Hey, guys here's the next chapter.
The flashback scene wasn't in the original draft and was added after I got a review. The review made me realize I needed to add a couple of Paris scenes. Here's the first one and there's another one it the works.
Again, thank you for the reviews. They really make my day and motivate me to continue to write and post often.
Enjoy.
Chapter 4
B.P.D. Homicide Bullpen – Tuesday at 4 a.m.
"Jane, Nina has nothing. He blinded some of the cameras and hacked into the systems of others. Cameras in three blocks are compromised. We have nothing. This son of bitch is smart," Frankie reports as he sits down at his desk.
"Fuck!" I yell as I throw my pen across my desk. It's 4 a.m., and we still have nothing. Not a damn thing.
"What did Kent say?" Korsak asks, hoping to keep Jane's head on the investigation. He understands that this very difficult for Jane.
Vince Korsak wasn't one of the best detectives for 30 plus years for nothing. He's watched these women start as friends and watched the relationship turn into something more. And in his opinion, it's time for these women to stop dancing around each other and tell each other how they feel. When that happens, everything will fall into place, and they can finally be happy. That's all he wants. He loves them both as if they were his daughters, and nothing would please him more than seeing them together.
"Maura Jr. has nothing. Not a damn thing. All the D.N.A. is Maura's. Not a fingerprint, not a hair, not a foreign fiber, not a fucking thing," I growl. I've never been so frustrated in my life.
Nina walks into the bullpen and says to me, "I think there's something else we need to explore. Just to cover our bases."
"What?" I ask quickly.
"Ummm, about a month ago, Maura mentioned that Kent was trying to hook her up with a friend of his," Nina says nervously. She knows this isn't good. My face is becoming flushed, and if looks could kill, she'd be dead.
"And now you tell us? Did she go out with him?" I ask angrily. No, no, no, not this too. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My head feels like it's going to explode. I'm finally ready to be with her, and I'm too fucking late.
I rest my head on my desk as I loudly order, "Someone go talk to Kent and get as much information on this guy as possible because if I go, I might break something or someone. Once you have the guys' information, send a uniform to drag his ass in here for an interview. Do it now."
I hear whispering, and I hear the name Robbie come up. Oh my God, there's another one. Not one but two men are interested in Maura. It's your fault, Rizzoli. As soon as you got back to Boston, you should have quit the F.B.I. and stayed with her, or at least established a long-distance relationship if she had been willing. Look at her; she's not only a genius, but she's also breathtaking. Of course, men are breaking down her door. You're too fucking late.
Tears are running down my face, and I can't stop them. I stand up and walk out of the bullpen. I need a break, and I need a moment to compose myself. Nothing has changed. I need to find her. Again, she's in danger because some sociopath wants to hurt me. God, why don't they fucking come for me? I'm the one they want dead. Why not be direct and kill me? Why do they have to hurt her?
Before I know it, I find myself in the gym. I walk over to the bag and start punching. Punching as hard as I can hoping the physical pain will distract me from the emotional one. My heart is just throbbing. It's never hurt this much. The tears don't stop, and I don't care.
From this point on, all that matters is finding her and killing the son of a bitch who took her. I'm not making the same mistake twice. I had a chance to kill Hoyt, and I didn't. He went on to kill more people through his apprentices, and then he killed the poor college kid to lure me to him.
And I walked right into his trap, unarmed and with Maura. I put her in danger. Because of me, he cut her, he tased her, and he would have killed her. I was lucky to have been able to head butt his apprentice and kick him in the balls to get control of the taser. Then I killed Hoyt with his favorite instrument, his scalpel.Maura thanked me for saving her life, but I didn't deserve her thanks. It's my fault that the monster had the opportunity to put his filthy hands on her. And it's my fault she has a scar to remind both of us of my failure.
I refuse to make the same mistake again. Arresting this monster isn't going to end the nightmare. I do not doubt that 2.0 won't stop until he kills us both, and I won't risk Maura again. I'm going to kill this bastard.
Fuck, I never should have ever left her. I still vividly remember the day I said my goodbye's to her. I stop my punching and hug the nasty punching bag as the memories overwhelm me.
Outside of Maura's Home – Jane's moving day – 4 months ago
Come on, Rizzoli, you've been sitting in her driveway for over thirty minutes. Your flight leaves in less than two hours, and you can't miss it because you have to meet the movers at your new apartment. Movers, I can't believe I gave into her. Normally, I would have loaded a U-Haul and made the move all by myself, but she insisted that you needed help, and her eyes were so sad and glassy-eyed, and you quickly agreed. What makes it worse is that she didn't let you pay for any of it. She said something about the movers being her housewarming gift.
Paris has changed everything; there's no point in denying that. And now I'm so confused that I don't know what I should do. I don't regret what happened. I wish it had happened sooner in the trip to have had time to talk and maybe work things out with her. Perhaps she offered the no strings attached option because she wasn't ready to have a relationship with me. And I can't blame her. I don't deserve her, and more importantly, I desperately need to protect her.
We've been back in Boston for five days, and we've hardly spent any time together. I've had the perfect excuse. I'm packing up my house and getting it ready for Tommy and T.J. to move in. She's dropped by a few times, but her visits have been very short. They usually end when I catch her staring at me with a look that makes my heartthrob. It's like she's pleading for me not to leave her, and truth be told, I don't want to leave her either.
As much as I want to stay, a more vital part of me is telling me to run. To run away from everybody and everything I love. I'd rather die than to ever admit this out loud, but fuckingAlice Sandswon.She failed in physically killing me, but she has damaged me for life.Hoyt almost killed Maura, and a few years later, Alice Sands tried again. That's the reason why I'm running away from everything and everyone I've ever loved. I can't allow Maura to continue to be at risk because of me. Maura deserves to be safe and sound.
The only way I can think of to protect her is to put some distance between us. That way, maybe my past will stop haunting my future. And more importantly, I'm praying that this move will prevent Maura from ever being hurt again. Maura is the main reason I'm leaving, and inadvertently, Ma is finally getting what she has always wanted. I finally have a job that doesn't put my life in mortal danger.
But to be honest, Ma also has a little to do why I'm also leaving.Her reaction to me going undercover in that prison made an enormous impression on me. My goal in life has never been to lay in a casket.I've never wanted to die, but that doesn't mean I won't lay my life down to protect an innocent or someone I love. I know my Ma loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me. But nothing made me happier than giving a murder victim's family closure and justice. That's why I loved my job so much.
Ma and I have made up, and although she's not happy I'm moving away, she's thrilled I'll no longer be putting my life on the line.
I've said goodbye to everyone except Maura.
Even if what happened in Paris never happens again, I wouldn't care. I need Maura to be in my life in whatever capacity she wants. And it's obvious she only wants to be friends, and I'd rather take that than lose her forever. All I want is for her to be happy.
A knock on my window brings me out of my head. When I look up, I'm met with gorgeous hazel eyes. My heart immediately begins to hurt because those breathtaking hazel eyes look so incredibly broken. At the moment, I feel so ashamed of myself because I know I'm the cause of her pain. I roll down my window but find that I can't form words.
As her gaze meets mine, she quietly says, "Hi, are you okay? You've been sitting here for 34 minutes. Your flight will be leaving soon."
"I..I..know that," I stammer. I'm still entirely at a loss for words.
"Umm, could we go inside?" Maura asks. God, there's tremendous sadness and pain in her tone. It makes me want to take her in my arms and promise her the heavens and the earth. I'd give her absolutely anything to make her feel better.
I want to say so much, but I can't seem to find my voice. I'm also terrified that I could make things worse. And that's the last thing I want.
I only manage to nod and follow her inside. Once the door is shut, Maura goes to her kitchen island. She wraps her arms around herself and softly says, "I'm going to miss you, Jane. So much."
"I'm going to miss you too, Maur," I manage to rasp out. My throat feels like sandpaper.
"I, I haven't figured out how I'm going to function without you yet," Maura mumbles as she looks away from me.
I can't stand this. I walk over to my Maura, and once I'm standing in front of her, I gently place my hands on her shoulders as I desperately say, "Maura, everything is going to be okay. I'm only a phone call away, and you can come to see me anytime you want, and I'll visit often. And we can FaceTime every day. I promise."
"Visit? That word not only bothers me but somehow hurts me. I don't consider you a visitor to my home. I've always thought of my home as yours too," Maura sadly explains.
"I've also considered your home to be my home. I stay here more often than I do at my place. Sometimes I thought that I should be paying you rent," I try to joke.
A tiny smile tugs at her lips, and somehow, it gives me hope that I'm going succeed in making her feel better. So, I continue, "And anywhere I live in your home too, and you can come whenever you wish. Maura, you're my very best friend. My home is also your home."
"Maybe I'm jaded, but I'm terrified that as we both get busy with our separate lives, we will drift apart. And the day will come that when I'll finally look up, you'll be gone, and I'll be alone again," Maura murmurs as a tear rolls down her cheek.
"Hey, I'll never let that happen. You're always going to have me and my crazy Ma, Frankie, Nina, Kent, and Korsak. You'll never be alone. They'll take good care of you," I passionately answer. The look in her eyes tells me she's not buying it, and more tears are running down her face.
"But I only want you. I need you close," Maura answers as she begins to sob softly.
Fuck, I want her too and need her close. All I want is to be with her. To take her in my arms and never let her go, but I need to protect her.Alice Sandstook a toll on her even when she kept telling me that she was fine, but I knew she wasn't.For God's sake, she had to get brain surgery to repair the fucking concussion Alice Sands caused.
But there were nights that worry wouldn't allow me to sleep. And the only solution was to go to Maura's home and make sure she was okay. And even after we caught Sands, I'd find myself at her home again for the same reason. Sometimes I'd watch her sleep for a couple of hours from her bedroom doorway. I'd make sure not to make a sound, and I'd leave before Ma, or she rose. I didn't want her to think I was stalking her or something, but I needed to make sure she was okay, and that overrode everything.
Now, I wish I had never pursued the job at the F.B.I. I gently cradle her face in my hands as I murmur, "I love you, Maura. And I need you in my life too. So you're not going to get rid of me so easily."
She turns, and before I know what's happening, she turns her face and kisses my palm making my stomach summersault. When she places her hand over mine on her cheek, she whispers, "I'm going to miss waking up to you standing in the doorway of my bedroom. And now that I know what it feels like to be in your arms, I don't think anybody else will ever do. I will never regret Paris. Even if it's making things harder right now, I don't care."
The shock of finding out that she knew when I'd come to check on her passes through me quickly because all my full attention is on her statement about Paris. I pull her closer and whisper, "I don't regret it either, baby. And you deserve someone so much better than me. I'm only a plumbers daughter and a cop."
"Jane, you called me baby," Maura murmurs. The way she says my name is unreal. It makes all my emotions go into overdrive.
"I'm sorry, it just came out," I apologize as I keep staring at her lips.
"As I said before, I like it, and I couldn't do better than you, love," Maura says as tears continue to roll down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I was a coward," I gruffly say as I close my eyes. My cheeks are wet, and even though my heart is begging me to screw the F.B.I. and stay, I can't. Her safety is more important. I don't want her to continue to be a target because of me.
"So was I. You don't how many times I wished you would have joined me in bed when I caught you watching me sleep. Jane, you were always welcomed in my bed, but I didn't have the nerve to tell you. Paris happened too late," Maura murmurs as she kisses my other palm.
"Maur," Is all I can say. Jesus, I never imagined I had an open invitation to her bed. Rizzoli, you're a fucking idiot. You could have been with her if you had been brave enough to tell her that you were in love with her.
"It's okay, Jane. I'm going to miss your presence, but I'm sure I'll adapt. I'll be okay. It would be best if you headed to the airport now, Jane. I don't want you to miss your flight," Maura says as she pulls away from me. God, this hurts. More hot tears are rolling down her face.
"Maura, I'll always be with you," I whimper as more tears run down my face. I can't take much more.
"Go, Jane, text me when you land and when you're home safe. Don't worry about me," Is what Maura responds. She turns so that her back is facing me. I know she's desperately trying not to break down in front of me, and I'm trying not to do the same thing.
How can she tell me not to worry about her? I need to think of something because I can't leave her like this. I'm two seconds away from saying fuck my flight and the F.B.I. for that matter. But my fucking fears are overriding everything. I have to find a way to console her so that I can walk away. Only one idea comes to me.
I walk over to her, and once she's facing me, I slip my hand into my back pocket and order, "Look at me, Maura."
When she meets my gaze, I fervently say as I show her my badge, "For years, this has been a huge part of me, and in some ways, the most important. You know how much it meant to me. Now, I want you to have it. When you feel alone, and you need me, hold it against your heart. It's like you're holding an important part of me, Maura."
When I see a slight smile, I know it's going to be okay. Maura grabs my badge and clutches it to her heart. I kiss her cheek and whisper, "I love you, Maura. Don't ever forget that."
"I love you too, Jane," Maura whispers as she continues to weep.
"We'll talk soon," I say as I begin to pull away from her.
When I see her nod, I force myself to walk out of her house without looking back because I won't leave her if I look back. I don't know how I'm going to drive to the airport. The tears I tried to hold back are now free to cloud my vision. But I take comfort that I managed to make her a tiny bit better.
Now I also have to learn how to function without her too. I'm not sure if I will be able to do it, but I have to try. I'll do anything to keep her safe, and I pray that my sacrifice won't be in vain.
B.P.D. Gym – Monday at 4:27 a.m.
"Janie."
Frankie's voice brings me back to the present. I'm dripping with sweat, and my hands are bleeding. I'm so tired. I walk over to the nearest wall and slide down. I wrap my arms around my knees and rest my head against them. I can feel Frankie sit down next to me, and after a few minutes, he softly asks, "Are you okay?"
I look up, and as I wipe my tears away, I mutter, "Frankie, don't ask dumb questions. I'm very far from okay. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her."
"Jane, I didn't know anything about Kent setting Maura up on a date. And more importantly, you're not going to lose Maura," Frankie softly says.
"It doesn't matter. Maura has the right to date whomever she wants. And Frankie, you can't guarantee we'll find her in time," I say as I look straight ahead.
"Maura said no, Janie. She didn't go out with anybody. You need to stay positive," Frankie says. I know he's hoping that what he's saying will make me feel better.
"What about Robbie?" I ask coldly as I try to steel myself for the next blow.
But it doesn't come. Instead, I hear Frankie laugh. I glare at him and growl, "This isn't fucking funny. If she's dating this guy, we have to get him in here now. We need to rule him out or beat the shit out of him until he gives Maura up."
"Oh, he'll be here at 9 a.m.," Frankie chuckles.
"What in the hell is so funny?" I snap. I'm running out of patience.
"Three weeks ago, Korsak rescued a puppy. Poor thing was shivering and starving. Korsak said he was only two or three months old, and he didn't like Korsak or any human very much. Vince kept trying to get a look at him, but the poor little guy would growl and nip him. He took him to Maura for a checkup, and to his surprise, he warmed up to her. The pup would lick her hand and let her touch him. Korsak said she mumbled something about him having beautiful brown eyes, and before he knew what was happening, she offered to adopt him," Frankie smiles.
"So, it's not a guy?" I ask in shock. Well, this is new.
"No, it's a puppy. The pup didn't have a chip, and Maura did some research and found out that he's a Samoyed. He's a cute cotton ball. Maura says he likes to be around his family, so she brings him with her to work sometimes, and other times Korsak takes him. He's warmed up to him. Korsak has also helped her begin to train him and even convinced her to cut her hours at Hope's Clinic. Something about her new baby needing her attention too," Frankie happily continues.
"Wow." I'm speechless.
Frankie just grins, "You'll meet him when Kiki drops him off tomorrow morning. Detective Doolittle said that Robbie has been acting uneasy. He says it's like he knows something is wrong. So, Korsak is bringing him in so that the puppy can spend time in Maura's office. Oh, and he wants you to tell him what perfume Maura uses. Korsak is going to spray it on a shirt or something and put it in his bed. He's hoping that the smell will soothe him somehow. I don't know."
It's a puppy. Maura has a puppy, and you're acting like a jealous idiot. I can't help the laugh that escapes my lips. I'm such an idiot.
Frankie laughs too and says, "Finally. Now that you've finally calmed down, we can chat. Janie, tell me what happened in Paris. I want to help if I can. I want to help both of you. Please tell me."
I bite my lip and take a deep breath. I might as well tell Frankie. I want to be with Maura, and I refuse to sneak around as if I'm ashamed of her. "Frankie, I have romantic feelings for Maura."
"I know, go on," Is all he says. I look at him in astonishment and ask, "You know?"
"Anybody that has eyes and half a brain can see that both of you have feelings for each other. It's just taking you forever to admit it to each other," Frankie says smugly.
"Seriously?" I say incredulously. I can't believe that Frankie knew and didn't say anything. And if he knew, probably the entire Precinct knew, which makes me the Precinct's biggest idiot.
"Jane, what happened in Paris?"
"We had one night, Frankie. And I don't think I need to elaborate on that. The deal was that once we returned to Boston, everything would go back to the way we were. Best friends and nothing more," I explain.
"And I thought you were smarter than Tommy and me," Frankie says as he shakes his head.
I punch him on the arm and say, "I am smarter than both of you put together."
"Then how the hell could you agree to that? Jesus, I would have been on her like a coat, and I would have kissed the F.B.I. goodbye," Frankie says.
"Frankie, if you ever say something like that again, I'm going to break your jaw," I growl. His coat comment made my skin crawl.
"Well, it's the truth. What made you run?"
I run my fingers through my hair as I mumble, "Fear. I've never been with a woman before, and then the fact that I'm in love with Dr. Maura Isles. How could someone as amazing as Maura fall in love with the daughter of a plumber? I'm nowhere near her education level. I'm far from being sophisticated. I don't deserve her, Frankie."
"Janie, don't sell yourself short. You're an accomplished woman. You graduated first in your class at the academy, you are the youngest person ever promoted to detective, and you're the best detective in the entire department. You're smart, funny, sweet, caring, incredibly loyal, and protective of those you love. She's lucky to have you, Jane," Frankie says.
Frankie's praise has made me blush. I love my family and friends. And I love Maura the most. I shyly say, "Thank you, Frankie. Another reason I left was to try to protect her from this happening again. I thought putting some distance between us would somehow protect her. But obviously, I was wrong."
Frankie grabs my hand and says, "Janie, this isn't your fault. You can't control what sociopaths do. But were going to find her and catch the bastard who took her."
I sigh and answer, "I hope you're right, Frankie."
"I am right. Now, did Maura and you finally admit your feelings for each other?" Frankie continues.
"Not is so many words, but yes," I respond.
"What the hell does that mean, Jane?"
"It means that I'm sure she shares my feelings, Frankie. I'm not telling you any more than that," I answer stubbornly as I try not to blush. I'm not going to give him any more details than that.
"Okay, now all we have to do is get her back, catch this son of bitch and get you hitched as soon as possible," Frankie grins.
"Now you sound like Ma. Step one is dating, Frankie."
"You've been dating for years. It's time you get on with it. I'd love to become an uncle soon," Frankie happily teases.
"Ma put you up to this?" I ask seriously. Jesus, he sounds just like her.
Frankie just laughs and says, "No, she didn't, but that doesn't matter. Janie, take a shower. I'll have Nina bring you your backpack so that you can change, and let's find her."
With a small smile tugging at my lips, I nod and get off the floor. It's time to find my love.
B.P.D. Homicide Bullpen – Tuesday at Noon
"Has Nina had any luck tracking down the credit card that he used to pay for the delivery?" I ask as I try to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I haven't slept in over 24 hours, and my brain is starting to resent the abuse.
"No, he used a prepaid credit card. Nina can't track that. This asshole is smart," Frankie says.
"Come on. We know where 2.0 dropped the package off. How is it possible we don't have him on any video?" I ask for the tenth time as I rub Robbie's head. To my surprise and everybody else's, he warmed up to me instantly. He spent an hour or so sleeping on my feet, and when he finished his nap, he started yipping and didn't stop until I picked him up.
"You know why, Jane. He blinded the camera with a laser pointer."
"Damn it, are we ever going to get a break!" I yell in sheer frustration. Korsak gives me a stern look as he says, "No yelling, Jane. He's still getting used to being around humans."
"I'll try," I say as I scratch Robbie's ears. I whisper sorry to him. I have to admit that he's handsome and sweet.
Korsak continues, "We'll get a break. Just try to remember to breathe. You need to keep your composure, Jane. You're no good to Maura if you can't do that."
"Okay, I'll try. Now, tell me that Maura Jr. was able to get something for us to go on," I plead.
"Not a damn thing. The blood on your badge is hers."
Before I can respond, my phone goes off, and it's Kent. I answer, "Rizzoli."
"Get down here now! Somebody dumped her between two morgue vans. He beat her. Hurry!"
I'm running down the stairs before he can even hang up. I just hope Maura is still alive.