CHAPTER 4 - Therapy and judgement.

BPOV

I'm sitting in the waiting area of my therapist's reception, at 10:30 am, on a Saturday morning, ready to meet Kate. I'm both eager and anxious.

Irina, Kate's receptionist, calls. She then ushers me into Kate's room.

Her room is well lit with natural light coming from her large windows, and it's both airy as well as cozy.

"Have a seat Bella. How are you feeling? You look nervous today." She said in a smooth "therapist" like voice, which was inquisitive and soothing at the same time. I had no other way to describe it. But it did manage to calm me.

"I am feeling nervous, but I'm also extremely excited". I couldn't contain myself.

She smiled warmly, in a way, politely asking me to continue.

"I feel like today's the day. I know I should be feeling depressed after all the shit that I went through. But I can't help myself - I feel like I'm finally in control of everything".

Kate asked, "so you felt like you were never in control when you were in that relationship then? Or do you feel that you never had control from much earlier on in your life? And I'm not talking about self-control Bella."

I was a bit stunned by the questions. Kate hardly ever questioned me, there were minor and general questions but never any questions, that made me consider what I was going to say.

"Your silence tells me all I need to know Bella. Answer me this - why did you put on weight in the first place? If I may be so bold to say, from what you told me, you were never overweight until the 6th grade. Are you willing to share with me that story today? I am not pushing you, but I want to understand you and know for sure if you are ready."

The room was silent. I could talk about this, I was no longer ashamed of my past anymore.

"It was the last week of 6th grade. I was swinging with one of my friends, Jessica, and I told her I had a crush on this boy named Mike." I paused to take a deep breath.

"She told me that Mike did not see me like that, I was too tall and skinny. I didn't expect Jessica to, but she went and told Mike, that I had feelings for him. Probably to get him to ask me out, prove her point or whatever... Mike from the minute he knew, started taunting me with insults like - Isabella Swan, more like Isabella scarecrow". My voice was shaky, so I waited to calm down before I spoke.

"His insult was lame, but I couldn't stop myself. I began eating. A lot. I do not know if I was eating out of depression or humiliation, or even to please Mike, but I was eating, a lot". I waited for a response, when I got none, I continued my story.

"My parents helped me see this was wrong. But at that time, it had already been too late. I had put on too much weight and gained closed to 30 pounds. When I went back to school in 7th grade, my friends couldn't "recognize me". Which to me was fucking hilarious, since my features couldn't suddenly morph, I had the same face. They stopped talking to me, and I felt abandoned. Meanwhile, Mike had shifted to another state, which made me feel even worse. But I did end up meeting Rosalie, so the rest of my school life was not bad." I smiled at that last part.

I was silent for a bit, understanding what I had said. Then it struck me "What I did realize, I guess subconsciously, is that I did things to please others. Riley was the last straw. I shouldn't have to care what others think. I am my own person. I was too thin for Mike and too fat for Riley. I want to just be me. Happy and healthy, both mentally and physically".

I smiled at Kate with tears in my eyes, ready to accept my fate.

"Well Isabella, I am proud of you. I should not say that, but I am" we both chuckled.

"I think you are more than ready to take the next step in your life. You are ready to take control. However, I do think it is time to tell your parents, everything." She paused to look at her watch.

"Our session is over for today. I hope you achieve your goals Bella."

"Thank you sooo much Kate, I think I am actually ready to tell my parents. I'll see you next Saturday." I couldn't contain my glee. Kate laughed at my exuberance.

I walked out to my car, happier than I have ever been. I had to call Rose and ask her about the gym that she had heard about, which was supposedly good, from one of her colleagues at her law firm.

Sorry for the short chapter. But next chapter we will meet a certain green-eyed guy. This is an insight into what I imagine Bella's therapy would be like. Hope you enjoyed!!! Thank you for your comments and support! They are all duly noted. If you guys have any more suggestions, I am all ears.