Notes: Song is by Billy Joel. The Wolf Den Tavern belongs to SesshomaruFreak and was used with her permission. When you're done here go read her work. Enjoy Sousuke having a breakdown while cheery music plays :)

Not really having a lot of choice, Sousuke met up with Rangiku and her 'pack' outside the Wolf Den Tavern. All of them casually dressed for a fun night out. Shuuhei was there, his arm around Rangiku's waist. Toshiro, Zaraki, Yumichika and Ikkaku too. As well as Renji and Byakuya, who also seemed to have coupled up in this reality. Both of them looking just as loved up as Ran and Shuuhei. Even Rukia was there, which took him by surprise, as in his version of reality she was a bit of a wallflower. It made him feel the odd one out, among all those happy smiling faces. If only Gin were here...

He squashed the ache inside down to the dark pit of him, just so he could function, and smiled at his companions.

"Good evening."

"Evenin'," Zaraki nodded. "Ready fer some drinks an' a good night out?"

"You betcha," Renji grinned. "Gonna drink you under the table."

Zaraki lauged. "Ha! Good luck! Princess there's got more chance of getting' on the dance floor and stripping. Which is to say, none."

Byakuya nodded. "He's right you know, Renji."

The fiery redhead snorted. "Hey! Whose side are you on?"

"Byakuya smiled sweetly. "My own side."

"Alright, alright boys, settle down. If anyone's gonna drink everyone under the table it's gonna be me. Now let's go grab a table and start drinkin'!"

. . .

The tavern was as expected. Warm, smoky, and full of chatter. They all filed in and found a table, with Shuuhei and Zaraki heading to the bar to order everyone their drinks.

He requested a whiskey neat. Something strong; he'd need it to get through this without Gin. When their orders were brought over, Sousuke took a big swig of it, feeling the warmth of it as it slid down his throat.

"Whoa there, slow down a bit Cap'n, you don't want to pass out too early, neh?" Rangiku grinned at him. And he wished for all the world that she were his Gin. "The night's still young."

He met her gaze and smiled though it pained him. Easy for you to say. Your partner's still here.

"Yes, of course. You're right." For a moment he was afraid she'd see right through him and his false veneer, too accustomed to Gin seeing far more than he should and noticing things about him that others would overlook. But she took him at face value and nodded her head. Smile on her face.

"Aren't I always?"

"Infuriatingly so," he told her, still not missing a beat. Again another side effect of bantering with Gin for so long.

The night wore on as they all chattered and drank together. The couples among them cosying up to each other, Zaraki and Ikkaku already trying to outdrink each other. Sousuke felt rather out of place among the pack. Keenly aware he didn't quite belong. A cat amongst a flock of pigeons.

If Gin were still here, these would've been his friends. But it seemed they were doing quite fine without him. And it looked like it was only Sousuke falling to pieces on the inside with Gin gone.

It made him think of just how little impact Gin's life had upon the world that nothing much had changed when it was taken away. How little his own life meant if it was him who'd disappeared, the world made better without him in it. How little did anyone's life mean, if the universe could so easily fill in the hole the life had left in it.

And was the world really a better place, for the lack of Gin's presence in it?

Because his world certainly wasn't.

He took another drink to drown out that thought and looked up again to Shuuhei sliding back into his seat next to Rangiku.

"Hey babe, piano guy's here. Wanna request anything?"

"Oooh! Can he play Piano Man for us?" she beamed. "It's the best drinking song."

Shuuhei chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Alright babe, I'll be back."

"Thankyou! You're the best, love!"

With that, Shuuhei disappeared into the crowded tavern, venturing off to the piano player just setting up on the stage. He returned a short time later with the biggest grin on his face as a few piano notes drifted across the tavern, hushing everyone.

"There ya go, babe," he beamed. "Piano an, as requested."

"Yay! Thanks, Shuu, you're the best!" Rangiku kissed him on the cheek. "Guys! Hey, guys, he's gonna play Piano Man!"

Through the whole pack, there came cheers, claps and whoops of excitement. Little Rukia even grinning and giving a thumbs up.

"Nice one, Shuu!" she grinned, listening eagerly for the song to start as everyone settled down. The Piano Man was always a treat whenever he showed up in the Tavern to play a set. And the pack always gave him what tips they could afford whenever he played for them.

Everyone settled into an awed, eager hush as the notes grew into music. But all Sousuke could think was that Gin would've loved this. The pack. The atmosphere. The piano music... though he knew his Gin would insist that Sousuke's own playing was better. Gods, what he wouldn't give just to have Gin back by his side.

The music stopped momentarily before resuming again. Apparently the guy had finished warming up his fingers and was ready to play the song for real now. The notes of a familiar melody drifting through the air and into his ears. The bulk of the pack breaking out into bawdy drunken song as the verses kicked in.

"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes."

The pack sang and swayed together, beer tankards and glasses and sake cups in hand as they listened to the music. All of them seeming to be in another reality to him. He was the only one who couldn't seem to enjoy the song. How could he, when all he could think about was his lifetime with Gin. All the miles and years they'd walked together. All the miles and years they never would if he failed to get Gin back. The reality of the fact sitting far too heavily on his shoulders.

If only he hadn't wasted so much time. If only he'd been honest from the get-go, he might not be regretting so much now.

If only he'd never said those awful things, Gin might still be here with him. But he wasn't, and Sousuke just had to live with that until he could figure out a way to get Gin back again. If only so he could put a name to the face that was already starting to slip from his mind like sand through his fingers.

"Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright."

He watched the pack enjoying themselves, feeling oddly detached from it all. Was this what a mental breakdown felt like? Because it was like he were watching a film of the whole scene. Rangiku and Shuuhei were leaning against each other in the booth. Renji was trying to encourage Byakuya to sway and swig his beer with him and Rukia. And meanwhile, Zaraki was booming loud with the voice of a pirate singing a shanty.

And he realised they really were in a different world to him.

A world where Gin didn't exist.

A world where Gin's voice wasn't joining his pack in song.

And Sousuke wasn't sure he could ever want to live in this Gin-free world.

The thought unnerved him, so he took a drink. Slipping out of his seat unnoticed to order another, something strong, while the rest of his companions sang on.

"Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place."

The bartender, a young man with hay blonde hair served him his drink. Another familiar face. "Whiskey neat."

"Thanks."

"You might want to slow down a bit on those. I gave you the good stuff."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, Kira."

"Anytime, handsome."

Sousuke nodded his thanks and made his way back to the others. Wondering on just how little had changed with Gin's absence. And why he was the only one who seemed to remember Gin at all.

Was Gin's life that unimportant, to have nothing drastic change without it?

And by proxy, was his life also meaningless?

The only person who seemed to benefit from having Gin in his life was himself. Could he really say the same for the rest of the world?

No.

He took another swig of his drink. The pack sang on as if he weren't having an existential crisis in the absence of his other half. The whole of the tavern joining them.

"Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call "Loneliness"
But it's better than drinking alone

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright ."

The piano music carried on filling both the air and his ears while his mind reeled. All of his moments with Gin flashing before his eyes. All of the little mundane moments he'd taken for granted, already starting to slip out of focus. All those times he'd assumed Gin would always be there. All the ways Gin had changed his life and perspective, already starting to fade. Gin was gone, and soon the memories of him would be too. Leaving him trapped alone I some Funhouse world. An Uncanny Valley where everything appeared normal, only not quite right on closer inspection. As if he'd come home to find someone had moved all his furniture an inch to the left.

His mind span like an out of control carousel ride. And he had nothing – no-one – to hold onto to steady himself.

Gin was gone. And if he didn't do something soon, he was going to stay that way. And Aizen refused to let that happen. He didn't want to live in this Funhouse world without Gin. Even if the world was better for his absence.

If that made him selfish, he'd own that. He's always been a selfish bastard anyway.

So he made his choice. As the tavern and the pack sang the last verse, he got up and wordlessly walked out. Catching the strains of the song's end as he moved through the tabled towards the door.

Nobody noticed he'd gone.

"It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doing here?"

He pushed the door open, determined to right this wrong reality. Walking out into the daylight that was just beginning to fade.

I'm going to find you, Gin. Cost what it may, I will find you.