Chapter 4: The future past
She rolled her gloves up towards the middle of her arm. After that, she took on her vest and zipped it all up to her neck. Put some of her belongings in the bag that was sitting on the side of what used to be her old bed, placed on the left hand side of the room, from where a small light came. It was from a candle on the wall in front of her.
Before wrapping everything up, she looked around the room one more time.
At the thought of everything she had lived inside these walls, she couldn't help but breathe out a quiet sigh.
However, no matter the reason, she couldn't stay here anymore. There was nothing for her here, so why bother? There wasn't anything to tie her to this place like it used to do some time ago in the past. Her reason was now gone. Not to mention, she kind of had it enough with everything that had happened. She had lived for others too much. It was time to start living for herself.
Speaking of that, she recalled there was one more object she needed to pack with her, so she went to the desk that was sitting parallel to her bed, pulled out its drawer and took a picture from there, underneath its fake bottom.
It was her and a female figure. The only memory she had of that person. She didn't remember much of her, or the times they had spent together so that is why that belonging was safely hidden away. It was her only real connection to herself and her past. Well, at least whatever she recalled of it anyway.
After she had met him and he picked her up from the middle of a war torn area, she had forgotten most about her previous life. All she remembers is the impending feeling of danger that was about to approach her, and few vague details. But there wasn't any real backwards connection to them.
Back then, she knew they were coming… but what could a child do facing the terrors of war itself, especially after you run into the only place you know as safe, only to find that it's gone? When the arms of that person are supposed to be that safe place for you, are all but covered in blood?
The only other thing she remembers was that woman full of blood all over, while gesturing one last thing, as she still found it within her to smile one more time: the palm falling from her forehead to the cheek, mumbling one last thing as she left a trail of blood on the child facing her, who had looked for safety in her arms.
"You don't need to remember all of this… Go! Run from here. Run for your life!" were the last words she heard the woman speak before her mind started going blank about all the past they lived together. All the memories she remained with was a scene she was a witness to, her own name and the connection with the then dead woman in front of her: her mother.
But why were they there? How did they get there to begin with, why did she have to run for her life or any other question that would make one question their past? Gone. Like they had never even existed.
So all she did was exactly as she was told… left the place. Ran for her life, like she had been instructed. But not before taking a small bag with her and a picture from the furniture next to the dead woman's body. For some reason the little girl back then felt the need to do that before leaving the horrendous place she found herself in, from where she had to run.
And as she ran as fast and as far as possible, until he appeared.
Took her in. Offered her some kind of safe space. And today they were here.
Those memories hit Karin as she prepared to say her farewell to the place that for better or for worse was her home for a long time. She put the picture in the bag and took it with her, as she headed towards Orochimaru's room for one last goodbye.
She was never too attached to him anyway. She didn't like the feelings she got from his chakra, but having nowhere to go, she followed him for all that time.
She wanted to leave two times over the course of her staying with him. The second time when she was ready to leave, she found out that the boy who had smiled so fondly to her in the forest where Orochimaru sent her for those ninja exams, was joining them.
So she decided to postpone that decision. Again. But why? Well, it was for a simple reason. At least to her.
Because his smile from back then reminded her of the last smile from that person. Her mother. Oftentimes she even wondered if it was really her mother to begin with. Given her memories of that time were next to non-existent, at times it was hard to tell reality from fiction. Was it all in her head, that smile? But it was a smile from their last moments as she got urged to leave, and that was real. So the smile must have been real too, right?
But for better or for worse, she then had someone with the same smile to keep her connected to that reality.
And that's what made her stay. So she could see that smile one more time. So that she can remain connected to those memories, until she would lose those as well. Because who can tell, right? Today they were there, but who guarantees for tomorrow?
As those thoughts flooded her mind, she left the room and started walking towards Orochimaru's one.
It wasn't long until she saw herself at his door. She knocked firmly before asking for permission to come in.
"Yes, please. Do enter!" said the voice behind the door.
"Orochimaru-sama, it's me," she said as she opened the door to his room and started walking in. If it was one thing she had done whenever coming in contact with him was addressing him as Orochimaru-sama. Not because she had so much respect for him, given the bad sense she got from his chakra, but she found out that this was the best course of action when dealing with someone like him.
Hypocrite? Maybe. By the rules of those oh-so-holier-than-thou. But when you have to live next to what can be your next attacker every day, and you have nowhere else to go, you must find ways to make sure you survive.
And the role of subservient Karin seemed to be one that would fit her best when it came to their relationship.
But under all that duplicity, she was a free soul, one that could not be chained. Yes, the choice was hers. But it was a choice she decided to make if she were ever to leave him in the future.
When you have to live with the snakes, you have to know the songs to play to make them hiss to your will.
"What is it, Karin?" he asked curiously, analyzing every detail of the girl in front of him. New hair style with braids on a side, dressed like she was about to go out and a confidence in her eyes he had never seen before.
That, plus a backpack. She was leaving. But where? He couldn't help but wonder.
"I'm here to say goodbye," Karin told him confidently. "But before that, I would like to have a talk with you, Orochimaru-sama."
So he was right. She was leaving. What an interesting turn of events. He would've liked to get to know some things about her better, especially after the things that had transpired in the last war. Karin awakening the chains that Uzumaki Kushina had was something he was looking forward to studying more about. But he wasn't in a position where he could force her to stay, so he decided to listen.
"And how may I help you?" Orochimaru asked simply, but underneath that simplicity many things could hide.
"I am here to let you know that I have decided to leave this place. However, before I leave I want you to help me understand some things about myself," she informed the man as she gestured towards herself.
"I can't even remember how old I was when you saved me from that war-torn zone. That village where it always wept. Or is it? Can't exactly remember for sure, but that's not the point now", she started talking.
"As you know, there are many things I don't remember about my past. But somehow you seem to know more. You always did for some reason unknown to me," she continued as she watched the snake straight in the eye. Even now his chakra transmitted a sinister feeling somewhere behind all that facade he was trying to hold. So it was really a situation of mixed feelings coming from him.
He had said to that Tsunade lady in the war that he was a changed man, but there was something about his chakra that Karin could feel, that made her question that statement.
So what she was about to ask him was a gamble on its own, but she had to do it. She could tell if he were to lie or not, at the end of the day.
All she had to do was to focus on his chakra flow and sense if there was any disturbance to it, while getting the answers she was looking for.
"So I'll have to ask you," she said, "do you know any reason for which I awakened that power in the war? And more importantly, is it connected to something from my past?" Karin asked dead-serious.
For some reason she had the feeling that it was so. Many times Orochimaru had told her when he did all those experiments on her that she's a special child, and that he needs to understand from where that comes so he could 'help' her. But she never had the courage to actually ask what was so special about her.
Moreover, at some point she stopped caring anyway. Her specialty fell somewhere in the background as soon as Sasuke Uchiha had come into play.
Her and all the other special kids fell second best to him. And with all those things going around her, not to mention the tasks that Orochimaru ended giving away to each of them, she decided to stop asking anyway. Not to mention, when you're in charge of running an entire hideout of experimental lab rats, you kind of tend to forget about yourself.
There wasn't much of her own self to begin with, anyway. She was everyone and no one. Everyone Orochimaru needed her to be, and no one, given that unlike many others she lacked the roots. The bonds. The connection. To her past. Who she was or who she was supposed to be. So when something like that happens, it's hard to keep a sense of self.
She had been a war torn kid. A lab rat herself. The one in charge of the other lab rats. She had been a fountain of healing for all those other lab rats, biting off her body so that once more they can fight under Orochimaru's commands.
She's been anything others wanted her to be. Until that time. Until the time she met Sasuke Uchiha. And she had hope that one day, in his smile which reminded her of that person, she would find a sense of self again.
So that's why she dedicated herself to helping him. Because in a way she was helping herself. Not to mention, he looked past her atypical self. Instead of judgement, she found acceptance.
Even more so, she was desired. By him. That is why when he came seeking her back then, she accepted it.
That, plus the little devil was so damn hot. The charm, the smarts, the unapologetic way to be himself. She always found that attractive about him. In contrast to her own identity issues, he was just the thing she needed.
Back then, she thought that by going on around the world with him would somehow also help her find some answers. The fact that it was with him was an added bonus, of course. Or at least that's what she liked to think. Two birds in one shot.
But then, at the end of the day even that thing proved out to be something that cost the very life out of her.
Sure, he then apologized and damn him, she forgave him! She didn't want to, on one side, but on the other she did. She was like the air that the fire needs to consume in order to breathe. His warmth attracted her, but in order to get to it, she had to let herself be consumed by him.
And she did, and then she forgave him. But, at the end of the day he remained detained in Konoha. That meant that he also got close to his old team, and probably that pink-haired girl she had once met. Sakura.
So then she thought to hell with everything. He was back where he was meant to, anyway.
It had been a wrong move on her part to tie her identity to him. At the end of the day, putting aside all the hotness that defined him, and that smile of his which she loved, it cost her too much.
It was now time for her to do everything for herself.
To define her identity through her own actions, not tie it to others. Because while yes, she wished for bonds with others, and with him most of all, those bonds or better said wanna-be ones, only brought her pain and suffering.
And for that, she decided to leave it all behind. Sasuke, her old life with Orochimaru, and everything else that connected her to that past.
Everything but that. Her past with her mother. She felt that if she really wants to have a future, she must find out more about that particular part of her past.
That is why, she was now standing in front of Orochimaru unapologetically herself, and was asking for answers. And she would not take no for an answer. No matter what it would take.
Orochimaru thought this through and through before replying to Karin. He knew she was a sensor and lying to her wouldn't work at all. Her sensory abilities were the reason Sasuke picked her as his favorite in the first place. He might not have been there to see it, but while being inside of Kabuto who conspired in the war with Tobi, helped him find a thing or two about all the things that happened to Sasuke Uchiha after he was killed by him.
Lucky for him, he was a cold blooded snake and could think this coldly. But replying to her would set-up his chakra in motion one way or the other. And in the end she would figure it out.
For a brief moment he thought back at when he had found her. A little girl, running for her life in the same place where many children remained orphans due to a war-torn era.
It felt almost ironic that he would find her in the same place where Jiraiya used to find his first students.
Of course, he wasn't sure from the very first time that she was an Uzumaki, but thanks to the experiments he conducted, he later found out. It was a hunch, after all. Being an initial Akatsuki member had its use. After all, Nagato, Jiraiya's first pupil turned out to be one. And by his words, there were quite a few Uzumaki clan people in Rain village.
So putting two and two together was easy. That, packed with the fact that the girl seemed to not remember anything concerning her past beyond her recent memory, was an even better deal than he expected. An experiment he could use to his own volition, that would have less impacting consequences anyway.
That was one of the reasons he had sent her in the chuunin exams back in the day. If she were to be captured, they would have no use for her because what can you do with a child that recalls nothing of their past?
In the end, she proved to be one tool almost too good to be true.
The right thing he needed to grab onto Sasuke's sharingan. Because his frail body has always been his Achilles heel when it came to his quest if finding everything about all the jutsus in the world and their origin. But when you have someone with the vitality of an Uzumaki body, no matter the power you're trying to behold and its weight, their vitality could endure it.
Something he had found out while studying all the jutsus in the world. So she was the perfect fit.
But his Sasuke mission ended-up being a total fail, as Sasuke's past caught-up with his future and turned out to be the right thing the Uchiha kid needed to kill him. The irony of it all…
Now, he was standing in front of another irony. Another past seemed to catch-up to the future, as he was standing now in front of Karin.
But ah, he was a changed man now. And not fully recovered, so it wasn't like he could force Karin to stay. The look in her eyes didn't look like that of someone who's willing to do it.
Sure, it would've been nice to understand more about her and the newly awakened power. That of the chains only Uzumaki Kushina possessed. After all, he suspected it from back then, after confirming she was an Uzumaki. That and a little research he had to do about the Uzumakis revealed some interesting things about the girl's past, too. But now he seemed to be out of luck in that regard also.
So then, taking all those things into consideration, he decided to answer her question.
"I may not have all the answers to your questions, and there's nothing I know about your past more than you know yourself," Orochimaru started speaking, keeping his posture.
"But what I do know and the thing I can answer you is that I know of what heritage you're a part of", he ended his initial response.
Karin's eyes widened and got filled with hope as he heard the man speaking. It was like finally a small flicker of hope was coming her way as well.
"What about my heritage?" she asked immediately, filled with impatience.
"You're part of a long gone clan, called the Uzumaki," Orochimaru replied. Hearing that name Karin's mind made a connection instantly.
"An Uzumaki…? That means I am related to that guy?" she asked herself as flashes of Naruto Uzumaki's face, who she had met at the Kage Summit, went through her mind.
Orochimaru caught the little expression change on Karin's face and smirked in his old fashioned way, intuiting well where her mind went. He kept his cool and continued talking.
"Yes, that's correct Karin. You could say you're a distant-relative to Naruto Uzumaki," Orochimaru confirmed her suspicions.
"His mother's name is Kushina Uzumaki," he added. "She was part of the same clan as you are," he continued.
Karin immediately felt like hope was filling her soul as finally, there was someone else out there she could connect her with. She instantly thought that he must be the next person she meets. They would have so much to talk about. He surely must know so many things about their clan, right?
But until she would meet Naruto Uzumaki, Orochimaru was in front of her, so he could suffice for now.
"She was?" Karin asked, taking notice of the tense Orochimaru used.
"Why isn't she anymore? What happened?" Karin questioned him curiously while maintaining her focus on Orochimaru's chakra flow. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.
The disturbance was normal. He wasn't lying. But her excitement from earlier might have cost her a bit of attention. After all, this was Orochimaru she was talking to, the cold blooded snake. That's why whenever having to deal with him, one should focus as twice as much.
"She's dead," he replied in his cold usual way.
"They all are," he continued looking her straight in the eye to see each and every reaction of Karin's.
"They were all massacred many years ago in the past," he informed Karin without changing his cold stare, as he saw hers betraying a look of horror. Her earlier flicker of hope now turned into what you could call a bit of faith loss.
But wait, there was this Uzumaki boy out there so he surely must know some things.
All hope wasn't really lost, Karin tried telling herself as she felt the strong feeling starting to cripple her soul. This wasn't going to be an easy task now, wasn't it?
"Well then, I will go and look for this Uzumaki boy," she told Orochimaru confidently.
"He surely must know something, right? Didn't they all live in Konoha?" she asked.
"Well, first of all, they weren't living in Konoha, but in Uzushiogakure. A village in the Land of Eddies," Orochimaru told Karin to clear the confusion.
"But the village is all in ruins now," he continued informing her.
"All that there is left of them is nothing but the story of their former greatness", he ended his sentence as he shrugged his arms.
A former clan which was now gone, and everything there was to know about them was a former glory, that she knew nothing about. Ruins. All destroyed. All forgotten. Like her past.
Karin got saddened for a moment and let her guard down. Was it really worth it? To go outside in the world and look for everything. But then as this went through her mind, she realized something… How did Orochimaru know all of this after all? For a long gone clan, he surely knew a lot. So she came back to her senses and asked him about it.
"Well, let's say my former teacher forced me to learn about their history even though I wasn't really keen on it," he said, as he remembered his battle with Sandaime.
The old geezer still had some fight in him and using that wretched sealing technique, the Dead Demon Consuming seal, had pushed him to dig everything about it. And that is how he ended-up learning more about the Uzumaki than he might have initially planned to.
Well, in the end it was all for the better, wasn't it?
"And then does that mean that this power I got is related to them?" Karin continued with the lines of questioning. For some reason, she felt like there was something more to the story.
Orochimaru felt like this line of questioning is getting more and more deeper and he wasn't yet sure if he wanted to reveal everything or not. But once again, this was Karin he was talking about. It wasn't like he could purposely hide things from her anyway.
He had to find a way to get out of this line of questioning before it would be too late for her to find all the reasons he had and the things he once had planned to do.
Damn it all, if only his body wouldn't be so weakened now.
"Most probably," he replied, figuring that omission of truth is technically not a lie. You just don't reveal everything. So you're telling the truth without actually telling the truth. Thus, his chakra flow should've been stable for Karin not to notice anything out.
One bullet dodged for now. How many more were to come anyway? That's when Oro decided to play it the other way around. Instead of letting Karin take the charge, make the recommendations himself. That way he'd be in control of the situation instead of being at Karin's whims.
"Karin," he addressed her before she addressed him to turn the tides of the conversation. "If you're so eager to leave this place, why don't you go research a bit yourself? In many ways your guess is as good as mine," he said once again making use of the tactic of omission of truth to go past Karin's 'lie detecting' self.
"There aren't many things known about the Uzumakis. I just had interest in one specific technique given that my former master forced me to it, like I told you. But, that helped me uncover some places of the Uzumakis" he continued.
"I could tell you where those places are," Orochimaru concluded while gazing at Karin in his astute way. This must surely spark an interest inside her and deflect the attention from that.
And he was right, as Karin fell right into it. Her eyes widened and filled with hope as she heard Orochimaru's proposal.
"Of course, tell me where!" she demanded with excitement and determination in her voice.
Finally, something good to start with was the thought that immediately went through her head.
Orochimaru gladly replied to her that one of those places is the Uzumaki compound outside the outskirts of Konoha. That and the old ruins of Uzushiogakure. But who knows if anything was there anyway? So the next best thing would definitely be the Uzumaki compound.
He indicated the area to her by reminding her of the place they met when she escaped the Konoha prison back in the war.
For a moment there, she recalled that specific moment as being one of the moments she was ever going to see Sasuke, before the whole mess that happened in the war.
But she shrugged the thought off. There were better things to think about now. More important than that.
So she thanked Orochimaru and filled with new hope and with a new-found resolve, she took herself out of his room, heading towards the exit of the hideout.
Finally letting go of these dark, cold stoned places for good.
She continued to walk so confident towards the exit that she didn't even notice when Suigetsu came from the corner and they head butted strongly into one another.
"Hey, watch where you're going!" Karin yelled at Suigetsu, being visibly bothered that someone was in her way towards discovering more about the new her. Or old her. It was a weird mix anyway. But the excitement she felt was so big, that she didn't want anyone or anything to stay in her way.
"I could say the same thing about you," Suigetsu replied to Karin after regaining his balance and composure. Karin sure had a big head. No wonder from where her stubbornness came…
But as soon as he was back on understanding the world around him, he couldn't help but notice Karin being all dressed-up and with a backpack.
"Leaving somewhere, are we?" Suigetsu asked as he gestured around at her new outfit, in his usual bickering way.
"Yes, I am!" Karin responded confidently moving past him to continue her road towards the exit.
She didn't leave Suigetsu time to answer any more questions as she was quickly to dismiss him, informing the guy that it was none of his business.
"Going after Sasuke, then?" Suigetsu asked as Karin wanted to continue her road. He couldn't help but tease her about it. It has always been her soft spot. Her trigger.
Karin stopped for a moment. Turned to face Suigetsu and replied with an unseen serenity up until now. Something that had Suigetsu taken aback.
"No. I'm actually not going after Sasuke," she informed him. "Like I would care what that idiot does! There's nothing I can do for him anymore. He has to deal with his past, I have to deal with mine," she concluded, having her look slowly facing down to the ground.
Sure, a small part of her wished that she could've seen him one last time before having to flee the battleground given their interference with the war.
Sure, they did some stuff that helped tilt the balance maybe in a more favorable way, but due to their affiliations, it wasn't a good idea to still stick around.
Did it mean leaving Sasuke behind? It sure did in a way. But he was a war hero. An integral part in winning it.
They were the misfits. The unknown. No match for such a resounding name as the Uchihas.
Plus, Sasuke had sacrificed her before and while she forgave him and would've wanted to be there next to him after the war ended, it wasn't the best course of action.
Even she knew as much. So she had to make a tough choice. And she chose herself.
"Are you sure about that?" Suigetsu asked teasingly, knowing Karin's feelings for the man too damn well. She might've not wanted to admit it to herself, but he was witness to a certain moment in her past related to Sasuke, so no matter how much she wanted to hide it, there was still something there for him.
However, she did seem changed, so that had him intrigued. What was all this talk about the past? What did exactly she mean by it?
"Yes, I am." Karin replied absolutely serious. "I have better things to take care off, for now. Like my own self," she continued before returning the questioning to Suigetsu.
He was looking pretty different himself. New attire, and was heading towards the same place she was. Orochimaru's room.
Was he going to leave, too? It surely seemed like it and it didn't take long for him to confirm it either that it was in fact the place where he was going, too.
"You're leaving as well?" she asked, "where exactly are you going?"
"Well, I'm off to finishing that sword collection of mine," Suigetsu said, shrugging easily. He was a man with a mission for a long time. It was now time to finish that mission once and for all. He just wanted out of respect to inform Orochimaru. Like he had said anyway, they weren't Hebi anymore. But they weren't Taka anymore either, so… it was time for each and every one of them to choose a path.
Karin made her choice first, and Suigetsu was second. Which made her realize… but what about Juugo? So she asked Suigetsu immediately about his whereabouts.
"Have you talked to him? What does he want to do?" Karin asked curiously.
"I did, actually," Suigetsu replied, "he wants to stay with Orochimaru," was the next thing he added.
"With Kimmimaro dead for a long time, and Sasuke not being around, he fears his powers going berserk once again. So he considers that his best chance of survival without hurting anyone else is to stay with Orochimaru", Suigetsu concluded once again shrugging.
"I see…" Karin said while lowering her head to the ground once more. She kind of hated the idea that someone so kind as him had to stay with the snake. But at the same time, he was indeed a danger out of control whenever his powers kicked in, so she couldn't judge him for his choice.
After all, each and every one of them were free to make their own decisions. Well, in Juugo's case you couldn't talk so much about freedom but anyway… She had other things to worry about.
After finishing their short conversation, Karin bid farewell and parted ways with Suigetsu as she headed towards the exit of the hideout they were in, with Konoha in mind, while Suigetsu headed to Orochimaru. Not before they wished each other good luck.
For all their weirdness, they were after all partners in crime for a while and lived some experiences together.
But now it was time for her to let go of these bonds if she were ever to find out more about her past and to look towards the future.
Confidently, Karin started walking towards her own new path. The path of her Uzumaki heritance.