Chapter 4

They couldn't just up and leave, of course. No matter how spontaneous they might want to be, just deciding to go wasn't enough. They had to plan, get time off, buy plane tickets and arrange for a rental. This time, they were also going to get a hotel for a few days, like they had in Alaska. They could do multiple day trips with lots of driving instead of driving around parks and hoping for hotels in and around the various parks. So it took some time. But that was all to the better. Banff was further north and much higher in elevation. It took longer for warm weather to get there. Plus, Tim didn't want to leave Delilah to finish out the school year by herself. He wanted to be around for that. He found the concept of graduating from various grades to be a little silly, but he wasn't going to have his kids celebrating those things with their dad missing. Maybe Tony and Jo had infected him with those ideas, but Tim had found himself absolutely determined to be there for every milestone, no matter how ridiculous he might think that milestone was.

They finally settled on the end of June, hoping to avoid the worst of the summer crowds but still be late enough that there would be plenty of hiking available. As for which hikes? Well, that was going to wait until they were there. Tony insisted that they keep some of it unplanned. Tim agreed, but without telling Tony, he began to train a little bit for the trip. He was fully recovered from his illness the year before, but he wasn't in the best shape. He had let being busy keep him from exercising as regularly as he used to. So Tim started getting up early to go running and every weekend, he and Tommy would go to the local high school and run the stairs at the football field which gave them time to hang out together. Even if Tommy was a little disappointed at not going on the trip, Tim knew that Tommy was also really happy for his dad. It was obvious that he thought this was going to fix everything. Would that it could, but Tim appreciated the sacrifice Tommy was making and while he still felt it was somewhat unnecessary, he could admit that he was excited to go on this road trip with Tony, and maybe, it could be as good as Tony said it would be.

He could only hope.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony was actually sitting in the back seat while Jo sat up front with Daniel as he drove them to the train station. He and Grace had taken driver's ed and were now working on getting the required hours for their license. Daniel had volunteered to drive Tony to the station, but he had to have someone who could observe him driving and that person could not be Grace. So Jo was going to ride with Daniel, coaching him and stressing about it.

"Watch that car there, Daniel," Jo said. "It's signaling."

"I can see it, Mom," Daniel said, sounding irritated.

Tony smiled to himself. Even if it was exasperation, he always like it when his kids sounded like normal teenagers. Daniel was still too serious most of the time and so something like this when he was just acting his age was good.

"Now, you're going to turn right up here so get into the outside lane."

"I know where I'm going, Mom. I've been to the train station before," Daniel said.

Tony tried not to laugh. He didn't think either person in the front seat would appreciate it.

"I can see that, Tony," Jo said, trying not to smile. "Don't even start or I'll make Daniel turn this car right around and take you home."

"Ha. I'm not misbehaving at all. I'm just sitting here, quietly minding my own business."

"I didn't say you were. I can tell what you're thinking."

"Can't be punished for what you're thinking," Tony said, grinning.

"Oh, yes, you can," Jo said. "So don't start."

Tony laughed outright.

Daniel easily turned right and parked in the lot for the station. Jo let out an audible sigh of relief.

"Good job, Daniel," she said.

"Mom, you don't need to have a heart attack every time I drive."

"So you think."

"Okay, I'm here. If you want, you can just go instead of paying for parking," Tony said.

"Nope. We're going in with you," Jo said. "We need some relaxation."

"Mom needs the relaxation," Daniel said. "I'm fine."

Tony slung his arm around Daniel's shoulders although he wouldn't be able to do that for much longer if Daniel kept growing.

"Okay. Let's go."

They walked together into the station and Tony found his train.

"All right. See you all next week," he said.

Jo hugged him tightly and spoke in a low voice.

"You're not losing your family, Tony. So just have fun."

"We never just have fun," Tony said, "but I hope we mostly have fun."

"You will. And I expect a keychain."

"Yes, ma'am."

Then, Tony let Jo go and punched Daniel lightly on the arm.

"Good driving, Daniel. Don't give your mom too much trouble."

"I never cause trouble," Daniel said, but he smiled. "Take lots of pictures. Maybe we could all go there another time."

"I'm sure we could. I'll bet we won't see everything there is to see, not even in a week," Tony said. Then, he hugged Daniel quickly. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Dad."

Then, it was time to get on the train. Tony headed off and found his seat. It would take a few hours to get up to D.C., but that was just fine. He could use his time.

They had until tomorrow before the trip started for both of them, but Tony considered the road trip officially begun for himself.

He just hoped it would be a good one.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim was in his bedroom packing. He'd had a few bad nights the week before and he was on his way back to his usual state. He was a little worried about it, but he was trying to relax so that he didn't bring on a relapse. Tony's train should be arriving in the next hour or so. He was going to stay the night and they had an early flight the next morning. They'd each taken the week off, but with the weekend on either end, they were still getting more than a week which meant they wouldn't be too crunched for time. They had plenty of experience with cramming in as much as possible with as little time off as possible.

He really wanted this to go well.

"Tim?"

Tim got on his knees, searching through the floor of the closet.

"Have you seen my hiking shoes, Delilah?" he asked, distracted. "I know I had them out just yesterday. I can't figure out what I did with them after I dusted them off."

"Tim."

Tim twigged to Delilah's tone and he turned around.

"What is it?"

Delilah rolled over to him.

"Will you be okay? After what you told me about Tony and... I just don't want you to fall because you're feeling the pressure. I want you to have fun."

Tim smiled and crawled over on his knees. He took Delilah's hands.

"I want to have fun, too. Last week was a bad one, but I'm past it now, and while I'm sorry that you had to deal with it again, I'm feeling... right. I don't think this is just a reprieve. I think I'm out again."

"Are you sure?"

"No," Tim said, honestly. "I'm not...but I'm hoping I'm right. Delilah, you told me last year that the road trip was a detour. This is the real road trip. I don't think that it's necessary for me to feel better, but it definitely is for Tony. Since he needs it, I'm doing it, and I'm just hoping that we'll both have fun. So you can stop worrying and I'll try to stop worrying and maybe we'll both be better off for it." He squeezed her hands. "Now... have you seen my hiking shoes?"

Delilah smiled and squeezed his hands back.

"You left them by the back door after you washed them off. Two days ago. I think they're dry."

Tim laughed and got to his feet.

"Of course. Thanks."

He walked out of their bedroom and back to the door. He saw Tommy sitting outside and he sighed a little. There was a part of him that wanted to say who cared about whether or not he and Tony worked things out. He hated to see his son bummed out because of something related to his father, even if this wasn't at all like what had happened before. Setting aside his shoes for the moment, Tim opened the door and sat down beside Tommy.

At first, neither of them spoke.

"You were sad again last week," Tommy said.

"Yeah, I was," Tim said. He didn't like talking about his mental health to his son, but since he'd told Tommy about it last year, he didn't feel he could legitimately hide it now.

"Are you still sad?"

"No, not now. I'm better."

Tommy looked at him with that furrowed brow that showed deep thinking.

"Will it ever go away... all the way?"

Tim took a deep breath and sighed a little.

"I wish it would, Tommy, but I don't think it will. It's like your mom. She's in a wheelchair and she won't get better from that, but she still can do pretty much everything other moms can do. It's just that my... injury is in my mind instead of my body. And it's an injury that can't get better... not all the way," Tim said. "That's why I still go to Dr. Bourning. He helps me keep my mind as good as it can be, so I can do pretty much everything other dads can do."

"Will you be happy on your trip with Tony?"

"I hope so. Will you be happy while I'm gone?"

Tommy shook his head and moped a little. Tim hugged him.

"Thank you, Tommy. I know it's hard for you. Remember that, when we get back, you and me and Tony and Daniel are going to go back to Roanoke on a weekend and do that Freedom Trail hike. It'll still be just the boys. Just not for as long."

Tommy nodded and brightened a little bit.

"It's not the same," he said.

"No, it's not, but we'll still go on road trips together. Just not this year."

Tommy nodded again, and Tim looked at his watch.

"Okay, I have to finish packing, but then, I need to go and pick up Tony from the train station. Do you want to go with me?"

"Yes!"

"All right. Let me get my stuff ready and then we'll go."

"Okay!"

Tommy jumped up to go and tell Delilah about it. It would put him in bed past his bedtime, but one time wouldn't hurt. He sighed a little and then got up and went inside. He grabbed his hiking shoes and went back to the bedroom. He understood the reason for going by themselves and, to a degree, he even agreed with it, but at the same time, he just wished he could have it both ways. He hated to disappoint his son for any reason.

"Tim, it's okay," Delilah said from behind him.

He turned around and smiled.

"I know it is."

"But you still don't like it."

"No, but only because I can't have it both ways."

"If it's a serious thing, then, it's probably for the best that the boys won't be there."

"I hope it's not too serious," Tim said. "I'm hoping it's more having fun and realizing that it's possible than lots of serious talks."

"As you always say, they're more than just road trips," Delilah said. "But promise me that you'll ask for help if you need it. This time, Tim, you need to do that."

"I'll try," Tim said. "I can't guarantee it, but I'll try to remember that."

Delilah rolled over to him and pulled him down so she could kiss him.

"Don't take too long coming back. Tommy still needs his sleep. Even in the summer."

Tim grinned.

"Getting to stay up late makes him feel like the oldest."

"As if he needed that," Delilah said. "Go on."

"See you in about an hour."

"Hopefully. Even if I'm being a worrywart, call if there's an accident or something that will delay you too much."

"I will."

Tim turned back and closed his bag. Then, he set it on the chair and walked out.

"Okay, Tommy. Ready to go?"

"Yes!" Tommy said, looking completely happy again.

They went out and got in the car and drove down to Union Station. Tony had offered to just get a taxi, but it seemed silly to spend that money when Tim could come and pick him up.

"Okay, Tommy," Tim said. "Tony and I will be leaving before you're up, so make sure that you help your mom out while I'm gone. Make things easy for her, okay?"

"I will, Dad," Tommy said. "I'll be good."

"Excellent. Now... I think I need your eyes to help me find parking so we don't have to go into the garage. Keep your eyes peeled."

Instantly, Tommy leaned forward, peering through the windshield to find them a good spot close to the entrance.

"There, Dad! On the left!"

Tommy pointed eagerly. Tim followed his finger and saw the spot. He pulled into it and then held out his hand.

"All right, Tommy. Give me five. Way to go."

Tommy grinned and slapped his hand.

They got out of the car and walked together into the station and then over to the Amtrak area. They'd made pretty good time, so they were early, but it looked like Tony's train was on time so they wouldn't have to wait very long. Tim was looking at the board and then over to wherever Tony's train would be arriving.

"Dad, can we get a shake?" Tommy asked.

"Huh?"

Tommy pointed at the Shake Shack.

"It's still open!"

"Not right now, Tommy," Tim said. "I don't want to miss Tony."

"On our way out?" Tommy asked.

"Maybe. No promises."

They got over to the waiting area and started watching for Tony.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you and Tony take a train to Banff?"

Tim laughed. "No. It would take way too long."

"But could you do it?" Tommy asked.

"Probably. I don't know."

"Would you check?"

Tim looked at Tommy and smiled.

"Sure. Let's check it out."

They walked to a bench and sat down. Tim pulled out his phone and started looking. There were no direct lines from what Tim could find, but they had fun trying to figure out a route.

"Look, Dad. You can go from Minot to Calgary. Where's Minot?"

"North Dakota."

"Is there a train to Minot from here?"

"Let's see."

He did another search.

"Looks like there is. So we could. We would have to take the train to Minot and then get on a different train to get to Calgary. We'd still have to take way too much time, though. There's no way we'd have that much time off."

"Wouldn't it be fun, though? We could just sit and look out the windows. No one would have to pay attention to the road. You could just sit and ride on the train."

Tim looked at Tommy and smiled. Then, he ruffled his hair.

"That would be fun."

"Hey, guys! Been waiting long?"

They both looked up and saw Tony with his bag. Tommy jumped up and ran over to give Tony a hug.

"Tony! We figured out how to get to Calgary on a train!"

"I don't think we have that much time, Tommy," Tony said.

Tim smiled and stood up.

"I already told him that."

"Great minds think alike, then," Tony said, smiling.

Tim could see that Tony was forcing things a little bit. Hopefully, that wouldn't be the way things went all through the trip. That would not be fun.

"Always," he said.

They started off toward the exit.

"Dad, can we get a shake?" Tommy asked.

Tim groaned. He'd hoped that Tommy would be distracted by Tony's arrival and forget about the shake.

But Tommy wasn't coming with them. He could indulge him just this once.

"Oh, all right. Don't tell your mother that I let you eat so late at night."

"It's not eating, Dad. It's dessert!" Tommy said.

Tim laughed and looked at Tony. "You mind?"

"Nope. I'll have a shake myself," he said.

"Okay, okay. Let's get a shake."

They went over to the counter and Tim let Tommy get a small shake (cookies and cream). Tony got a black and white (malted), and Tim got strawberry. They headed out of Union Station and Tim led them back to the car.

"I found the parking spot," Tommy said, proudly.

"Good job," Tony said. "That's a good spot."

Tommy nodded.

"Back seat, Tommy," Tim said.

"I know."

He got into the back without complaint and Tony and Tim got in the front.

"Wow. How did you manage that?" Tony asked as Tommy was buckling himself in.

"I told him that the oldest always gets the front. So if he's with the twins, he can sit in the front. If he's just with me, he can, but if any other adult is in the car, he's in the back. He can handle that logic," Tim said.

"Well, well done, Dad," Tony said.

"Thanks."

They headed out, drinking their milkshakes and talking. Tim wasn't sure if he wanted Tommy to fall asleep on the way or not. ...but whether he did or not, Tommy did not fall asleep. He was too excited. Luckily, the traffic wasn't bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't any worse than usual, so they were able to make good time going home.

"Now, Tommy, your sisters will be asleep when we get inside, so no shouting. Got it?"

"Got it."

They got out of the car and went inside. Delilah was sitting on the couch, reading. She looked up and smiled at them.

"No traffic?"

"No more than usual," Tim said.

"Good. Tommy, it's way past your bedtime. So off you go. No arguments."

Tommy nodded and went into his room, still smiling.

"Was that chocolate I saw around his mouth?"

"It was small," Tim said, grinning.

Delilah just laughed.

"Well, Tony, this is going to be your bed, so I'll get out of the way."

"Thanks. I didn't want to sleep on you," Tony said.

"I don't want you sleeping on my wife, either," Tim said.

He quickly got the sheets and a blanket and then, since they would be getting up very early to catch their plane, they all went to bed. There hadn't been much conversation but then, Tony did like to save that for the trip. His visit before had been a major aberration in that overall pattern. So Tim didn't push anything. He just got ready for bed and then climbed in beside Delilah.

"Do you want me to wake you up when we leave?" he asked.

"No, but I hope you have a good time, and plan on calling me every night, just so that I can pretend I won't worry about anything going wrong," Delilah said as she snuggled up close to him.

"I can do that," Tim said.

They fell asleep.