Ignite the Sex Pistols

by Aurum79

After the tragedy that was the SAO and the adventure that was Vento Aureo, most would assume that the lives of these characters would end peacefully. But things don't work out as intended. There's a killer running amok inside another video game, one that disrupts the peace our heroes have worked to build. The fate of this story rests on the shoulders of an unlikely band of misfits.

4. Chapter 4: Pistol Power

33

I can't wait for Part 6 to come out. But also, I cannot wait for Part 7 to eventually be animated. I mean, if they are doing Part 6, they have to do Part 7, right? Then, we'll get one of the funniest Stand names in history, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, animated. In fact, I can't wait for the dub as well, cause I can't imagine Funny Valentine's English voice actor keeping his composure when he says his localized Stand, Filthy Acts At A Reasonable Price. Actually, let's talk about that.

In the world of Shonen anime, there are a lot of different powers and abilities. Super Saiyans, Ninjitsus, Devil Fruits, Soul Reapers, Gourmet Hunters, the likes. Stands are no exception either, but Part 7 has, quite possibly, the funniest name for an ability ever. Imagine having a superpower that was called Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, or for the English dub, Filthy Acts At A Reasonable Price. FILTHY ACTS AT A REASONABLE PRICE. I just love it. It's so stupidly funny. Unlike calling your avatar DeathGun.

But enough of thinking about future parts! It's time for Chapter 4! And of course . . .

I do not own either of these stories. Sword Art Online was written by Reki Kawahara and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure was written by Hirohiko Araki.

Episode 4: Pistol Power

Doppio Vinegar. Born in the summer of 1987. Height: 170 cm (5ft 7in). Favorite Animal: Frogs. Age: 33. Current Position: Marketplace (Gun Gale Online).

"So an Assault Rifle has a smaller caliber than a Submachine Gun, so why is it bigger?"

The four had recently gone back to the marketplace after winning the gambling game and gaining a hefty amount of credit, to which Mista split up as best as he could. However, even though the group had the money, picking a weapon that suited each of them was a hard choice. There were multiple guns to pick from, ranging from pistols, rifles, assault rifles, machine guns, ray guns, etc. Kazuto was finding it especially hard, as he had never handled a gun before, both in real life and the virtual world. Though, Mista knew immediately which gun he wanted.

"Are you sure about that?" Sinon asked, worried. The Italian man's eyes were sparkling, as he had just found the revolver section of the store and was eyeing up a particular gun with interest. "A Smith & Wesson Model 30, with a choice of adding a Hammer Shroud. Made in the United States back in 1903 and discontinued in 1976."

"You sure do know a lot about guns," Mista commented, as he pulled up the menu to buy the gun.

"Wait!" Sinon said, stopping Mista. "Are you sure you want that gun? Revolvers don't do a lot of damage in this game and take a while to reload. Even then, that particular design only fires 6 rounds at a time! Even with your LUK, I don't think you'll make it far with just that."

"Looks can be deceiving," Mista claimed, deciding to buy the weapon anyways. "Besides, I love using revolvers! Makes me feel like Clint Eastwood!"

Sinon sighed as Mista bought the gun. "I guess everyone has their own playstyle. And you do seem fond of Clint Eastwood. Style over conformity, I guess."

"Exactly," Mista agreed. After buying the gun, Mista was also given the option of choosing what color it was, immediately going with purple. Soon enough, a small robot, the same size and shape of a trash can, rolled up to Mista to deliver his weapon. After a quick handprint confirmation, Mista received his gun. "Just like my real one," he thought to himself.

A few seconds later, another delivery robot came into view and handed a gun off to Doppio, as Sinon and Mista went over to check out what he bought. Doppio had chosen an AK 47, which had a stainless steel color to it along with certain parts of it detailed in red. "This gun design was on sale for a limited time, so I decided to get it," Doppio claimed. "The design was called 'The Crimson King.' Fitting, right?"

Mista began to laugh. "What a coincidence! The King Crimson wieding The Crimson King! What a perfect match!" Though, Sinon was left out of the joke, wondering what they were talking about.

"King Crimson? You mean the rock band?" she asked.

"I can't decide!" The group was interrupted by the sound of Kirito, scratching his head, wondering what to get. "Rifles, revolvers, miniguns?! What should I do?! There's way too many to pick from!"

"Just pick what feels natural," Sinon claimed. "You can always test a gun before you buy it too. Just go through the list and test a few out."

"I don't even know where to begin though," Kirito complained, looking through the list again. However, as he continued looking through the market, something caught his eye. In one particular row towards the back, there were strange looking sticks. They weren't guns, just different colored, handheld cylinders. "What are these?" Kirito called out to Sinon.

"Oh, those? They're Photon Swords," Sinon said, as Mista and Doppio came over to join them.

"There are swords in this game too?!" Kirito asked excitedly, already opening the menu to buy one.

"Hold on!" Sinon called out. "I know I just said that everyone has their own personal picks, but that would be even stupider than just having a revolver!"

"Are they that bad?" Mista asked.

"Actually, quite the opposite," Sinon explained. "They were some of the best weapons in the game back in the day! Tell me, have you guys ever played Halo 2 or 3?"

"What's that?" Kirito asked.

"This is my first video game, so I wouldn't know," Mista said.

"I think I've heard of it before," Doppio admitted. "Is it the game with that Master Chief guy?"

Sinon sighed. "Yeah, basically. In those games, there was an energy sword that functioned similarly. Like that sword, this thing can One-Shot enemies and even deflect bullets! Everyone was using it when the game came out and there was hardly any player using actual guns."

"So why shouldn't he get it?" Doppio asked. "It sounds completely overpowered."

"Because since that time, there were updates to the metagame that made it quite useless," Sinon explained. "For one, the developers didn't like everyone just using swords, so they made them really expensive! Patches were also introduced that buffed all other guns and nullified the sword's One Hit KO. Finally, they nerfed a player's ability to deflect bullets by giving it a slower reaction time, along with players needing to have an extremely high SPD stat to use it properly. They eventually fell out of the metagame and are usually relegated to a side arm or just for jokes."

"That's why, I seriously want you to consider buying that . . ." Sinon never finished her sentence, as when she turned back to look at Kirito, the little robot had already come up to deliver Kirito's sword to him. Kirito happily stared at the sword as he held it in his hands. Sinon shook her head. "You guys really are bizarre, you know that?"

"Whatever you say," Kirito shrugged, as he flipped a switch on the handle. To his surprise, the sword suddenly emitted a flash of light, as the sword suddenly extended as a condensed, pinkish light blade, with an all too familiar sound to accompany it.

"What the hell?! It's actually a Lightsaber!" Mista exclaimed in awe.

"I know they were called Photon Swords, but still," Doppio said, watching as Kirito started to test it out.

"You can tell that whoever made this game was a fan of Star Wars," Sinon commented, chuckling.

"Check me out, guys!" Kazuto said, now standing on a podium displaying guns. "I have the high ground, Mista!" The four began to laugh together as Kirito resheathed the sword again. "Who knows, maybe I'll reboot the metagame again!"

"We'll see," Mista claimed, turning over to Sinon. "Anything else we need?"

"The next thing you guys should get is armor," Sinon said, looking over to a part of the market. "Then extra ammo, defensive fields, perhaps a side arm or two . . ." As she talked, the group began to follow her through the market, buying what she recommended. Eventually, Sinon suggested that they also tried out shooting their weapons, with the exception of Kirito. She led them to a firing range, where multiple players were already trying their guns out on targets several feet away from them.

"I heard that this was your first game, right?" Sinon asked Mista. "Do you know how to shoot the gun?"

"Oh course," Mista said. "I may have never played a video game before, especially not something like this, but I've shot a gun hundreds of times back in the real world. In fact, I chose this gun because it's the same one I have back home!"

"O-oh! Is that so?" Sinon asked, now acting slightly worried. "B-but it's still kind of different shooting it in a game! Let's try it out!"

Mista was confused at Sinon's sudden nervousness, but went along with her all the same as Doppio and Kirito watched on. Pressing a button, Sinon summoned a target in Mista's row as he pulled out his pistol and readied his weapon. The three watched as Mista took the revolver in both hands and confidently aimed at the target, doing so like it was just an everyday practice. Yet, the man's confidence was suddenly replaced with shock as he placed his hands on the trigger, his eyes still looking at the target. Unknown to everyone, in Mista's line of eyesight, he could see a spinning circle that opened and closed with his breathing. It was something Mista had never seen before.

"You should see a circle display now," Sinon claimed. "That's the offensive assist system: the bullet circle. Bullets hit randomly somewhere in that circle, but if you calm yourself and your pulse decreases, the circle will tighten."

"W-what?" Mista stuttered, looking at the target with confusion. "What the hell is that mechanic?! Why do we need a bullet circle if we already have a crosshair too?!"

"Strange, I know. Especially if you already shot a gun," Sinon claimed. "But it's how this game operates. If you want to make it far, you'll have to adapt to its mechanics."

"This is so stupid . . ." Mista murmured, focusing back on his target. "And the circle is friggin huge too! You're telling me I could be a meter away from a guy and miss him completely! What the hell?!"

"The circle is widening because your pulse is increasing," Sinon explained. "You just need to calm down. Besides, you're a LUK build, which also means you could have a higher chance at landing a shot and do more damage in a single hit, so I wouldn't complain."

"Mechanics shouldn't even be here in the first place . . ." Mista grumbled, taking aim. "And there's no way I'm leaving this just to luck alone."

"Sex Pistols," Mista whispered to his gun. He then fired six rounds at the target, and unbeknownst to the others, the six miniature Stands rode on each of the six bullets fired. Guiding the bullets, they made sure that each one hit their mark. As Sinon pressed a button to bring the target closer to them, she was shocked that all six shots Mista took had hit the center.

"Impressive," she whistled. "See? It's not that hard once you get used to it."

"Whatever," Mista murmured.

"GUYS! A LITTLE HELP?!" The two turned around in shock to see that Doppio was struggling to control his weapon. His AK 47 was now spraying bullets everywhere, with the recoil sending the poor boy backwards. Mista and Sinon rushed to calm the player down, trying to steady their friend. And as Kirito ran to help as well, he noticed an advertisement on the side of the firing range. It was a poster with many players on it in a free-for-all, with the title "Bullet of Bullets!"

"Bullet of Bullets," Kirito repeated. He remembered that Sinon had talked about this game, with how many players showed up to compete for who was the best. Perhaps they should enter too. After all, this Death Gun player was supposedly murdering players, and where better than the game's biggest tournament.

"Hey, Sinon!" Kirito called out. "How do we enter-"

"Is he . . . the real thing?"

Fear enveloped Kirito as his fight or flight instincts took in, backing away suddenly as he turned to see who was behind him, grabbing his sword defensively. There, standing behind him, was a player in a rugged cloak, with a steel skull mask that covered his entire face. Steam came out of the player's closed mouth and deep red eyes with small, black pupils, stared into Kirito's soul. There were hardly any players around the area to notice them, with most just testing their guns. Sinon and Mista didn't notice the figure either, as they struggled to help Doppio gain control of his AK.

Kirito calmed down a bit, realizing that neither of them could use their weapons while not in town. Taking his hand off of his Lightsaber, he asked "What are you talking about? The real thing? What do you mean? Who are you?"

The player didn't respond at first, it's red eyes piercing into Kirito's figure. Kirito couldn't help but sweat at the nature of this player. Something about him or her felt . . . off. He/she radiated a powerful presence, along with the figure being a few inches taller than Kirito himself. He got closer to Kirito as he spoke again.

"That man in orange and blue. I saw him at the game. I'll ask again: Is he the real thing, or what?"

Kirito turned around to stare back at Mista, who still didn't notice the new player interacting with Kirito. "What did he mean by the real thing?" Kirito pondered, his mind racing. "What about Mista is this guy referring to? His clothes? Or his already established skills in gunfighting?"

Kirito turned back to meet the terrifying player in the eyes. "I-I don't know what you're talking about." The player didn't move or speak again for a few seconds, as if he was disappointed with Kirito's answer. However, when he did finally move again, he turned to look at the poster Kirito was just staring at moments ago, the one about BoB.

"I will be waiting for him at the tournament," the masked man claimed. "If he is the real thing, I want to see him in action. If he doesn't enter, then I plan on killing him regardless." The monster of a player then turned back to look Kirito in the eyes again, the boy feeling his skin crawl as he looked into the red, soulless eyes of the creature.

"Make sure that he enters the tournament. I expect to see him in the finals."

"Oi, Kirito! Whatcha doin over there?"

Kirito snapped out of his trance to see Mista running over to him, finally having stopped Doppio's uncontrollable bullet spraying. Looking back again, Kirito also found that the mysterious masked man had disappeared from his sights. It confused the boy even more, as there was no possible way the man could have left his sight. The only way to get out was to travel past Mista and the others, but it didn't seem like they noticed the player at all! Did he log out?

"What's wrong, kid? You're sweating pretty badly."

Sinon and Doppio seemed to notice the boy's stress as well and came over to greet him. Kirito finally was able to calm down after a bit, with his friends worrying about him. "What happened to you?" Doppio asked. "It's like you've seen a ghost."

"Something like that," Kirito claimed, looking back at the BoB poster. He then turned to Sinon. "I want to enter the Bullet of Bullets Tournament. And I want you guys to join me."

"HUH?!" Sinon exclaimed. "Listen, Kirito! I know I've been judging your clothes and weapon choices so far, and I'm sorry, but that's really a bad idea! You guys just started this game and now you want to enter that biggest tournament in the game?! That's nuts!"

"I don't plan on any of us to win," Kirito said. "I just want to enter the tournament and see how far we can get. That's all."

"What's up, Kirito?" Mista whispered to him, sensing that something was off. "Why do you suddenly want to enter?"

"I'll explain it in a bit," Kirito whispered back. "I don't want Sinon hearing this."

"Seriously, you guys are crazy," Sinon sighed, a hand on her face. "Well, if you want to register, I suggest we go now. There's not much time until you can register to enter the tournament. I've already signed up myself, so let's get a move on. I'll show you guys the way to the governor's office." The trio followed Sinon out of the firing range and into the crowded streets of the Overworld. However, just as they left, Kirito couldn't help but glance back at the firing range, where he had met that strange individual. What did he mean by the real deal? And what did he want with Mista?

. . .

The governor's office was the largest building in the world of Gun Gale Online. It was as tall as a mountain and shaped like one too, with the top center of it hollowed out and replaced with a bright light that acted like a watchtower, with its light spreading across the city below. Strangely enough, there wasn't anything keeping it in the hole, as the light simply floated in midair. Inside, the space was rather plain, with a large open area with futuristic holograms showing advertisements for the upcoming tournament, along with a giant hologram screen in the middle of the room. Players of all shapes and sizes were gathered around the area, waiting for the tournament to begin or finishing their registration. The four attracted much attention from the crowd, considering their bright colors and strange getups completely contrasted their usual cyber steampunk world.

"This is where you register," Sinon claimed, showing the boys to an area with large hologram screens with walls separating each of them for privacy, almost appearing like a futuristic take out restaurant. "It's a normal, touch pad system. If you need help, I'll be over here."

The boys nodded as they checked out the registrations, with Sinon going off somewhere else, not too far away. Checking out the monitor, which spelled out "Bullet of Bullets 3," they examined the register and started filling out the appropriate information.

"So, why exactly did you want to register for this?" Mista whispered over to Kirito. "I thought our job here was to find out about Death Gun?"

"We are," Kirito confirmed. "In fact, I think I met him back at the firing range."

"WHAT?!" Players turned their heads back over to where the three boys were, alarmed at Mista's and Doppio's shouting.

Sinon also caught wind of their shouts. "What's up? Do you guys need help?"

Mista and Doppio realized the attention they were attracting and quickly reassured everyone that they were fine. However, once the crowd went back to what they were doing previously, they immediately started talking again with Kirito. "What do you mean you met him?" Doppio whispered.

"He suddenly appeared out of nowhere and disappeared the same way," Kirito whispered back. "He asked if Mista was 'the real thing' or something and demanded that we enter the tournament or he would kill you!"

"What did he look like?" Mista asked.

"He or she was taller than me and wearing a cloak that covered his or her entire body, with a steel skull mask and red eyes. I couldn't tell if it was a girl or a boy, cause he/she had some kind of voice changer or something on, but I think it may be a guy. But other than that, he just had some sort of intimidating presence about him, like he knew he was more powerful and wasn't afraid to show it. And he really seemed to have a fascination about you. Have you ever met him before?"

"I'd think I would remember if a guy looked like that," Mista said. "Besides, this is a game, and people look completely different than what they do in the real world. We're the only exception."

"You guys done yet?" Sinon asked, now coming over to them. The three noticed and quickly finished their registration, not wanting to involve Sinon in their discussion.

"Y-yeah. We're done," Kirito confirmed. "Thanks for your help."

"Anytime!" Sinon said happily. "Oh, by the way, what qualifier block did you guys get?"

"Hmm?" The boys turned their heads back around to their monitors. "It says I'm in S 23," Kirito said.

"I'm in Q 12," Doppio claimed.

"F 37," Mista said.

"F 37?" Sinon repeated in worry. "I'm in the F block too, so . . ." Sinon then proceeded to open her menu and check her stats. "Good! It looks like we won't face each other until the finals, Mista! And if we do both make it, we'll still be qualified to enter the main free-for-all tournament at the end!"

"But if I do have to face you, even if it is a qualifier . . ." Sinon gave a serious look at Mista. "I won't be going easy on you."

Mista smiled back. "Of course! If we do meet each other, let's promise to give it our all!"

"Don't you drop before you get to meet us as well," Kirito added.

"L-let's all hope we can fight each other in the end!" Doppio said.

Sinon's smile returned. "That's what I like to hear!"

. . .

"Hey, kid! What does this say?"

Sinon was currently showing the group around the building and where to spectate the upcoming matches. Along the way, Mista had spotted a few signs and had to ask Sinon or Kirito about what they said.

"It says 'Bullet of Bullets Tournament Registration Closed,'" Kirito said. "Even though it's a foreign game, the translation is still pretty good. What's wrong, Mista? Can't you read it?"

"Nope. Not a clue what it says," Mista admitted, shocking Kirito and Sinon.

"Y-you can't read Japanese?" Sinon asked, stunned. "But you speak Japanese so well!"

"It's kind of hard to explain," Doppio chimed in. "We were able to master Japanese very quickly thanks to Mr. Kishibe's . . . teachings, but he didn't teach us how to read Kanji."

"But you filled out the registration though!" Kirito pointed out.

"That's only because it had an option to switch languages," Mista said. "And thank God it was there too, cause I couldn't understand those symbols for jack!"

"It's not that hard," Kirito countered. "It's easier than trying to learn Italian!"

"I bet you didn't even try to learn it, idiota!"

"Of course I did!"

"Then what did I just say?"

"Uh . . . pal?"

"You're way off, amico."

"L-let's forget about this, ok?" Doppio claimed, trying to defuse the situation, as Mista's and Kirito's heads were now right up against each other, fire in their eyes. Looking around for a way to change the topic, Doppio soon saw another advertisement on the holograms, talking about the rewards for winning BoB. "H-hey, Sinon! What would you do with the reward money if you won?"

"Hmm? I'd probably just put it away and keep it until I need it," Sinon said. However, she then started to whisper. "Speaking of which, it would be better for you not to mention anything about money inside this game."

"Why not?" Mista now asked, interested in their talk. He pulled his head up again from bashing it into Kirito's, resulting in Kirito now falling over without the support of Mista. "Is it because of this game's money conversion to real life?"

Sinon nodded. "I don't know if you guys are aware, but this game was produced by Zaska, a company in America. However, over here, it's run by a Japanese faction, though GGO entirely is kind of a legal gray zone in both countries. And it's not just about the money."

"Considering all the problems with the game I've shown you so far, you would think that most players would upright quit the game entirely after just a few weeks. But considering the real money that the game provides, many without jobs or hardcore gamers, usually flock to this game for a living. Not only that, but as of now, GGO is actually the only Shooter VRMMO out there, so many die hard fans of the genre only choose the game out of consistency."

"But what about the money?" Kirito asked. "Why is that a big deal?"

"Well, think about it," Sinon explained. "With the amount of money this game is giving out, there's no way it can come from its sales, right? And even if it was, without proper pay, those who worked on the game, from advertising to programming, would probably revolt and sue. Some people think that the owner of Zaska is behind it. Apparently, he's a super rich businessman who suddenly started GGO out of the blue. Some people think he just made the game to capitalize on the ever growing potential of VRMMOs to gain more money but didn't know anything about video games. When the reviews of the game became negative, he started tempting the players to stay with his own money."

"Let's stop talking about that now," Sinon said. "The matches should be starting soon. Follow me."

The group nodded and followed Sinon to an elevator. After a few minutes of waiting, the four were transported to another floor of the building. It was smaller than the floor below but it was still spacious, with many tables and couches littering the room. There were even hologram monitors at each table for the players to spectate. But, upon arriving at the room, the three boys could feel that the atmosphere here was much more tense. Players now seemed much more angry and cold, looking at the group without fascination with their clothing, but as potential rivals. Some even pulled out their weapons, reloading or showing them off, potentially trying to scare the newbies. Kirito was simply put off by the atmosphere. Doppio shivered as the eyes borrowed into him. However, Mista and Sinon remained unchanged, returning cold stares and blank faces.

At one point, someone off to their right made a cocky smirk at the group to which Mista noticed. The Italian man gave a menacing glare back to the man, a stare that could kill. Everyone in that general direction, including the man, started to sweat a little and simply looked off into another direction. They now realized not to mess with Mista, no words exchanged but the message clear. Sinon seemed impressed as they began to make their way over to a section of the room with less players gathering.

"Could you guys wait here?" Sinon asked. "Me and Kirito will be out shortly." The boys were confused but obliged, as Kirito was dragged by Sinon off into another room, wondering why he was only selected to come. Meanwhile, Doppio and Mista simply waited by the door, leaning on the back and waiting for them to come out.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to this whole VRM&M thing," Doppio admitted to Mista. "It just feels out of my time."

"Me too," Mista claimed. "Just feels so weird here. But maybe it's just this game. Who knows?"

"And what do you think about this Death Gun guy?" Doppio added. "You think he really is killing people inside the game?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Mista said. "We're only here to find out how he does it, as it seems like we already confirmed that he's real. But I think we still need to investigate more before we can find out who he is and how he may/may not go about his killings."

"Yeah, I know . . . Still doesn't sit right with me though."

"Don't worry, man. I'm sure we'll work this ou-"

*CRACK!

A large sound filled the room, with many players turning around to stare behind them. Mista and Doppio did the same, but realized that the large cracking sound had come from right behind them. Turning around, they stared at each other and then back to the door, curious.

Both were then shocked as Sinon suddenly flew out the door with an angry/grumpy look on her face, with a hint of embarrassment. She had replaced her clothing with that of her normal outfit, which was quite skimpy and much more open compared to her last outfit. She brushed right past the two boys and started to walk-run away from them. Following her was Kirito, who was now dressed in a black trenchcoat, almost like Jotaro's, but in all black, with its collar connecting around his neck. A steel chestplate was at the center of his outfit, with a belt connecting his pants and lower half of the coat. But what surprised the boys was that Kirito now had a large, red handprint on his left cheek. The boy also ignored Mista and Doppio as he rushed after Sinon. Looking at each other again, both with confused and surprised expressions on their faces, they decided to follow their friends.

Mista and Doppio stopped in their tracks as they watched Sinon walk-run across the room in different directions, with a distressed Kirito following her. Sinon kept telling Kirito to leave her alone, while Kirito begged her for forgiveness and claimed that he still didn't know how the game operated. The two watched for a while as the Kirito continued to chase after Sinon for quite some time, with many players starting to look on in confusion too. It was then that Mista decided to intervene.

"Hey guys! What happened back there?" Mista asked.

Sinon and Kirito stopped in their tracks, realizing that Mista and Doppio were still here. Sinon seemed to calm down when she saw the man, but her glare kept up when she looked back at Kirito. She let out a sigh. "Follow me," she said.

Doing so, the three went over to an empty part of the room and sat down at a couch with a table. Sinon still seemed upset, Kirito was still slightly flustered, and Mista and Doppio were still confused, wondering what the hell had happened in the backroom.

"I'll explain the bare minimum," Sinon told them. "But after that, you and me, Kirito, we're enemies! The only reason I'm doing this is because Mista and Doppio didn't do anything wrong."

"Jesus dude!" Mista said to Kirito. "What the hell did you do to her?!"

"Nothing!" Kirito protested. "It's just . . . that was a changing room back there, and . . ."

"Huh? What are you . . . oh!" Mista's and Doppio's eyes lit up, realizing what had, or probably had, happened. The two then began to laugh, chuckling at their friend's expense.

"Wait! You knew he was a guy too?!" Sinon exclaimed.

"Oh course!" Mista said, wiping a tear from his eye. "We all logged in here with each other. The poor kid just got stuck with a feminine looking avatar."

"You never told me!"

"You never asked."

Sinon couldn't come with a comeback that time, pouting slightly. "I mean, I assumed that Doppio was a guy, even with his feminine qualities, but with Kirito's physic . . . ugh. Next time when I meet another female player, I'll have to make sure that she's actually a she!"

"I'm sorry we never told you," Doppio apologized.

"You don't have to apologize, Doppio," Sinon claimed. "Kirito here should be the one to apologize."

"But I didn't do anything wrong!" Kirito complained, getting another laugh out of Mista and Doppio, as well as a chuckle from Sinon.

"There's ten more minutes until the preliminaries start," Sinon explained. "When the clock hits zero, we'll all be transported to a battlefield with random attributes. We could be in a city, a desert, a swamp, who knows. You're confined to a small area, but you still spawn five hundred meters away from your opponent. If you win your 1v1, you'll be transported back here. Lose, and it's back to the first floor. However, there are no equipment drops from the defeated player like in usual PvP, so it's the reason why so many people compete. But like I said before, skill level usually takes out the inexperienced players."

"There are twenty blocks in this tournament, ranging from A to Y. When the preliminaries reach the semifinals, all four players are still allowed to enter the tournament. The purpose of the block finals is supposed to determine the seeds in which each player is ranked. If you're the higher seed, you'll be noticed by possible corporations looking to pick up sponsors, but you'll be at risk of being a higher target."

"That's all I'm willing to tell you guys. Even though I still didn't like the surprise, I don't hate you guys, so don't take anything personal," Sinon said with a smile. "Especially after I put a bullet in your head, Mista."

Mista smiled back. "Same here. I don't like to shoot girls, but I guess it's fine if we both make it to semis."

"A shame that I couldn't have fought Kirito though," Sinon sighed, looking over to the player. "I would have enjoyed killing him a lot more." Kirito shivered at the comment.

"Hey, Sinon! You're late! I was worried you wouldn't make it!" The group turned their attention to their side, seeing a man in a camouflage suit with a bullet proof vest. He had long gray hair that reached his chin and a longer ponytail that trailed behind his back.

"Hi, Spiegel," Sinon said with a warm smile. "I got caught up in something unexpected. But wait, didn't you say you weren't going to enter?" Sinon shuffled to the side to allow Spiegel some room on the couch.

"I thought it might be a pain, but I came to cheer you on," Spiegel claimed, sitting down. However, he suddenly started giving the three boys wary looks. "Um, are these guys that 'something' you were referring to?"

Sinon then began to pout again. "More or less. I was just showing these guys around, since it's their first time."

"It's your first time here?!" Spiegel announced, shocked. "But . . . you signed up for the tournament anyways?!"

"Nothing to lose, everything to gain," Mista said. He then extended a hand. "Guido Mista. Nice to meet you." Slightly taken aback, Spiegel still shook the man's hand.

"D-Doppio Vinegar. Nice to meet you too," the nervous man said, confusing Spiegel as to why such a frightened man would enter the best tournament in the game on his first time."

"And I'm Kirito! Sinon was a big help in a lot of ways!" the boy said.

"Knock it off!" Sinon said. "I just helped you pick out equipment! That's all!"

"Um, hi," Spiegel claimed, a blush slightly appearing on his face as he scratched his head. "Are you guys friends of Sinon's?"

"Don't be fooled," Sinon claimed, whispering over to her friend. "That Kirito, he's actually a guy." Spiegel's eyes went wide and dull, his brain nearly stopping after hearing the statement.

"B-but then . . . could one of these guys be . . . are you going out with . . ." Spiegel began to stutter.

"Calm down," Sinon said. "I just met these guys. We've never met beforehand." The man breathed a sigh of relief, as the three boys looked at each other and smiled at what Sinon meant to this guy.

However, their conversation was cut short when the group was blinded by bright lights and music, appearing like a rave. "We apologize for the wait," the robotic female announcer claimed. "The Bullet of Bullets 3, Qualifying Tournament will now begin. Good luck to everyone who has entered." Cheers erupted from the crowd, with some even firing bullets into the air.

Sinon then began to stand up. "All of you! Make it to the finals! No one but me is allowed to kill you! Got it?! Especially you, Mista!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Mista said, getting up. "You make sure you get there too. But I doubt you'll have any trouble getting there."

"I-I'll try my best!" Doppio added.

"There's no way I'd lose before getting to fight you," Kirito claimed.

The three smiled, seemingly ignoring Sinon's threatening statement, making her more flustered. Before she could say anything back, she was transported away, along with all the other players, as they were engulfed in light and transported to the battlefield.

. . .

Mista found himself in a dark room, with nothing but black surrounding him. The only things visible was an orange platform he stood on and a giant monitor above his head. Mista was apparently fighting a player named Viva2212, with a minute timer until the battle started. He was also fighting in a battlefield known as The Forgotten Fields. Doing what Sinon had shown him, Mista did a swiping motion with his right hand, pulling up a menu. He then equipped the only weapon he had, the revolver. While Sinon had begged him to buy armor as well, Mista claimed that it would only disrupt his current fashion style. With that, Mista had spent all of his remaining money on heavy amounts of ammo, which he was also happy to learn could be stored inside his strange hat. From what he found out about his avatar, Kikuoka had apparently requested that his avatar could store ammo in his hat, something that Mista greatly appreciated.

"Let's do this, Sex Pistols," Mista said.

"You better reward us with some good treats!" Number 1 claimed.

With that, Mista was transported to the battlefield. It was a wide area with tall, golden grass. Multiple structures of ruined buildings gave the player cover, with the ruins looking like alien structures from a civilization long gone. Mista scouted the area, knowing that it was unlikely he would meet his opponent right away. After all, Sinon had claimed that opponents would spawn five hundred meters away, meaning that it was unlikely for Mista to meet his opponent right away.

"Maybe I should just wait here," Mista thought. "After all, if we're supposed to meet each other, I might as well wait for him."

And so he did. For several minutes, perhaps even half an hour, Mista relaxed beneath a ruined structure, completely covering his flanks and hiding his position in the grass. Mista found the area calming, as the orange afternoon sky even made him feel a little sleepy. He put his arms behind his back and even closed his eyes. Soon enough, he started snoring as well.

Players who were spectating the battle were shocked beyond belief. Who falls asleep right in the middle of the battlefield?! Players soon started to "boo!" at Mista, with many yelling for him to be disqualified for essentially going AFK. Spiegel, who was watching multiple matches, found it particularly disgusting. Why was this the man that Sinon wanted to fight so badly?

Yet, Mista could not hear any of their complaints, enjoying his nap. Viva did not find his opponent's laziness good sportsmanship either, trudging for what seemed like hours through the fields, carefully looking over his shoulder to see if it was an ambush, but giving up after a while. He was wearing a tan camouflage suit and helmet, specifically to match the colors and environment he was fighting in, but found that there was nothing to hide from. Finally, after several more minutes, Mista's opponent made it to his spawn, looking around to truly see if his foe was actually AFK. Hearing the sound of snoring, Viva started to make his way through the grass, trying as best as he could to sneak up on his opponent. What he did not expect, however, was that Mista had already set up a plan.

"Mista! Tha bastard's here!" Number 7 yelled to his master.

"Where is he?" Mista asked, not opening his eyes.

"Five meters to ya left, three meters ahead! He's crawling around in tha grass like a fool!"

"Thanks, Number 7."

With a swift motion, Mista got himself up, faced in the exact direction his Stand had told him, and started firing. Shocked, his opponent could only watch helplessly, as he was shot by multiple rounds. Even more shocking was that, while he had only been hit five times, he had nearly taken half of his health!

"What the hell is this?!" he stated, getting up and trying to gain better ground. The player was equipped with a submachine gun and started to open fire on Mista.

"Too easy," Mista thought, seeing the bullet prediction lines. "This really is broken." Not only did Mista dodge his opponent's fire, he also had Numbers 5, 6, and 7 fire some of the bullets back. The player's shock never seemed to end, as he was suddenly hit with his own rounds.

"What the actual hell is going on?!" Viva claimed, trying to gain control of himself. But after his endless wave of shocks and becoming very tired after traveling so far, the man could only drop on his behind. The player looked up in desperation, only to see Mista pointing his gun straight at him.

"Sorry friend. But a good man always knows his limitations." And with a pull of the trigger, Mista had won his first match, a congratulations screen appearing not too long after.

"This game really is broken," Mista thought, as he was transported back to the hub area.

The audience was almost as shocked as Viva was, their mouths agape at the entire match. The man had done nothing for nearly an hour and won in mere seconds! He never got shot once, knew where his opponent was, somehow damaged his opponent with their own rounds, and only fired six bullets! Yet, out of the crowd, there was only one who didn't find the man's performance to be ludicrous. Well, he did find it ludicrous, but he was more impressed than shocked.

"I thought so. That man . . . is just like me."

To Be Continued . . .

You're alone in a dark alleyway or room, no light is present. You move around to find a way out, but you cannot escape. Suddenly, you hear something. Something or someone is in the same room as you, and it appears that it is circling you, by the sound of reverating footsteps. You cannot see what it is. Sweat pours down your face. In a vain attempt to establish communication with whatever it is, you call out "Who's there?" The footsteps stop for a moment, but then suddenly become louder and louder as you realize that the thing is coming closer to you. And soon, you see two hands extend, purple gem-like eyes staring down at you, as you hear it call out:

"Darti Deezu Done Darti Cheepu."

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, this bullshit game. I don't think I need to explain why these game mechanics are trash. Too many have done it way better than I have. But seriously, who approved of these as game mechanics? This idea was approved by multiple people! What kind of cigars were they smoking that day?!

Along with some weird Spidey Sense ability Kirito uses that's never explained, the goddamn Buggies that are impossible to drive, blatant and forced fanservice, the One-Shot swords . . . WAIT! The fucking Lightsaber! How the fuck did those bastards get to use the same sound a Lightsaber makes?! And how the fuck did no one realize that this was a fucking Lightsaber?! Does Star Wars not exist in this world?! You know, I think it would be absolutely hilarious if SAO got sued by Disney for using their sound. After all, if Jurassic Park's T-Rex roar is copyrighted, shouldn't the Lightsaber's sound be too?

And do I even need to explain why snipers and swords are LITERALLY the best weapons in the game and how everyone is stupid for not using them? And why these "pro players" can't just reload and shoot while moving, instead of staying perfectly still! And if you couldn't contact Zaska, then why didn't you contact the Japanese branch? And how the fuck are these players getting paid huge amounts of money in the first place? I swear to god, I'm regressing in brain cells every time I watch this show. Perhaps that's why the series has so many fans, because they drained them of brain cells to just watch the show for what it is!

Enough's enough. For the love of god, please Reki and A1 Studios, stop making this shit and focus on something else! If you keep going on, you'll just keep fucking it up. And I can't wait to get to the Underworld series, cause there is something MAJOR I need to talk about there that NO ONE ELSE IS TALKING ABOUT FOR SOME REASON! Where are the reviews for Underworld, people?!

Oh, and the last thing that I forgot to mention. While doing some research, I found that there was a Shooter game called Rust with the option of choosing skins for your guns. One of these skins was called "The Crimson King" and it was for an Assault Rifle. Fits perfectly.

But enough of this. I'll see you all in the next chapter.

DID YOU KNOW: Kōsuke Toriumi, Mista's voice actor, also voices Little Mac in Super Smash Bros.? Equip Mac with a gun, and you got Mista! Another notable role he played was Junpei Iori from Persona 3!