Shaska laid on the mat in disbelief. Her cigar had fallen from her mouth. The crowd cheered her loss. Her loss. She lost. The great bounty hunter Shaska was brought down by a group of Marines who weren't even one of the degrees of admiral.
"This is awesome! *clap clap clap-clap-clap* This is awesome!"
Shaska fused her tentacles back into human legs and hobbled out of the ring in a confused rage, leaving a trail of blood behind her while the Marines celebrated their victory to the cheers of half the audience.
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
"And coming into the ring now… SON OF DESPAAAAAAAAAIR!!"
A wrestler in a plain black mask with a big bushy beard made his way down the stairs.
"Three on one was hardly a fair fight. And two of them have Devil Fruits," said Shaska, coping to herself. "Not my fault I couldn't take them."
Shaska looked up at Fernandez's office. "Hm… I did promise the captain I'd have words with him. Let's see what his story is. He owes me for scratching the Robinson like that." She made her way up the stairs to the office. Two of the wrestlers not on the ticket for the event tried to stop her, but she picked up one with one hand and beat the other one with him until they were both quickly unconscious.
"It seems like Shaska's feeling like a bit of a sore loser!" said Kogeki.
"Yeah, bro, she looks like she has business with Captain Fernandez. To be a fly on the wall in that meeting," Hodgkin added.
"Son of Despair has been eliminated."
She kicked the door open with her good leg, and found Fernandez pouring two glasses of whiskey.
"Come. Have a seat, Miss Shaska."
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
"Please welcome to the ring… the pretty boy ninja, Johaaaaannnnnnnn SCHWARZ!!"
The entire crowd booed, which Schwarz played into by holding up both middle fingers as he made his way to the ring.
"Alright. So, you took out my captain. That's fine, because you-"
Franco and Johnson both tried to attack Schwarz at once, to which he leapt away onto the ropes. "Because you can't catch me, bleeeeeeeh," he said, pulling down one of his lower eyelids and sticking out his tongue.
Schwarz made a hole under his feet and tossed one fifteen feet in the air above the ring. He fell through the hole at his feet and hung on to the hole in the air, then made the hole that was at his feet close, leaving him suspended by a one way hole.
"See? You can't catch me."
"Moon Walk," Franco calmly said. He jumped, then bounced off the air until he was face to face with Schwarz.
"How did you-"
"Six Powers: Special martial arts techniques only agents of the government are taught," Franco replied, raising his sword.
"Nnnnnnneat."
Schwarz tilted the hole forward and let go of it, falling to the ring below. Shortly before landing, he spawned a new hole under his feet connected to the hole he was hanging onto, causing him to fly feet first into Franco's face. Franco lost his balance and was taken back first into the mat, where Schwarz landed on his chest. The ref rushed over to start counting on the pin, but Franco managed to knock Schwarz off.
Schwarz drew his sword and faced down the Marines.
"Wooo!! You got this, Schwarz!" Andy cheered
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
"Aaaaaaand introducing… the leader of the Bulls… CHANCHOOOOOOO!!!"
The gangster had accepted the challenge. A buff, swarthy man in a wifebeater and a bandana covered in gang tattoos appeared from the door at the top of the stairs. He shifted to a half-man, half-bull form before taking a seat near the announcers' table.
"I don't care about any of you bitches," he said. "I'm just waiting until my brother shows up so I can beat his fat ass."
"No help at all," Schwarz thought. "Now I see how Shaska felt."
"Oh geez," Puerco said, squirming in his seat. "Please don't kill each other, guys..."
"Now, Miss Shaska," said Fernandez, offering a glass of whiskey. "What brings you to my office today?"
"What. The hell. Are you doing?" she took the glass (which looked more like a thimble due to her size) and splashed it in Fernandez's face. "Why this contest? What was with that 'God' speech before the fighting started?"
"Both of those answers are related," he began, wiping the whiskey off his face. "You see, I used to be a slimy businessperson like you, trying to save anywhere I could to the point of defrauding the World Government. Because money is great, no? I started this lucha empire as my own business first. People… they love violence.
"But then, not long ago, I met a man. A man crowned by God himself. He found me, and he changed me. Because it turns out there's a higher morality than just material wealth; there's equality. I now hold my luchas as a way to acquire material wealth to fuel his revolution, so that we can-
"What?" Shaska interrupted. "This is starting to sound…"
"He made me, an ordinary man, into an agent of justice. All who fall in my ring are unworthy. My threat to the World Government is so great they put a bounty of over one hundred million on my head. All kings shall be made as equal as their peasants under my benefactor's divinely inspired rule. The tyranny of the World Government will be no more. If you knew the atrocities they committed, you would know they need to be destroyed. My plundering? My plundering is for a higher good."
"So… let me get this straight. You're trying to replace the World Government with an equally oppressive new world order."
"No! It will be true equa-"
"And you were brainwashed, too. Got it. Your motivations don't make any sense otherwise unless someone actively brainwashed you."
"Fohoho… just you wait, Shaska. Revolution is coming. And apparently you don't want the chance to be in on it early. That's fine."
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
"And coming to the ring now… BLAAAACKTHOOOOOOORN"
"Anything goes here, right?" Shaska asked.
"Of course. It makes for a better show."
"Well, you wanna know what would make for a really great show?"
Shaska grabbed Fernandez by the throat and threw him through the office's window, where he landed in the ring, bleeding. The pirates fell silent; the rest of the crowd cheered wildly.
The Marine sniper held his fire. He wanted to see what happened next. The same went for Schwarz and the Marines, who held off on their battle which was nowhere near the ring at this point.
Fernandez was helped to his feet by the new wrestler in the ring and the referee. He asked for a transponder snail, which was promptly provided.
"I have! A new rule! Whoever! Pins! Or KILLS! Shaska! IS THE WINNER!!!"
The pirates cheered, the others had a more mixed response.
"Other rules still apply," he added, before being removed from the ring and seated next to Santana, the ring announcer.
The Marines immediately turned their attention back to Shaska.
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
"Introducing… the lovely CHARLES LULUPOOOO!!!"
Lulupo stepped out the door with his hair blond and poofy, wearing a slinky black cocktail dress and high heels. He was promptly cheered for his association with Shaska.
"It's the best I could throw together on such short notice, darlings" he said, thinking it was about his outfit.
"Y'know, they're cheering him a lot; he pulls off that dress better than I could," said Roxanne, sipping from a hip flask.
Lulupo sashayed over to where Santana and Fernandez were sitting, then grabbed a transponder snail. "You darlings ready for a fun fight that'll put a smile on all your faces?"
The audience cheered some more.
Lulupo put the snail down, then flipped into the ring, where he immediately pinned the new wrestler, Blackthorn. The audience had an even more positive reaction.
"Hmph, it seems violence is the only thing these people care about," he said.
Meanwhile, Abelard, Franco, and Johnson were all outside the ring and heading for Shaska in the office. Franco was bouncing off the air above the audience, who, along with Andy, thought that was the coolest thing they'd ever seen, while Johnson and Abelard ran along the ground. Schwarz threw a hole in front of them and fell through it, intercepting them.
"You guys forget about someone?"
Schwarz threw a hole under Abelard's feet and another one as far as he could, sending Abelard away. He then closed the holes. "You and me, ostrich."
Shaska took advantage of this opportunity to start gathering water vapor for another Cerulean Cannon as Franco continued to jump toward her.
Lulupo formed his hair into a large hand and extended it until it grabbed Franco's ankle, then dragged him back to the ring with a powerful slam.
"Darling, you need to keep keen awareness of the battlefield at all times," he said as Franco struggled to stand up. Being slammed into a wrestling mat from high in the air while wearing armor isn't very pleasant.
Lulupo began to move in a dance-like fashion, stepping side to side with a rhythm. "Let's see if you can keep up with my Oh Come My Way Kenpo!"
He started kicking the air in front of Franco's face, which made him back up a bit, before Lulupo dropped to his hands and started swinging his legs in a circle, which knocked Franco off his feet again. Lulupo flipped off his hands and onto Franco, who was laying on his back, sticking the landing on his chest. He then sat down on Franco's chest very casually.
"One! Two! Three!"
And Franco was out, to the dismay of the Marines in the audience.
"Franco has been eliminated."
"Now, sashay away," Lulupo said, standing up.
Franco resigned himself to his defeat with honor and crawled out of the ring.
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
"And now… the leader of the Sharks… CEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRDDOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
The fat man from earlier made his appearance at the top of the stairs, and wasted no time drawing his swords and charging at his brother, who got up and charged back. They locked horns and swords, to the cheers of the violence-loving crowd.
"Guys, please…" Puerco whimpered.
Schwarz's sword was locked with the hands from Johnson's robotic backpack.
"So… what's the deal with the backpack?" Schwarz asked.
"It's an invention of mine," Johnson replied, crossing his wing-arms. "Lets me do this!"
Johnson struck an odd pose, leaning to the side with his hand in front of his face. The arms sparked with electricity, which transferred to Schwarz's sword, shocking him and making him scream in pain.
As Schwarz struggled to maintain his balance, Johnson's robot arms let go of the sword and threw out a flurry of blows, hitting Schwarz hard.
Schwarz staggered for a bit, then jumped back, stood up straight and sheathed his sword. "Clearly that's not going to work," he thought. Then, he got an idea, an idea befitting the lucha they were in.
Schwarz lunged forward as fast as he could and wrapped his arms around Johnson. Johnson tried to break out, but Schwarz was much stronger than him.
"What the-?!"
He jumped, spawned a hole under each foot one at a time, climbing the edges like a ladder, jumping to twenty feet above the center of the ring.
"Let's fly, bird," Schwarz said as he jumped backwards off the last hole with a spin.
Right before he reached the mat, he spawned a hole.
"INFINITE IZUNA DROP!"
Schwarz and Johnson fell and fell, spinning and spinning. In total, they must have fallen about a thousand feet before Schwarz deactivated the bottom hole and
crashed Johnson headfirst into the wrestling mat, which he somehow survived and was not paralyzed by.
Schwarz wasted no time in pinning Johnson. The crowd was finally on their side.
"This is awesome! *clap clap clap-clap-clap* This is awesome!"
"Johnson has been eliminated."
The Marines half-heartedly booed; even they had to admit it was really cool.
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"
Fernandez grabbed Santana's microphone.
"EVERYONE ELSE! ENTER THE RING NOW! Crush Shaska and her crew! HEXAGON! STAR MAN! EL OSO!!!"
As quickly as they could, the three wrestlers swarmed the ring. Hexagon Jr. was a man with brown skin covered in tattoos in a black mask with a white skull motif. Star Man was short and had a spaceman theme to his outfit, and El Oso Gigante was huge, standing at least twelve feet tall, with a bear mask and bear themed tattoos. They circled around Schwarz and Lulupo.
"Any plans, Schwarz darling?" Lulupo asked as the wrestlers continued to circle around them.
Schwarz drew his sword again.
Abelard finally made it back within striking distance of Shaska, running up the stairs to the office with his drill fists out. This time around, Shaska was able to fully charge her Cerulean Cannon. Right as Abelard entered the doorway, she extended her arm, shooting him through the shoulder and knocking him back.
"Dammit, I missed!" she said. "This office is too cramped."
She exited the office and stood over Abelard, who was grabbing his bleeding shoulder and writhing in pain.
"When all this dust settles, remember that you attacked first. I ain't getting my bounty raised over this."
"But… you jumped on me from th-"
Shaska kicked him down the stairs, where he rolled until he reached the ring.
The three wrestlers continued to circle around Schwarz and Lulupo, who had made his hair long and flowing in anticipation of an attack.
Hexagon went first. He read the situation in regards to his own abilities, so he appeared to retreat by ducking out of the ring.
"Is Hexagon chickening out??" exclaimed an exasperated Kogeki
"Well, at least it's two on two now," said Schwarz.
Star Man ran backwards at first, too, but then climbed up the ropes and flipped off them towards Lulupo. Lulupo just grabbed him out of the air with his hair, swung him around, and slammed him into the ring. As he tried to go for the pin, though, El Oso grabbed him off, an easy feat due to their size difference, then suplexed him.
As Lulupo recoiled from the pain, El Oso stood up and moved toward him for a follow up. Schwarz stepped in by slashing him with his sword, but the monstrous bear wrestler was unperturbed. El Oso Gigante grabbed Lulupo by his ankles and swung him around rapidly, sending Schwarz into the ropes.
Shaska started hobbling down to the ring; if she was a legal target again, she might as well get it over with and potentially die with dignity.
It was at that point Star Man got up, and Hexagon returned to the ring with a steel chair.
El Oso slammed Lulupo into the ring so hard he bounced, then he started climbing up on the ropes.
"He's doing it! He's going for the Unbearable Elbow Drop!" Hodgkin cried.
El Oso jumped off the turnbuckle with his elbow out, but Lulupo, despite his body being broken from that last slam, managed to catch El Oso with his hair. The non-pirate members of the audience roared with applause.
Lulupo struggled to get to his feet while managing to hold El Oso in place, but he made it.
"Schwarz, darling, help me out here. Stab him once or twice."
Schwarz untied himself from the ropes and ran over to help, but he was intercepted by a steel chair to the back of the head from Hexagon. Schwarz was almost knocked unconscious.
Hexagon picked Schwarz up, turned him upside down, and started running forward, then jumped and brought Schwarz crashing into the mat headfirst.
"OOH. THE RUNNING PACKAGE PILEDRIVER!!" Kogeki cried.
Schwarz bounced off the mat and tried to rise to his feet. Hexagon propped him up on the ropes, then a hush fell over the crowd. Hexagon reared his arm back, then slammed it into Schwarz's chest as hard as he could, causing the crowd to cheer.
Schwarz clutched his chest in pain and noticed he had dropped his sword. "Oh geez…" he thought, panting. Hexagon grabbed him and threw him back first onto the mat, then dropped down to pin him.
"One! Two! Thr-"
Schwarz opened a hole then fell through, landing in a different part of the ring away from Hexagon. He struggled to his feet while clutching his chest and got a quick survey of what was left to clean up from the announcers:
"Alright, folks! This Heavenly Showdown is reaching fever pitch!" said Kogeki. "Schwarz is still barely holding on in one corner as Hexagon makes his way toward him. Star Man is making advances toward Lulupo, who still has El Oso Gigante all tied up. Shaska is stepping over Abelard to get back in the ring, all the while the two gangster brothers slug it out on the sidelines!"
"In all my time doing this, brother, I have never seen a lucha this intense," Hodgkin added.
Shaska looked around as she entered the ring. She sighed. "Shoulda lit up a new cigar while I was at the office. So… which pretty boy should I help first?"
She cracked her knuckles.
"Let's finish this."
TO BE CONTINUED