Chapter Four

The morning after, Rory woke up with a splitting headache, bile churning in her stomach when she looked over at the naked body next to hers. Yes, she had known what she was doing when she leaned in and kissed him, her mind clear and resolute when she let him press her back against the couch, and then against the mattress, the hours seeming to have no meaning at all as they explored what had once been second nature. Being with him was like coming home. But that had been then. It was the middle of the night and in the morning, the bright light filtering through the window laid their infidelity bare. Sure, Odette was a business transaction and Paul was a convenience she kept forgetting to return, but they were still there. The utility, or lack thereof, of either party did not negate their existence.

"You seem upset," Logan said, watching her struggle to zip her suitcase.

"I'm not."

The zipper stuck and after she nearly flung the piece of luggage off the bed, Logan said, "You sure about that, Ace?"

"We shouldn't have done it," she said under her breath.

"Hold on, I asked you last night if you wanted to do what we did. And you were pretty unequivocal in your answer."

Rory finally got the zipper to work and she looked up at him wearily. "I'm not blaming you. We both made the decision."

"Yeah, we did."

He was on the defensive, which in turn, only made her double down more on her position. She didn't mean to attack him, but there was only so much self-loathing she could take, so part of the guilt had to go somewhere.

"We have people," Rory said. "What we did…"

"Odette wouldn't care. I promise you. I could call her right now and she would probably thank you."

"Why would she thank me?"

"Look, all I'm saying is that it really isn't that big of a deal."

"Foryoumaybe," Rory said. "I am with Paul. I don't do this…" silently she tacked on, not anymore. "We shouldn't have done this."

"Do you even like Paul?"
Incensed, Rory shot back, "Do you even like Odette?"

"No, but I'm with her for a reason! I can't for the life of me figure out why you're with someone that you routinely forget."

"And you're with someone for a business deal," Rory threw back heatedly. "So, you can save your relationship advice."

Rory's phone buzzed with a message that her flight was delayed. If this had been a different trip, that would have been a sign for them to have a nice brunch or stroll down to a nearby bookshop, but right now, all she wanted was distance from him.

"I should go. My flight's in an hour."

"Fine," he said shortly.

She heaved her suitcase off the bed and rolled determinedly out of the bedroom. He didn't see her out.

Back in the states, Rory touched down at Bradley International Airport just in time to drive to Friday night dinner. She had forgotten that Lorelai and Luke weren't going that week, and so it was just her and her grandparents around the table. She dimly recalled a similar instance, her grandmother eating frozen pizza with a knife and fork.

"How was London?" Emily asked, daintily spearing a fingerling potato with her fork.

"Rainy," Rory answered.

Emily expected more, and when her granddaughter didn't add to the observation, Emily said, "Tell me about your friend, Deedee. Lorelai told me that you were staying with her."

Rory didn't know if it was the jet lag, or the wine that her dinner hadn't quite sopped up, but at the mention of DeeDee, she immediately began crying. Richard set down his fork, exchanging a worried look with his wife.

"What in the world…Rory, what's wrong?" Emily asked. "Is it DeeDee? Did something happen with DeeDee?"

Rory shook her head. "No, no, nothing happened. I'm sorry. I think I'm just tired."

"Well, of course you are," Emily said, quickly standing and coming over to her granddaughter. "You're probably exhausted coming here after all your travelling. Why don't you go lay down for a little bit? I don't want you driving in this condition."

Rory nodded, allowing her grandmother to take her elbow and guide her from her chair over to the stairs. She went up to the room that Emily made her all those years ago with the Backstreet Boys poster and laid on the bed, clutching one of the decorative pillows to her chest. In the darkness of the room, she could feel her nerves settle. After a while, she heard the door open and someone sat on the edge of the bed.

"I know it isn't my place to say anything," Richard began. "But, I understand Logan Huntzberger is in London and an old colleague of mine has mentioned seeing you two together at restaurants and whatnot."

"Grandpa-"

"I'm not saying anything on that. You are an adult, Rory, and you certainly can make your own decisions. But you are a fine woman, Rory. A remarkable woman. And you should settle for nothing less than that."

Rory was glad for the darkness when she admitted, "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Most people don't," he said. "But, just give it some time and you will."

"I don't know whatto do."

Richard smiled sadly and repeated, "You will."

Rory sat up and hugged him, resting her chin on his shoulder. After a few moments, they both went back downstairs to join Emily for dessert. Rory said that she felt better, and she meant it. When she left she didn't hug her grandfather again, and looking back, she always wished she had. It was the last time they would all be together.

Richard died on a Tuesday. It was sudden, a fact that well-wishers seemed split on when paying their respects. How nice that it happened quickly and that no one had to suffer. How sad that there wasn't time to say goodbye. Rory had no opinion because she was numb. She understood death from a logic perspective, but she still couldn't understand how someone who was eating an apple galette with her four days ago, could be gone. It was inexplicable.

In all the turmoil, Rory was embarrassed to realize that the one person she wanted to see was Logan. She would watch Luke comfort her mother with a steadying hand on her arm or a shared glance, and all she wanted was that for herself. She broke up with Paul the day before the funeral, not wanting to perpetuate the lie as she buried her grandfather.

She went through the funeral on autopilot. The actual burial was just close family, and she stood with Emily and Lorelai to the side, tears welling in her eyes as they lowered the casket. Someone grasped her hand, and she thought it was Lorelai, but when she looked down it was her grandmother's hand, instead.

They went back to the Gilmore home for the WASP version of a shiva, and Rory stood to the side, watching people mingle and hold drinks that it was in poor taste to actually drink. She clutched an untouched glass of wine to her chest, wondering what she was supposed to do at her grandfather's funeral when the last thing she wanted to do was talk about her grandfather. She raised the glass to her mouth and took a sip, the wine full and acidic against her tongue. She squeezed her eyes shut and when she opened them, Logan was in front of her.

"Ace."

And just like that, she felt her heart crack. She put her wine glass down on the hutch and stepped forward without a word, winding her arms around him. She held him tightly, not caring if others were watching or what they thought. It was as if he had unlocked the pain she had been holding for days and she had nowhere to put it but back into him.

"I am so sorry," he murmured, running a comforting hand along her back. "I'm sorry that I missed the burial. My flight was delayed."

"It was only family," she said.

He nodded, looking down at her. "How are you?"

She felt tears press at her eyes and she shook her head. "I just can't believe he's gone."

"Have you eaten today?"

Rory vaguely remembered part of a bagel that morning, but nothing after. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sleeve of Jammy Dodgers. It was one of her favorite treats back in London and her eyes lit up, despite the setting.

"I was hoping I would get that reaction," he said, opening up the package. He held one cookie out to her. "Eat this."

Rory dutifully took the cookie and popped it into his mouth.

"You know, the rule is if you bring cookies for one person at a funeral, you're supposed to bring cookies for everyone," Lorelai said, joining them.

Logan smiled slightly and held the package out to Lorelai, who shook her head. "I was just kidding."

"I'm sorry about Richard," Logan said.

"Thank you. It was good of you to come. Were you in town already or…"

"Back for business," he said evasively.

Lorelai nodded. "Good. Well, Rory, there are some third cousins your grandmother is insisting you meet. If you're lucky, you'll remember their names just long enough for when you see them at the next funeral."

Rory nodded. "Okay. I'll be right there."

Lorelai hesitated for a moment before heading back over to Emily and the third-cousins. Rory looked back at Logan and said, "You don't have to stay."

"I want to."

"Don't you have business to do?"

"We both know I made that up," he said with a soft grin. "I'm where I need to be, okay? Unless you don't want me here."

"I do," she said immediately, flushing at how quickly that came out.

He nodded. "Okay then."

"Okay."

After a pause he said, "You better go over to Emily if you don't want her to come get you herself."

"Right. Yes. I'll see you later."

Rory hurried over to Emily, who did, in fact, look one word away from getting her, and dutifully allowed her grandmother to introduce her to the family members she would likely not see again for years with a grandiose introduction that would have made her grandfather proud. If anyone liked talking her up, it was Richard.

Throughout the afternoon, Rory made the rounds through the room, stopping every so often with Logan who told her not to worry about him. The implication was clear and she took strength in his support from afar. When the evening came to an end, she walked with Luke over to Lorelai, surprised to hear her mother say that she was going to stay with Emily for a while longer.

Rory had planned to stay with Lorelai and Luke for the weekend, and Rory and Luke drove back home in silence, Luke not good at handling grief and Rory relieved to not have to discuss it. Luke parked the Jeep in the driveway and they headed up to the house. They both were exhausted and Luke went straight upstairs to turn in for the night. Rory went back into her childhood bedroom, laying down on her bed and closing her eyes. Immediately, they sprang back open. She reached in her pocket and pulled out her phone, dialing his number.

"Can you please come over?"

Logan was staying at his apartment in Hartford, and thirty minutes later, he texted her that he was there and she went out to the front door, taking him through the house and into her bedroom. She locked the door, just in case, and sat on the edge of her bed. She looked over at him and said, "I can't believe I snuck a boy into my room the day I buried my grandfather."

"You're 30. I think that's too old to be sneaking boys into your room. I think it's just called having a boy in your room now."

She leaned in, but he stopped her. "I don't want you to do anything you're going to regret."

She nodded, chin tucked to her chest. "I'm sorry about what I said before."

He exhaled. "Me too."

"But I broke up with Paul."

His eyes widened with surprise. "You did?"

"I did. You see, four days ago I was talking with my grandpa, and he told me that I shouldn't settle." Rory looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling nervous. "He always saw me a certain way. I can't always see it myself but…he wanted me to have a full life. A remarkable life."

"And Paul wasn't that?"

Rory looked over at Logan and said, "I love you. I have for a while. I'm tired of pretending. And today, of all days, I don't want to pretend. I'm in love with you."

"Ace-"

"Rory?" Lorelai said, trying to open the door. "Rory?"

"Shit," Rory said under her breath. In a low voice, she hissed, "Okay, so, I know we're both adults and my mom doesn't really have a say on who is in my bedroom, but-"

"I'll go in the closet," Logan said.

"Thank you."

After making sure he was safely hidden away, Rory unlocked her door to find her moderately inebriated mother.

"Why was your door locked?" Lorelai asked.

"No reason," Rory said quickly. Before Lorelai could explore further, Luke came down the stairs and said, "Alright, come on, Lor, let's get you upstairs."

Lorelai looked over at Rory and said, "Can you think of a memory of your grandfather?"

"A memory? Um, yeah, sure."

"What is it? What's your memory?" Lorelai asked, voice oddly intense.

Rory thought quickly and said, "Um, us golfing for the first time at the country club. I was pretty horrible, I kept bringing up dirt with my golf club, but he said he paid enough in dues for them to replace it. And he brought me that goofy hat? I think I still have it somewhere in my room."

Lorelai frowned and said, "Huh. Maybe it wasn't that hard." She smiled sadly and said, "Good night, kid."

"Good night, Mom."

Rory went back into her room and closed the door. After a few seconds, Logan came out holding the hat.

"Is this what you were talking about?"

"Yes," she said, taking it from him. She put it on her head. "What do you think?"

He gazed at her and said, "I'm in love with you, too."

A/N: I hope this didn't read as Rory being too glib about Richard's passing. But losing someone close makes people react in different ways, and I thought this was true to character. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this!