Harry Potter & the Caer Azkaban Parody

"Yes, I think that Mister Malfoy has an excellent idea," sneered Snape. "Mister Potter would try and escape the castle if not confined to his new quarters."

Chapter Four

"Master Harry, you's is being impris… impri… locked up in Hogwarts and not being in Azkaban?"

Smiling the ruler of Caer Azkaban, the Druid Islands and two small magical islands in the Bahamas said, "I'm getting there, it's going to be a long story."

"About how long?" the house elf in the pink dress asked.

"About ten chapters long, I think."

"That is not being too bad then."

"Now where was I? Oh yes, I had just broken Malfoy's nose and he had been sent to the infirmary ..."

x-x-x-x-x

Harry was pacing around the rooms he was locked into that were provided to him by the Headmaster fuming about his predicament. "This is just like Malfoy and Snape," the boy muttered to himself, "complete and total bastards the pair of them. If he thinks that he is going to take my wand or my glasses away then he has another thing coming to him." However, as Harry stopped his mutterings he heard a tapping at the window of the rooms he was trapped in. Going to the window, he saw his faithful owl with a letter attached to her leg for him and opened the window for her to come in.

"Hello girl," he cooed to her lovingly. "I didn't expect you back this quickly, I thought the Veela Council were on the continent somewhere in France."

She hooted at him reprovingly as if to say that she knew he needed this done quickly.

"Sorry I ever doubted you," Harry apologized as he removed the letter from her leg. "You better get back up to the owlery to sleep. I can't guarantee your safety once Malfoy returns."

Agreeing with him silently, Hedwig took off to have a good sleep. As he watched her go, Harry broke open the seal and began to read the letter.

Madame Malfoy, the letter began,

We the members of the Veela Council have received your letter this morning and while we have more important matters to attend to, do not have the time to spend on the petty squabbles from of an immature submissive mate dealing with a newly formed bond with their beloved Veela husband. You should have thought this through before succumbing to the advances of your dominant mate, not that this matters in the slightest regard, as you are Mister Malfoy's soul mate and thus you were always destined to be his body and soul. While we can sympathize with your shock at learning of your recent pregnancy, the Malfoy boy should have stressed this to you better during your courtship, you will become accustomed to your new gender soon enough and will completely forget any silly notions of wanting to remain male for the remainder of your life time. All of the other submissive mates who were once male have done so over the years and you will be just the same as them. If you do not believe this to be so, feel free to ask your new mother-in-law, Narcissa Malfoy, as she was born male also and adapted to her new role in life. Then lastly in regards to your unfounded accusations of the rape of your person by Mister Malfoy, that is impossible as all act of a sexual nature between the dominant Veela male and his submissive mate are indeed acts of the purest love known to magic. Just because you wanted to play coy and string the dominant around should teach you to pay proper respect to your dominant mate in the future. Now since you are pregnant, we at the Veela Council understand that traveling while be prohibited until after the birth of the newest Malfoy heir at which time you will be completely transformed into a female. You will be expected to visit the royal court of our queen and present both yourself and the baby for the naming and renaming ceremonies. Your dominant mate will more than likely inform you of the name of your child and what he is going to give you as your new name as well. In this magical ceremony your new name will be the name you will go by for the remainder of your life as any legal documents, letter, etc. with your former name will be changed magically as will the memories of anyone who has ever known you from remembering your soon to be former gender. In parting, I will remind you to not bother the Veela Council again with your nonsense, as you have no legal rights in the Veela Nation and are now the effective property of your dominant mate, who will punish you until you learn your lessons.

"Those fucking bitches!" rages Harry in pure fury.

x-x-x-x-x

"Okay Master Harry!" exclaimed Eppy as she jumped up from her seat. "Now we's is having someone Eppy can being punishing for use's! Now use's is staying here and Eppy will being getting the whip and Tallulah and we's will being storming them and I's is punishing them for abusing you's!"

"I truly think I love you Eppy."

Blushing slightly, Eppy says, "I's is loving …" but then she stopped as she realized something. "But …"

"But … I've already dealt with the Veela Council and their Bitch Queen. If you like we can prefer to her as Queen Bitchy McBitchypants."

"Of course you's has being dealing with them. Eppy would like to know something though; the Malfoy mummy is being having boy parts?"

"Well she did at one time," Harry explained. "She was born a boy and lived that way until Lucius Malfoy raped her as well when she was a student at Hogwarts. Originally her name had been Claudius Black, but after the name ceremony Lucius changed it to Narcissa. He didn't even ask her if she liked the name or not, just gave it to her like she was his pet dog and not his life partner or the mother of his son. Lucius was a real dick."

"How is you's knowing all of this Master Harry?"

"Narcissa told me her entire story after Lucius was killed. She was happy to see him dead and we had several talks together. She is living in another country these days, France I think. I believe she has begun the conversion process to transition from female back into a male again. I do know she is going by her birth name of Claudius again."

"You's is living a very interesting life that is being completely different from my other Master Harry's."

"Yeah, I suspected as much."

"So what is being happening to Queen Bitchy McBitchypants?" the house elf asked.

Smirking and taking another sip of his drink, Harry replies, "Well, she is currently living in some of the darkest parts of Azkaban prison." Harry's smirk took on a darker edge and he continued, "Actually she is existing there, but not living. It seems after she was placed in the prison she was raped by thirty six of the most dirty disgusting male prisoners that were serving time at the prison. At present her abdomen has expanded to accommodate the thirty four babies she is currently carrying."

"Thirty four?"

"I guess two men were shooting blanks that day." Laughing evilly he continued, "You should see all the extra breasts she grew to accommodate and feed all those babies. It's like a cream colored caterpillar made mostly out of tits."

"You's is being getting darker Master Harry."

"Well I am the Lord of Caer Azkaban, the Druid Islands and two small magical islands in the Bahamas. That is traditionally been a dark mantle to assume, especially considering all of the Dementors at my command."

"Eppy is being okay with it."

"Anyway, after I got that awful letter from the Veela Council …"

x-x-x-x-x

Draco Malfoy banged the locked door open as he entered their shared quarters in a rage with a letter in his hand, "How dare you write to the Veela Council and complain about me. You are my mate and you will do as you are told!"

At full fury, Harry replies, "Have you never met me before?"

"I can make you do what I say. I have you wand so you have no way to defend yourself."

"I broke your nose without it you idiot."

"A lucky shot and you know it. And I am going to punish you for it until you understand that you are my submissive mate and accept it," spat Malfoy as he advanced on the Gryffindor with this wand drawn.

"Going to cast the Cruciatus Curse on me Malfoy?"

"Of course," he said smirking. "Father cast it on Mother when she acted up with him, but not at the moment." Then with a flick of his wrist with the wand and suddenly Harry was naked again. "First you need to remember that you are a submissive, so I'm going to take you again."

"No you are NOT!"

"Yes, I am … wife."

With that Malfoy launched himself at the naked boy. Instead of becoming submissive as Malfoy had expected for some unknown reason, Harry had balled up his fist again and sunk it deep into his would be rapist's stomach, causing the Slytherin to drop his wand and fall into the fetal position. Harry bent down and picked up the wand.

"You are pathetic, do you know that Malfoy?"

"Well at least I'll still have my cock by this time next year."

Suddenly ropes flew out of Malfoy's own wand and bound him tightly as Harry vanishes his opponent's clothes also.

"I should have known you like it kinky Potter. I'll remember that next time I take you from behind. I won't care if you're a boy or a girl when I do it either."

Harry ignored the abusive boy and dropped the wand as he walked over to his trunk and picked up his Quidditch gloves and slipped them on his hands, before going to the fireplace and picking up the poker and then returning to the bound blonde boy. Taking hold of the poker's sharp end with his gloved hands, Harry Potter swings the handle down onto Malfoy's face breaking his jaw and throwing blood over the stone floor.

"Rapist bastard!" spat Harry as he swung his arm back up and striking the blonde again. This time sending two of Malfoy's teeth across the floor along with quite a bit more blood pouring out his mouth.

"When I get untied you are so in for it bitch. Just you wait."

Turning the poker around and holding it by the handle this time with the sharp end pointing down, Harry looks at Malfoy and says, "No, I don't think so. At some point it no longer matters what you have done to me and what will happen in the future, just as long as you are not there to be a part of it. "

Malfoy's widens in horror as he realizes just a little too late what Harry is going to do to him. Moments later, Harry plunges the poker deep with all of his strength into Draco Malfoy's throat sending blood all over the room as the Slytherin boy attempting to breath. Then pulling it out Harry draws his arms back again and strikes another blow into the blonde's neck.

"I hate you Malfoy," Harry states as he drops the poker on the dead Slytherin's chest and walks over to the abandoned wand. "Accio wand," and moments later Harry's own phoenix feather wand come flying at him from a hidden spot in the room as he caught it. Then stripping off the gloves, Harry breaks the Hawthorne wand in half and throws the broken pieces and his bloody gloves into the fireplace.

Then the rape survivor walks into the bath room to clean himself up.

x-x-x-x-x

"Oh Master Harry, you's is making Eppy feel all dirty … you know," said Eppy as she pointed, "down there!"

"Um, I don't know how to process that."

Giggling Eppy takes up her quill and begins taking notes in her Hello Kitty diary.

"I thought you couldn't read."

"Oh Eppy is not being able to read at all Master Harry, but I's can being writing. See …" she says and offered him the book to prove it.

"I'll be damned, that is perfect penmanship."

"What is being happening then Master Harry?"

"Well, after I showered and freaked out a bit in the bathroom, I came out and got dressed …"

"Is's yous putting powders on you's pee pee so's it not chaffing?"

"What? … Um … I don't recall. Is that important to know?"

"No, Master Harry, Eppy is making sure you's is comfortable."

"Anyway, I got dressed and began to clean up the mess in the room. I took my wand and vanished the blood and gore and transfigured Malfoy's body into a stick of wood and threw it in the fireplace along with his broken wand and my gloves and then started a fire to get rid of the evidence. In fact everything in the fireplace was almost completely burned away by the time I remembered something extremely important."

"What was that being?"

"To run away from the castle," at Eppy's confused look Harry continued. "You see even though Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Greasy McGreasypants weren't there; they were both concerned about my well fair. You see they both wanted me well enough to destroy Voldemort, so they both came to check on me."

"What happened then?"

"Someone called the Aurors in and I was arrested for murder."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review