Olivia had sat in this very leather chair and inhaled the lavender aroma that wafted through the room countless times, but never while talking about Rafael Barba.
Dr. Lindstrom hurriedly took notes on his legal pad as the events of the last few weeks came tumbling out, his calm demeanour never wavering. The last time she'd seen him was when she and Ed were on the cusp of becoming a couple, and they'd agreed that she could return on an ad-hoc basis since she appeared to be doing well. It hadn't even been that long, and here she was again, but her desperation to talk to a neutral third party easily trumped any shame or embarrassment. Miraculously, she'd managed to get a last-minute appointment that morning, and was grateful for the non-judgmental listening ear of the sagacious therapist.
"There's a lot to go on here." She caught a glimpse of his full page of notes and cringed when she realised she'd been talking for ten whole minutes. As much as she now trusted Dr. Lindstrom, it still wasn't like her to be this chatty at therapy. "What do you want to talk about from here?"
She pondered over that for a few seconds. "I don't really know what to do next. Where to go from here. I feel stuck."
"I guess I'm most curious to know - have you decided whether to tell Ed about what happened between you and Rafael? That seems to be the main cause of your stress and anxiety."
Her heart raced hearing him bring it up. "I'm really torn." She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "I have a few ideas in mind, but it's all a blur to me."
"Would it help if we walked through various scenarios and options? That may give you some clarity." She nodded and he continued. "I think we can start by asking yourself a few questions when we think about each option. What are you hoping for? I know you care a lot about their feelings, but it's a balancing act too, and there's some room to consider what you want or hope how this will go."
"You have a point," she muttered. All night she'd tossed and turned thinking about how to navigate this emotional minefield, but hadn't thought much about what she wanted or how she wanted things to play out. There was only so much she could control, but the idea that things were somewhat in her hands was enticing.
"You were clear to me - and it seems, in your own head as well - that your entanglement with Rafael was a one-time incident. Suppose it stays that way and you don't tell Ed about what happened. Can you see that working out? Do you have any fears about that?"
Olivia leaned back in her seat and gave it serious thought. She could very well do that. Then she'd avoid breaking Ed's heart and could focus on making amends in her own way. It was like what she'd told Rafael at the park the day before: pretend the incident never happened. It seemed easy in theory, but in practice? She had no way of knowing if the guilt would eat away at her eventually. And having to see Rafael at work almost every day while keeping Ed in the dark would probably chip away at her resolve in no time. "It seems like the easier option for me right now, but... I don't think it's going to last. This doesn't feel like the kind of thing I can keep in the dark."
Dr. Lindstrom nodded along as she worked through her options. "How about the other scenario? Telling Ed about what happened? How does that sound to you?"
Hearing him say that out loud generated a new wave of anxiety in her. "Ed's going to be heartbroken," she blurted. "I still can't believe I betrayed someone I love so much. What was I thinking? What if he leaves..." her voice trailed off.
"Telling him doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to react badly. What's the best-case scenario?"
"My love life has been in shambles the last few years and Ed comes along and everything is different, you know? I never thought I'd fall in love with him, but he's been nothing but good for me." She felt herself get emotional and grabbed a Kleenex in preparation for the inevitable tears. "I don't even know if this is still possible, but I want to be with Ed. I want to make it up to him. I can't lose him over one stupid night of wrongdoing." As the words tumbled out of her mouth, Olivia thought of the IAB captain's blue eyes and gentle voice and her face turned beet red. Even if she didn't confess her guilt to him, her body would give her up in no time. All this stress couldn't possibly be good for her blood pressure.
"How about the converse - what if it doesn't go well? What do you fear?"
"I don't know how on earth I'm going to tell him... He's going to be so mad. He knows Rafael and I are friends, which makes this even worse. But... I can't lie. Lying doesn't work for me; you know that." Olivia took a gulp from her glass of water and stared at her hands, feeling some clarity wash over her. "And this isn't just about me anymore. Ed deserves to know. And he needs to decide what he wants to do... about us," she gulped, "when he hears the truth. I know I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hid it from him forever."
"You know yourself well. Does that work with what you and Rafael agreed on when you talked yesterday?"
"It doesn't change a thing. We'll focus on work, and keep our distance. No one else can take responsibility for that for me."
"I'm just going to play devil's advocate here. Suppose things work out when you tell Ed and you two are able to work on repairing your relationship after that. Do you anticipate any further difficulties between you, Ed and Rafael?"
"I really hope not," she confessed. "I don't know if Ed's going to be okay with me and Rafael continuing to work together. And I still don't know how the situation will be with Rafael at work - we haven't had any meetings or cases to talk about these few days. I wish I could predict how things will go, but I'm thinking we'll have to make this up as we go along and pray for the best. That really worries me. What if something goes horribly wrong? Or I regret choosing to tell Ed down the road?"
"That's a hard situation to predict. More than one person is involved in this now, and you can't control how either of them is going to react. But you don't need absolute clarity now, Olivia. You have navigated difficult workplace situations and relationship issues in the past and emerged stronger - you can adapt to whatever is thrown at you. Give yourself the space to work through things day by day, and always remember that things can change. You can change things that don't work for you, be it with Rafael or Ed."
He was right. As awful as the situation felt, it wasn't static, and she didn't have to make her mind up right away.
The hour was up in no time and she stood up with leave with the most clarity she'd felt in days. Olivia paid a bomb to see Dr. Lindstrom and wisdom like this reminded her why she found herself back at his Upper West Side office. The cesspool of guilt she'd been wading in suddenly felt much more swimmable. She could fix this. She was in control of her next move.
As she put her jacket back on and headed out the door, Dr. Lindstrom put his legal pad down and cast a knowing glance. "I don't usually tell my clients what to do, but for what it's worth, Olivia, I'd have told you to come clean with Ed. You know what works for you, even if it seems like the more daunting option, and that's seen you through some of the most difficult times of your life. Trust your instincts."
His words echoing in her head, Olivia paused on the steps of the Natural History Museum a few blocks away and forced herself to compose the message to Ed. If she went back to her office, she'd find any excuse to stare at paperwork and put this off.
Trust your instincts.
Her instincts told her that she had to rip the Band-Aid off here and now, before she combusted from guilt. Her fingers felt like they were made of lead typing the message she'd been putting off, but she finally squeezed her eyes shut and hit send.
Hey Ed, are you free to grab lunch today? I was hoping we could talk.
Sure. Forlini's? Is something wrong?
She deliberated over the second question and her breath grew shallow. She almost wanted to back out; pretend like it was nothing. But all that would do was delay the inevitable.
I'm not quite in the mood for Forlini's today. Can we go to the new bistro down the street instead?
Of course. Liv, are you okay?
I'll explain more when we get there.
She turned her phone off before he could reply and buried it in her jacket pocket. Step #1 was out of the way; now the real challenge awaited her.
"Rafael? Hello? Earth to Rafael!"
Rafael snapped out of his reverie when he realised that Rita Calhoun was waving a napkin in front of his face. "You've been staring into space for thirty seconds. At my office, that's fifty dollars gone," she quipped.
He straightened and adjusted his tie, too jumpy and flustered to bite back at her about her ludicrously high rates. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that."
She quickly dropped her courtroom demeanour when she saw the worried expression on his face. "You don't look alright, Rafael. Do you want to talk about it?"
He stared into his half-eaten soup. "I'm fine, Rita. Really."
"You're drinking soup and haven't spoken more than 100 words to me since we got here. I thought the whole point of our monthly catch-up sessions was to, you know, catch up?" She folded her arms on the table and leaned towards him, voice dropping to a concerned whisper. "Is this a work or personal problem?"
Rafael sighed. Nothing got past Rita, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. "It's a tough one. I did something horrible, Rita." The events of the past three days flashed through his head for the hundredth time that hour. What was I thinking, sleeping with someone who has a committed partner? He'd never done something as reprehensible as coming between a couple, and now all he could was marinate in his guilt - guilt so strong that he wasn't even sure if his well-dressed friend of 25 years would look at him the same way if she found out.
Rita raised an eyebrow. "Horrible enough that you'll need me to defend you?" He shook his head. "Then it can't be that bad. Is it something you want to talk about?"
Rafael stared at her in a stony silence - oh, how badly he ached to tell Rita and get things off his chest. Sure, she was part of the legal circuit and regularly rubbed shoulders with people at both his and Olivia's workplaces, but she also was fiercely loyal and knew better than anyone how to separate workplace drama from her personal life. There's really no harm in telling her, he realised, and opened his mouth to let the emotional turmoil of the last 72 hours spill out. She looked at him expectantly, only for him to catch himself at the last second.
No way.
How could he possibly have forgotten that Rita once dated Ed Tucker, the man behind all his internal strife? He didn't know much about their relationship, other than that it lasted half a year when she worked at the Manhattan DA's office. He was based in Brooklyn then, and hadn't probed much - she'd always been notoriously private about her dating life and he'd respected that boundary. Today, however, he wished that he knew more about the enigmatic IAB captain - any crumb of information that would help him make sense of it all. But how was he going to bring Ed up with Rita without opening a can of worms? He tapped his fingers against the handle of his coffee cup, deep in thought.
"It's nothing, really," he muttered, trying his best to sound nonchalant. "I'm sure you've heard about it, but the Catholic church sex trafficking case was a mess. I had to tell 1PP that Olivia and Ed Tucker were involved, and I feel bad about that."
Rita flinched hearing the name of her former flame, but did a remarkable job keeping her cool. "That's the horrible thing you said you did? Duty called. Why do you feel bad for doing your job? You were going to put yourself at risk not disclosing it."
"I don't really know," he lied. "Maybe because I got Olivia transferred to Community Affairs, which she obviously hated. And I basically accused her boyfriend of being a sex trafficker." Lying by omission. That was new to him and Rita's friendship, and he hated it, but it'd suffice until he found the right words and moment to tell her what had really happened.
Rita obviously wasn't satisfied with his response, but also was perceptive enough to realise that nothing would make Rafael spill any further. "You did your job and it doesn't reflect badly on you in any way. This isn't worth losing sleep over."
"I'm worried about this driving a wedge between Olivia and me when we work on future cases." That was indeed true. He knew that their relationship at work wasn't going to be the same, despite their long talk in the park about restoring normalcy.
She took a swig of her coffee and chose her words carefully. "Well... if I'm being honest, I think the wedge has already been driven. It was going to be an awkward situation for both of you regardless, and you can't change that now. But you've lasted 21 years in the DA's office, which even I couldn't do, because you've always trusted your instincts and held firm to your principles. Just do your job and you'll be fine."
"A compliment from Rita Calhoun? Wow, today is my lucky day," he smirked. "Seriously, though, thank you for that. I needed it."
"Look, Rafael, I don't know the specifics of what happened, but take this from me. It's not worth compromising your integrity or job for anyone. Not even Olivia Benson. You did the right thing." She shot him a knowing glance, but it disappeared before he could probe further. "I'm always in your corner. Remember that."
It's not worth compromising your integrity or job for anyone. Was she talking about her history with Ed Tucker? He had no way of knowing, but brushed those thoughts aside and focussed on the situation at hand. "Thanks, Rita."
Rafael pulled out his credit card and attempted to get the check, but Rita waved his hand away. "I think you needed it today. And Raf," she added, tone serious and grave yet again, "promise me that you'll talk to someone, if not me, if you have something on your mind. We both know how our first year of law school ended."
"I will." Rita had a point. His world had imploded that year when he returned to the city for the summer break to find that Yelina had gotten together with Alex Muñoz in his absence. He'd spent most of his summer wallowing in self-pity and refusing to confide in anyone, and ended up completely blowing a prestigious and hard-earned corporate law internship. Everything worked out in the end - he didn't need a corporate law position or that internship because he chose to go into the public sector - but he spent most of his working life trying to suppress memories of that terrible summer of betrayal, and for the most part, it worked.
Shit. That was why he felt so guilty about getting between Olivia and Ed! He couldn't believe that he hadn't put two and two together earlier, but his emotions had a way of preventing him from seeing things clearly. He'd once been in Ed's position. At least it was just once and not a full-blown affair, he tried to reason with himself, but that seemed like a pathetic, half-hearted excuse for the reprehensible act he'd already committed. As much as he loved Olivia, he never wanted to pull an Alex and shatter someone else's heart. One time was one time too many. But he wasn't ready to tell Rita just yet.
Rafael trailed his friend and her Louboutins out of Forlini's and trudged back down the street towards 1 Hogan Place, where a hectic afternoon of work awaited him. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Ed Tucker hurriedly making his way into the new bistro a few doors away, and stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn't read his facial expression - Ed had perfected his poker face working with IAB - but a new bistro so far from his office in the middle of the day? There was only one person he could possibly be meeting. Rafael's stomach churned thinking about it, and he wanted to get as far away as possible before he let his train of thought spiral wildly out of control, but curiosity got the better of him. He waited until Ed entered the bistro and peered through the window from the street corner, careful not to be spotted.
Sure enough, Rafael caught a glimpse of a distressed-looking Olivia sitting in a corner booth, hands fidgeting nervously with her glass of water and staring at her half-eaten salad. She never ate salad. Something was bothering her, and looking between her and Ed, he had a feeling that he knew exactly what it was.
Olivia wondered if meeting Ed at this new bistro was a mistake. The 80s music was slightly too loud, staff too cheerful, and she'd accidentally poured half a bottle of balsamic vinegar on her overpriced tuna salad - her stomach felt like it was about to digest itself. But there was no good place to break the news to him. Forlini's was too familiar, a park too public, and she couldn't taint the place for both of them, and either of their apartments felt too personal. She shrank into the vinyl seat of the corner booth she asked for and nervously sipped from her glass of water - if she weren't meant to be back at work in a couple of hours, she'd be downing a shot of tequila instead.
She saw Ed approach from across the street. It was too late for her to cancel. Time to break his heart, she muttered to herself.
"Hi, Liv." He looked like he wanted to give her a kiss, but saw the exhaustion and sadness in her eyes and hastily slid into the seat opposite her instead. "What's up?"
He looked so calm, so collected, and she was going to destroy that in a matter of minutes. "I think you should order your food before we talk," she replied, voice already starting to crack. She couldn't cry. Not now.
"... Okay?" He gave the menu the cursory glance and ordered the first thing he saw - a club sandwich - and stared at his girlfriend. She looked absolutely downtrodden and like she'd been crying, hands folded on her lap but shaking ever-so-slightly. "Liv, I was so worried all morning. What's wrong? Is it something about work?"
Olivia shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She took a giant breath and forced words out of her mouth. "Ed, I have something to tell you. I am so, so sorry." She blinked rapidly and tried to prevent the tears from flowing to no avail - they streamed down her cheeks, visibly alarming Ed. It wasn't like Olivia to cry, even on the worst days of her life, and his heart sank. She hadn't even cried after the incident in the townhouse a few months back. "You're going to hate me for this, I know."
Ed didn't know what to say. He'd been there barely three minutes and Olivia was already leaking tears all over her sweater. Whatever had happened, it had to be seismic - enough to reduce the steely lieutenant to tears in public. He reached across the table for her hand with a concerned look on his face, but she pulled away and slumped in her seat. "Liv, please talk to me. Did someone hurt you?" He did his best to mask the sense of urgency in his voice; the last thing they needed was for him to get angry and add fuel to what already looked like a rapidly devolving situation. I swear to God, if someone tried to hurt Olivia, I will kill them myself.
"It's about us," she stammered, too fearful to look directly in his eyes. "I have to be honest with you. Ed, I..."
He hid the panic that was creeping into his chest. She's going to end things between us. "Liv, if this is about what happened at the bar that night, I'm so sorry..."
"No, it's not." She stopped him before he could go any further and he quickly complied. "This is on me." Her entire body was buzzing with anxiety. She loved this man so, so much - the last thing she wanted to do was break his heart. But it was too late to go back and undo that. The next best thing she could do was come clean with him, as much as she despised the words that were going to come out of her mouth.
"Ed, that night after the bar... I messed up so bad," she stumbled over her words. "I did something I never should have done." She watched his face fall. He knows. I'm going to shatter his world. Her quiet tears escalated to full-blown sobs so fevered that she could barely get a word in. "I was so angry, I went to Rafael's place to confront him about what happened during the investigation, and things got heated, and... I slept... with... Rafael..." she choked out.
The concern on Ed's face rapidly disappeared and an array of emotions flashed in his eyes: confusion, anger, sadness, hurt. Here he was, sitting across from a sobbing, completely undone Olivia Benson, which made him want to take her in his arms, while her admission of betrayal rang in his ears and pierced his heart. She slept with Rafael. Rafael Barba! Ed thought he and Olivia were on the mend after the Catholic church debacle. Sure, she'd been moodier and more on edge than usual, but anyone would feel that way after being transferred to Community Affairs and watching her boyfriend undergo an investigation for a horrific crime... but cheating on him? Ed's heart was in pieces. Of all the people he'd ever dated, Olivia was the least likely to be unfaithful, and just considering that possibility was stomach-turning. Now it was real, and very painful.
He folded his arms and leaned back in his seat, cheerful opening bars of Take On Me taunting them both. Neither of them looked directly at each other for a full minute. She stole the occasional glance at him between frantically wiping her river of tears and belaboured sobs. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd cried like this, and seeing the pain in Ed's eyes wasn't making this any easier. There was nothing else on his face. Instead he sat there without a word, silently processing the freight truck of emotion she'd rammed into him.
"Am I not enough for you, Liv?" he finally managed, blue eyes still not meeting hers.
She panicked hearing the vulnerability in his voice. "Not at all, Ed. I want to make it up to you. I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much and I made a huge mistake. This will never happen again, I promise." She looked at him with imploring eyes and tried and failed to read his facial expression. Was there even a chance that Ed would want to take her back after this? All the hope she'd told herself to hold onto disappeared. If this was the end, she'd have to accept it.
For a split-second Ed desperately wanted to take his distressed girlfriend into his arms, wipe her tears and tell her how much he loved her too, but the raw pain of her betrayal suppressed his protective instincts. What was he even supposed to feel? He absolutely hated seeing Olivia so broken, so hysterical, but that wasn't enough to stop the hot anger bubbling in his stomach. They'd been through so much in the last few weeks alone, and now this.
"I need to go," he said quietly. He left a twenty-dollar bill on the table and stormed off without another word, club sandwich uneaten and coffee untouched. Olivia's tear-filled eyes followed him out of the bistro, but her body made no motion to trail him. His silence said it all. There was nothing she could say to make the situation better. A fresh wave of tears formed in her eyes and she nervously wiped them with the sleeve of her blouse. Ed hadn't made a scene, for which she was grateful, but where did that leave them? Maybe she did want him to shout at her, tell her that she was a bitch, and end things right there. At least she'd know for sure.
Had a bad salad at lunch. Going to take the rest of the day off. Text if anything urgent crops up, she typed emotionlessly to Fin. She couldn't possibly get any work done in this state. Instead, she choked out a final sob and called an Uber to take her home.
I'm sorry, Ed. Please talk to me. I love you.
She stared at her phone for a reply that never came. He probably wanted nothing to do with her, but she could still hope.
Ed Tucker stormed down Baxter Street, hands balled into fists and stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. He passed a Homicide detective he used to know, but didn't stop to say hello - he was in no mood for pleasantries. He wandered with no destination or goal, feet leading him around the neighbourhood in a blind rage.
His stomach rumbled with hunger - he'd left the bistro without touching his club sandwich - but he wasn't about to turn back and stare into Olivia's tear-stained eyes for a second longer. He'd simply break seeing her so broken, and he couldn't do that. Not until he figured out how on earth to make sense of the situation at hand. He'd genuinely thought that his relationship with Olivia was going swimmingly; even though the scandal had stressed them both out, she spent the period of the investigation fiercely advocating for his character and integrity. Even the argument at the bar that fateful night felt like a temporary and minor snare in their rock-solid relationship. Did I miss the signs? What did I do wrong? All his years of IAB training and questioning twisted cops hadn't prepared him for a betrayal of so deeply personal.
She'd cheated on him with Rafael Barba, of all people. Ed long had immense respect for the ADA's quick wit and unflappable demeanour, and was even beginning to see him as an acquaintance and not just a face he recognised. Rafael clearly was a close friend of Olivia's, and Ed didn't fancy himself the jealous type - he'd never ask Olivia to distance herself from Rafael, even if their friendship was a little too close for comfort at times. Was he going to have to do that now? 1 Hogan Place was three minutes away on foot. He could easily barge in, look for Rafael Barba's office and give him a piece of his mind. He had a million questions for the ADA. Who'd initiated that encounter? Had he secretly been pining for Olivia all this time? Why else did he go straight to 1PP with details of his and Olivia's relationship? Barba is jealous. It's the only logical explanation, he thought. He needed to get to the bottom of it, like he always did.
Ed came to an abrupt stop outside the brass doors of the DA's office and watched people file in and out. There was nothing stopping him from flashing his badge and heading upstairs - the investigation had officially concluded and he could see - and shout at - Rafael Barba in a personal capacity.
He hesitated only because of Olivia.
I want to make it up to you, Ed. I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much and I made a huge mistake. This will never happen again, I promise.
He had no reason to doubt her - the sobs, her imploring tone. She'd chosen to come clean, although it'd taken so long for her to bare her insecurities to him, knowing that IAB had trained him to sniff them out and pounce on them like a hawk. If he stormed into Barba's office, guns blazing, he'd undo all that trust they'd worked so hard to build. He couldn't be the tough, no-nonsense captain with a vengeance that would only scare Olivia away even more. She wantedto make amends, and the ball was in his court now. It was up to him to show some grace to the woman he still loved, and he needed her to know that he had forgiveness and magnanimity in his heart.
As much as it pained him, Ed turned away from 1 Hogan Place. Olivia was far too important to him to give up in a fit of petty rage. But he wasn't ready to talk to her just yet. He hailed a cab and stared out the window at the downtown Manhattan skyline, deep in thought.
The setting sun blanketed Olivia's apartment in darkness, but she made no move to switch the living room light on. Lucy had brought Noah to Amanda's apartment for Sonny's signature spaghetti and a playdate after finding out that Olivia was having stomach issues (it technically wasn't a lie; she'd thrown up that balsamic vinegar-covered tuna salad the instant she got home), and Olivia sat alone on her couch, glass of wine in hand and eyes staring into space. Nothing on TV interested her and she couldn't even bear to look at her phone, as anxious as she was to hear from Ed. He'd stormed out of the bistro in such a rage that she genuinely feared it'd be the last she ever saw of him, unless she or someone in her squad got into trouble again. Their brushes with IAB, as terrible as they all were, were the reason Olivia grew to know and eventually love Ed in the first place, and she almost wished that someone would do something reckless just so she'd be sure she would see him again.
For years she'd despised Ed, especially when memories of the Clyde Vandyne incident popped into her head - she'd been framed for murder, for God's sake!. However, she'd come to appreciate him as a person and friend in recent years: as much as she bristled at the mention of IAB, his tough-as-nails exterior hid a sensitive, caring and gentle man, especially when he worked extra hard to separate the job from their dating life and make Olivia comfortable. They'd grown so trusting as a couple that she now couldn't imagine a life without him. And she'd thrown it away for one night of passion. The feelings she had for Rafael - as intense and heated as they seemed that fateful night - suddenly seemed to pale in comparison to the depth of love she felt for Ed and his comforting arms. Ed wasn't the most physically attractive man and he certainly wasn't suave and refined as Rafael, but he made her feel safe, and she trusted him with her life, which said a lot, after her long history of failed relationships and trust issues. I've really screwed up, haven't I?
The doorbell rang as a fresh tear fell down her cheek. She peered through the peephole and gasped seeing Ed standing on the other side, a take-out bag in hand. "Liv?" she heard him ask, voice gentle and understanding. "Can I come in, please?" She opened the door and almost sobbed seeing him stand there calmly, a far cry from the angry Ed of a few hours ago. He made himself comfortable on the couch and unboxed the take-out bag. "I called the precinct and you weren't there so I thought I'd come by. Sweet and sour chicken with fried rice for you. I didn't think that salad you had at lunch would fill you up." She accepted the food skeptically, unsure what intentions Ed had, but it looked like he wasn't angry anymore. That was a promising start.
For a few minutes they slowly chewed on their food, a tense and expectant silence hanging over Olivia's living room. He moved to turn the TV on but she shook her head. "Where's Noah?" he asked when he realised that the rest of the apartment was empty.
"At Amanda's place," she whispered back, unsure whether to trust her own voice. "If... you've come here to say goodbye, Ed, I understand."
He put his box of food down and took her hands in his. "Liv... oh, Liv. I was so angry and hurt when I left the bistro this afternoon." The same hurt she'd seen earlier flashed through his eyes, and she resisted the urge to look away. However, he squeezed her hands and leaned in closer. "But I thought about it, and... I don't want things between us to end just like this."
Hope creeped into Olivia's chest. "I know you feel bad and that it won't happen again. I hate seeing you cry, Liv." He ran a hand through her hair, in just the way she liked when she fell asleep next to him. Her body filled with warmth.
She finally let out the sob of relief she'd been suppressing since he started talking. "I'm so, so sorry, Ed. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I was stupid and never should have let that happen and..."
He placed a finger to her lips, silencing her. "Shhhh. What's happened is in the past, Liv. All that matters now is that we move on from this. Together." He planted a comforting kiss on her forehead. "I'm not going to ask you to cut Rafael off or stop working with him. I know it's not going to be easy, but I trust you. We're going to get through this together, okay?"
Olivia almost couldn't believe what she was hearing. She'd messed up epically, and Ed Tucker was on her couch, having brought her dinner, and telling her that he still loved her although she'd been an asshole. Why had she ever hated him so much? She didn't deserve someone as loyal and forgiving as him. The weight of what she'd done disappeared from her shoulders almost immediately. "I love you so much, Ed. I'm not going to let you down."
He responded by taking her into his arms, like he'd done the night after the incident. This time, she gratefully sank into them, letting him envelope her with comfort and warmth. This felt right. All the lust and heat of her mistake had little on the quiet but profoundly comforting intimacy she now enjoyed with Ed. "What do you want to do tonight?" he asked.
"Can we just sit here for a bit? Please?"
"Of course, Liv. But can we at least turn the lamp on?" He squinted at her in the darkness.
She laughed for the first time in what felt like an eternity and reached over to turn it on. Soft white light mingled with the golden rays streaming through the partially-open window, and she sighed contentedly feeling his warm chest and soft cashmere sweater against her back.
This feels right.
It'd been a hellish week, but it finally felt like some order had been restored. She'd worry about going back to work and facing Rafael tomorrow. For now, she was going to let herself enjoy being in the arms of the man she loved.
I hope this lasts.