Chapter Three

Kaolinite
"peace"

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"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
—Jack London

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"I am burdened with glorious groceries!"

The announcement Shay made was granted with a half-smile from her mother and stares from her children. Almost ten seconds passed before someone took the bait.

"…What?"

Shay's bouncy energy deflated instantaneously.

"Oh, come on! Nobody got that reference?"

Shrugs answered her inquiry. She sighed heavily and shook her head, waving a hand dismissively at everyone.

"Never mind, forget it. Y'all ready to go, my chickadees?"

Korra was slow to respond, but Cas sprang to his feet from the breakfast nook and trotted over to his mother. He quickly wrapped his little arms around her middle and squeezed, pressing his head against her stomach.

"I am, I am! I missed you, Mommy!"

Shay reciprocated the embrace, leaning over to plant half a dozen kisses against the crown of his head. "Awwww, my sweet baby boy. I missed you too! Were you good for Nonnie?"

"Korra had a rough time at school, but she managed to turn it around towards the end of the day. Cas was having some troubles too, but he got through them. Make sure you check your email; I think you'll have something from their teachers."

Korra pouted, diverting her attentions away from her mother. Shay gave a nod to her own mother for the information.

"Thanks, Mom."

"No problem, honey—"

Whatever Shay's mother had lined up was thrown to the wind due to Cas's loud enthusiasm and excitement at garnering his mother's attention.

"Mommy! Mommy, Mommy—that bear came back!"

The very air in the house seemed to freeze. Both adults turned their eyes towards Cas. Even Korra sat up straighter and twisted on her stool.

"Another bear?"

"No, it was the same bear, Mommy!" Cas responded vehemently, looking quite offended that he wasn't being believed right away. "It was the same bear!"

"How do you know that, sweetie?" Shay's mother replied, genuine concern and interest lining her words in equal measures.

"It was missing an ear," he responded and pointed at his right ear. "It was gone."

Shay exchanged a look with her mother. "That's…not good, is it?"

"I don't know. Maybe email Cas's teacher and ask around."

"Right. Well…okay. Okay, baby dolls, let's hit the road!"

"Oh, one more thing. Cas was saying that you had some…friends stay over last night?"

Fuck. Shay's heart fluttered haphazardly within her narrow chest. Before she could even think of an actual excuse, her mouth went running. "No, no, no! I was talking with a friend, and I had it on speaker last night. He probably thought someone was with me."

"But Mommy—"

"Baby, there was no one downstairs with me! Maybe you dreamed it? I was kind of loud and so was the TV."

With her back towards her mother, she was able to stare her son down with meaningful heat in her eyes. He fell to silence quickly enough. Korra hopped off the stool and grabbed her younger brother's hand, practically dragging him off towards the back door.

"I'll get him ready, Mom."

Before Shay could wither with relief, she cleared her throat and turned towards her mother.

"Was there anything else?"

"You know what, I forgot what I was saying. If I remember, I'll let you know later. Okay, honey?"

"Sounds good to me."

Oh, dear Christ on a fucking crutch, I just dodged a fucking bullet. Please don't let it be like this every day.

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Shay's pickup was indeed burdened with a litany of groceries and supplies—most of which included household items such as extra bedding and hygiene materials. She had the kids help with the first round of bags, but as soon as they crossed the threshold, three out of four of the brothers poured out to help. Even the dogs came bounding out to provide their own brand of support. Namely, they very nearly tangled themselves underfoot of Shay or her kids' feet, especially Chief. Evergreen skulked away from the brothers entirely, skittering out of sight whenever she caught wind of them.

"You didn't have to purchase all of this for us," Leonardo commented, once he seemed to gauge just how much Shay had returned home with.

"Dang, you think very highly of yourselves, don'tcha? Who said all of this was for y'all? I certainly didn't." Shay flashed a mischievous grin his way as she hauled several cases of soda into the house, shrugging Donatello away with a shake of her head. "I got it, I ain't a full-blown invalid just yet. Shoo, shoo."

He raised his hands in a motion of defeat and continued on his way to the truck.

Michelangelo was close on her heels and it didn't take much for him to catch up and stride alongside her as they got inside.

"Yeah, she didn't get all this for you guys. It's all for me!"

"Pffft. I repeat and amend my motion from earlier: what makes you think any of this is for any of y'all, huh?"

The lightened levity of things was a welcome contrast to the heavy atmosphere that had encompassed most of the early morning.

The only missing face Shay noticed once she made a trip or two bringing groceries inside was Raphael. She didn't expect to see him for a while, if at all. Especially considering how it was implied by his brothers that he took the news she had revealed the hardest out of any of them. In fact, according to Donatello, they had only seen glimpses of the red-banded turtle around the property and he hasn't returned to the house proper as of yet.

A small part of her hoped he came back and soon. He'd probably miss the amenities of any resemblance of society and civilization before long…or so she hoped.

It took nearly an hour to unload, sort through, and put away everything. In the interim, Shay was sidetracked with cleaning out the fridge, doing the dishes, and working her way through the metal recyclables on top of the groceries and household supplies.

By the time she finished, she felt a familiar painful ache throbbing in her lower back and left hip. She took some of Tylenol to stave it off, relaxed for all of twenty minutes, and then began concerting the effort of transporting the horse and goat feed to the barn.

One bag of feed alone had her leaning heavily to one side as she lurched out the back door. Chief and Evergreen went rushing outside, bounding about with reckless abandon. It wasn't long before Shay's kids followed after her, and just behind them, the turtle brothers weren't far away. Mikey especially was close on Shay's heels.

"Y'know, we got horses out in our neck of the woods. Er, well…I guess it's not really the woods. It's Central Park. And cop horses, too."

"Chicago has mounted officers, too."

"Wait, really?"

"I didn't know that," Leonardo chimed in, his tone sounding genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, when I was going to school out there, I came across a mounted officer. He let me gush over the horse."

"Are you from Chicago?"

Before she could answer Donatello, however, her son replied in her stead with great enthusiasm.

"She's from California! I kinda remember living there, um, when I was really small. We went to Venice Beach and the big aquarium at another beach and um—um, oh! Disneyland! It was so much fun! Mommy bought me a churro and it was so good."

Shay instantly reverted to gushing over her son. This was the same kid who wanted to watch horror flicks right alongside her and would barely flinch. It probably helped that Shay could break down and reassure him that everything in films were fake. He had handled the Haunted Mansion ride like a champion. Shay, unfortunately, couldn't say the same for her daughter. Korra was slightly more sensitive to those sorts of things. Shay knew how to make her feel better, however.

As they approached the barn, Korra rushed ahead and started yanking the doors open. Shay finished with the second one by using her shoulder to edge it open and waved an arm for everyone to file inside. When they all entered, animal heads popped over stall doors, greeting the newcomers. Shay dumped the bag of feed she had brought over at the entrance of the barn and stretched with a groan. Korra rushed towards the female Appaloosa, affectionately named Nightshade, while Cas strolled over to Hemlock, the male black and white Appaloosa.

Gertie and Abbie, a pair LaMancha goats, bleated their displeasure at being ignored. Shay took on the role of doting caretaker to them, sticking her hands through the metal gate of their barn stall. Gertie snuffled against her hand, while Abbie continued bleating.

"Hey, babies! I missed you! Did you miss Mama? Of course, you did. Yes, I know, I was away for so long, I'm so sorry my little fur babies—"

"Mooooom, you're doing that weird baby voice again!" Korra complained loudly, her dry tone cutting through the atmosphere. Shay rolled her eyes as she shot a look over her shoulder at her daughter.

"When you have fur-babies that you and you alone take care of, without help from me or Nonnie or Poppy or anyone else for that matter, then you can talk to me on animal rearing etiquette. Mmmkay, Gremlin?"

Korra scowled at her mother, clearly affronted, but she simply huffed and turned away with her nose in the air. Shay didn't take much offense to her daughter's over-the-top posturing. She turned back to her chores instead. The animals needed to be put out to pasture, to stretch their legs and socialize more closely.

"Korra, take the goats out to their paddock while I get the horses out to theirs. Castiel, you help your sister out. After that, we gotta clean up the stalls and get the rest of the feed up in the shed."

"Can we give them all some treats?" Cas requested, putting on a charming little smile. Shay eyed him up and down even as he squinted at her.

"Oh, you think you're slick, huh? Fine. But we do it later. After we finish our chores."

"Is there anything we could do to help out?"

Shay turned on her heel as Korra and Castiel bustled over to the goats. She raised a brow, thinking on the offer.

"If you guys could get the rest of the feed out here and store it in the metal bins out in the shed on the side of the barn, that'd be great. It'd cut down on the work for us quite a bit."

And just like that, they were out of sight, filing out the barn doors. Michelangelo paused at the threshold, giving her a jaunty wave before slipping outside. Shay turned back to horses and rubbed her hands together. Hemlock tossed his head excitedly when he noticed Shay's attention drifting his way. He stomped his front hooves, bumping his chest into the stall door. Nightshade quietly nickered, looking more content with waiting her turn.

"All righty, then. Let's get you guys out, huh?"

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Everything was alien and strange out here. There weren't any of the familiar sounds he was used to—noises that could have offered a modicum of comfort were all but absent. The air smelled cleaner, fresher. That was a plus. Sometimes, even Raphael got a little sick of the stink hidden away in the corners of New York City. And he loved his city. It had its ups and downs, its good and bad. There was plenty he disliked that he thought could be changed or improved upon, he wouldn't play stupid or baldly lie on that front.

But he knew from the moment he woke up half a week ago and across the country, that this place wasn't for him. This place was too open, too exposed—even under the cover of the trees, he felt vulnerable. There was the nighttime chorus that he could, if he squeezed his eyes shut hard enough, pretend that the sounds are coming from Central Park. Animals and insects alike chirruping their evening songs and whatnot. But one strong whiff of the air and the illusion couldn't hold.

He missed the skyscrapers. He missed the electrifying pulse of the city. He missed the sound of car horns blasting in the streets. He missed the chatter of the people. He missed the lights. He missed traveling around by rooftop.

Traveling at night here wasn't any easier. When the sun fell below the horizon, everything went pitch black. It was darker than any sewer tunnel he's walked through—and they've all come across plenty of sewer lines that had been long since abandoned and the years had shown.

For once, he couldn't find it in him to believe that the shadows were a part of him and that…that unnerved him in ways he didn't think possible. It was an unsettling in ways that he hated.

His brothers didn't seem to share in the unease like he did. Mikey, maybe—but his little brother was trying his best to hide it. Donnie, of course, did all his geeky equations and calculated the risks of everything they could come across. Their first night huddled in the woods, a chorus of howls had filled the air. Distant, but disturbing all the same—but Donnie had reassured them up and down that it was too far away for them to be concerned about. Leo, predictably, didn't seem to know the meaning of fear. He saw it as a challenge to go through and had been trying to strongarm the rest of them into believing it too ever since.

And yet, none of that compared to the bombshell that had been dropped into their laps.

He didn't believe for one second that the woman who took them in would have said anything if she could get away with hiding the truth. She may have said she'd have told them eventually—but she was lying. She had to be. The only reason she was showing any contrition was because she got caught.

Being indoors after the big reveal had been too much for him. That big family house was suddenly too small for him. The ceiling was coming down around his head, the walls were closing in, the heat sweltering and blistering against his skin. He needed out of that house, away from them all.

Despite how angry he was, literally tearing the walls and roof down probably wasn't something he could justify later on. Especially when it had little kids to keep safe. He wouldn't be the one to do that to them.

Raphael found himself running loops around the homestead property. As strange as this place was, he found it better than staying under the same roof as that woman. He'd disappear through the woods, circle around, see the house or the workshop or the barn and paddocks through the trees, and go back out again. Occasionally, he'd come across a fence line, but in a few places, he noticed the metal wires had been snipped. Peppered throughout the trees, he began to notice targets as well, swinging in the light breeze. There were plenty of indents in them and a few even had some broken arrow shafts imbedded on their surfaces too.

All the while, he was left with his thoughts as they churned about in his head. He wanted nothing to do with the woman who lived there. He was furious with her, with all that she had revealed. The hours whittled away as the sun inched along across the sky. A few thin clouds scuttled at a quicker pace, disappearing behind the serrated teeth of the treetops and over the lips of the mountains.

The heat was nice, although he didn't much care for the number of insects that buzzed around him. Raphael swatted at them, but they were relentless. He found himself returning back to the homestead proper, where he could easily see the barn and the paddocks. He took pause to watch when he saw his brothers leaving through the barndoors. Watched them work their way back to the house. The woman's kids came out through another door, each of them leading a brown goat each out into a paddock.

The woman herself was last to come out and was leading a horse out into another paddock. It was white, with dapples of black patches randomly splashed across its body. The horse walked with a jaunty stride in its step, almost like it was on the verge of prancing. The woman opened a different paddock gate, took off the lead she had on the horse, and went back inside.

The kids remained in the paddock with the goats. Raphael saw his brothers returning to the barn, carrying large bags. They disappeared inside, and the woman shortly did too. She came back out barely a minute later, leading another horse—this one also white, but with mottling of brown and tan—into the same paddock as the first. When the horses were together, she returned to the barn.

Raphael watched for another minute, and started to turn away, ready to make another series of laps around the property. Jerky movements from the corner of his eye caught his attention. High pitched squeals and huffy snorts soon began to pepper the air, nearly drowning out the buzz of insects.

It was coming from the paddock where the horses were.

He wasn't an expert on equines, but from the way they were pacing and bucking, it didn't exactly seem normal. The horses were agitated, borderline…afraid. Raphael remembered he once saw a mounted officer trying to chase down some punk on foot. The officer didn't know the kid had a gun, and when he finally yanked it out and fired a shot, that horse bucked its rider off faster than Raphael could blink and took off through the streets. He must have watched that animal for a good minute. Desperate, panicked.

When cars had come to screeching halts and blocked off the horse's retreat, the big animal had begun pacing in little agitated circles. The officer in question had been helped up by civilians, while the horse had been calmed by some other bystanders. The street punk didn't make it far after Raphael got done with him.

The horses were acting similarly now as the one he had seen back home. Restless and unable to calm down on their own. The shrill, high cries were filled with a distressed need for help.

He pulled himself across the tree line and out into the open, picking up pace with each step. The kids seemed to notice the horses' odd behavior as well, and they suspended their playtime with the goats to watch, fidgeting nervously.

"Hey!" He upped his pace to a light jog and began waving to the kids. They noticed him after the second or third time he called. Raphael made it to the perimeter of the paddock and starting gesturing towards the barn. "Go get yer mom, something's wrong!"

The oldest scurried away, her little brother not far behind. Raphael paced around the paddock perimeter, turning his attention back to the horses. Their ears were peeled back, tails raised, nostrils flared, hooves pawing impatiently at the ground. Both of them kept looking at a particular patch in the paddock as they jerked around its perimeter. It was the spot that they were deliberately avoiding.

The woman came jogging out and was quick to climb the fence and she pelted across the grassy knoll. Just as swiftly, she came sliding to a sudden halt and backed away, hands held out in front of her. Faintly, Raphael swore he could hear rattling start up but for the life of him, he couldn't definitively confirm that. Deep down, he had a sinking feeling about what it might be, and with it, instinctive unease settled in his core.

The woman retreated across the paddock and back up to the barn. The horses seemed to be keeping their distance for the time being. Raphael leapt over the paddock fence with barely a thought and moved closer. He was halfway to the horses when the woman returned. She was holding a shovel in hand, the spade end above and behind her head. The woman returned to the spot she had skittered away from, slowing down. Raphael moved closer. He noticed his brothers congregating around the barn doors, and the kids front and center ahead of them.

The woman shuffled nearer still, her movements deliberate and calculated—but most of all, they were slow and purposeful, the steps she took riddled with a healthy dose caution. The distance between himself and her was closing rapidly, but her focus wasn't on him at all. Raphael could see something was in the grass now, something small and twined in a ball. The rattling noise was coming from it, but so was a deep and troubling hissing noise.

She struck before he could get closer, pinning whatever it was down with the handle of the shovel. It tried to wriggle free, but she had it pressed into the ground by the skull. She moved fast, stooping over snatch up the writhing, rattling, hissing thing on the ground.

When she came back up, she tossed the shovel to free her other hand—and he saw that she was holding a snake.

It tried to coil and twist itself free from her hands. However, she had a tight grip on one end, and a looser, more relaxed hold on the other. That end was where the rattling racket was coming from. It clicked for him finally.

She was a holding a goddamn rattlesnake.

He didn't know much about snakes, but he knew enough to recognize that those things were filled with venom. Enough to kill a human, at least. And the woman was damn small. One nick from its fangs and she'd probably drop dead on the spot. He hated to admit that he felt a pang of concern for her, seeing that writhing venomous thing in her hands. She was one step away from being bitten, from death.

She didn't seem to care about that.

She was grinning, eyes bright and wide as she warily handled the deadly reptile. She treated the animal's head with utter respect and kept her grip firm. He didn't think a lot of people would have the balls to snatch up a rattlesnake off the ground with hardly a care or effort like she had.

…Maybe April. And his dad. But that was probably about it, but it was also farfetched. Rattlesnakes simply didn't live in New York City, so it'd probably have to be some kind of freak incident for any of them to come across one. Raphael had a sudden, if small, modicum of respect for the woman in that moment.

She turned on her heel and worked her way back to the barn as the snake continued vocalizing its displeasure in her hands. She held it up almost like a trophy, although still with the same reverence she had when snatching it up. Her kids had the right idea, however, and retreated back into the barn with squeals of fright. Likewise, Raphael's brothers gave her a wide berth as well.

Raphael seemed to be the only one to notice that the horses had calmed completely, now that the threat was removed.

It was a strange moment in time.

He never thought he'd have even an ounce of deference for the woman.

Raphael was almost ashamed of having to backtrack on his earlier opinions of her.

Almost.

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