Chapter 4: An Astrologian's Guilt (Urianger)
Several more fruitless days had passed and still nothing had changed, aside from a growing panic among the Scions. After doing a lot of research, they eventually discovered where this 'Tempest' was—though it's location made even less sense after discovering that it was at the bottom of the ocean just off the shores of Kholusia and none of them could see how they were expected to make it there.
Unfortunately, with circumstances the way they are they couldn't immediately look into it no matter how much they wanted to.
They knew that they stood little chance of victory on their own against an Ascian, maybe even less so with a hostage. But they were finding their hopes quickly draining as if someone had pulled a plug from a bath.
When Urianger returned next from Il Mheg, he was greeted by Scions with tired eyes and very low spirits; while his presence only seemed to make it worse.
Alisaie, Thancred, and Y'shtola were all there waiting for him inside Claire's rooms this time, though Thancred had all but fallen asleep at the table when he knocked at the door.
"Did you find any clues that can help us?" Alisaie demanded the second he closed the door behind him, her attitude as cold as ever towards him. "Did anyone in Il Mheg tell you anything that we can use?"
"I fear that they had little that we do not know," he had confessed, loathed he was to disappoint them further. "They mention of their last king's determination and how they were unable to bring themselves to destroy them even if they had the power to do so. It took all they had to simply seal their king away inside the castle."
There was silence all around them as he lowered his head.
"I did search all over Il Mheg," he confessed, "And though I hath doth ask just about all who would lend me their ears… the pixies provided no knowledge that could aid our search, nor did the Amaro despite their long years and gift of speech. I had hoped that mayhap the wisdom of old Voeburt from the nu mou could avail us… yet most of what remains is buried at the bottom of Longmirror Lake and I fear the Fauth will not grant their aid to us. The King was kind to order otherwise… but alas, most knowledge those depths have are now lost to time. I cannot help but wonder if the answer we seekth may lie from within the Crystal Tower… but without the Exarch's aid…?"
"Would it have worked?" Alisaie interrupted suddenly, "Him taking the Light from her and transporting it to the Rift?"
"His magicks were sound. And it could very well have worked had Emet-Selch not interrupted him," Y'shtola spoke up, pushing her cup of tea away from her, too sickened to even look at food or drink now. "He had been planning for this for a very long time and so he would have thought over every part of his spells. Yet even he would have struggled if not for the Crystal Tower to help contain the Light… I fear that he would have been the only one who could have…?"
"The Fae seemed to have ways of dealing with sin eaters given how peaceful Il Mheg is…?" Thancred offered, snorting awake. "Well, as peaceful as you can call it for Il Mheg. Surely, even if they have no way of removing it, surely they could help us contain the Light…?"
"Aye, they do have ways," Urianger confirmed. "However, such methods are really no different than those employed by the carers at the Inn. They transform them into leafmen or other forms of flora."
"You think that we may be able to do something like that?" Thancred suggested. "Or maybe seal her up inside the castle to give us more time?"
"What? Turn her into a flower or a tree… or… something like that?!" Alisaie demanded hotly, slamming her hands on the table, upending a bottle of ink so that it spread over notes like blood. Y'shtola sighed in frustration as she quickly grabbed the bottle and tried to mop up the mess but Alisaie quickly recognized that this wasn't helping and took several deep breaths to try and calm herself.
"None of us is suggesting that, Alisaie," Y'shtola reasoned softly.
"But if she doesn't wake up, we'll need to think of something," Thancred muttered back with his hands held up in surrender. "I only meant that we find a way to keep her sealed up until we can find a better alternative should we need it."
"I doubt that any containment spell will be strong enough to keep her confined for long," Urianger added grimly. "The magicks used by the Fae were barely able to hold the power of one Lightwarden. And even then, there were times when their power bled through the barriers. Should we try to repeat said method, I do not believeth that it will hold longer than a day at most… and that is if assuming it will work at all."
"Ok, so those methods are out then," Thancred said in irritation, looking like he wanted to break something here. "We seem to be doing a fine job of finding ways that are clearly not going to work, so hopefully this should narrow it down to what 'will' work."
"Don't mock us, Thancred," Alisaie growled, slamming her head down onto the table.
It appeared that the lack of food and sleep was really starting to get to them, and Thancred knew that their hopes were continuing to drop faster than the snow back in Ishgard. They had been at this for almost a week now and still no closer to finding an answer.
He looked at them all, and could see just how the weight of all of this was taking its toll. They were all just shadows of their usual selves.
Alisaie was the first to leave, but not before walking over to the Warrior of Darkness's bedside and checked on her, making sure she was as comfortable as possible and that she was breathing normally before she set off without another word.
Y'shtola, who finished cleaning up the mess of the ink, also stood, wearily.
"I'll be back by tomorrow," she promised, "I wanted to check with something in the Greatwood that may tell us something, I'll let you know by the morning."
"Safe travels," he said as she gathered up her papers and left the room and Thancred was all but passed out at the table at this point.
"Thancred, art thou well?" he asked in concern.
"Oh, fine… just three days of no sleep is really doing wonders for me," he mumbled sarcastically from where his face was pressed against the wood. "Sure, nine out of ten chirurgeon frown upon such a training routine and I have about four black outs a day…?"
"Then please, go get some sleep," Urianger stated, "I'll stay here this time."
"Fine," Thancred said, showing just how tired he was if he wasn't even in the mood argue. "Just a quick power nap though. Come wake me after a few hours."
Urianger nodded and promised to do so if only Thancred just go to bed right now and he watched as the man all but dragged himself to his feet and lumbered to the door with the grace of a gigas. Urianger watched him go before he sat and tried to go over some of the books that he managed to collect from the castle that Feo Ul was kind enough to give him.
"If it should help my beloved sapling then take all you need," she had said, "But know that if you should allow her to become one of those pasty creatures I will tear you limb from limb!"
Of course the King knew… they had a very powerful connection as Claire's lovely branch and could see what was becoming of her soul.
The days seemed to stretch out into eternity but at the same time they were moving so fast that it was terrifying how quickly they were running out on time. He had told them all of his dealings with the Exarch and of his plan to sacrifice himself to save both their friend and two worlds… he hated such dealings but at the same time he knew that it had been G'raha Tia's choice… such was the bargain and the Exarch was the coin in this case that needed to be used.
The others were treating him coldly, but it seemed to be some unspoken agreement among them that if they could find some way out of this mess then they would forgive him for his part in this. As the hours continued on into the dead of night—at least that was how late it felt—he found that his brain was barely able to take in a word of what he was reading and found that he must have read the same page twice now and couldn't remember a single word that was said.
He had planned to get up and get Thancred like he promised but his eyes found the Warrior of Darkness still laying there and he found himself crossing over from the door and to her bedside instead. He sat down in the usual seat that someone was usually occupied in, and looked sadly at their slumbering comrade. She looked oddly peaceful this day, as if she were merely dreaming after a long day of helping others with various tasks around the city.
He would have given anything at that moment for her to wake up if only so that he could beg for forgiveness. He carefully reached out to hold her hand, his thumb gently stroking over her cold knuckles and thought about what his actions had led to.
According to Ryne, the Warrior of Darkness's aether had finally stabilized to a point that they didn't need to have someone constantly here, but they feared leaving her alone for longer than a few hours. They always had someone there to tend to her, watch over her, ready to alert the others of any changes—few as they are.
Usually, this task fell to Ryne or one of the twins… he had only been left alone in the room with her a couple of times—both times before now he could say a word… couldn't even bring himself to look at her as she laid abed. But this time, when he took the usual seat by her bedside and watched on with the air of a man who had the weight of the world upon his shoulders.
"Though that is not true, is it?" he whispered softly. "That is a role that thee are all too familiar with. One that I do not envy… but admire."
She did not answer… not that he expected her. In fact, he knew that he did not deserve to ever speak to her again for what he allowed to happen.
"Full surprised I was when G'raha Tia told me the truth," he said again, wondering if she could hear any of them, "Not least of all that you and he were friends. He told me that he hated that he was to be cruel and that he took no joy in it. Fully aware of the suffering that you must be put through in order to bring salvation to both this star and our own, that the jewel of all rewards to him was to give himself at the end. But know that he wanted you to live. He wished to spare both you and this world and set the first stone for this world to have a brighter future."
He thought back to the few private talks he had with the Exarch. How worried he had been when he confessed that she may suspect who he is.
"Doth thou truly believe that she knows?" he had asked.
"Not completely," he answered back sadly, "Though it had already been more than a century for me when we last spoke… it had been far less time than that for her. I always knew that there was a chance she would recognize me. In fact, after I first brought her to this world, one of the first things she asked me was what became of G'raha Tia. In truth, I didn't not expect her to remember me."
"Would that be so terrible a thing if she did know it was thee?" he asked in concern. "Could we not explain what was happening to her? That is what thou desires, do they not?"
The Exarch sighed as he lowered his hood so that he could see the man's face. Despite the youthful appearance, his eyes clearly showed the years.
"I wish I could," he confessed. "After all these years, to see my old friend again means more to me than you could ever imagine. But I cannot risk it. Should she come to know… I fear that it would only cause her pain when the time comes for me to fulfill my role. I do not wish for her to blame herself for my choice… for knowing her as well as I did back then… she would not allow me to take her place. But this is what must be done. For not only is the greatest wish of the future… it is mine own wish. She must survive this."
Urianger lowered his head and his fingers curled into fists upon his knees.
"When he first revealed the truth to me, I wished nothing more than to forget it," he confessed wretchedly. "Indeed I cursed him for choosing to confine the entirely the truth, though I know why he did what he did. When he explained the situation to me, explained that if I went along with thine plan, it would save not only two worlds, but you as well. And if I had to choose, I would take your life over his. Though it pains me to admit it."
He shut his eyes as he went on, "I cannot help but be reminded of how I would labored to set you against the former heroes of this world… how I knew that there was a chance that you could very well perish by their hands. I took no pleasure in doing it… but I knew that there must always be a cost."
He then opened his eyes and looked sadly down at her as he added, "And yet… even after all that. When my deceit was laid bare for all to see. You, alone, did not speak a word to me. I had thought that thou were furious with me. I wished that thou would yell or even strike at me. Anything was better than being left to wonder. But thee never said a word… and I could not help but wonder if thou could truly have forgiven me for my deceit. I wished to earn your trust back but now…"
He had trusted in both himself and in the Exarch for their plan to work… but it would seem the one person he didn't trust… was her.
"They cannot know the truth," the Exarch had said to him when he confessed the pain of keeping this secret from the others.
"I know," he had said.
"She does not yet understand how terrible a request we are asking of her," he explained grimly, "I cannot tell her without betraying the one thing that would keep our friend alive when the end arrives. All we can do is protect her from the truth for as long as we can and see that she is cared for until that moment. I trust that she will do it… for this is the closest to an apology that I can give."
The Exarch's eyes seemed so kind… so sad… and it broke his heart to see that, especially since he knew that she would not take the news well once all was said and done.
"My friend, how I wish you were here with us now," he mumbled sadly. Though Urianger didn't say this to the others yet, the truth was that he did find another way that they could contain the Light… if she were to allow it.
He had gone to speak with Feo Ul and begged for their aid, asking if naught else could be done.
"There is a possibility," they had said slowly. "I could give up my crown if she desired it."
He looked in shock at the suggestion, understanding at once what she meant.
"It won't change anything," Feo Ul admitted slowly, "It can't fix what may or may not be broken. Nor is there a way to reverse it. But we could bring her back here to the beautiful Kingdom of Rainbows where she could rein as our beloved king. Here in this castle… for the rest of time—however long that may be for this dying world. Would it really matter who, or what, she becomes? For all of Il Mheg would be her loyal subjects and will rise up in her defense should any dare to bring her harm? An eternal faerie tale of our King where she will remain young and free forever."
Urianger stared at her and his mind began to race. He wanted to suggest this to the others but…?
He shook his head.
"If it be mine own choice, I wouldst consider it as a last resort," he confessed. "However, it is not mine choice. Not anymore." He thought that over before shaking his head and adding with a sadness that seemed to ring out like a metronome. "Nay, it had never been my choice to make no matter what I have tried to tell myself. No, I will not make such a choice on her behalf no matter how unpleasant that the alternative may be. Should she awaken, and if she should accept if thee wouldst make the offer to her then, then I willst not say another word against it. But the choice should be hers and hers alone."
Feo Ul frowned at him and answered, "But we both know that she will never chose it."
He lowered his head and admitted, "No, she wouldn't. In truth, once she awakens and learns all that there is… if I know thee as well as I believeth… then I already know what her answer will be."
He looked up at them and pleaded, "Beautiful King of the Fae… if I may make a request. Should the day come when thy beloved sapling finds herself standing at the crossroads with no idea where to go… please… offer her a guiding hand."
"You just said that the choice should be hers," Feo Ul countered with a rather dark look in her normally sparkling eyes and he nodded once.
"Thou art correct," he said. "But I ask not that you choose for her, nor try to influence it. But to support her. Help her come to the right decision on her own. One that works… not for us… but for her. That is all that I ask of thee."
They continued to look down at him before they sighed.
"You don't even need to ask for that," she said. "For she is my dear sapling and I, forever her lovely branch. Though I know that she will never go down without a struggle, I shall always find myself at her side should she have need me. In exchange, though I don't know the whole story, you must swear that you will tell her all. Everything."
He looked long and hard at them before he lowered his head as he mumbled, "Understood."
He sighed at the memory before he slowly, he reached over and took her limp hand in his own once more, clasping it almost reverently between his long fingers as he looked to her slumbering features.
"I will not ask for your forgiveness… for I know that I do not deserve it," he said, his voice thick, "But if thou will wake up, I swear that I will do whatever I can to save thee. My strength and wisdom will be thine to command. I wish to remain by your side until the bitter end. So please… I beg of thee… please don't give up on us. I could never forgive myself if you…?"
He was unable to hold it in any longer and the tears fell as the sounds of his choked sobs broke out as his guilt began to flow through him and were shining through with every tear that fell. Though he wasn't aware of it at the moment as his grief flooded out, the hand he held tightly twitched as they felt the warmth of the tears splash onto their skin.