Elizabeth tucked in Little Jack and sang him a lullaby as he drifted off to sleep. Her time with him was so precious and she cherished every minute especially knowing that as he grew moments like this would be fewer and farther in between. Her mind drifted to Lucas's time spent with Jack. Occasionally on the weekend Lucas would take them both for a picnic lunch. Jack loved being outside but now that he was three he was much more mobile and inquisitive so getting him to stay put on a blanket while eating lunch was a challenge. Elizabeth recalled Lucas's exasperation with the situation and asking if maybe they shouldn't have left Jack with Laura. Elizabeth was taken aback by the suggestion and told Lucas that weekends were when she had uninterrupted time with her son and Laura needed her break on the weekends as well. Lucas conceded but Elizabeth could tell that his feathers were ruffled. She continued to pray that eventually he would warm to Jack and they would form a father-son bond. When Elizabeth decided to be with Lucas she just assumed that Lucas would take an interest in her son given that the relationship included her and her son.
Elizabeth quietly went downstairs to write in her journal. It had been quite a while since she'd written down her thoughts. What once was a daily habit had, for some reason, ended up on the back burner. It could be that she was so tired on nights she met Lucas for dinner that she just didn't have the energy for it. It could also be that she didn't know how to put into words the different facets of her life right now.
While reviewing her previous entries Elizabeth noted that the last time she'd written in her journal was a few weeks ago shortly after she'd told Nathan she loved him but wasn't in love with him. It pained her to re-read her thoughts from that day. She knew how much it hurt Nathan but she'd pushed it aside thinking about how happy she'd been to choose Lucas. Elizabeth thought about that day on the bridge when she and Lucas had first kissed and then their evening in the library celebrating her book. The whole evening reminded her of dates she'd had with Jack when they were first dating as well as dinners with Lucas that were filled with candles and champagne. It also reminded her of evenings she'd had as a debutante growing up in the high society of Hamilton. While it was fun from time to time, Elizabeth knew that it couldn't be an everyday occurrence. She told herself that the life she knew before Hope Valley was just that, her "before" life. Hope Valley was her "after", her "forever" life. Her thoughts went to Lucas and while she knew he had been happy in Hope Valley she hoped that he was committed to staying in the town she'd grown to love over that last eight years and where she wanted to raise Jack.
As Elizabeth began to write in her journal her thoughts went to the situation with Allie and Nathan and her determination to re-establish the relationship the three of them had shared before the events of a few weeks ago. She thought it would be best to talk with Allie first at school since she knew how much Allie cared for her and often turned to her when she needed advice only a woman could give. Once she and Allie were back on firm footing Elizabeth decided she would then approach Nathan and have a conversation about how they might rebuild the friendship she so sorely missed.
Writing everything in her journal helped Elizabeth solidify the plan in her head and gave her a confidence moving forward. It had truly not been her intention to hurt anyone. She was sure Nathan had an understanding of how hard it would be for her to commit her life and love to him given his dangerous job and knowing how she'd lost Jack. As for Allie she was sure that Allie's need for a mother figure in her life would help to re-establish their relationship.
Elizabeth went to bed that night feeling better than she had in weeks. She would talk with Allie tomorrow and start getting things back on track.