AN: Thank you all so much for all of the kind reviews, genuinely I appreciate it so much. I know this one is a ride but we do have some R/L time, and there will be some big changes in the next few chapters for all of our characters. I will warn, this takes longer to write - the chapter itself is a monster (11,000 words), and then the content itself is heavy so... I also got a new laptop this week (my old one was from when I was in university, and lets just say, I didn't need a night cream/day cream when I bought it, and now i do so...), so that has been a fun adjustment (and shockingly because the battery has...life...I don't need to remain tethered to the wall all the time). Special shout out to QueenOfTheSloths for being my Long Island guru in this chapter, and to LoveRocket09 as well for always being a sounding board. If you haven't read the new chapters of Missing Pages, Family Affairs, Mind the Gap... you are genuinely missing out. So go read them and review after you read and review this monster chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Chapter Four
Logan sat in the car staring absently out the window. His kids were in the back row of the Suburban they were going home in and he and Abigail sat in the middle row. The drive back to Great Neck would take about an hour and Logan had considered claiming he needed to go to the office for the purpose of not being in this car with his wife and children, but he went. He went with them even if he was certain the weight of her words was enough to crush him.
He glanced over and saw that his wife was on her phone, she seemed to be reading something and his eyes drifted back to the window. He wasn't sure when things went wrong. It hadn't been the first night with Rory. I mean, sure, yes, things had gone wrong from the perspective of his marriage at that point because that was the point of no return, but at some point before then, he and Abigail had gone from being two people who were in love to two people who were passing ships in their house, meeting up occasionally when social commitments required it or when their kids needed them. Maybe it was the house. Logan remembered when they moved into their new house, it was two and a half years earlier after three years of building. They had bought the waterfront plot of land on Crickett Lane years earlier and began the process. They were moving from the very traditional home that Abigail had wanted when they got married. Their first house was enormous, and they had eventually agreed to downsize. Although, downsizing was relative of course because the downsize was still eighty three hundred square feet. Building the house had brought out its fair share of problems between the two of them. They disagreed on the style of the house, although eventually Abigail had conceded to the slightly more modern style that Logan had wanted because she had gotten her way on their first house, they had disagreed on the size of the house, Logan wanted something to be smaller and Abigail wanted it to remain grand enough for their lifestyle, they had disagreed on the budget of the house…they weren't all blow outs, they weren't all massive fights, some were just regular bickering while others were more intense. He hadn't realized it then, of course, but the cracks in his marriage started showing during that process.
Abigail found herself floundering a bit as their children got older. As Noah and Lily needed less from her, she found herself filling her days with luncheons and fundraisers, shopping trips and girls trips with friends. She did yoga and pilates, she went to spin classes, and when the summer months hit, she would spend as much time at their summer home as she could with the kids, inviting her parents and siblings to visit, going on wine tours, keeping herself occupied at all times. It was as though as her children grew up, Abigail suddenly felt more of a need to be seen and the need to be seen by others.
Logan wondered as they drove down the freeway if it was partially his fault. Of course most of these things, the arguments, the changes in his wife also coincided with his taking on more responsibility at Huntzberger. He was working longer hours, preparing to take over from his father, he was travelling more, and while at the time he didn't realize that he was drifting from his wife, but with the benefit of hindsight he could see how it happened. He had grown up. He was no longer the twenty something she had first met who avoided responsibility at all costs and would happily run away with her for a weekend in Vegas. He had responsibilities at work, they had children, they had social responsibilities. The effortlessness and spontaneity of their relationship had virtually disappeared as they got older.
"Dad," Logan was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Noah behind him, "what are we having for dinner?"
"No," Logan looked over his shoulder, "you've been eating for like three hours straight…how are you possibly thinking about dinner?"
"I want to go see Carter," he referred to a friend who lived on the same street, "I want to know what we're having for dinner in case I'm going to go there instead."
"Noah Elias," Abigail warned, "it isn't a restaurant. You are in or you are out, Dad isn't telling you what he's making," she gave Logan a knowing look and half a smile.
Logan smiled back. He couldn't be sure. He couldn't be sure if she knew. He had always been discrete. The only people he knew that knew of his relationship with Rory were his close friends from childhood, Colin McCrae and Finn Morgan, and Rory's childhood friend, Lane Kim. Logan imagined that his and Rory's assistants both new, but he couldn't confirm that. He knew that if Dean knew he would know that Dean knew. Dean was the kind of guy who couldn't play poker. He wore all of his emotions on his face and Logan was very aware of the fact that if it ever came down to it, Dean would fight like hell to keep Rory, even if it destroyed her in the process. And then there was Abigail. She had met Rory, they had spent time together, they had vacationed together. After working together for ten years, it had become a running joke at one point that Rory Gilmore was his work wife, that is what Abigail used to say before Logan started running the company, because as far as Abigail was concerned, Logan and Rory didn't spend as much time together once Logan took over the company, even if Rory was reporting to him as an executive.
"Lil are you going anywhere tonight?" Logan looked back, bringing Lily from her thoughts, "I was thinking we should have a movie night. I'll be making the popcorn," Logan smiled back at his daughter who nodded her head as a response to the question, "Noah why don't you stay home too? We can just stay in and have a movie night." Logan was making his bed here, he knew that if he was staying in with Abigail and the kids, he wouldn't be calling Rory. They had gone two weeks without seeing each other at this point and another day or two wouldn't kill either of them. Hell, it might be good for each of them to have some perspective, some space between them. They would meet on Monday for lunch and catch up on what they had missed. He knew that Rory had been having a hard time with Dean, he knew that Dean was possessive about strange things, he knew that Dean didn't understand the demands of her job, and he knew that Dean wasn't exactly bursting with work ethic and ambition, which is one of the many reasons that Logan couldn't understand why Rory had married him. Even when he had first met her when she was an editor at one of their papers, she had been ambitious and full of spark, and everything Rory had ever said about Dean, even things she had said before they were sleeping together, Dean had never had any real ambition.
"I guess," Noah shrugged, he had already found himself in hot water that day with the girl behind the food trucks and he didn't want to rock the boat too much.
Logan closed his eyes, he knew from memory exactly where they were on the road. He reached over and took Abigail's hand, giving it a slight squeeze and then he looked over and gave her a smile. She turned to look at him and smiled back, her green eyes twinkling as she bent her elbow up and kissed his fingers gently as their fingers remained intertwined. Logan felt his heart break a bit in that moment. Abigail was beautiful. She had been a dutiful wife to him for many years. She was the mother of his children and his children were truly his heart and soul. He knew his children wouldn't be destroyed by a divorce. Divorce was normal in their circles and given his working schedule and how they spent their time off school, they were incredibly used to not seeing him for extended periods of time. Abigail gave him space. She gave him room to grow, she never held him back, she never tethered him, and it wasn't because she didn't love him. It was the opposite in fact, it was because she loved him so much that she never wanted to hold him back. And then there was Rory. Rory was his rock. Rory was his sounding board, Rory was his safe place in a storm, and he needed that. He needed that person who would tell him it was going to be ok, he needed her confidence him him and her encouragement. They were two women who both gave him what they thought he needed, but as time wore on and he looked at his wife, he realized he was destroying them. All of them. If Abigail knew, every single day she was losing a part of herself. If she didn't know, then he had become a man he never wanted to be. He had become a good liar. He had become a man who would lie to a good woman because it suited him, and he wasn't sure how to reconcile that version of himself with the man he wanted to be.
They arrived back at their sprawling house and Logan and his family got out of the SUV, thanking the driver they went into the house, the kids ran off to their bedrooms, probably to ensure their respective electronic devices were charged and before Logan could utter a word to his wife she was walking towards the stairs.
"I've got a headache. I'm going to lay down in the guest room," she told him as she went.
xxx
Saturday October 3, 2020
"Why do you need a new car?" Dean asked as he and his wife stood in the kitchen, Rory sipping her coffee and leaning against the countertop while Dean looked at her from his seat at the kitchen table.
"I don't need a new car," Rory told him honestly. Emma was at a friends house for a sleepover, and Rory had hoped that she and Dean could go car shopping so that she could replace her Audi Q5. "I got a raise in September and I just…I want to treat myself."
"Treat yourself…because what, your car is just a piece of garbage? Jesus Rory, who are you?" Dean shot back, his eyes were narrow and he almost looked disgusted by her. "What, are you going to have us moving to Great Neck or one of those places with all of your rich coworkers?"
"Dean I want a new car, I don't want to move. I love this house, this is where we brought Emma home, of course I don't want to move. My car is four years old, I just want a new car. We got you a new truck last year…"
"My truck is for work!"
Rory had to actively remind herself not to roll her eyes, "I'm not asking you," she stood up and snapped. "You didn't ask me when you gifted your parents twenty thousand dollars, you told me after you had done it. I am buying a new car. We can afford a new car," she was careful to say we because she knew if she said she could afford it, he would lose is mind. "If you want to come with me, great…if you don't want to come with me, fine, I will go by myself. Maybe I'll go with my mom!"
"Do whatever you want Rory. You don't give a shit what I have to say about it."
Rory rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen. She got to the front door and grabbed her purse, it wasn't quite cool enough that she needed a jacket which was a relief to her because Rory didn't want to have to pause to put a coat on in her current fit of rage. She was wearing a cream coloured cable knit wool sweater and a pair of dark skinny jeans and she shoved her feet in a pair of black suede Isabel Marant ankle boots. "I'll be home late," Rory shouted as she slammed the door, she didn't need to rush home if Emma wasn't going to be home. She wasn't sure what she would spend her day doing, maybe she would go shopping, her birthday was a few days away after all, but she wasn't sure what reaction she would get if she came home having purchased a new car and a plethora of shopping bags. Retail therapy wasn't the solution…if she would let herself admit it she would realize that actual therapy might've been a better solution. Rory got in her car and slammed the door once again, plugging her iPhone into the USB port and allowing her music to start playing through the speakers. She drove. She drove first to Starbucks and ordered herself a black coffee and then she pulled into the parking lot and drank it in silence. Since coming back from Chicago in the summer, things with Dean had been decent. They hadn't been good, because things with Dean were never really good, but they had been calm at the very least. He was working more often so he was less concerned about Rory and her comings and goings, and Emma was busy with school, and seemingly less in need of her father than she had been past years. Rory made a point of being home by five at least three nights a week and it thrilled Emma which at least made Rory feel good about the situation at home. Things with Logan had been weird at first. She remembered their first lunch when she returned from Chicago and things were awkward to say the least. Sure, they were at a beautiful and romantic restaurant, but they were both on edge. Neither of them was completely comfortable with the other, it was like they weren't sure what to say, and maybe that was the guilt. The guilt that they both felt for their respective spouses, hell, even the guilt Rory felt for Abigail. She knew that Logan had never really liked Dean, but Rory had liked Abigail, she still liked Abigail, but admitting that made Rory feel like an absolute piece of garbage. Things had levelled out though, they had returned to normal and Rory and Logan had returned to their normal ways of seeing each other without drawing any attention to themselves.
Rory spun the dial on the LCD screen until she ended up on the phone and she knowingly and forcefully pushed the button to start the call. He answered after a couple of rings, and for the first time in a long time, Rory realized she didn't know where he was. Normally when she was calling without so much as a warning, she knew he was either alone in Manhattan, or still at the office, or that Abigail was gone for the weekend, but here she was calling late on a Saturday morning without having any clue what he was doing. "Hey there," he sounded excited as he answered.
"Hey yourself," Rory smiled at the sound of his voice, she couldn't think of many moments where the sound of his voice didn't calm her down. "Sorry … I should have texted."
"No, it's fine. Everything alright?"
"Uh…yeah, it is," Rory told him, "or…kind of. But…what are you doing today?"
"I'm free," Logan told her. "Abigail and the kids flew to Palm Beach last night, it is my in-laws sixtieth wedding anniversary or something, and I decided not to go," he explained, he left out the part where he hadn't decided until the very last minute that he didn't want to go.
"Can I…can I come get you?" Rory asked, her voice shaking ever so slightly. They had never really been able to just casually see each other on a Saturday morning, certainly not without careful planning or leaving the state. "I need to go car shopping, and well…Dean isn't really happy about it," she regretted mentioning Dean the second it escaped her lips. She knew that Logan would ask her about it when they were together. He had been asking more about Dean lately, it was coming from a place of concern, he had expressed more than once that he worried that Dean was too controlling and in some ways Rory agreed, but in others she knew she still maintained control over her own life and Emma was safe and happy.
"When will you be here?" Rory could hear some excitement in his voice.
"I'm getting a coffee right now," Rory told him, "I'll just," she put the car in drive and pulled into the roadway, "be forty minutes or so? Maybe forty five?"
"Call me when you get here."
Rory drove the familiar path to the house. She hadn't been back in a while for obvious reasons she couldn't just pop up at his house. The last time she was there was probably before when they had been having a housewarming party, but she had picked Logan up a few times over the years and she had been in waiting cars that were picking him up for business trips on more than one occasion. By the time she got to his house she opted to send a quick text instead of calling him. She purposely didn't get too close to the front of the house as she waited for him. She smiled as she saw him walk out the front door, he waited a moment and locked the door before making his way to the car. He slipped in and for a moment, neither of them said a word.
"This is a nice surprise," Logan was the first to speak, he reached over to give her hand a squeeze once they were back on the residential streets. "Everything ok?" Rory nodded, remaining focused on the road. She just wanted to get away, away from prying eyes and she drove. "Ace," Logan lowered the tone of his voice and it sent shivers up her spine, "tell me what is going on."
"It's my birthday next week," Rory exhaled.
"I know," Logan nodded.
"I just…" Rory exhaled and blinked hard, she didn't want to break down, she couldn't break down about Dean, not in front of Logan.
"You can tell me, you know that right? No matter what it is," Logan told her, his voice calming as he kept his grip on her hand, he hadn't let go of it since he had gotten in the car except when Rory obviously needed it to maneuver the car. "I'm here, and I love you…and this…situation we are in…if we can't talk to each other about it we will go crazy and I love you too much to see you lose so much of yourself," he told her honestly, in some ways maybe he was telling himself too. Giving himself permission to feel conflicted, to feel pain that he was hurting a good person but also feel excitement because he had found this love that he had never experienced before.
"It's my birthday and I just…I wanted to have fun. I wanted to treat myself to something special because you know what, I work fucking hard and we have the money, I would know because I am the one earning it."
"Does he…" Logan interrupted, he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to the question because he knew that the next time he saw Dean he would probably want to punch him. "Does he work? I mean…I know way back when he was, but…"
Rory laughed as she signalled a lane change, "he does…sometimes. He is working right now, has been for a month or so, but it's sporadic at best."
"So it's all… on you?"
"Yup," Rory nodded. "Did I tell you," she finally let a bit more bubble over, "he gave his parents twenty thousand dollars? And I mean…you're my boss, you know what I make, and I know that it isn't an astronomical amount to someone like you…but he didn't even ask. He told me after he had already offered it to them to help cover funeral costs. There was no discussion. There was no conversation where I got to see what my money was being spent on…he asked me by telling me he had offered…and he has the nerve to give me shit when I want a new car."
"You want a new car?" Logan chose not to get into the Dean stuff. He understood her point. It wasn't the amount of money that was the problem, it was the hypocrisy of Dean feeling free to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, and then having the audacity to tell her she shouldn't be spending money that they earned. Sure, Abigail didn't have a job, but her job was their kids, and their house and their other obligations, and Abigail would also never say a word about how much money he spent, just as he wouldn't say a word about how much money she spent.
"I got…I got that bump in September and I just…I wanted something new."
"Get on the 495 East," Logan told her, they were coming up on it.
"Where are we going?" Rory asked him, a smile on her face for the first time since she had started venting.
"Today is your birthday Ace," Logan told her, "for us at least…so we're going to have fun. Later, you are going to call Dean and tell him you're not coming home tonight."
"Am I now?" Rory felt those butterflies in her stomach again, "says who."
"Says me," Logan smirked.
"Where are we going to stay?" Rory asked, they couldn't stay at his house, she didn't want to go back to Manhattan, "and where am I going?"
"Just keep driving for a bit," Logan pulled his phone out of his pocket and began searching for a place for them to stay, "and I promise I will find us somewhere perfectly suitable to stay. There will be no air mattress involved."
Rory glared at him and then a smile broke through and she laughed at the comment. "Thank you."
xxx
Logan put a hand on the small of Rory's back as they wandered the BMW showroom in Smithtown, he let her choose where they moved from car to car, it was clear that she had no idea what she wanted, but all he wanted was to see her happy, to see her seem excited about something. "So what are you looking for?" he asked as they stopped in front of a sedan that he couldn't imagine Rory driving.
"I don't know," Rory shrugged, "I looked online and I read up on the safety features, and I want a touch screen…"
"You're buying a new car because you want a touch screen?" Logan laughed, he loved how impressed Rory seemed to be at the smallest things. "And you're sure you want a BMW?"
Rory nodded as she moved along to the next car in the showroom. Logan had firmly but politely told the salesperson that if and when they needed help they would ask and remarkably, the man had taken the hint. "I like this one," Rory told him excitedly as they stood beside a BMW X5.
"Ok…" Logan nodded slowly as they stood in front of it for a minute, "why don't we sit inside," he pulled the driver side door open and waited as Rory climbed in, closing the door he walked to the passenger side and got in. He watched as she studied the instruments, buttons and features for a moment. "Do you like it?"
Rory put her hands on the steering wheel and looked at him. "I think I kind of want to drive it," she loved how he was watching her, it was one of the things she had fallen hard for with Logan. He listened to her. He didn't tell her that her wants or needs or desires were silly. He didn't try to minimize the things that mattered to her. Dean didn't understand Rory's job, and so he never related to the stress she was under, or the mental exhaustion she regularly faced. Compared to his physical work, he couldn't understand why Rory would ever be tired, and while Rory tried to see both sides of the coin, she could appreciate Dean's physical exhaustion and her mental exhaustion, he could never extend her the same courtesy.
"Well if you're thinking about buying it, that is probably a good idea."
"Come here," Rory leaned forward and kissed him. It was gentle at first and the centre console stopping them from getting any closer as she deepened the kiss in an effort to express her gratitude for him. "Thank you," she pulled away.
"I'm glad you called me," Logan gave her a quick peck and then pulled away to get out of the car. "Where is your wallet?" he asked as she got out, he took out his license and then waited for Rory to hand him hers so that he could talk to the salesperson about getting a car ready for a test drive.
Rory watched as he walked away and smiled as she watched them. She exhaled and pulled out her phone, the first thing she noticed was that she had no notifications from her husband, not a word, so she had to assume he was either with friends now, or he was still sitting at home stewing.
Rory [2:46pm]: Hey, I'm sorry to put you in this spot. But if it ever comes up, you and I went car shopping today and I spent the night with you. I'll explain later.
Rory sent the message to Lane first. Lane was the only person in her life who knew about the affair, and while Lane felt bad, she didn't condone what Rory was doing, she had seen how much her friend had changed throughout her marriage and she understood why Rory was unhappy. She wished for a long time that Dean would get it together, but as she saw Rory become more and more of a shell of the person she had once been, she had found herself relieved when Rory had started seeing Logan and a bit of the Rory Lane had always known was back.
Lane [2:48pm]: Can you at least call me to explain tomorrow?
Rory [2:48pm]: Yes. I will. Dean and I got into an argument. I'm just…taking some space.
Rory kept her response vague. Lane knew where Rory was, but in case one of the boys or Zach saw the phone, she chose to avoid explicitly calling out what she was doing.
Lane [2:50pm]: Well have fun with me today then ;)
Rory smiled and slipped her phone back into her pocket, noticing that Logan was waving her over to sign some sort of waiver in regards to taking the car for a test drive.
"You ready babe?" Logan asked as he handed her the license.
"I told your husband the route," the salesperson smiled at the pair of them as he slid Rory the keys, "just call if you have any trouble and he has my card."
"Thank you," Rory took the key and Logan slipped his hand around her waist, "this is nice," she whispered as they walked to the door where they were waiting for the car to be brought up to the front of the lot. "No hiding, no looking over our shoulders…"
"It is," he agreed, They waited for another moment and Logan pulled her close for a kiss, "I love you," he told her, "I don't say it enough," he smiled as he rested his chin on her forehead, "but I do. I know this is impossible…for both of us, but I do love you."
"I know," Rory whispered. The purr of the engine brought them out of their trance and after a quick greeting from the dealership employee, Rory got in the drivers seat and Logan the passenger. "You know the route?" Rory grinned at him as she put the car into gear.
Logan told her where to go out of the lot and they found themselves on some back roads after a few minutes. "Do you like how it handles?" he asked her, she seemed strangely free as she drove.
"The brakes are sensitive," she commented as she slowed down for a turn.
"Probably because they're new. Do you like it?"
"I do," she looked at him with a goofy grin on her face. "Is this crazy?" she asked him.
"Which part?" Logan countered.
"This," she shrugged, "buying a car…"
"You want a car," Logan told her, "buy a car."
They continued the test drive making conversation. Logan pointed out things and told her random facts about the area and Rory couldn't remember a time recently when she had felt this at ease. By the time they got back to the dealership Rory had made the decision to buy the car, she would deal with Dean later. Although she supposed it was a pretty clear indicator of where they stood that she didn't really care what he thought. Rory did some paperwork while Logan took a call, she knew that he was likely on the phone with Abigail or the kids. He too would need to come up with an excuse for why he wasn't staying at their house that night. If Rory had to guess he would claim he was with Colin or Finn for the night, and just like Lane would cover for her, they would cover for him. Logan had met Lane a handful of times, mostly by fluke if Lane had made an appearance at the office on a weekday for lunch or a shopping trip. On the flip side of the coin, Rory had spent a fair amount of time with Logan's friends, both before and after the affair had started. It complicated things, she was well aware, her attachment to these people in his life. Logan joined her halfway through completing the paperwork, she had put a deposit down on her American Express for the points and she would return with a bank draft the next day to pay the outstanding balance after trade in value for her Audi. By the time they left, Rory was floating on air, excited to have made the purchase and even more excited by the fact that she had done it with someone who was excited for her.
"Where to?" Rory asked as they walked back to her car.
"I think, if you don't mind…I will drive…"
"Oh?" Rory grinned. "And why is that?"
"I might have a few tricks up my sleeve…"
"How do you have tricks up your sleeve? We didn't even have a plan…" Rory regretted the words as soon as they escaped her lips. How did he have tricks up his sleeve. The most obvious answer to that question, she thought as she sat in the passenger seat was that he had done these things with Abigail at some point.
Logan felt the shift in the atmosphered as she clicked her seatbelt on. "I wouldn't do that," he told her, Rory looked up at him and he took her hand and squeezed it before he turned on the engine. "I wouldn't take you to things I had done with her, or take her to things that were ours…"
"It doesn't matter. She's your wife," Rory shrugged, "I would be an idiot to think that you save all of your grand romantic gestures for me."
"You're not an idiot," Logan told her as he pulled out of the dealership. "Can we not do this today?" he asked her softly, "we're celebrating you today. We are just having a day and I really…I don't want to think about anything other than you."
xxx
"Keep them closed," Logan was holding her hands as he helped her out of the car and led her to their destination. It was nearly dinnertime and after spending the remainder of their afternoon after buying a car finding a bank to get a bank draft written, and then watching as Rory enjoyed as many cinnamon sugar donuts as she could get her hands on, he had one final fall activity up his sleeve before they made their way to the Harborfront Inn at Greenport where he had managed to book a room for them.
"It smells like a farm," Rory told him as he kept her steady.
"Most of where we've been today smells like a farm," Logan countered as they got to the front of their destination. "Open," he told her with a wide grin on his own face.
"You're kidding me?" Rory looked at him and broke out into a huge smile. "How did you know?"
"You mentioned it once," Logan shrugged as he took her hand and the pair of them entered the corn maze. "I mean, it's not hay…but…"
"It's perfect," Rory assured him, leaning her head against his shoulder as they entered, "when…when did I tell you?"
"Years ago," Logan admitted. "Before…everything."
"And you remembered?" Rory asked as she pulled him left when he seemed to be wanting to go right.
"I remember a lot of what you've told me over the years," he admitted. "We've known each other a long time," he told her, "and we've been friends for a long time." They walked together for a few feet, the maze was relatively empty which was nice and Rory enjoyed just being with him. It was a luxury they didn't normally have.
Rory smiled as they reached a dead end, "ugh," she pouted, "we should've gone right."
"I know," Logan told her smugly as he pulled her in for a kiss, "but as much," he kissed her again, letting his lips move slowly to the pulse point behind her ear which was barely accessible because of the bulky sweater she was wearing, "as I like to be correct, I like this better."
"Mmmm," Rory smiled and tossed her head back slightly, "me too." They stayed for a moment where they were, his arms around her, her body resting against his muscular frame. She would stay like that forever if she could, but they both knew that wasn't reality. They had never discussed leaving their spouses. She knew that on her part it wasn't because she was desperate to stay in a marriage with a man who she just didn't fit with anymore, it was more because she didn't know how to get out. She didn't know how to separate her unhappiness with Dean and her happiness with Logan. What would happen if she and Dean separated and Logan and Abigail didn't? Would she just continue on like she had been? Would she remain a secret? At least on her end she wouldn't feel the guilt and the dread the same way, although she should…Abigail didn't deserve this. And was that what she wanted? For Abigail to be hurt too? What about their kids? There were three children involved, and Rory knew that while Emma may not believe everything between her and Dean was perfect, she also didn't know how bad it had gotten.
"What's on your mind?" Logan asked as they began moving through the maze again, he could see that something was still weighing on her, he supposed it had been most of the day if he were honest.
Rory shook her head and smiled, squeeze his hand in hers, "nothing," she assured him. They made their way through the maze, laughing and chatting about different things. Rory told Logan about the basket bidding in Stars Hollow and how terrible her basket was, he told her more stories about his time at boarding school, his relationship with his sister. "Does she know?" Rory asked as they got an apple cider and walked slowly to a picnic table.
"My sister?" Logan asked and Rory nodded her head as they sat down facing each other at the table, they weren't within earshot of anyone else. "She does," he told her, "she's not happy about it. But…she gets it, she knows it's not a fling."
"But she thinks I'm horrible?" Rory sighed.
"Does your sister know about me?"
"My sister is a child," Rory countered, "don't tell her that. But she is a child. I just…"
"She doesn't think you're horrible. She thinks I'm an ass," he admitted, "but…whatever happens, she supports me. She wants me to be happy."
"And are you?" Rory took a long sip of her cider. "Happy?"
"Right now?" Logan ran a hand through his hair, "yes."
xxx
Rory stood on the rooftop deck of the hotel room that Logan had booked for them. It was cool, she wasn't dressed for the occasion, but she was warm enough as she watched the water and the boats in the harbour in front of her. "Do you know how to get the best room anywhere you go?" Rory asked as Logan came from behind her and put his arms around her waist.
"You could say that," Logan placed a kiss on her neck. Her fluffy white bathrobe allowed more access than the white cable knit sweater she had worn all day. "How was your bath?" Logan asked. She had gotten in the jacuzzi and relaxed while Logan made it his mission to track down some food. They had discussed going to a restaurant but Rory had ultimately decided she just wanted to order in. It wasn't because she was afraid of being seen, it wasn't because she had any worry or concerns about Logan, it was because all she wanted was to be with Logan.
"Perfect," Rory leaned back against his frame, "what did you find for dinner?"
"There is a pizza place I ordered and I'll go pick it up and you can stay here, and I'll grab some wine or beer or whatever you want to drink and we can bring it back up here. So pick your poison."
Rory turned so her back was against the ledge of the rooftop deck, "oh I think I've picked my poison," she laughed. "But how about beer? Or wine… I don't think I want to drink much tonight," she admitted.
"I'll grab some Coke for you, or coffee?"
"Whichever," Rory shrugged, "I'm easy to please."
Logan grinned and kissed her, "tell me something I don't know, beautiful."
"Go," Rory playfully pushed him away. "You go get dinner, and I'll get myself cleaned up. I have to call Emma," she added, "and…you should probably call your kids…"
"I'll talk to them in the morning," Logan shook his head, "they have their grandparents party tonight," he explained. They would be gone for a week, and while he was glad that it gave him a chance to see Rory without explanation or sneaking around, he was certain that Abigail must have known something was up when she simply shrugged her shoulders when he said he didn't think he could get away from work. Normally she would've suggested he fly out just for the weekend and return on Sunday night or first thing Monday morning. He got along well enough with his in-laws, but it wasn't the best time to get away from work, and if he was taking the two weeks off at Christmas that she wanted, he couldn't very well be gone for a week in October as well. "On Wednesday…can we grab lunch?"
Rory smiled at him and nodded, "I would love that." Wednesday was her birthday, she had plans to have dinner with her grandmother, parents, Emma and Dean in Hartford so she imagined she wouldn't be working a full day, but she could certainly make time for lunch.
"I'm going to go, you call Em. I'll be back with food," Logan gave her one final kiss before walking back to the suite they were staying in.
Rory stayed for a few more minutes before ultimately deciding that it was too cool for her to stay out in just her bathrobe. She went in and put her jeans and sweater from earlier back on, fixed her hair and then found her cellphone on a bedside table and saw that she had a few missed text messages, one of which was from her daughter. Rory sighed. Lying was still the hardest part of all of this, but having to lie to Emma was just something she was in no way proud of.
"Mom?" Emma answered the phone, it was more of a question than anything else.
"Hey kid," Rory forced herself to smile. She had taken a leadership course years earlier that went into great detail about how smiling when you're on the phone does wonders for the person you're talking to, something about how you just sound happier when you're smiling. "Sorry to bug you, I just wanted to call and check in."
"I just talked to Dad," Emma told her, "why didn't he just tell you?"
"Oh, I'm out with Aunt Lane," Rory told her, "just a little girls night, I'll be home tomorrow though. I think Dad was going to hang out with some of the guys from the street."
"Lucky you're not there," Emma laughed.
You have no idea, Rory thought, "but I just wanted to check in, make sure you were good?"
"We're having fun," Emma assured her, "oh, Mom, I've gotta go. Avery's mom is here with dinner."
"Ok, be safe. I love you," the line was dead before Rory could say any more and Rory was left to deal with the messages that she hadn't answered.
Mom [5:42pm]: Grandma is driving me nuts with your birthday, can you please call her about what you want to eat?
Grandma [6:12pm]: Rory I'm sorry to text you over dinner, but you seem to have forgotten how to answer your phone. I have left three messages today. Will you please let me know what you would like for dinner on Wednesday so I can make sure the maid has everything we need. Your mother says Sookie is making your cake. Let me know if that isn't alright.
Dean [6:22pm]: I'm sorry we fought. Let me know when you'll be home. I miss you Ror.
Rory swallowed the lump in her throat as she read the message from Dean. He wasn't normally apologetic after they argued, especially if it somehow went back to Rory's job or money, then he would dig his heels in and wait until Rory eventually got sick of the stalemate and apologized for upsetting him. It wasn't healthy. She knew that, but it was still hard to keep herself from trying to smooth the waters. She once again hit a few buttons on her phone and put it on speaker listening to it ring.
"Hello? Rory?" Dean answered, his voice was gruff, he seemed a bit surprised at the fact that she called.
"Hey, sorry…I guess I should have texted," Rory fumbled for words. If she thought about what she had just said, she would wonder why she was apologizing for calling her husband. "I just…I got your text. Lane and I are about to get some food…but…thank you for apologizing."
"What did you do today?" Dean asked, she could tell by the way he was talking that he had consumed more than a few drinks at that point in the evening.
"I told you, I went car shopping."
"You actually did that?"
Rory exhaled, clearly the text apology had been nothing but lip service. "I did… I told you I was."
"So did you buy something? Without me?"
"I did," Rory answered, her tone sharp, the annoyance evident. "You know, I've gotta go. But I pick it up tomorrow, so you'll see it when I get home. Goodnight Dean."
"Ror," he exhaled before she had a chance to hang up the receiver, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Rory dismissed his comment quickly as she heard the door click open and saw Logan come in, she pressed her finger to her lips to make sure he understood not to speak. "Don't apologize," she told him, although only she knew the true meaning of that, "I understand that you were frustrated, but you need to find a better way to communicate that."
"You're right," Dean admitted. "Things have just seemed so tough lately, and I get it…me acting like that…I understand why you didn't even want to be around me today. I'm pushing you away,"
Rory felt tears come to her eyes, she wasn't sure why. She cared for Dean, of course, but she knew that even without Logan being in the equation, her marriage to Dean had been over for a long time. But she knew that something had to give - this wasn't sustainable for either of them. "We'll talk tomorrow," she told him, she knew they wouldn't because they never did, "goodnight Dean."
Logan stood and listened to the end of the call. He could tell how pained she was by the interaction and as he stood there with takeout from 1943 Pizza and a six pack of some craft beer. He noticed that she hadn't put her wedding rings back on, she had been wearing them earlier and took them off at some point before they got to North Fork, probably after the car dealership where the salesperson kept referring to them as husband and wife. Logan had followed suit and his platinum band was floating around in the pocket of his jeans. Normally Rory put hers back on at some point, he wondered if it was because she was afraid of losing them, but he didn't bother to ask, it was the kind of conversation he didn't want to have with her, not today at least. Conversations about the delicacy of their relationship were typically reserved for his Upper East Side apartment or in one of their offices with closed doors and assistants keeping watch out front so that no one could get in and surprise them. "I've got pizza," Logan smiled as Rory hung up the phone and tossed it on the table more forcefully than she had intended.
Rory stood up, "outside?" She suggested, there was a small dining table and chairs. Logan nodded and followed her to the outdoor space. The heaviness in the air was evident and Rory wished so much that she hadn't bothered to call him. If she hadn't called Dean she could've stayed in her bubble and just enjoyed having some time with Logan, but that wasn't reality. Reality was much messier.
"How was Em?" Logan asked, he knew that her daughter would be a safer discussion point. He also knew that Emma was the reason Rory stayed. He could understand why Rory thought that being a traditional family unit, even an unhappy one was better than separating, and that had probably been true when Emma was younger and before Logan was involved in the equation, but now, and seeing his own children… he was certain all of these kids would be happier in the long run if they saw their parents happy. Things had been tense with Abigail for the past few weeks. He had determined that she didn't know he was sleeping with Rory, however she definitely suspected something with someone. Something was clearly amiss. He had even gone so far as to look into wether or not she was seeing someone as well, and at this point he hadn't been able to come up with anything credible. He imagined that Abigail would be happier in many ways if they were divorced, maybe in part that was to absolve himself from the guilt. But he imagined her doubling down on her charitable and philanthropic efforts, he saw her travelling. Abigail was never meant to be tethered to their big house in Great Neck.
"She's good," Rory smiled. "Enjoying herself. I told her I'll be back in the morning."
"Noah called," Logan smiled, "he wants to come home…something about being stuck in a house with his grandparents is stifling which I don't find particularly hard to believe."
Rory laughed, Noah was very much like his father, "what did you tell him?"
"I told him to talk to his mother, and if she agrees, he can come home. I'll work from home a bit next week or run late to make sure he gets to school ok."
"This was easier when you had a nanny," Rory joked, she had often teased Logan for having a nanny at different points but she could certainly understand why two people as busy as he and Abigail would need that.
"Yes, maybe I can hire one for him?" Logan smirked, "nothing sounds like a better idea than my horny teenaged son and a barely twenty year old girl taking care of him," he shuttered at the thought.
"Remind me to keep Em away from him," Rory laughed as they opened the food, "this looks delicious, thank you."
"I know we don't normally talk shop," Logan broke the silence after a few minutes of eating, "but can I ask you something…work related?"
"Sure," Rory shrugged as she took a sip of her beer, relieved that the conversation had turned from their children.
"You've climbed the ladder," he stated simply, it wasn't a question, it was a fact, Rory nodded her head in acknowledgement as she set her knife and fork down on her plate, "so…unless you are gunning for my job, or a c-suite gig…where do you see yourself going? You're young, you've got…twenty, maybe twenty five years left in your career…"
Rory paused to think about his question. She had only been alone in her current role for a couple of years, so she wasn't completely sure where she wanted to go next. She still enjoyed what she did, she wasn't in any particular rush to move on. "I'm not even sure what options I have at Huntzberger," she admitted. "I mean…there is COO but I think I would need to diversity what I'm doing…"
"There's CAO," Logan countered.
"We don't have one now," Rory countered. Chief Acquisitions Officer was a role that had been discussed in the organization for a while but nothing had come of it, Logan raised an eyebrow as if to tell her that it was still an option. "Not to mention…sleeping with the CEO probably isn't the way to get there."
"I mean if it helps I could tell them that I started sleeping with you after you got this job." His smirk was infuriating as he cocked a brow at Rory, daring her to fire back. "You deserve any job you get in this industry, but I have to admit…I'm a bit concerned about you being poached. Anyone would be lucky to have you."
Rory blushed at the compliment. She had never been good at taking a compliment, but when they came from Logan it was a whole other level. "I'm very happy with senior leadership at Huntzberger," she smiled sweetly at him, "it would take a lot to get me away."
xxx
Rory had to hope that Dean was inside when she pulled into the driveway. She had picked up her shiny, new, black BMW a couple of hours earlier and after returning Logan to his house, she started the forty minute drive back to her own house. She wished so much that she could stay in their little bubble, away from reality…but that just wasn't possible. Emma had already told her she was coming home around two, so Rory knew that by returning home by noon, she and Dean would have a chance to talk, or yell as the case may be without anyone else listening. She pulled her purse from the back seat and heard the car chirp as she locked it and walked to the front door. She immediately saw the remnants of whatever it was Dean had done the night before, it wasn't exactly tidy, but it also wasn't messy, so she wasn't going to complain about that. She grabbed a couple of the beer bottles and a bag of chips that was left out and walked into the kitchen, putting them in the recycling and cupboard respectively before she started brewing herself a coffee in the Keurig that Dean was adamant would make her life easier. She did appreciate that it was a convenient device but she found even with the stainless steel baskets that she put her own coffee into, it never tasted quite the same as a fresh pot.
She heard movements coming from their bedroom and a moment later her husband appeared before her in the kitchen. His hair was a mess which led her to believe he had likely just woken up and he was still in pyjamas. "Hey," Dean gave her half a smile and then sort of fumbled his way through the kitchen getting to the Keurig.
"Late night?" Rory smiled, trying to keep things light.
"Yeah, sure," Dean shrugged. "I…I watched the game. Joe and some of the guys came over…had a few beers, which I'm sure you can see."
"I can," Rory nodded.
"So…"
"So…"
"You bought a car?"
"I bought a car."
"And…"
"And…"
"Jesus Rory, come on, I'm not talking to myself here," Dean glared as the brown liquid tumbled into the cup.
"I bought a car," she fired back, "it's in the driveway. I traded in the Audi and I bought it."
"What did you get?" Dean asked, now he was moving from the kitchen back towards the front of the house, peaking out the window to see the BMW in his driveway. "A BMW? Doesn't that seem like a bit much."
"I read about it, I test drove it, I liked it, and I bought it."
"How much did this cost?" Dean's voice became a bit more high pitched when he was frustrated and this was no exception. "You know…you can't just go throwing around money like it doesn't matter! Like it's infinite!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was?" Rory glared at him, she was glad they had both stayed inside the house so none of their neighbours heard them. "After the trade in it worked out to eighty something," Rory answered vaguely.
"And how much was the trade in?" Dean asked, he was grinding his teeth as he spoke which only pissed Rory off more.
"The trade in was thirty two thousand," Rory told him. "The car was one hundred and twelve thousand…"
"What the fuck Rory?" Dean exploded, he slammed his coffee on the end table in the family room and stood staring at the car outside the window. "You…you thought you could just spend that without so much as a word to me?"
"Dean, you didn't work for two thirds of the last year, so yes I thought I could spend money that I earned how I chose because all of our bills are paid, and I just got a fucking raise that more than covers my decision to do this. So yes, I did it. And I won't apologize. I am done apologizing to you for being successful. I don't know what you want from me. You want to flit from job to job without caring what happens next? Well you get to do that because I work my ass off. Everything that we have, everything our daughter has is because I have put the work in while you … you are just fine with being mediocre!"
"Is that what you think of me?"
Rory regretted how far she had taken it when she started speaking, but she also knew that she meant what she had said. "I think that you don't have the same kind of drive and ambition that I do, and I understand that we have different priorities…but my goal in life was never to be an executive. This is the path I ended up on after it became very clear that you weren't interested in consistent full-time work. One of us had to be the breadwinner, and it so happens that I make a good living, and I can't apologize for that Dean. Yes, it is our money, but that also means I am allowed to spend it when I want to. You wanted a truck last year, and it wasn't cheap, I didn't say a word. You gave money to your parents, I didn't say a word. You spent a small fortune on camping equipment, and I didn't say a word. But here I am, wanting to replace a car that is four years old and you make it seem like I'm re-mortgaging the house."
"That you paid for," Dean rolled his eyes.
"I didn't say that," Rory countered. It was always her paycheque that had covered bills like the mortgage. "I don't want to fight, I'm not asking for you to change how you work, or be less involved with Em…but I'm asking you to cut me some slack when I want something for myself…"
"I just…the girl I married wasn't interested in BMW's and designer labels," Dean exhaled. He didn't have much more fight left in him and he knew he wasn't going to get Rory to suddenly see things his way.
"The person you married was a child," Rory told him softly, "I'm not that girl anymore, you know that."
"I loved that girl."
"And what about the woman standing in front of you?" Rory asked, the truth was she wished he would say he wasn't in love with her anymore, that he felt just as stifled by their relationship as she did, but she knew she wouldn't get away with it that easily.
"I love her too," Dean told her, "but it's different. You know how we great up, I just…those girls you went to school with at Chilton with their fancy cars and designer purses and they were so materialistic and vapid and the boys…"
"Doctor."
"What?"
"Lawyer."
"What are you talking about? Lawyer?"
"Fashion designer…" Rory continued. "Those vapid, spoiled girls…Paris is a doctor, and a damned good one. Madeleine is a lawyer and she is damned good at what she does…and Louise is a fashion designer who had a show at Paris Fashion Week last year that we were invited to and was such a huge success. So yes, maybe they were spoiled, vapid, boy chasing children when we first met, but they are amazing women. I would be over the moon if Emma ends up like any one of those women because they are taking on the damned world."
xxx
Rory had enjoyed her fair share of uncomfortable dinners at the Gilmore mansion, but this might've been the strangest. Most of the time she felt like she had an ally there somewhere, but tonight it felt like her against everyone, which was ironic given that its was her birthday.
She and Dean had reached a tenuous peace on Sunday and they were at least peacefully coexisting through the week, but it had somehow come to a head that day when Rory wasn't home from work when she expected and therefore Dean had reminded her how she always put work ahead of her family. It was laughable, today of all day because things had gone so off the rails at work, she had cancelled her lunch with Logan, promising him to reschedule for Wednesday and she had been in meetings with her team all day long about a deal that ran the risk of falling through. Logan had managed to slip her birthday gift into her office at some point in the day and she had called to thank him on the train home. He had gotten her a beautiful leather bound journal and left her a simple, nondescript note.
Ace, you seemed to be running out of pages in our last meeting. Hopefully this is a suitable place to keep some of your thoughts. x Logan
By the time she got home, all she wanted to do was kick off her shoes and put on her pyjamas, but instead she put on a black cashmere midi dress and a pair of booties to head to Hartford, they had driven in silence only to be reminded by her Grandmother that they were late, and for some reason or another, her mother seemed annoyed with her as well.
They sat in the living room with Emma telling her Great-Grandmother all about her school activities while all of the adults sat awkwardly enjoying their drinks.
"So," Emily turned to Rory when Emma was done, "I see you got a new car?"
"I did," Rory nodded as she sipped her Sauvignon Blanc, "picked it up last Sunday."
"I didn't know you were in the market for a car. I could have set you up with the guy at the dealership here," Emily told her. "Lorelai you didn't tell me she was in the market for a car…"
"Sorry Mom," Lorelai shrugged. "My daughter is officially at the age where she does these things without running it past me first…"
"Where did you buy it? Was it a reputable dealership? You really can get taken advantage of…"
Rory tried not to shake her head as she listened. She could feel Dean tensing up beside her as the conversation carried on, and Luke was visibly checked out of the conversation which she imagined was a defence mechanism he had been forced to adopt over the years. "I got it from Smithtown BMW, it is very reputable, Logan, my boss actually recommended them, and I went on Saturday with Lane and found the car and bought it and then we had a girls night."
"You and Lane?" Lorelai made a face.
"Yup." Rory popped the 'p' at the end of the word.
"I swear I saw Lane in town…"
"Must've been Friday," Rory shrugged, again she could feel Dean beside her, "we had a girls night, ordered pizza, watched movies…we actually found this little corn maze that we went through…it was fun, just two girls acting like they were kids again without responsibilities."
"And buying overpriced cars," Dean mumbled under his breath, thankful when only Rory could hear him.
"Anyway, it was definitely Lane and I," Rory assured her, she hated how easy it was to lie. Everything about her story was true, the only part that wasn't true was who she did it with, but she would leave that out.
"Well you would know better than I would," Lorelai smiled, she could feel the tension in the room and even if she was pretty sure she had seen Lane Kim on Saturday, she wasn't about to die on that hill tonight. "Can we do presents yet?" Lorelai asked impatiently.
"Lorelai," Emily chastised her daughter, "Emma is more patient than you are!"
"I wanna do presents too," Emma giggled as she took a sip of her Coke.
"Well fine, if everyone is going to demand we do presents, then I suppose we should," Emily relented and stood up. "Mine is in your Grandfathers office, so excuse me for a moment." Emily stood up and walked out of the room, she got the gift and returned a few minutes later to see that Lorelai had pulled her gift bag out and both Dean and Emma were holding items on their laps, the maid had taken them on the way in. "I guess I'll start," Emily handed Rory the medium sized box and sat back down, "happy birthday Rory."
"Thank you Grandma," Rory smiled as she read the card, full of well wishes and praise for the woman she had grown into…if only Emily knew the whole truth of who she was. "Grandma," Rory gasped as she laid eyes on the pearls In front of her, Emma started giggling over the gift beside Rory. "These are…."
"One hundred inches of fresh water pearls. These were a gift to me from your Grandfather many years ago and…well…I thought you would look marvellous in them."
Rory felt tears coming to her eyes as she ran her fingers over the cool pearls. "I love them, thank you."
"Here mom," Emma interrupted the moment and shoved a gift towards her mother, "Grandma took me shopping."
"Did she?" Rory smiled at her mother who simply shrugged coyly as Rory pulled the tissue paper from the bag to reveal a new Harvard sweatshirt. "When did you guys do this?"
"A while ago," Lorelai shrugged. "We can keep a secret."
"You two can't keep a secret to save your life," Luke smirked.
"Ah here we go," Rory turned to her stepfather with a smile, "they ordered it online, didn't they?"
"You have no proof!" Lorelai grinned.
"Mom you know the rules!" Rory pouted, the rule they had made years earlier about no online shopping for birthdays and Christmas because it was taking away from brick and mortar stores that needed the support.
"Well this was an exception," Lorelai exclaimed, "and Em really wanted to get it, and I didn't have it in me to get to Harvard…"
"Imagine how much simpler this could've been had Rory gone to Yale," Emily added jokingly, she had long since come to terms with the fact that Rory didn't go to Yale like she and Richard had.
"I love it Emmie," Rory hugged her daughter, "thank you."
"Open the one from Dad," Emma smiled at her mother, her cheeks were red from being on the receiving end of so much attention.
"Here you go," Dean pressed his lips together in a thin line as Rory took the gift, "it's nothing much. I just figure…what do you get the woman who has everything…"
"Very good point," Emily smiled.
Rory smiled as she held the small gift in her hand, it was wrapped in gold paper and she slowly took apart the sides, "oh," Rory smiled, "I have…"
"I heard this was good…well, I didn't hear it, but…I was looking at books that people were recommending and this one was supposed to be good…I thought you might like it."
"Well," Rory inhaled, "I haven't read it," she held up the copy of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo to show her parents and Grandmother. "Thank you Dean," she leaned forward and kissed him, it was all for show and she would argue even he knew it this time.
"Happy birthday Ror."