2002
It was a day for mortar-board caps, billowing cloaks, cheesy photographs on the university green and copious amounts of alcohol; the perfect conclusion to the madhouse that had been their late teens and early twenties.
Four years of hard work had finally paid off and although there were still no hopes of a job in sight, the act of charting a course for their respective futures would have to remain a worry for another day.
Between squirmy squeezy hugs of congratulations from proud family members, life had snuck up on Emma that night...
It had snuck up on her in the form of a brown-haired, green-eyed fella (her fella!) holding a wee velvet box.
Down on one knee, John opened up his heart to her, his hopes for their future tumbling from his lips in an awkward adorable mess, a mess that Emma swore would have turned her to pile of mush in any other situation but the one she was in.
She froze, feeling the expectant eyes of their friends and family upon her as she gawked openly at him—shock and adrenaline surging wildly through her veins, screaming at her to bolt.
A wee bit blindsided, Emma's heart caught in her throat and she choked back a sob of confusion.
It wasn't as though she hadn't already imagined herself and John spending their lives together...of course she had! However, at twenty-two thoughts of domesticity still had a hazy dream-like quality; intangible, wishful and complete with shining iridescent edges.
Emma wasn't ready to agree to be someone's wife, someone's Mammy. Even if doing so would make her John's wife and the mother of their future children.
She just couldn't...
But surely, any other answer than 'yes' was 'no'...wasn't it?
Emma didn't want to outrightly reject him. She didn't want to fatally pierce the relationship that the two of them had been carefully building since their teenage years; one step forward, two steps back. Always the same...that was them.
Too many people had already let John down; his Ma leaving him behind in Derry and his Da wanting nothing to do with him before he had even come into the world. Shame on them!
So without the overzealous speech she knew everyone was anticipating from her, Emma dropped down to John's level and wrapped her arms tightly, fiercely, around him.
There was so much she wanted to say, so many promises that she wanted to make—promises that had absolutely nothing to do with the ring still crushed between them in John's grasp.
Emma wasn't ready to marry him...but she didn't want to let him go either.
After all, he was still they best person she knew.
In that moment, she sensed John's arms come around her. Steady. Safe. Home.
Emma felt some of the tension in her body relax as she felt his breath against her ear, grounding and comforting; there in the moment with her.
...At least, until celebratory cheers erupted all around the room.
Oh shite!
'Made in Derry' by Erin Quinn, pg. 156
...
You booked the night train for a reason
So you could sit there in this hurt
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You're not sure which is worse
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
Left you out there standing
Crestfallen on the landing
Champagne problems
~ Taylor Swift, Champagne Problems.
...