The next few days at the compound pass by in a blur of gym training and strategy meetings. Thanks to my shopping trip with Natasha, I am comfortable in Levi's once more, my suit still crumpled in the corner of my room. I detest the cardio sessions where we sprint around the compound or on the high-tech treadmills, but I already feel stronger when we practice fighting. Natasha and Tony keep me so busy, hurried on my feet from dawn until dusk, that I don't even notice Steve's absence until Fury addresses it during a meeting.
"Rogers is on a top-secret mission, so we need a contingency plan in case Thanos's forces attack prior to his return. It changes our whole configuration."
Nobody questions the matter further. But, despite my better senses, I find myself looking for him, hoping he might return. The nights are still lonely and still full of screaming nightmares. My fingers dance across the piano until the early hours of the morning, when I curl up by my bedroom window overlooking the compound entrance. I tell myself it is just to appreciate the stars glistening in the sky. I occupy my mind for hours trying to locate all the planets and gateways. My mind reels, knowing they are visitable and that a mission might actually take me to space. But when the fascination quiets and my eyelids grow heavy, I find myself glancing to the base of the trees, to the long driveway, wondering if Steve might arrive at any moment.
I take my seat now at the piano, the routine familiar to me, but a scraping noise catches my attention. My hairs all stand on end, my eyes fixed on the mahogany grain before me, glistening in the quarter-moon.
"Hello?" I whisper stupidly.
"Hi there."
I glance sharply up, to find Peter hanging upside down from a beam above. The intricate red and blue suit covers him from head to toe. I frown a little, not used to seeing the others in uniform.
"You going somewhere?" I ask.
"No. Just practicing."
I blink. "Don't you have a whole gym for that?"
"Yeah, but it's almost too much sometimes, you know? I need to practice using my webs in lots of situations."
He releases himself skillfully down, then slips the mask from his head. His fingers tug at it nervously.
"I didn't mean to interrupt," I say quickly, gathering up my recently purchased sheets of music.
"No, not at all. I was just leaving anyway."
Peter paces awkwardly to the door. Things don't feel right, the discomfort palpable in the air. Though he'll be seventeen soon, he looks suddenly childlike. I worry that I'm affecting the group dynamic for the worst, like a pest in the building they just can't get rid of. I need to make it right.
"Will you show me?" I ask quickly.
His brows knot together. "Show you what?"
"How the suit works." I jump up from the stool. "I've never seen it in action."
Peter hesitates, but eventually bites his lip into a smile. "It is pretty cool, with Mr Stark's new add-ons. See, it took me a while to get used to the hyper-webs, but it turns out…"
He chats away as we head down to the gym, explaining the suit's interface and new features. There's an innocence and earnestness to him, and I find myself wondering how long that can last knowing what we have to come. The battle against Thanos. The consequences if we lose, the consequences if we win. How can somebody like Peter go into a battlefield, slaughtering hundreds of other beings, and come out with no trauma? It feels cruel and inhumane.
Maybe I'm just projecting, after what happened to me…
Those familiar walls slam up again, keeping me away from the memories too painful to recollect. I visibly flinch and Peter's step falters as we walk into his gym with the intricate framing.
"Let's see those hyper-webs," I grin, trying to act as though nothing happened.
He's nervous at first, his face flushed pink until he slips the mask back on. The white webbing shoots from his fingers so quickly I could miss it by blinking, and suddenly he's away.
It's like an art form, the way he swings and spins around the room. I clap appreciatively, on my toes, wincing as I worry he's about to hit the walls or fall down. But he doesn't falter, completely focused in the zone of being Spider-man. I find myself wishing I could be so at ease with who I am. That I could be a force for something good, with the ability to save people rather than hurt them.
"That was awesome," I grin as he finishes up, performing a perfect somersault and landing beside me once more.
"Nah, I was showing off a little."
"It was great." I glance up at the framing, where thin strips like cobwebs hang and cling. "Who cleans up?"
"I do. But I can't really be bothered tonight, I need to get some sleep."
"I'm sorry." I realise with a nervous glance that it's late, too late, especially for somebody still in high school. "I didn't mean to keep you up."
"No way, it was fun."
Our feet create hollow taps as we leave the room, the white lights automatically shutting off behind us. Dull thuds come from the main gym, where I usually train with Natasha. I frown, wondering who else could be up at this late hour.
"Oh look, Steve's back," Peter says brightly. "Let's go and say hi."
We walk through the glass doors. I can see only the back of Steve's head, a shade like caramelised gold in the harsh lighting of the gym. His shirt is stretched across his shoulder blades, the finely crafted muscles moving as he pulls up on the bars. He's barely broken a sweat.
I'm not sure if he hears our footsteps or senses our presence, but he drops down and nods a greeting as he reaches for a water bottle. I feel a rush of unexplained relief, knowing he is back and safe; unhurt.
"Hey Steve," Peter says conversationally.
"Hey, Queens." Steve looks at me, and I fight a funny feeling in my chest. "Apolla."
"I was just showing Apolla my webs," Peter says.
A flicker of amusement brushes across Steve's face. "Is that so?"
"What time did you get back?" I ask, wrapping my arms around myself. It's colder down here.
"About an hour ago. It was mostly a reconnaissance job in the end, lots of sitting around. Needed to get some movement now I'm back."
"Well, we won't keep you," I say, causing Peter to pout.
"It's no t-…" Steve frowns, eyes raised to the ceiling. "Do you hear that?"
We listen intently. Sure enough, a strange rumbling sound comes from the ground above, so faint at first I think I might be imagining it. Steve moves swiftly to his feet and across to a panel in the wall, where he presses a button and a full security screen emerges, giving full CCTV footage of the compound exterior.
"Do all the rooms have that?" I whisper to Peter, while Steve scrolls through the screens.
"I've never seen it before either," he says back, eyes round with awe.
"We have to move." Steve grabs his bag and water bottle, turning seriously to face us. "It's time to suit up."
"What's going on?"
He fixes me with a grim look. "Thanos's army have arrived."