A/N: Thanks for the follows, favorites, & reviews! I've been super sick the last couple of days, so I'm just getting a chance to get this together. I hope you guys enjoy it!

—-

She froze in utter shock, her back to him with her hand resting on the doorknob.

He craned his neck in an attempt to see her face, but dark tresses were blocking his view. Her breathing was shallow and fast. There is no hint of an answer, so he asks again, this time in a softer tone, "Liv, you were begging him to stop, in your nightmare. Please, tell me, please. Who is he?"

She bent over at the waist, leaning her head on the back of Eli's door, a strangled sob makes its way through her lips. Had Elliot just punched her in the gut, it couldn't have felt any worse.

He pulls his aching body to a standing position and approaches her slowly. In all the years he's known her, he's never seen her like this; making him come to the conclusion that whatever "this" was, was worse than anything that occurred during their partnership. The idea that he had not been present for what was seemingly a life changing incident for his partner was eating at his very soul.

He reaches out and gingerly touches her shoulder. He hears a sharp intake of breath before she whispers, "Please, don't touch me."

He moves his hand, "I'm so sorry, Liv."

She turns around and her eyes, bright with unshed tears, look sadder than he's ever seen them. She clears her throat and he could physically see her guard going up. "William Lewis was a perp from a few years back. We had some run-ins. If you're interested, I'm sure you can google him. I gotta go, El. I hope you're feeling better."

"Liv, please, wait. Don't go." He's actually begging because the idea of her walking through the streets in the early morning hours, hurt and alone, is more than he can bear. She doesn't acknowledge his plea and disappears, quietly, out his front door.

He is so upset with himself. He had just let her walk away when she was so clearly not ok. He knew better than to chase her, even though he wanted to, so badly. He respects her, so if she wants space, he'll give it to her. He's grown, in that sense.

Even still, he can't just sit there and do nothing. He decides to take her advice, to google him. He opens his phone and types "William Lewis, NYC" in the search bar.

A menagerie of articles instantly populate his search screen-

"NYPD detective abducted by suspected serial rapist and murderer, day after mistrial"

"Manhunt underway for William Lewis, wanted for abduction of NYPD Detective Olivia Benson"

"Kidnapper of NYPD detective suspected of two murders and rape while on run"

"Four day search ends on the oceanfront"

Four days, my God, how had he missed this? 2013? 2013? What the fuck was he doing in 2013? He couldn't get his brain to cooperate. He knew what he wasn't doing. He wasn't keeping his best friend and partner out of harm's way. He wasn't doing that at all. His absence had allowed this and even with the limited facts he had, he knew that to be the truth.

He kept scrolling through the articles, a picture being drawn with the headlines.

"Trial of William Lewis to start today"

"William Lewis to defend self"

"Lewis claims consensual love affair with detective"

A shiver runs down his spine, my God, this must have been torture for her.

"William Lewis found guilty of assault and kidnapping"

A small skip in the dates, 2014 hadn't proven much better.

"William Lewis escapes hospital emergency department"

"Sargent Olivia Benson admits to perjury in Lewis trial"

"William Lewis wanted for the kidnapping of physicians daughter"

"Sargent Olivia Benson missing after Lewis escape"

"Stand-off in Brooklyn granary ends in suicide for William Lewis"

"Grand jury to convey on beating of William Lewis admitted by Sargent Benson"

"No indictment on case against NYPD Sargent Olivia Benson"

Short of Kathy's sudden death, he's never felt so blindsided by grief. How could this have happened to his beautiful, strong partner? Why wasn't she protected by her squad? By him? How had every person in her life let her down? His heart aches so deeply.

He refuses to click on the articles, to read further. He feels like it's impeding on her privacy. He would get the details when she was ready. This was her story to tell and he wouldn't be getting it from The Times.

He picks up the phone. He needs to hear her voice. It rings and rings before going to voicemail. Of course. He leaves a message, "Hey, Liv, it's me. Just please call me when you get home. I really need to know you're ok."

—-

Olivia feels her phone vibrate. She glances at it, only to confirm her suspicions, it's Elliot. She shoves it back in her pocket. She can't talk now. Not when her heart feels like it's going to burst through her chest at any moment.

She had known that, eventually, the topic of Lewis would come up. It had defined her in so many ways that it only made sense that she'd have to tell Elliot, as their relationship progressed. She just hadn't expected it to be now. She hadn't expected him to find out while she was in the middle of the first major PTSD flare up since the townhouse. She hadn't expected him to see her in such a vulnerable state. In all honesty, she hadn't expected to be in a vulnerable state. She had gone to his home to help him, not the other way around.

When she reaches her apartment, it hits her just how exhausted she is, emotionally and physically. She just wants to sleep.

She gets into her oversized sweats and crawls beneath her covers. As she plugs her phone into the charger, she notices the voicemail. After listening, she decides to text him that she's ok. She can't, in good conscience, leave him hanging; not after what had happened with Kathy.

He responds back, instantly, "Thanks for letting me know. And thanks for everything. I'll say it again, I don't deserve you. Please call me soon. I want to talk."

She knows, somehow, that he's looked up Lewis. She almost wishes she hadn't suggested it, but it may help the conversation flow better. Besides, it felt nice to finally validate that he knew nothing of the ordeal she'd gone through in his absence.

She replies, "We'll talk soon. Night, El."

She places her phone on her nightstand as it lights up, "Night, Liv."