When Stan stopped breathing it felt like he was plunged into darkness. All black around him he kicked and spun trying to get his bearings. It was too dark; he could not see his hand in front of him. He tried to cry but even that sound couldn't come out.
He saw something familiar and tried to float closer to it. It was a flash of brilliant orange against the dark murky violet of where he was at.
The other boy in the orange hoodie floated listlessly, since he already was well familiar with this place. He wanted to dwell and rest. He looked up with surprise to see his good friend but was not happy to see him.
Stan kept trying to go near him as his heart rate dropped in the real world. But Kenny used all his might to push away from him. Kenny went deeper into the dark part of where they were at. Maybe Kenny was trying to play tag and Stan kept following. Stan reached to grab for anything in front of him, still lost and scrambled. "Kenny? Come back!" Stan cried.
"No fuck off, you don't understand. You tag me and you're dead! Go away! Get away as far as you can from here!" Kenny yelled at him from the shadows.
Stan was hurt. "Why can you be there, and I can't?"
Kenny shook his head. "It's not your time. This is a mistake, and you should be far away from here." Kenny used his last bit of strength to push Stan away, a woosh as the other boy was pushed to the shallow end.
Randy sat in Stan's hospital room browsing his phone, answering texts from friends and family. Nothing but well wishes for Stan and of course he'll text as soon as he has news. The hospital creeped him out, so he was cracking dumb jokes to hide his worry. Shelly was watching cartoons and playing with the toys they picked up at the store. He was sure Stan was done with his surgery and was recovering. He pulled up his ESPN app to find a football game to watch. Football was his and Stan's thing, Randy couldn't wait to back out with Stan to teach him some football.
Shelly looked up from playing and watching cartoons. "Daddy, is Stan's surgery done yet?"
Randy checked the time. 6pm. "It should be Shelly. Your mom is with him, maybe waiting for him to wake up before they bring him back and we can get ready to take Stan home."
"He'll be okay, right? The doctors and nurses will make sure he's, okay?" Shelly shifted her eyes.
"Yeah, of course, Shelly. They just need to make sure he has the right medicine, so he doesn't get sick again. We'll be more careful with soaps to make sure Stan doesn't get sick again." He put his hand on his daughter's hair, running it though. Her hair was a little messy and tangled, despite his best efforts. He couldn't wait for Sharon to come back, she always made Shelly's hair looked so nice.
"What would you like to have for dinner when mom and Stan come back?" Randy asked, trying get rid of Shelly's frown.
"Maybe some Mac and cheese... Stan really likes that We can bring him some!" She sat up to go sit with her dad.
"Yeah, and some chicken. Maybe KFC." Randy shifted in his chair again, moving the wrapped box over. Poor Stan didn't even want to open his gifts, he was really sick. He sent Sharon another text but assumed she was busy, or they made her turn her phone off. He got up to call Sharon one more time.
Shelly looked up. "Daddy, is Mommy okay? Why did she go with Stan?"
Randy heard the phone ring but didn't expect an answer. "He needed someone to be there for him and he wanted her. She's probably sitting with him as he wakes up. He might be scared so she's there to help him while the doctors take care of him. Daddy just wants Mommy to call back so we can know how Stan is."
Randy dialed Sharon's phone again.
"Daddy, are you talking with Mom?" Shelly asked.
"I got her voicemail, sweetie. Hey Sharon, we're still waiting. What would you and Stan want from KFC? Or did you want something else? Call or text us, love you and Stan." Randy hung up, he had no idea where they took Sharon and Stan off to.
"Dad, I'm hungry, can we get the food now?" Shelly whined.
"Let's wait a few more minutes for your mom and Stan." Randy's phone lit up with Sharon's number and he answered.
"H-hello? Randy?" Came Sharon's shaky voice.
"Hey Sharon, good to hear from you. How's Stan?"
Sharon took a long pause, as her breath painfully hitched. Randy tried to fill up the silence.
"What do you want from KFC? What does Stan want? Can you ask him? Is he awake?"
"Stan he-he... there was trouble with the procedure, he crashed." Sharon's distressed voice made Randy shiver. "They had to intubate him."
"What?" Randy gasped.
"Nothing went how it should, he's in ICU, I'm waiting on news." Sharon started to cry again. "It was supposed to be such a small thing, how did this happen?"
"Sharon, where are you? We'll come get you." Randy stood up and grabbed a surprised Shelly by the hand and started to drag his daughter out of the room.
"I'm in the waiting room now of the PICU. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I didn't know how to tell you; I'm running on no sleep. Oh Stanley, our poor boy." Sharon sunk down into a seat and buried her face in her hands.
Randy rushed through the hospital halls, holding a protesting Shelly's hand behind him. "Hey Shelly, come on, we're going to find your mom."
"Slow down, dad! I can't run as fast as you." Shelly cried.
Randy slowed his pace as he looked for a sign or something to help him find the PICU. "Sharon, have they let you see him? How long ago was this?"
"They took him in an hour ago." Sharon sobbed.
"What happened in there?" Randy got more frantically looking for where Sharon was, Shelly getting angrier as she's forced to follow behind at her dad's pace.
"I don't know the details, but he was having some reaction, his breathing stopped, all these doctors and nurses swarmed in. I couldn't go in there. I don't know much right now." Sharon sniffed as she wiped her nose. "Oh Randy, I'm scared."
"Dad, what's going on!" Shelly shook herself free and stopped. "I'm not moving until you tell me, daddy."
"Something went wrong with Stan's surgery. We're going to find your mom. Come on." He grabbed her hand again and made effort to match the pace of her shorter legs as he finally made it to the PICU waiting room.
Randy found Sharon and wrapped her into a hug. She sunk into him and broke down, before looking at her angry and confused looking daughter.
"Shelley, hi honey, how are you?" Sharon made a move to hug her, but Shelly pushed away.
"Is Stan going to be okay?" Shelly unsure, of course her parents and those doctors would lie to her.
"He... he will be, we're just waiting for the doctors to talk to us." Sharon sat down again.
Randy's blood ran cold, "He stopped breathing?" He asked as he instinctively pulled Shelly closer to him.
Sharon's eyes fill with tears, as she nods and goes to hug Randy as she continues to cry.
Randy pulled his wife close with his other arm, squeezing her tight. "Shelly, we might have to call uncle Jimbo again for him to pick you up. We're not sure how long we'll be here waiting for news on Stan."
Shelly shoved off both her parents, her rage rising. "But I thought you said he was going to be okay! Why are you lying?" She crossed her arms and pouted. "Where is Stan? I want to eat KFC and go home."
"Well, we thought Stan would be okay, but I can't lie to you. All I can say is we don't know. We don't know where or how he is..." Randy said, trying to get a hold of his daughter again, probably for his own comfort.
A tall thin doctor with glasses and curly dark hair came out, looking over his notes. "I'm looking for the family of Stanley Marsh?" He said, eyes scanning the waiting room.
Sharon stands, wiping face. "Yes, yes we're his parents."
"Is my little brother okay?" Shelly yelled at the doctor. "We're supposed to go out to eat tonight and he needs to be up!"
The doctor held out a hand to shake. "Hi I'm doctor David Ross. You're Stanley's family? Come to the back room with me." He led the Marsh family back.
The doctor sat across from a plain table gesturing to a couch and two chairs for the family to sit at. He placed a box of tissues in the middle of the table. Waiting to begin.
"Hello Doctor. How is our Stanley?" Randy asked, holding his wife as they all sat down.
"Your son is alive, but he is in critical condition. The next 72 hours he will be monitored closely." The doctor started.
"Critical?" Sharon gasped.
"The first reaction to a new allergen tends to be mild, but he had a delayed reaction once exposed again. your son suffered an anaphylactic shock which caused him to have a sharp drop in blood pressure and a respiratory arrest. If the team wasn't there to establish an airway right away we would be looking at a worse situation."
"That- what does that mean? Will he be okay? Is he breathing okay? Awake?" Randy asked as he gripped Sharon's hand.
Dr. Ross shook his head. "Right now, he's unconscious and intubated to give his lungs a rest. His blood pressure remains low. He has a rash that's spread to his chest and back and has swelling of his face and extremities. The next 72 hours we'll observe for improvement before we try to wake him."
Sharon clutched Randy's hand, again scared but trying not to let it show, it sounds as if Stan is in terrible condition. "When can we see him? Will he be able to hear us?"
"PICU rules are two at a time, under 18 needs to be accompanied by an adult. It's up to you who goes first to see him. He's deeply sedated to give his immune system and lungs time to recover, but any touch or sound of familiar voices is good for him."
"When can we see him?" Sharon asked.
"Now if you want to, just decide who goes to see him first."
Randy squeezed Sharon's hand back, half taking it in, basically his son was in a coma and could die at any moment in the next three days. After that? "You want to go first, don't you Sharon?"
"But Randy... it's been a while since you've seen him." Sharon sniffed and wiped her eyes. "But I do need to kiss him, see my baby for just a minute."
"Shelly, you want to go with you Mom? I'll go after to check on him." Randy asked. "I have to call your uncle anyway to come get you."
"I wanna see Stan, Mommy, can I?" Shelly spoke up.
Sharon grabbed Shelly's hand. "Yes, honey, let's see your little brother."
Dr. Ross nodded and led Sharon and Shelly into the hall, he had both women wash their hands and put on smocks and foot covers.
"Ready? He might not look like how you normally see him." Dr Ross said, looking at Shelly.
"How is gonna look?" The girl asked.
"His face and hands are swollen, he has a rash on his body, and tubes in him. Remember this is to help his chances of survival. But the more he gets touch and talked to by his family the more it will help him." The doctor led them down a quiet hall.
Shelly frowns and stops in the hall. "I don't know if I wanna see him now. That sounds a little scary. I don't want Stan to be scary I wanna go with Daddy."
Sharon took Shelly's hand to guide her along. "Shelley, Daddy is making a phone call right now, we can see Stan together, okay?"
Dr Ross opens the door to Stan's room.
"C'mon Shelley love…" Sharon entered with her daughter.
The room had dim light, Stan laid in the middle of a bed, slightly tilted to prevent fluid buildup in his lungs. He had a tube down his throat, taped in place, eyes half lidded. Another series of tubes from each arm, one with a slow ephedrine drip to keep his anaphylaxis under control, another of plasma to replenish and fight off infection. A blood pressure cuff on his arm carefully taking measurements every 20 minutes. Angry red rash spread across his arms and chest. Monitors attached to monitor his pulse, breathing and temperature. His eyes were half open, his eyes and mouth were dark and bruised as the swelling was slowly going down, his fingers and toes the same violet pallor.
"Stanley...baby." Sharon clutches sweater and squeezes Shelley's hand, she nearly felt her knees buckle but she had to straighten herself up for both her children's sake.
Shelley has tears in her eyes. "Mom... mom is that Stan? That can't be him."
Sharon nods, sniffing. "Yes, he's just a little banged up but the doctors are making him better." Words died on her lips as Sharon scrambled to explain things to Shelly, since she was so scared herself.
"Mommy... Mommy I don't want to see him no more. I wanna see Daddy now." Shelly let go of her mother's hand and hovered around the doorway, refusing to get any closer.
Sharon cautiously approached Stan. She touched his face and brushed back his hair. "Stanley baby, hi. It's Mommy and Shelley. Hi baby." No response, but Sharon wasn't sure if she was supposed to get one.
Dr Ross nodded to Sharon. "Keep talking, touch his hand."
Sharon stroked his face. "Stanley sweetheart, it's Mommy. Mommy is right here and just can't wait until you feel better. I love you so much sweetheart, so so much."
Randy had just gotten off the phone and peeked out the door to the room. Again, panic set in to where they had taken his wife and daughter, which room was his son's. "Sharon?" He said into the hall.
Dr Dave Ross, talks to Shelly. "Do you want to talk to your brother?" He turns to Sharon "Do you have any questions?"
Shelly shook her head, gripping the doorframe. "I- he doesn't lookay like my brother. What did you do to my real brother?" The girl frowned and shookay her head. "Is Stan dead? This isn't My brother! Where's my real brother? Stan's dead huh? Oh no, is this cuz of all the times I hit him? I'm sorry." Shelly started to cry now. "I didn't want him to really be dead."
Sharon looked at her daughter from her son's bedside. "No honey, this is Stan. He just looks a little different. But go on, talk to him, tell him you're here and thinking of him."
Shelley shakes head no, wipes her eyes. "I want Daddy." Shelly tookay off running down the hall.
"Did you want me to escort you back?" Asked Dr Ross.
Sharon kisses Stan a couple more times feeling overwhelmed. She has to leave even though she wants to stay but is so exhausted. "Yes, I think my husband should see him now."
Randy remained in the waiting room, he sat up quickly when he saw a crying Shelly run into his arms. Sharon and the doctor appeared a moment later. "How was he? Is it bad?" He hugged Shelly back.
Sharon sighed, now wiping her own eyes. "He looks different. I know it's only temporary but it's still so hard to see him like this. He's attached to things, bruised, swollen. The doctor said it's helpful to talk to him, let him know we are there."
"Daddy it didn't look like Stan, I don't think it's him." Shelly said looking up at her dad with a tear-streaked face.
Sharon put a gentle hand on Shelly's shoulder. "Shelley, love I know it's a lot to take in but it is Stan. I think Daddy would like some time to be with him. He'll look like himself soon but for now, we just have to wait a little while longer."
Randy took a deep breath, he was the last strand keeping the family together through this crisis, something he never had to do before. "Jimbo is on his way to come pick up Shelly. Did you want to go home for a while to shower and sleep? I'll stay as long as they let me. I'll stay all night if needed."
"I think I need to go home, yes. I trust that you will tell me if anything changes. But I need to get some sleep, change and shower. As long as someone is there for our boy that's what matters." Sharon went to hug her husband goodbye.
Randy shook his head and kissed his wife and daughter. He waved to them sadly before he was escorted to wash his hands and change into the smock. He entered the room, breath caught in his throat at the condition his son was in.
Stan's condition the first night in the ER had scared Randy, but it was nothing compared to now. He hated to admit it but his son looked like a corpse. He traced his finger along Stan's hair. A mini version of himself, but Stan had his mother's eyes, the blue now blank and somewhere beyond consciousness.
The Doctor told him something, but he ignored it, the words a blur as they washed over him. He waited to be alone with his son before he cried the hardest, he ever had in his life.
Sharon woke up around 11, later than she wanted. Panic set in as she grabs for her phone to talk to Randy.
Randy jolted for the hundredth time from his sleep that night. Any little beep or alarm from one of Stan's machines grated on him. It was just his phone, Sharon texting.
Hi Shar, no change. How are you and Shelly?
I just got up, Shelley and I both needed some extra time to catch up on sleep. Has Stan shown signs of waking? I still cannot believe this is happening. I tried to sleep but honestly it was hard, I had nightmares, reliving what I saw yesterday.
No waking up yet. They don't want to do it until he can breathe on his own. I'm sorry you had to see that. It's hard enough seeing him like this. How's Shelly?
Oh no! Shelly! Sharon didn't text back, just put her phone in her pajama pocket and went down the hall. "Shelley? Shelly are you okay?" Shelly wasn't in her room, making Sharon nervous.
She passed Stan's room, wanting to hover but headed downstairs. "Shelly? Where are you sweetie?" Sharon started to cry. "Please, answer me."
Shelly appears from the kitchen, eyes wide. "Mom? Are you okay?"
Sharon bent down to hug her daughter. "Shelly, what are you doing here by yourself? Stay where I can see you."
Shelley shoved away. "I was making cereal. You were asleep but I was hungry. Poured the milk myself, I didn't even spill! Is Daddy coming home with Stan today?"
Sharon just gets up. "Well I can make some lunch for us before we go visit Stan again."
"I don't want to mom." Shelly says. "He's scary. What if he stays like that?"
"Shelly he's going to-" Sharon looks up at the pile of dried roses, once vibrant yellow had dried to a brown. Last time Stan had been his healthy little rambunctious self. Before she had fucked up, poisoned her son with soap, before she sent him in a critical coma. The last time things were normal. Sharon grabbed at the flowers, the dried petals and leaves disintegrated in her hands.
Sharon can't help but sink to the floor, dried flowers scattering across the kitchen as she breaks down in sobs. Shelly stands frozen, wondering if she should try to help her mom, or leave. "Mom? Mom?" No answer but Sharon's sobs.
There was a knock on the door of the Marsh home. "Mom? Someone's at the door!" No response from Sharon. Shelly cautiously opens the front door to her house.
Uncle Jimbo stood on the door, he had pizza with him. "Somethings wrong with mom!" Shelly said.
Jimbo set down the pizza and went to find Sharon laying in the fetal position on the kitchen floor.
"Alright little sis, here we go." Jimbo picks Sharon up and takes her over to set her on the couch in the living room.
"Sharon, can you hear me?" Jimbo asks.
Sharon doesn't answer, just sits on a chair clutching herself, staring forward. "Stanley... Stanley.." She whispers.
Jimbo looks at Shelly who looks terrified. "Shelly, go get some plates and napkins?" He put his hands on his sister's face, looking her in the eye. "Calm down, take deep breaths, name five things you can see in this room."
"I- I just want him to be okay... why is he never okay?" Sharon wipes her eyes. "He's such a good boy. He needs to be okay."
"Name them." Jimbo was stern, if he could have told this trick to his men in the Iraq war, maybe the same technique could snap his sister out of it. "Five things, go."
"Stanley, my boy is sick. He stopped breathing. He doesn't look…" Sharon put her hands to her mouth before continuing. "I didn't know he was warm; he was playing, he was fine! Then he wasn't. He's sick, and it's my fault."
Shelly comes back and sees her mom crying and upset. "Mom? Uncle Jimbo, what's wrong with her?"
Jimbo glares at Sharon. "Don't be stupid, Stan will be fine. Snap out of it!"
Sharon doesn't hear, just continues to cry.
Jimbo sighs. "So, Shelly I know it's only Thursday, but I was thinking you get yourself ready and I was going to go fishing this weekend. I'd like to take you along if it's okay with your mom? The whole weekend. You can even invite some of your friends."
Shelly looks between her mom and uncle. "Really? Okay. That sounds fun. Can I go, mom?"
Sharon of course doesn't answer, she's just looking to the side, lost in thought.
Jimbo firmly grabs Sharon's shoulder and shakes her a bit. "Sharon? Go take a shower and then we'll drop you off at the hospital. That sound okay?"
Sharon nods and slowly gets up and makes way upstairs. A few minutes later the sound of the shower turns on.
Jimbo shakes his head. "You want one or two slices of pizza, Shelly?"
"Two!" She smiled for the first time that day.
Jimbo had been enjoying time with his niece, letting her show him her toys, knowing she needed some attention and a break from her parents' worry.
He pushed away any fear after a text with Randy about Stan's condition. Ned had been in the same condition twice, after his arm had been blown off and his cancer surgery. Stan would pull through just fine, Jimbo rather just be on the lake with a fishing pole if there was more bad news to come. "Sharon you ready?" He called upstairs.
Sharon stood at the landing, she was dressed in her robe over pajamas, hair wet, no makeup and nods.
Jimbo rolled his eyes. "Sorry sis." He got up and grabbed Sharon's hand and led her back to her room. He opened one of her drawers to hand her some underwear and socks, slightly grossed out as he also handed her a bra, looking away.
"Sharon, you do not want me to dress you, believe me."
"I am dressed." Sharon said simply. "Please let's just go to the hospital." She brushes past him and into Stan's room. "What happened to his favorite toy?" She starts to cry again.
"Ugh, Sharon. Please don't make me do this. Put on some real pants and a shirt."
Frantically starts searching through his room, grabbing a box of toys and turning it over, searching through. Jimbo, where is his Ruffy? He needs his Ruffy?"
"Sharon calm down and put some real clothes on so we can get to the goddamn hospital!" Jimbo yells at her and drags her to her feet.
Sharon stops for a moment. She sniffs and goes back to room. She comes out a moment later a little disheveled but dressed.
Jimbo kept a smile on for Shelly to make her not too upset. He didn't like using his drill sergeant voice on his worried sister in front of his niece. "Bag packed, Shelly? Let's go!"
"Yaaa! Fishing!" Shelly smiled at her uncle.
Jimbo dropped off Sharon at the hospital, not even saying goodbye. He told Shelly they were going to get her a new fishing pole and life jacket at his store and then later to go to a movie. Any distraction to cover his worry while he waited for Ned and Rita to get off work.
Stan forced himself to stop crying, he wasn't getting anything from it and Kenny still didn't want to play. The dark place felt like it was pressing down on him, suffocating, he felt he couldn't breathe. He would give anything for a nice hand to hold or a comforting hug.
He could see Kenny across the way and sat cross legged in a way to copy Kenny's moves. "I won't play or touch you but let's be friends."
Kenny opened one eye. "Okay, you'll get used to it but you don't want to get too used to it."
"Aren't you scared?" Stan asked, trying to copy Kenny's movement.
"I was at first, but I think this place is meant for me. I don't know why you're here." Kenny reclined as he lay back.
"I'm scared, cold, I want my mommy and Kyle." Stan sniffed and hugged himself.
"You're cold?" Kenny called back.
"Kinda. I just want a hug." Stan looked down at his hands, he curled them a bit.
"Can't help you. I'm trying to figure out…. I died but did you die too?"
"What's die?" Stan asked, afraid.
"Oh, fuck off." Kenny said angrily. "You're that sheltered?"
"I want my mommy." Stan started to cry again.
"Hey stop. You still feel your heart?"
Stan put his hands to his chest. "Yeah, I think so."
"Okay can you breathe?"
Stan shook his head. "I feel like something is choking me."
"So, you're not dead, but I don't know what you are." Kenny put his own hand to his chest, pulse noticeably absent. "I'm dead, no idea what you are, but just stay there and don't touch anything until I figure out how to get us the fuck out of here."