaz was captured for a moment by the beauty of the room, a feeling of calmness and serenity washing over her. Yet, the moment was fleeting, the knot in Yaz's stomach tightened, sending her crashing back to reality. A terrifying reality, where all she could do was helplessly watch the Doctor in so much pain, barely clinging to the threads of life.
Yaz turned to see River tenderly set the Doctor down on a plush, Tardis Blue Sofa. The back cushions even featured a pattern resembling the outer panels of the Tardis. She was sure there was a very good reason the Professor had chosen that particular sofa. A hint of a smile traced across Yaz's lips, sometimes the Doctor really had no idea the impact she had on other people and just how highly regarded she was.
Kneeling down beside the Doctor, River gingerly removed her coat and boots to make her more comfortable. The Doctor let out a few feeble whimpers, but otherwise put up very little resistance as Rivers eased the long grey coat from her shoulders. Suddenly her back arched into an almost unnatural position and the Doctor convulsed violently as a wave of pain raged through her body. Her jaw clenched into a grimace and her eyes screwed shut. She bit her lips so hard she drew blood.
"Please, stop. Make it stop", she moaned. "I can't... I can't stay", tears slid down her cheeks as she let out a strangled cry.
Fear began to creep across River's face, a single tear traced down her cheek. Seeing the Doctor in such pain was almost too much to bear. She stroked the Doctor's hair gently, speaking in hushed whispers, desperately trying to give her comfort. "I'm trying sweetie, I promise, I'm trying". It was taking all she had to hold back the tears. But she had to stay strong for now. Right now, the Doctor needed her more than ever before.
River turned to Yaz, who was still hovering by the Tardis doors. Eyes glaring with determination, "second draw on the right, green box, Medi-scanner. Need it now!" she ordered, gesturing to a large desk in the corner of the room. Yaz sprang into action, darting across the room, needing only a moment to search the draw to find the green box River was after. She held out the scanner for River who took it from her without turning away from the Doctor.
The device whirred and beeped as River held it out above the Doctor, silently begging that it could provide some indication as to what was wrong.
"Oh no. No sweetie, what have you done," she flustered gently taking hold of the Doctor's hand. Despite her pale appearance, the Doctor's skin remained unnaturally warm. A fiery heat radiating against River's cool hands.
"What is it?" Yaz questioned, taking a few tentative steps closer to River and the Doctor. "What's wrong with her, what's causing all this?
"I'm not sure," River replied quietly, hoping her hushed tones would hide the fear in her voice, "but there is something attacking her whole body." She gazed uneasily at Yaz.
"I don't understand, whatever this is, has no external source I can verify. I think it's time Lord in origin. Its as if coming from her own mind." Her brow furrowed as she struggled to make sense of what the device was telling her.
"I think," she continued, pausing for a moment to scrutinize the jumble of data displayed by the Medi-scanner. "It's as if she triggered some sort of defence mechanism. A firewall of sorts. A door, maybe, that she wasn't meant to break down. Only she did. There are things in her mind, memories, I think, somebody didn't want her accessing." Her steely gaze met Yaz's wide and tearful eyes. "Yaz is there anything, anything you know about this? Tell me, please."
Yaz's gulped, thinking back to how the Doctor had been acting recently. Remembering all the worry and fear she'd felt for her friend. Just how harrowing it had been to see the Doctor so lost, engulfed by an unexplained darkness.
"I just know she's not been herself for a while, ever since she came back from..." Yaz trailed off, wiping the still falling tears from her cheeks. "For ten months I thought she was dead!" She burst out, choking back a sob. "It was horrible, I thought I'd never see her again. They said she was probably dead, but I... I …" She fumbled for the words, not really knowing how to explain what had happened. "I couldn't believe that, I just couldn't. She couldn't be dead. I knew, she just couldn't be." Her relief and excitement from the Doctor's return had been short lived. There hadn't been time for questions, not with the threat of a Dalek invasion looming. Only when alone again had she really noticed the change in the Doctor. "Then she came back but it wasn't the same. She tried not to show it, but something had changed. She just seemed so lost. I don't know what happened, she wouldn't say. Wouldn't tell us anything about where she'd been. How could this happen, she just left us, sent us away. I spent so much time trying to find out what happened. I was so scared, so scared we'd lost her forever." Yaz paused to take her breath, still trying to piece together what has happened from the little information she had. "What if he did something to her? The Master. He almost killed us, and he tried to kill the Doctor too." Yaz could feel the anger seething inside of her as she thought of the Master and the things he'd done. He'd hurt all of them, but he'd hurt the Doctor most. He'd destroyed their home and their People, he'd trapped and tortured her.
River turned back to the Doctor; her skin had begun to mottle, and she was shivering uncontrollably.
"What did he do, what did he do to you!" she demanded, trying to hide her fury. The thought of someone having done this to the Doctor made her blood boil.
"I j-just had... I had to know," came the stuttered response.
"Oh sweetie," River flustered, gently wiping the tears from the Doctor's cheek. "You just can't ignore a keep out sign can you."
"N-neither c-can you," the Doctor gave a strained reply.
River's heart ached. It was a small wonder that the Doctor was still able to form words in her current state, the pain and fury were growing insufferable. She could sense her wife was fading fast. Her Wife. She had a wife now. She hadn't even had the time to think that through yet. To get to know the Doctor in her in this new incarnation. There was no way in any universe was she going to let her die before they'd had the chance for more adventures.
"You need to fight this sweetie, I know it hurts but please, keep fighting. We're going to fix this, I promise", she flustered gently.
The Doctor's eyes opened ever so slightly, and with extreme effort she turned her head to focus on River. "Shouldn't m-make... S-shouldn't make promises you're not sure you can keep", she mumbled, barely audible, between ragged gasps of breath.
"NO!" River cried. "Don't you dare talk like that, you don't get to say that, not to me, not to anyone." She felt her eyes well up, her lips were quivering. Unable to hold back any longer, the tears flowed freely, hot and salty, mixing with pain and anguish. She wrapped her arm round the Doctor, engulfing her in a tight embrace. She didn't ever want to let her go, she just couldn't let her go. It was perhaps selfish, but deep in her heart she knew, losing the Doctor would destroy her. Afterall, it was the Doctor who had made her River Song, it was the Doctor who'd saved her in more ways than she could explain. The Doctor was the reason she studied Archaeology, the Doctor was the reason she still believed that there was good left in the Universe, the Doctor was her reason for staying alive.
"I... I don't k-know w-who I am a-any anymore," the Doctor whimpered between shallow breaths, burrowing her head into River's shoulder. All she wanted right now was to hide away, to seek safety in the arms of one of her closest friends. In her many lives, she'd never strayed so far, felt so lost and forlorn. That one encounter with the Master had changed everything. The lies and secrets he'd uncovered had pushed her past breaking point. She emerged from the matrix destroyed and defeated, a far cry from who she once was. As hard as she'd tried, as much as she hadn't wanted it to, it had changed her. All she had now was despair and torment, everything hurt so much and all at once. She didn't know how much longer she could hold on. Thick fog clouded her thoughts, and she was struggling to make sense of anything. She'd been trying to remember, but she was no longer sure what. Everything felt so distant, all memories replaced by a burning fury. A burning fury that continued to drag her further into the abyss. Away from everything and everyone she knew. All she held true, hopes and beliefs, torn down by lies. There was no escape from the torment. A torment she'd brought upon herself. She tried to recall why, what she'd been looking for, but the moments slipped away like whips of smoke before she could grasp them. She just wanted this to stop, for it all to end. The never-ending pain was tearing her further and further away from reality and all she knew. Nameless; desperate and alone, her identity destroyed, all she knew crumbled to dust. Exhaustion took hold, the threads of life drained away and she slipped into the inky blackness.
The worried whispers of her friends grew louder, but the Doctor was unable to respond.