I held Sawyer close as she trembled in my arms. Her eyes were wide, jumping every which way as Dad drove us home from the airport. I could feel her terror, and it ripped through me like a knife, going straight into my heart. Every bump in the road made her jump, every horn made her whimper, and every car that seemed a little too close made her cry out for me.

It was fucking torture.

"We're almost home, Sawyer," I said, holding her a little tighter. "Are you tired? In pain?"

She nodded as her bottom lip quivered. "Yeah, it hurts."

It had only been two weeks since the accident, so I wasn't surprised she was sore. Her broken bones had barely begun to heal and her incisions were just turning into scars. She had a long way to go, but the recovery was beginning.

Now it was time to start her life over.

"I'll get you some medicine when we get home," I said as Dad turned onto my street. "See? We're here. The drive's all over."

She glanced toward my townhouse and a soft sigh of relief escaped her lips — mine, too. There was no way in hell we'd have been able to drive back from Portland, so we flew. Mom dropped us off at the airport this morning and drove my car back, which was filled with as many of Sawyer's things as I could shove inside. We shipped everything that wasn't essential, and Carolyn said she'd start sending things of Tanya's as soon as she could.

The memorial had been . . . beautiful, but hard. Sawyer got to say goodbye to Tanya's body before it and she did better than I imagined, but she couldn't handle the memorial — which was attended by more people than I'd imagined. Tanya had a lot of friends, colleagues, and clients that had paid their respects and after a few heartbreaking condolences, Sawyer broke down. We'd gone back to the hotel long before it was over, but Carolyn understood and she promised to visit Sawyer before the summer ended.

As soon as Dad stopped the car, Sawyer was reaching for her seatbelt. I quickly got her unbuckled and picked her up out of the car, settling her on my hip. She could walk just fine, but I knew she was tired and in pain — plus, there was comfort for me in carrying her and holding her close.

"Can I take a nap?" she asked as I walked up the steps behind Dad.

I nodded. "Of course, but how about medicine and lunch first? You barely touched your breakfast."

The moment I walked through the door, I felt a sense of calm at finally being home. My townhouse wasn't large, but it had always been perfect for me — and Sawyer, two months out of the year. The commute to my office and the hospital was short, too. Someday, though, I knew we'd have to move. The city probably wasn't the best place for her to grow up and she deserved more than this.

I figured we had some time before that, though — one step at a time, after all.

"Can I eat in my room?" Sawyer asked. "Is it still the same?"

I smiled, climbing the stairs. "Yeah, and Auntie Alice came over yesterday to get it ready for you. Everything's how you left it."

Her room was across from mine on the third floor, which I hadn't been inside of in months. Last summer she'd decided she wanted to change it from the "little kid room", as she'd called it, so she and Mom redecorated. It still looked pretty kid-ish to me, but she liked it, so that was all that mattered. Besides, I liked that she still had hoards of stuffed animals and a dollhouse.

I wasn't ready for her to get rid of those things yet.

As I placed her on the bed, she asked, "Where's my Ms. Bella bear? Did Nana take it?"

"No, Bean, it's in your suitcase. Will you be okay for a few minutes while I get our bags?"

She nodded, scooting back against her pillows and kicking her shoes off. "Thank you, Daddy."

"You're welcome." I smiled, kissing her cheek.

I was so incredibly happy to have my daughter home with me. The circumstances were horrible and I'd gladly go back to our arrangement if Tanya were alive, but . . . this was my second chance to be the father I'd always imagined.

I had to take some solace in that.

The first night all alone with Sawyer was hard. She'd cried the entire night and I wound up putting her in my bed, just so we could get some sleep. She had nightmares all night long. Around four in the morning, she didn't even want to try and sleep some more, so we watched cartoons and ate eggs in bed.

She was scared, sore, and exhausted. And I was clueless. I'd always considered myself great with kids — especially when they were frightened and didn't feel well — but Sawyer was different. Every tear that fell from her eyes broke my heart and every scream terrified me. I didn't know how to help her.

Over the next week, things got a little better. We developed a routine of sorts. Sawyer pretty much lived in my room, sleeping in my bed every night. I didn't dare attempt leaving her alone again. The nightmares she had with me were bad enough, but at least I could wake her quickly.

Our days were spent getting her settled and unpacked, and each item we pulled from a box had a story about Tanya. It seemed to help if she told me the stories, so I gladly listened. I'd always imagined Tanya being more hands off, but Sawyer told a different story. No matter how busy she was, she was always there to say goodnight — even if it was over the phone. Sawyer did mention that happened a lot, though, as I'd predicted. I had no idea what my daughter was actually going through or how to help her, so I winged it — meaning I spoiled her. I gave her everything her heart desired, which probably wasn't the right thing to do, but I couldn't help it.

Ice cream at midnight? The bowl was filled to the top.

Any TV show she wanted to watch? I let her no matter the time.

Basically moving into my room? Half of the bed was hers and I slept with a knee in my side.

I just . . . couldn't say no — not yet, at least.

"I know four hours a day isn't much, but I just can't leave her for more yet," I told Garrett as he sat across from me in my living room.

He and his wife, Kate, had been a fixture since we returned. Between Mom, Alice, and Kate, Sawyer's baths were taken care of. She just couldn't do it alone with her arm, and needless to say, no eight-year-old wanted their dad to help with that. Helping her get dressed was one thing, but bathing was another.

Garrett nodded as we looked over the patient schedule. "Hey, that's better than nothing. I've been drowning and I know it can't be helped, but I'll take anything at this point. Between charts, doubling up on patients, and being on call, I've barely been home. Eleazar's been helping out with caths, though, so we haven't had to send anyone to another practice."

Cardiac catheterizations were my specialty — one of my favorite things about my job. Garrett could perform them for diagnostic procedures, but when it came to treatment, I took them because he wasn't as well trained. We'd probably had at least twenty scheduled while I was gone, so I could only imagine how many had been rescheduled and would still have to be.

"I'm sure I could spend one full day a week doing those," I said. "Has the practice missed Mom more than me?"

He smirked. "She is the best damn nurse in the world, so yeah. Sorry, man. Everyone was pretty fucking thrilled to have her back this week."

"Of course they were," I chuckled, moving patients around on the schedule to fill in my time. "How's that?"

Once we had a schedule for me being there for only four hours a day, four days a week, we put away our laptops for lunch. Kate made pizza, which Sawyer helped with — the piece that would be hers did have an awful lot of pepperoni on it, after all. As we ate, Kate got a few smiles out of her by asking about the teddy bear — which she almost never let go of.

My daughter hadn't carried around a teddy bear in years, so it was quite the sight.

"I'm not naming him," she said, putting the bear on the table. "I just . . . like him. He's really soft."

Kate lifted her hand, patting the bear's head as she smiled. "Wow, he is! But come on, you have to name him."

"He's the Ms. Bella bear." She shrugged. "I haven't met her yet, but she was nice on the phone."

After getting the bear, we'd called Bella together. The woman I'd only met once was so incredibly kind to me and my daughter — going out of her way to make a child she didn't know feel a little better. She spoke to Sawyer briefly, telling her that she was in her thoughts, and she hoped the bear could offer a little comfort — that a snuggle or two might help her find a bit of peace in this confusing time.

It did more than give a little comfort. It had been my daughter's lifeline.

"She sounds like a very lovely woman," Kate said, smiling as she glanced toward me. "I think Ms. Bella Bear is a perfect name for this little guy. I bet he gives good cuddles, huh?"

"Yeah, he's softer than Daddy."

"I resent that." I smirked. "I'm very cuddly."

She giggled and rolled her eyes, making me happier than I could express.

It was incredible to see her smile and giggle, which Garrett made sure to help with, too. After lunch was over, he even tried to make her feel better about her scars.

I could have done without him taking his shirt off, though.

"Does it hurt still?" Sawyer asked, moving her fingers over his median sternotomy scar. He'd been born with a heart defect that hadn't been detected until he was a teenager — and almost killed him, but inspired his career choice.

He shook his head, smiling as they sat together on the couch. "No, not at all. Do yours?"

"Kinda." She lifted her shirt, showing off the large scar down her entire stomach. "It's icky, but Daddy says it'll get better."

The incision was healing beautifully to me, but I knew there was no convincing her of that. The scars would fade with time, but she'd always have those reminders.

"It will, sweetheart," he said, pulling his shirt back on and holding her close to him on the couch. "But, I hardly think proof that you're so incredible you survived is "icky". I call mine a battle scar because I survived, though chances were good I wouldn't. You did the same thing."

"You think I'm incredible?"

"Of course I do! Don't ever think otherwise, got it?"

She shrugged but smiled. "Okay. Can we watch a movie now?"

"Well, I certainly didn't just come over here for pizza," he chuckled, lifting the remote and opening up the Disney app. "Which movie should we start with? Iron man?

She giggled. "No! I want a princess movie."

"Ah, Star Wars, then."

"A princess one!"

He scoffed. "Leia is a princess, sweets, but all right. How about this?"

He groaned softly as he chose The Little Mermaid, but forced a smile for her as she cheered. I had no sympathy for him as I headed upstairs to my office to look over the charts he'd brought. I'd been enduring the princess movies on repeat all week.

He'd live for one afternoon.

"We'll be fine," I said, trying to coax Sawyer into my car. "I promise nothing will happen, all right? We have to go to the doctor."

"No," she whined, backing up against the garage wall. "Please, Daddy, no."

I sighed, scrubbing my hands over my face. I knew this would be an ordeal, but fuck. She was so terrified of being in the car, but she didn't have a choice. She had a follow up appointment with her pediatrician, and we couldn't miss it. She'd need blood work and a chest x-ray to look at her fractured ribs.

I highly doubted rescheduling would change her feelings about going, so I decided I wouldn't. Now, I had to figure out how to get her in the damn car.

"It's a five minute drive, Sawyer Bean. I promise we'll go slowly and I'll be extra careful."

"Someone's gonna hurt us," she sniffled.

I kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands. "No one will hurt us. No one hurt us coming back from the airport, remember? Or when we left the hospital and went to Mommy's memorial. We've been in the car five times since the accident, and nothing has happened. It won't this time, either. You trust me, don't you? I'd never lie to you."

"I know." She nodded as I wiped her tears. "I'm just scared."

"And that's perfectly understandable. I'll talk to you the entire drive, all right?"

She sighed, taking a step away from the wall. "Okay, but be really careful."

"I swear that I will." I smiled, leading her to the backdoor.

She climbed up carefully and settled into her booster seat as I buckled her in. Though we'd been in the car since the accident, this was the first time I hadn't been in the backseat with her. During the drive, I kept up a conversation with her, glancing into the rearview mirror time and time again. She was visually uneasy, but she did better than I expected her to.

The moment I opened her door, though, her good arm flew around my neck, holding onto me for dear life as I picked her up. Unfortunately, being in a car wasn't the only thing that scared her. Anytime a siren passed our house, a look of panic would fill her eyes. If she was asleep when it happened, she'd scream — and the same reaction would occur from any loud noises. She was still so shaken up by the accident, and though I knew it was normal, it hurt.

I could ease her pain, wake her from nightmares, and listen to her worries, but I couldn't make this better. I couldn't stop life from going on around her.

"Hopefully we won't be here long," I said, giving her cheek a kiss as we rode the elevator up to the doctor's office. "How about ice cream after, hmm?"

"Can I have fudge on mine?" she asked sweetly. "And sprinkles?"

"Like I'd ever deny you fudge and sprinkles," I chuckled. "There's a place right down the street, so no car ride required. Once we're done, we'll go home when you're ready."

She nodded. "Okay."

The pediatrician I'd picked for her was in the same building as my practice, and I'd worked with the woman before — taking on patients she'd referred to me. She didn't keep us waiting long once we checked in, and she was kind and gentle as she examined Sawyer's healing injuries. Once the x-ray was done and blood had been drawn, we were done — faster than I'd anticipated.

Of course being in my office building meant we had to head upstairs to see my parents and Garrett before ice cream.

"Oh, there's my beautiful granddaughter," Dad said, grinning as he stood at the counter. He held his arms out, and Sawyer quickly reached for him. "How was your appointment?"

She shrugged, hugging him tightly with her good arm for a moment. "They took my blood." She held her arm out for him. "And I got to see my insides again."

"Dr. Banner let her see the chest x-ray," I said. "She's healing well, but they won't have the lab results back for a few days. She doesn't think there will be any issues, though."

He nodded. "Good. So, what is your daddy spoiling you with after this?"

"Ice cream." She smiled proudly. "Is Nana here?"

"I'm afraid she's not today, but Garrett is. I think he's in his office."

"Can I go see him, Daddy?"

I looked away from the schedule on the counter, feeling a little guilty that this had been Garrett's only break from patients today. "Only a few minutes, all right?" I asked.

"Okay!" she said as Dad placed her on her feet.

She took off quickly, searching out his office as I followed my dad back to his. While Sawyer was visiting with Garrett, Dad and I talked a little about my return to work in just three days. I'd only be working mornings Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, so Mom and Alice offered to stay with Sawyer during those times — alternating depending on Alice's schedule. Mom was only in the office a few days a week as it was, so thankfully, it didn't affect her schedule too much.

"We'll make it work, son," Dad said. "Once school resumes in the fall, your hours can increase, but I understand wanting to be home more until then."

I nodded, relaxing in the chair across from his desk. This practice was my father's dream, so I was relieved he didn't take my change in devotion the wrong way. I loved my job and was so grateful to my father for the opportunity, but Sawyer had to come first right now. "Thanks, Dad. It'll all go back to normal in a few months, I promise."

He smiled, lifting his hand and waving me off. "You need to do what's best for Sawyer and yourself first, so don't worry about it . . . How is she, really?"

"Dr. Banner said she's made great progress, and her appointment with the orthopedic surgeon isn't for another few weeks, so we'll know more about her arm then."

"What about . . . other things?"

"Scared out of her mind," I confessed with a sigh. "It took twenty minutes just to get her in the car, and a few emergency vehicles drove past the house this morning, making her scream bloody murder. I can't exactly silence sirens or walk her everywhere, so I don't know what to do."

"That's tough, Edward, and I don't think there's really any advice I could give you. If something like this had happened to you and Alice . . ." He shook his head, pulling his glasses from his face, "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. And losing Tanya . . ."

"She was my friend," I whispered. "Even divorcing didn't change that, you know? We were never meant to be together — that was clear as day — but we were friends. We were great parents together and doing this without her seems so wrong. I keep . . . I keep wanting to call her and talk to her about this — ask her what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm realizing I don't know the first thing about being a real father."

"That's bullshit," he spat, rolling his eyes. "You are an incredible father, and you have been since the day that little girl was born. You love her more than words could ever express and you'd give anything just to see her smile. She's your entire world, so don't you dare say you're not a real father. I look at you with her and I'm immensely proud of the man you are. I'm proud of your diplomas, your awards . . . all of your achievements in life, but nothing makes me more sure that I raised you properly than seeing you with her."

"But I barelysaw her before this."

He shook his head. "Maybe, but you called her every dayand you made special trips to see her, if only for a few hours. You couldn't help the circumstances."

"I could have moved. I could have been there."

"Edward, if you want someone to tell you that you're a terrible father, you'd best look elsewhere, because I won't. Stop feeling guilty about the past. You've got a hard road ahead of you, and the only way you'll manage is by letting it go. Tanya's dead — harsh, I know, but it's true. You're raising Sawyer alone. It's horrible, but nothing will change it. Now, accept that and figure out what you're going to do next. She's depending on you to do that, and I know you can."

I sat there silently for a moment, letting his words sink in. He wasn't the type of man to mince his words just to make you feel better, but he wasn't an asshole either. He was the only man I could say arrogance worked for — if that made any sense at all. The reality of his words stung, but he was right.

I felt so fucking guilty.

Guilty that I hadn't always been there for Sawyer, guilty that I'd gotten what I'd always wanted, and guilty that I couldn't just make my daughter better.

"Fuck, this is going to be hard," I said, scrubbing my hands over my face.

"Yes, but if anyone can do it, I know you can. I'll always be here to listen, but this is something you'll have to figure out on your own."

I nodded. "Thanks, Dad."

"That's what I'm here for." He smiled, glancing at his watch. "Sawyer has officially taken up Garrett's entire break, though I highly doubt he's minded."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Yeah, he probably hasn't. I promised her ice cream anyway, so we'll get out of your hair."

He stood up with me and walked around his desk, clasping his hand over my shoulder before pulling me into a quick embrace. "You're a great dad. Never forget that."

"I'll try," I said as we left his office for Garrett's.

I wasn't the least bit surprised to find Sawyer sitting on his desk as he drew something else on her large pink cast. I was sure that once it came off, she'd want to save it just for his many pieces of artwork that he'd decorated it with. To be fair, Garrett was a fairly talented artist.

"What?" Garrett asked, smirking as he capped his marker. "She wanted another owl. Didn't you, Sawyer?"

My daughter nodded with a smile. "Look, Daddy! He's soooo good!"

"It's really cool, Bean."

"I'm pretty awesome," Garrett said smugly.

"It's a shame that you wasted so many years in medical school," I laughed, lifting Sawyer from his desk carefully. "Ready for ice cream, baby?"

"Yep. Thank you, Uncle Garrett."

"It's my pleasure, sweetheart. Demand lots of sprinkles and think of me, okay?"

"I will," she giggled.

Leaving my car in the garage, Sawyer and I walked the two blocks down the street to the ice cream shop. It was actually a nice day in Seattle — in the high seventies and not a cloud in sight — so once we ordered, we decided to sit outside on the patio to eat.

"I guess dinner is kind of ruined, isn't it?" I asked as she shoved a spoonful of strawberry ice cream covered in fudge and sprinkles into her mouth.

She nodded, licking her lips in satisfaction. "We could have more ice cream."

I laughed. "Yeah . . . not a chance, Bean."

She shrugged, knowing she'd given it her best shot, and took another spoonful. I kind of hated that, come Monday, I wouldn't be with her twenty-four seven. She knew, but hadn't brought it up again — though she'd been clearly upset when I'd told her. I had to believe that things would get easier eventually. The loss was still so fresh, like one of her many wounds that had just begun to heal. One wrong move could tear it right back open and the horrible pain would be coursing through her again, just as strong.

I dreaded that inevitable moment.

"Can we go to the zoo soon?" she asked.

I smiled, nodding. "I think we can make that happen, as long as you feel up to it. So . . . how are you feeling about Monday? I won't be gone long and Nana said she's bringing something for you two to do."

"I don't want you to go, but I know you gotta."

"Yeah, I do," I sighed. "It's really not that long, though. I'll be home right after lunch."

"I know. I'm just gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Sawyer Bean," I said as a woman coming out of the shop caught my eye. "Bella?"

Sawyer's head whipped around as Bella stopped and glanced over toward us. "Ms. Bella?"

"You must be Sawyer," Bella said as a smile spread across her lips.

She took the few steps over, and I couldn't help but notice her fucking legs in the tight skirt. She was just as gorgeous as I'd remembered from our date, and I couldn't help but let the thought of how different things could have been cross my mind — if only for a second.

It was a nice second.

"Yeah, and you're Daddy's friend, right? Ms. Bella?" Sawyer asked.

"You can just call me Bella." She winked. "And wow, that looks so much better than my milkshake!"

Sawyer nodded. "It's strawberry with fudge and lots of sprinkles. Are you gonna sit down?"

"I-I don't want to intrude," she said, glancing at me.

"No, you can sit," I said. "Unless you need to get back to work, which we understand, right, Bean?"

"Please sit?" Sawyer begged, completely ignoring me.

Bella's eyes flicked to her watch before nodding. "I'd love to," she said, pulling the chair out next to Sawyer. "I'm glad to finally meet you."

"Thank you for my bear. I really like him."

"She sleeps with him every night, actually," I said as Sawyer shot me a death glare. "What? You do."

"He's really soft and his bow is the perfect pink. How did you know that was my favorite color?"

"That's my favorite pink, too," Bella said, and I swear to god, Sawyer looked at her like she'd hung the moon. "I'm so glad you like him. Every girl needs a cuddly teddy bear sometimes — especially when they don't feel well. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, the doctor took my blood today. See?" Sawyer held her arm out to show off the little bandaid. "She said I'm doing really good, but my arm's gonna be in a cast for a while. It's pink."

"And it has drawings." Bella smiled, inspecting the cast. "Those are some cute owls."

"My uncle Garrett drew them. This one he did today."

I sat there for a good five minutes as they talked about the drawings on her cast. It wasn't a very riveting conversation, but Bella actually looked interested. She was great with my Bean, and the beauty I'd seen in her before seemed to be amplified.

"I take it your office is around here?" I asked as their cast talk ended and a brief silence began while Sawyer had another spoonful of her ice cream.

"Yeah, right across the street, actually," Bella said, pointing toward the building. "I'm so happy to have run into you. What luck, huh?"

I nodded, incredibly appreciative of such luck. "Definitely. You, uh . . . you really made her happy with that bear," I said softly. "It's been like her lifeline."

"I just wanted to do something." She smiled as a siren began wailing in the distance.

Sawyer's joyful expression changed instantly as she froze with wide eyes. I quickly reached across the table for her hand as she whimpered. "Bean, it's all right," I said. "Hey, it's okay, I promise."

As the siren grew louder, so did her whimpers. I was kicking myself for not thinking about how close we were to the hospital, and without being a few floors up inside a building, the sound was easily audible. I was out of my seat in a hurry, pulling her into my arms and covering her ear that wasn't pressed against my chest. She shook with fear.

Suddenly, Bella's hand was on her back with mine, and I glanced up to find her brow furrowed with worry. "Sirens . . . they scare her," I said.

She nodded. "I can imagine."

As the wail died down, Sawyer's body began to relax just slightly with my hand and Bella's on her. "See, it's over, baby," I sighed, pressing my lips to her temple. "Everything's fine."

She sniffled, lifting her red eyes to me. "I wanna go home."

"Okay, we can go home."

"I . . . I should get back to work anyway," Bella said, smiling sympathetically. "It was so nice to meet you, Sawyer."

My daughter couldn't even look at her as she nodded, burying her head back into my chest. Bella rubbed her back one last time before standing up.

"I'll, uh . . . I'll see you later," I said.

She nodded, pulling something from her purse and laying it on the table. "Take care, Edward."

As she walked away, my eyes fell on the business card she left — her business card. Did she . . . did she think Sawyer needed her? Alice had never mentioned it. Sawyer was grieving. She was still shaken up. No child would just be okay after what she'd gone through, of that I was sure.

But even knowing that, I still slid the card into my pocket before carrying Sawyer back to the car in the garage. Why? That was what I didn't know.

I don't own Twilight.

I'm so sorry for being a little late. I really cannot thank you all enough for reading and your kind words! See you next week!