Love Me Like You Do
Disclaimer- I own nothing from Star Trek, everything belongs to Gene Roddenberry and Paramount. I am merely borrowing the characters for fun and claim no ownership. I do however, own Kenley Joli, she is my own character.
Hello beautiful people! Here is the next chapter of the story. I want to thank everyone for reading and reviewing this story. I know it's probably not the greatest out there but I am enjoying this universe and it's fun to write.
I am warning people now that there are some mature themes mentioned in this chapter that might also be triggers for some people, so please read with caution. Those themes are rape, abuse, torture, self harm and attempted suicide. Most are only mentioned and nothing graphic is depicted here but I am warning everyone now. So again, please be careful when reading this chapter.
This chapter also further develops the relationship between Kenley and Spock as well as Kenley and Uhura - who just to say, is a bit of a bitch in this chapter, but I swear it won't last the whole story. It takes some time, a lot in fact, for her and Kenley to become friends but they do.
Also, another familiar face will be appearing in this chapter. So, wait to see who that is.
Anyways, please enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think.
Songs used; Love Me Like You Do, Thousand Years, Time After Time and Getting to Know You.
0.4- I've Learned to Be Ashamed of All My Scars
The loud bell cuts through the air and Spock tucks his hands behind his back as he stands at parade rest, his dark eyes scanning over the students as they start to gather their belongs and start trickling out of the class.
"Do not forget your assignments on alien culture and dialects is due by start of class next week. Any late assignments will not be accepted and counted as a failure." he states calmly.
Kenley finishes gathering her belongings when a shadow falls over her. Blinking in surprise the young woman looks up and smiles when she sees Christine standing beside her seat, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Greetings Christine."
"Hi Kenley." the nurse greets with a warm smile. "Gaila got held up in class but she'll meet up with us before we hit the boutiques."
Ever since the two had met in the medical center all those weeks ago Christine and Kenley have slowly grown closer and formed a friendship that quickly included Gaila and now the three are practically inseparable. The Qrysis is overjoyed at the fact she managed to make another friend, who not only accepts her and her abilities but also understands her hardships and has the patience to allow Kenley to sort through her - and other's - feelings without pressing, but letting her know that she is not alone. The other young woman being there if she needs someone to talk to.
It also helps having a friend in the medical track because Christine has been able to help Kenley better understand humans and there complicated emotions more than Gaila or Spock could since she is a human herself. This makes sorting through the jumble of emotions Kenley experiences on a daily basis far easier and feel less like she is trying to walk against the current of a rapidly moving river.
In the last month she's been reintegrated back into her linguistics course and though she still finds the large number of students overwhelming Kenley is far more comfortable in the classroom than she was previously and now actively tries to interact with her peers and participate in discussions in class. Many of her classmates have noticed this change and maybe though they are still wary of her, they aren't as cold and hostile as they were initially. It also helps them to see her interact with Gaila and Christine - two well known and liked cadets within the academy - showing that she isn't as cold and illusive as they may have first thought.
"It is understandable that Gaila would have to remain in her computer sciences course longer considering she is very good at writing code and never likes to leave any of her work incomplete." Kenley says as the two head towards the door, side by side. "Though... why would we attempt to physically damage the buildings in which we desire to purchase items?"
Christine stares at Kenley blankly just as they are leaving the room - the Qrysis bowing her head in farewell to Spock as they leave - before laughter starts bubbling past her lips as her shoulders shake with her mirth. "No, no... Kenley... I meant... I meant that we were heading to the stores to shop..."
It is Kenley's turn to stare at the other woman in confusion as she tilts her head to the side, her eyes wide and innocent looking much like a child's.
"It's a saying." Christine tries to explain, "When we say we're 'hitting' something it means we're going to that place."
"Then why do humans not just say that?" she grumbles, "Also, I know this is not in fact how the term 'hitting' is used in every situation, thus your statement is very illogical."
Christine shrugs her shoulders, "Well, because we're illogical beings that way. We like making our words so much more complicated than necessary."
"And everyone wonders why I have such trouble understanding human dialects."
The nurse laughs again, "Yes, it is difficult to understand all of our sayings, metaphors and slang. So much double meanings and so many different ways to say the same thing."
"Hal'gie na kula." Kenley says with a roll of her eyes. She notices from the corner of her eye that Christine is staring at her as if she has grown two heads. "Is something wrong?"
"Is that... is that your native language? Qrysian?"
A dark blush taints Kenley's cheeks as she clutches her padds closer to her chest and closes in on herself a little more, "Yes... I speak in my native tongue when I am frustrated or when I am too exhausted to realize I am speaking the words of the Goddesses. In this instance, I spoke a prayer to help me understand something beyond my understanding."
Christine nods her head in understanding and the two walk in silence for a few minutes, "Why didn't the translator... well, translate those words?"
"Because, the Qrysi are a very private people not dissimilar to Vulcans with their own culture and our language has yet to be added to the universal translator. Only those selected by the ambassadors or Starfleet Command are allowed to learn Qrysian." Kenley explains. She notices the way Christine's face falls at her words, "Though, I could teach you if you desire to learn. Though that would have to remain a secret between the two of us."
That statement alone brings such joy to Christine's face and the emotion is radiating off her in such waves that Kenley is momentarily overwhelmed by it. Seeing this - and feeling it - however, make the Qrysis believe she made the right decision in offering this alternative to her friend.
"Really?" the nurse asks just to be sure. Kenley nods her head. Christine squeals in delight and throws her arms around Kenley in a fierce hug that causes the two to stumble and crash into a nearby wall. They also get many strange looks from the cadets walking by them in their efforts to get wherever they need to be. "Thank you! Thank you! You're the best!"
"You are welcome." Kenley replies between gasps of breath, "And you are hugging me too tightly."
Christine immediately withdraws with a sheepish smile on her face, "Sorry."
"No harm was done to my person."
With that the two women continue on their way down the hall to meet up with Gaila before they head off to the shops.
Kenley walks down the hall towards the professor's offices on her way to her usual Thursday session with Spock, her eyes on the padd in her hand. She greets those who greet her - now more comfortable with the greetings than she was at the start of the year - and hums quietly under her breath, checking her work thoroughly as she walks.
Suddenly, she is hit but a tidal wave of negative emotions. Anger, jealousy, disgust, resentment and what she has now learned is arrogant superiority (which is technically not an emotion but the Qrysis has felt it enough times to consider it as one). She looks up and spots three female cadets standing at the 't' cross she needs to pass to get to Spock's office. Kenley recognizes Uhura instantly but the other two are less familiar to her.
She swallows down the nervous fear she can feel building inside her and holds her head high as she continues to make her way forward. It has taken most of the year but through Spock and her friends Kenley has finally started having the confidence to keep her head up and not avert her gaze from everyone though the ingrained habit is hard to break. She will not however, let these women intimidate her into submission.
Kenley barely takes two steps past the women when the tall brunette on her right reaches out and grabs her by the shoulder and drags her back. The three women herding her back towards the wall and cutting off her means of escape.
"Hey," the brunette - who she now recognizes as Abby Quinn - sneers at her, "Are you just going to ignore us?"
"I did not see any reason to acknowledge your presence. I am currently on my way to my lesson and do not desire to be late." Kenley returns calmly, her gaze not wavering from the women despite that inner voice telling her that she isn't meant to 'talk back' to her 'masters'.
Their glares darken at her words and Abby lets out a chuckle - one that is anything but kind or amused.
"Oh right, your lesson." she spites. The way she says the word makes it quite obvious what these three think is going on between her and Spock. Kenley feels insulted that they assume so little of her that they believe she needs to sleep with her professor to improve her own grade, but at the same time she is enraged that they think so little of Spock that they believe that he would actually stoop so low as to sleep with one of his students merely for grades. He is nothing if not professional and Kenley knows that he has turned down every person's offer to have 'coffee' with him because he would not do what these women are insinuating about him. It also is an insult to the friendship she and Spock have formed over the year and Kenley doesn't like that they are 'attacking' her friend. "Is that what you're calling them now?"
"I cannot call them by any other name considering that I am indeed taking lesson from Professor Spock every Thursday. As I have been since the beginning of the semester."
"That's a bunch of bullshit." the petite blonde - Loraine Lizoit - growls this time.
"Everyone knows that you were barely passing Xenolinguistics before you started your private lessons with Spock." Uhura adds on.
Kenley notices instantly the familiar way Uhura calls Spock and idly wonders if the Vulcan had given her permission to do so. If he hadn't Uhura had no right to call him in such a way since that is something only friends, colleagues, family or significant others had the privilege to do. She pushes that thought to the back of her mind as she focuses on the task at hand.
"I was unaware that the three of you had access to my grades." Kenley states in a dark tone, "All cadets' grades are private information that only the professors and command have access to. Also, I was informed by Professor Spock himself that aside from my lack of participation in his course at the time, my grades were second to Cadet Uhura's in marks. Considering Vulcans do not lie, I am only left to conclude you are insinuating that you believe I am of lower intelligence to yourselves and the only way I am going to pass this course is by having sexual relations with Professor Spock, which I have already informed you is not the case."
Kenley can both see and feel the rage and embarrassment the three before her are experiencing and she can't suppress the small amount of smug satisfaction that grows within her at the fact that she had them with what she just said.
Not wanting to let this go and still wanting to put the Qrysis in her place Uhura is unable to stop the next words from flying out of her mouth. "Why would he sleep with you anyways, considering you are a whore."
Kenley can feel the frisson of hurt lance through her heart at Uhura's words but her eyes narrow dangerously instead, "I can assure you that I am not one to have sexual relations so casually. In fact during my tenure here at the academy I have not had sexual relations with anyone."
Abby laughs coldly at this, "Oh... so you're a little virgin. That is so precious."
The other two join in with her laughter and Kenley has to wonder why they would find it so amusing that someone hasn't had sex. It is a private and intimate affair that only the individual concerned can decide when they are ready to partake in such a thing. Why is it so funny for someone to not have had sex?
"You are once again erroneous in your assumption." Kenley says in a cool tone, trying to force the words past the lump in her throat. "Also, you were the ones to insinuate that I was having sexual relations with Professor Spock only moments before. I do not understand why you have the need to know whether or not I have had intercourse with another being, and if I have or am having intercourse that is none of your concern. Now, as I have just stated, you are incorrect in your belief that I have no sexual experience. While I do not have causal sexual relations like some people choose to, I have had intercourse before, though it was not consensual."
She can see the horror that spreads across the women's faces and all the colour drain from them.
Uhura stares at her utterly mortified, "...What...?"
"If you re going to insult someone, ensure that your information is correct before taking on such an endeavor." Kenley continues. "And I would also ask that you not insult Professor Spock in your attempts to wound me emotionally while trying to prove that you are superior to myself."
Abby grinds her teeth as her face flushes a deep red in embarrassment, "Why you...!"
She raises her hand to smack Kenley but she never gets that far.
"What is going on here?" a familiar voice interrupts.
All four women turn to see Spock standing just few feet from them with a furious fire raging in his gaze. Kenley's attackers all back away as shame and fear take over them.
"Greetings Professor." Kenley says in a calm voice, not being the one to voice what happened here since she is not to blame but at the same time she is not a snitch - though she knows if ordered to, she would reveal everything that happened.
"Cadet Joli." he greets in return before returning his intense gaze to the three women who look like they wish they were anywhere but there, "Are one of you going to explain what has transpired here?"
"We were just talking." Abby says hesitantly.
Spock raises a brow, "Indeed. Is that why you, Cadet Quinn, attempted to physically assault Cadet Joli?"
"She-"
"Do not attempt to place the blame for your own actions on Cadet Joli." Spock interrupts. "Though I was not present for the entirety of your conversation I have heard enough to come to the conclusion that the three of you were attempting to insult and intimidate Cadet Joli due to your own assumptions and anger over something that is not your concern. I also am aware that in your attempts to insult Cadet Joli you implied that she and I are engaged in a sexual relationship, which is not only false information is considered disrespect and slander against a superior officer. Also, such relations - if they were taking place, which they are not - are against regulations."
The colour drains even more from the women's faces.
"We meant no such thing, Professor." Uhura argues.
"Whether it was your intention or not, the fact does not change. This incident will be reported to your advisors and placed in your academic files. If any of you make any such error again, your careers will be severely hampered if not terminated. Am I understood?"
"Yes sir." All three answer at the same time.
"Dismissed."
They hurry down the hall, with only Uhura throwing an apologetic glance over her shoulder before her departure, and disappear into the lift. Once they are gone, Spock's posture relaxes somewhat and he turns his focus on Kenley.
"Are you injured cadet?"
"No sir." she answers automatically, trying in vain to stop her hands from shaking.
Spock notices the small tremors and guides Kenley into his office without ever touching her or needing to say a word. Once she is seated in her usual seat Spock moves to the replicator and fetches her a glass of water which he places on the desk before her. Then he takes his own seat.
The silence between them seems to stretch on for an eternity as Spock tries to think of something to say but is unable to find any words. Comforting another has never been his strong point and considering he grew up on a planet where emotions were considered distasteful and degrading he never had to learn how to comfort someone.
"I was taken from my home and people by Klingons when I was only three Terran years of age. After they had murdered my parents in their efforts to obtain me."
Spock blinks owlishly at Kenley after her rather abrupt statement and can feel an ache growing within his chest. He steeples his fingers on the desk as he stares at the younger woman.
"I grieve with thee."
"Thank you." she whispers. "They desired to use my abilities for their own gain and physically and mentally assaulted me for years until I no longer could defy them... Until I had no will for anything aside from survival, which I could only have by obeying them."
The silence in the air is thick with the suffocating emotions that both occupants of the room are feeling and Spock is unsure of what to say.
"At one point during my captivity with the Klingons, I could no longer endure the torture and emotional turmoil I was suffering from and attempted to take my own life." As she speaks these words, Kenley slowly removes her gloves. She notices the way Spock's sharp gaze follows her every movement. Once she removes the gloves she carefully places them on the desk and turns her arms over so Spock could see the scars that cover her wrists. "When they had discovered my actions, the Klingons 'saved' my life and stopped the bleeding. I knew they had only done so because they still had use of my abilities and thus, when I had recovered from my attempt of death they beat me far worse than they had ever done before. It took weeks for me to recover from those injuries since they would not allow me the medical care that one would normally provide anywhere else."
"They... beat you in order to prevent you from attempting such a thing a second time?" Spock said slowly, the words feeling like lead on his tongue. He knows that these events have long since passed, but just hearing them and knowing that Kenley tried to kill herself causes him great pain that almost feels physical it is so bad.
"Yes... And it worked. I never again attempted such a thing nor did I ever argue or plead with them. I had lost any will to live, believing there would never be an escape from this life for me."
"But you are no longer with the Klingons."
"Correct." Kenley says with a bitter smile on her face. "I was rescued from my captors when I was twelve Terran years of age. Starfleet came across their ship on accident and defeated them, discovering me aboard the ship. I was brought aboard the research vessel and treated. None knew what to do with me and at the time I would not speak. I was too afraid to."
"No one aboard that vessel would have harmed you." Spock says.
"Now I am aware of this. However, at that time, I had only ever been exposed to my own people and my captors... or the people with whom they wanted me to manipulate with my abilities. I did not trust the emotions I sensed from the officers and believed they would harm me just as the Klingons did. I was... conditioned to obey and not question... it was hard to trust anything aside from my own experiences."
"What happened?"
"...There was a doctor aboard the ship... a physiologist... she knew I would not respond to constant questioning and that just promising that they meant no harm would mean nothing to me... She did not force me to do anything she allowed me to do things when I wanted, whether it was eating, sleeping or bathing. She gave me something I had not had in nine years. Choice."
Spock sees the small smile on Kenley's face and realizes that this doctor's actions had helped Kenley heal more than anything else that came after. He has seen during his tenure with Starfleet and some of his tours on ships so many suffer through trauma and the doctors - in their rush to be done with it or their belief that the patient is beyond saving - force the people through a certain treatment and that later the patients come out worse then when they started. Of course this wasn't the case with every patient but it happened far too much for Spock's liking.
This doctor had seen Kenley for who she was, not just a patient that needed a quick fix, but as a person who had everything taken away from her - her dignity and will included - and instead of just giving up on Kenley as a lost cause she had given Kenley what she needed most at the time; freedom.
It wasn't enough to just get Kenley away from the Klingons and expect her to be perfectly fine afterwards. She had been held prisoner for years and beaten mercilessly. She was traumatized and just because she was safe from the Klingons didn't mean that she felt that way. By allowing Kenley to make her own choices this doctor had shown Kenley that the officers aboard the ship were different from those who had held the child hostage and that her life was once more her own.
"I will admit, suddenly having the ability to choose for myself was very overwhelming for me and at times I did not handle it well. I was afraid the officers aboard the ship would do the same to me as the Klingons did when I attempted to take my own life, since that had been my own decision. It took time, but eventually I was comfortable enough to make my own decisions."
"They did not keep you aboard the ship indefinitely, however, since the ship was meant for research and no the long term care of one who had been through your trauma." Spock points out.
Kenley stares down at her bare hands, the scars that mare her skin as she swallows past the lump in her throat.
"You are correct." she replies. "Starfleet took some time to decide what to do with me. From what I know they even tried contacting the Qrysi council but received no reply. It was then decided I would be brought to a small, newly developed colony to recover and readjust to civilization... That colony was Tarsus IV."
Spock's eyes widen at her words. Though the events of Tarsus had been classified Spock - like most of Starfleet - was aware of what happened there, and since his father helped with the relief efforts, Spock knew more than most.
"I lived there for two years and everything went wrong after only a few months there, when the famine had started." she explains. "The friend... the one I mentioned taught me to play chess... I met him on Tarsus IV and we helped each other survive... for nearly two years while evading Kudos and his men. I was, however, captured by Kudos and held hostage for several months, until Starfleet came to our rescue."
"Kenley, I..." For once Spock had no idea what to say.
"Much like the Klingons, Kudos wanted to use my abilities for his own advantage. However, since I had now had a taste of freedom I would not give in to what he wanted. He and his men tortured me in hopes of achieving their goal but it did not work..."
She wraps her arms around herself as she avoids looking at Spock.
"As you heard from my conversation with my fellow cadets in the corridor. I was forced have sexual intercourse with one of Kudos' men. He took advantage of the fact that I was a prisoner and had intercourse with me. I still feel ashamed of this even though I know I was not to blame for what happened... Anyways, I was rescued along with the other two hundred survivors when Starfleet arrived. I was taken in by one of the officers who has since become my legal guardian and helped me recover from the traumas of my past and to enroll in the academy."
They sit in silence for what feels like an eternity and Kenley can feel shame and disgust filling her like a tidal wave. She reaches out for her gloves and works on pulling them back on with her shaking limbs.
"I am sorry for what you have experienced." Spock says, which causes Kenley to freeze and look at him with wide eyes. "Even hearing such events happened to you is something I cannot imagine... Though it is illogical to feel such a way, I wish I could remove these transgressions from your past. However, despite all of these inexplicable events you have remained a kind and sympathetic being. I find this admirable."
"...Thank you..." she says, finishing pulling the glove back on and starting to fiddle with the end of her ponytail. A little blush colours her cheeks.
"Shall we begin our work?" Spock questions her.
Kenley nods her head and pulls her padd out of her bag.
It is later in the day when Kenley walks into the computer labs on campus and she sits down at one of the terminals. She just finishes fishing her padd out of her bag when she notices she's not alone in the lab.
Across the way sits an officer who is in his early thirties with short brown hair and brown eyes. He is wearing a red shirt with two stripes on the sleeve. She tilts her head curiously and notices the way that he's mumbling under his breath.
Since she is so distracted by his presence, Kenley misses the table and her padd clatters to the floor instead of being placed on the table as she intended. The officer glances up at the noise and Kenley flushes in embarrassment.
"Forgive me." she mumbles before leaning down to pick up her padd.
"Nah, it's not a problem lass." the man says. "Gives me a moment to clear my head. Sorry if I distracted you."
"I just did not expect anyone else to be in the computer labs at this hour."
He chuckles, "Neither did I, which is why I am here."
"I could leave if you desire solitude." Kenley offers.
"Nah, this place is big enough for the both of us." he returns with a smile.
Kenley smiles faintly in return before she starts working on her project.
"Do you mind if I ask what you're working on?" he asks.
"Well... I am working on a way to enhance the transporters so they can work through geothermal and enemy interference." Kenley explains. "From my research into the incident reports of other ships for my tactical and reconence class, this kind of interference is frequent and I wish to fix this flaw."
He smiles while letting out a low whistle. "That's impressive. Never would have thought of that myself." he moves in closer to her. "I am working on enhancing the transporters as well, except I am trying to prove that transwarp beaming is possible."
Kenley blinks in surprise, "You mean to beam from one planet to a moving object of greater distance?"
"Exactly."
"I do not see how it should not be possible." Kenley says. "It surprises me that people dismiss such theories as nonsense despite the accomplishments we already have."
The man laughs and leans on the desk beside her, "I like you, lass." he says while holding his hand out to her. "My name is Montgomery Scott, but everyone calls me Scotty."
She hesitates a moment before placing her hand in his, "I am Kenley Joli. It is a pleasure to meet you, Montgomery."