TRIGGER WARNING:MENTIONS SELF HARM

Meredith sat in the Tunnels on the gurney where her and her Intern "friends" spent their free time, when Cristina arrived. Cristina was her best friend at this place. Or so she thought until she heard about it. It being the betting pool in the hospital. She knew the gossip was going to start soon.

They talked about her just like people talked about her at Boston Westside high after she left. Her friend Sadie was still there and told her some things. Not exactly what they said but that they were talking. But this time she heard them say it.

"She didn't even know he was married. I mean, his wife shows up and he dumps her. I heard she flipped out" "What did she expect? She got what she deserved, dating an attending." "Dating McDreamy. Have you seen his hair? No guy's that perfect." "I think it's kinda sad. She has to work here with him... With them... Everyone knows... And did you hear who won the bet? Yang... I really thought they were like best friends but she really bet 50 bucks that he didn't choose her... I myself actually bet 20 that he'd dump the wife and choose her."

They thought she didn't hear them but she did, she heard every word of this conversation and she couldn't believe it. She really thought she had found a good friend but it looks like she really has got nobody. Who would ever want to be friends with Meredith Grey? She still couldn't believe that Sadie stayed with her, by her side. But Sadie wasn't here now and she thought she had found a new best friend after Europe five years ago but she didn't.

Meredith acted as if she didn't see Cristina arrive and just ignored her while she was trying to concentrate on her charts. "Meredith?" Cristina asked. 'Ignore her meredith, she isn't your friend. You thought she was but she isn't. Noone is your friend, Noone wants you.' "Meredith, hello-ho, are you OK?" "How does it feel?" Meredith asked, not answering the question. "How does what feel?" Cristina asked because she was really wondering what was wrong with Meredith except for the being dumped by McDreamy and long lost father showing up part. "Oh, I just wondered how it feels to be a huge hypocrite and I thought 'who can I ask if not the queen of hypocrisy herself' so Cristina, please tell me how it feels and after you did I'd be really glad if you just left me alone. Preferably forever. No more being each other's person crap, OK Dr. Yang?" "Meredith, what do you mean?" "It's Dr. Grey to you and like I said, please tell me how to be a huge hypocrite and then leave me alone. Oh and by the way. How do you plan on spending the money. You know, the money you won when you bet that he wouldn't choose me." "Meredith, I didn't mean to..." "Dr. Yang, it's Dr. Grey, and I know you 'didn't mean to' of course you didn't... Good bye, Dr. Yang, have a nice day..." With those words Meredith grabbed her charts and left Cristina alone in the tunnels.

When she turned around the first corner she started to run just like the thoughts in her brain were running. She ran without a real destination. She just ran to stop the thoughts but she couldn't. When she finally reached the stairs she saw something that she hoped to never see. Derek and his wife hugging intimately. She just turned around and ran again.

She opened the first door she found and saw that it must be an old and deserted office that wasn't used for years. In the office there were some old and dusty chairs, a really dusty desk and a really old looking piano. She asked herself why a piano would be in a hospital but then remembered that at Mass-Gen, where her mother used to work, a grand piano was placed in the lobby so people could just bring some joy into a place filled with death, pain and sorrow. So she stopped questioning it and just enter the room. She used the sleeve of her labcoat to wipe away the dust that covered the table before setting her charts on it. She looked around a little bit more and found a second door in the wall behind the desk. She opened it and it lead to a room which was furnished with a sofa and many shelves with medical books. It looked like Noone entered this room in years. She had found the perfect spot without one of her so called "friends" being there around every corner and wanting to talk. Nobody cared and she had just ended her friendship with Cristina. It hurt, of course it did. She thought she had found someone who understood her and who could be her friend but Cristina was just a huge hypocrite. Cristina judged her for dating an attending when she was doing the exact same thing. Cristina even got pregnant from the attending. She judged and envied Meredith for her heritage, for being Ellis Grey's Daughter but she herself was teh step daughter off the well known surgeon Sal Rubenstein. And she bet against her when she needed a friend to back her up. Meredith could never forgive something like this because it hurt. It hurt so much. But she couldn't cut now. She needed new gauze and she had to do her Charts now. Later, she promised herself. Later I will get this relief. This empty room was a great place to work and concentrate.

Two hours later she was finally done with her Charting. She left her new found favorite place in the hospital but remembered where it was and took the elevator to the surgical unit. Once she arrived at the Nurses station she put down her charts and finally looked what time it was. 7pm, her shift was over now. She went to the locker room and felt how everyone who was talking in there quieted down as she entered. The silence felt so loud. She quickly took her clothes out of her locker and went into the bathroom of the locker room to change. She couldn't endure the pressing silence any longer. She knew they wanted to talk about her and she didn't want to be stared at while changing. She heard them start talking again as she entered the bathroom. "Cristina, go and talk with her, you two are like a secret club and I think something is wrong with her." Meredith heard Izzie say to Cristina. "Oh no, the high and mighty 'Dr. Grey' doesn't talk to me anymore. There is no secret club or anything so no... And even if there is something wrong with her, I really don't care right now so please excuse me." Cristina said and Meredith felt the tears spill out of her eyes once again. She knew she couldn't trust anyone and her "friends" really shouldn't care, Noone should. Because Meredith isn't a person anyone should care about. She knew that she was trouble but to hear Cristina, who she considered her "best friend" until she told her to leave her alone talk like that really hurt. Meredith knew she must have hurt Cristina by saying that she didn't want to have this person crap anymore but she didn't think that Cristina really didn't care about her. But she was used to it. Noone cared for pathetic Meredith Grey. Cristina said it herself. In the bar she called Meredith pathetic. Meredith was waiting for Derek and Cristina called her pathetic while she had bet that Meredith wasn't the one who derek chose.

She wiped away her tears, changed quickly and took her bag from her locker. Without looking at anyone she quickly left the locker room and slipped straight into the next supply closet where she put some single-use scalpels and a lot of gauze into her bag. She took a deep breath and put on her cold and unbothered face when she stepped out of the closet with her head held high.

She took the elevator down to parking lot to take her car home when she saw him approach her. He had already seen her so running away was pointless because she was sure that he was going to get her before she reached her car. But she still ran.

So that's the next chapter... Meredith is really hurt so she lashes out. She doesn't really mean what she says but she is just really hurt and her emotions are all over the place...Yes I used the lines from the other interns gossiping in 02x07 for this chapter...I hope you like it, please leave some feedback. I really love reading it, it's sooo nice to read reviews. They really motivate me to keep writing.