Sophie's heart was racing. It hadn't slowed since the attack in the Crow's parking garage. Jacob was missing and she had her sister loitering the Crow's headquarters while she packaged up the goons zip-tied two levels below ground.
"And get some damn cameras installed down there," she commanded before slamming the phone's receiver onto the cradle.
That Batwoman had appeared to stop things from escalating beyond a few shattered windows did little to calm the raging anxiety building in her chest. For a moment she saw the life of another person she loved flash before her eyes, and it sent her spiraling toward the familiar blanket of grief she'd been trying to shed.
She fell into her chair, pressing her fingers to her eyes. She'd been back less than two weeks and was barely holding on. She thought staying busy would put her emotions on the back-burner, but instead she found herself catapulted back toward familiar scenes that put a knot in her throat.
"Hey," Sophie said upon seeing the room occupied with her roommate. Their 'conflict' from a month earlier still seemed fresh in Sophie's mind and translated into distant comments of indifference whenever she saw Kate. She had no intention of starting a conversation with any sort of depth, and she appreciated that Kate seemed to understand that.
She dropped her bag next to her desk and began sifting for a notebook she needed for her next class.
"I told Choi I'd pick up mess hall shift with him tonight," Kate said indifferently from her bed. She was nose-deep in a magazine with a weird alt-rock band on the cover that Sophie had never seen before.
"You did what?" Sophie asked, pausing the shuffling of items on her desk to glance up in confusion.
"Mess hall tonight. I'm taking the shift," Kate repeated, not looking up from the magazine.
"I'm scheduled for tonight," Sophie said of the post-dinner cleanings required by cadets. Second years were stuck with dinner duty and cleaned in set rotations.
"I know."
"But… You didn't have to do that," Sophie said, struggling to understand Kate's motivations.
"I know."
There had to be a catch.
"Then why did you?"
Kate shrugged, but when Sophie's interrogating gaze didn't leave Kate she sighed in exasperation.
"Because you're sick, you're also tutoring Molly tonight, and you have drills early tomorrow morning," Kate rattled off.
"I'm not sick," Sophie lied. It was a bad lie. She had been fighting a cough for the last few days and her throat was burning with every swallow.
"Yes, you are," Kate said without explanation.
"Fine," Sophie conceded. "But… the other stuff - how do you know about that?" Sophie asked, eyes narrowed in skepticism.
"Because we're roommates?" Kate replied, her eyebrow cocked in confusion.
"But I didn't tell you."
"You didn't have to. We live together."
Sophie faltered. She knew nothing about Kate's daytime schedule. She'd never bothered; as far as she was concerned the only thing she cared about was whether Kate stumbled loudly or quietly back into the dorm late at night. What she did during the day was of no interest to her.
"You're going to be late for physics if you keep scowling at nothing," Kate said from behind the magazine cover.
That Kate was right only made Sophie feel worse.
"You ok?" came Jordan's voice next to her.
Sophie turned to see her sister's gaze of concern and forced a smile.
"Yea. Let's get out of here," she offered, knowing Jordan wouldn't say no at an opportunity to bail out of the corporate cringe.
A quick elevator ride later and she was hailing a driver and directing him to the only place she could think of that might bring an ounce of comfort: The Hold Up.
Jordan didn't understand why. No one did. It wasn't their fault: Sophie didn't want to share this. The cool dark world of memories she swam in guided her like a compass from one location to the next. Two nights prior she had found herself at the park from all those months ago when a vigilante had returned to Gotham's sky. A week before that she had lost sleep standing on her terrace, trying to remember every word and shared touch. It was slowly fading, and that scared Sophie more than anything.
She navigated the familiar walls with Jordan in tow. They bickered about inconsequential things. It was a conversation they'd had hundreds of times over: Sophie was worried about Jordan's safety, and Jordan was a free-spirited pain-in-the-ass younger sister who wouldn't see her older sister's reason.
"Sounds like y'all could stand to be less sober right now."
The sound of Ryan's familiar voice shattered the illusion her mind had been building. She knew better than to expect anything else.
Sophie felt the pull of a 'yes' on the tip of her tongue, but knew better. Instead she replied responsibly because she knew that another drink would mean another, then another.
"Two club sodas."
"Uh, vodka, with a vodka back," Jordan clarified, shooting Sophie a scowl of disapproval. Sophie returned with her own scowl, and she recognized how familiar Diane Moore's stern glare had become the shared scowl of the Moore sisters.
She grimaced into a smile, introducing Jordan to Ryan. Words were exchanged that Sophie didn't hear. Instead her eyes scanned the space, interrogating the subtle changes to the bar. A fresh coat of paint hid the dingy finishes she'd considered warm and inviting. The lighting was also altered - some might say it was an improvement, but to Sophie, any change was one step closer to losing another memory.
"This one's on the house," came Ryan's voice. Sophie glanced toward Jordan and saw the familiar expression of pride she carried whenever she talked about her side hustles.
"She's passionate," Sophie said, hoping her words were well-placed and sighed in relief when Ryan responded in kind. She pulled Jordan away from the bar, hoping for some peace and quiet. In classic form though, her and her sister's agendas weren't aligned.
"So, the vibes are there, and sis just came out of the closet," Jordan teased with a knowing smirk.
"What are you talking about," Sophie said, feigning practiced ignorance.
"This is me being your wing woman, in case you missed it."
Even through her practiced facade Sophie wanted to scream. She wanted to shout that Jordan had it all wrong. She wanted to cry out that the only person for her was gone; that she had been for months and the absence still stung to her core. But she didn't. She couldn't, because she didn't want to. She didn't want to share this, so she grasped for something she could share:
"Mom told you?"
"Just because she needs to take time with it, doesn't mean I do."
"Thank you," she forced out, wanting to move on to something more trivial; something she could nod along to.
"So, bargirl chick?" Jordan smirked, nodding back toward Ryan. "Fire."
No, Sophie sighed, Jordan couldn't understand.
a/n: I really hope these flashback/main timeline combos aren't confusing. Like I said earlier, I'm playing pretty fast and loose with this whole fic. If I were more diligent and thoughtful I'd write the whole thing and let it set for a week before editing/rewriting and realize chapter three should be after chapter five but before chapter one and then perhaps it'd become a weird time-loop of confusion, chaos and regrets but generally might have a better flow. I don't know, but this fic is a sprint, not a marathon, and I'm trying to live life with no regrets.