CHAPTER 4 - Hopeful realizations
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On her walk back to the compound she felt more at peace than she had in a while. It was nice to have had that quiet moment to reflect on what was happening in the isolated graveyard- to search for answers to unspoken questions. Subconsciously, her hand moved to her stomach- but just as quickly she forced her arm back to her side.
She suddenly felt so alone in all this once again. She had the support of those who knew but...part of her wished she had more. Wished she knew more herself.
Hinata sighed, slowly making her way through the Konoha streets. People were going about their day, fortunately paying her little to no mind. She knew touching her stomach was a simple gesture that unsuspicious minds wouldn't even think twice of but she wanted to be careful regardless.
Just as she rounded the corner, Hinata thought she saw a familiar head of gold in the distance, quickly ducking into an alleyway.
Naruto-kun?
She felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips.
She could never mistake his bright presence. She made her way to the buildings he had seemed to disappear between and couldn't help but laugh out loud when she saw him nonchalantly leaning against the wall, staring up at the cloudless sky.
"Naruto-kun," Hinata said, stepping up to him curiously.
He looked down at her almost nervously.
"Hey, Hinata."
This was strange.
"Were you hiding from me?" Hinata asked playfully, tucking her arms behind her back as she leaned in closer to the blonde.
Naruto laughed uncomfortably, stuffing his hands deep in his pockets. "Avoiding? No-"
"I didn't say avoiding," Hinata said, giggling into her hand. "So you were avoiding me?"
Naruto scratched at the back of his head nervously. "Ah, sorry. I don't know why I did that-"
"Are you okay?"
Naruto's flustered expression quickly transformed into a frown. "Am I okay?" he asked. "Hinata, you're the one whose been so weird lately!"
Hinata felt a blush rise to her face. So unfair. She was just teasing him. Of course he would easily be able to turn the tables on her.
"You always thought I was weird, Naruto-kun," she said innocently, staring at him with wide eyes. A memory of a shy girl in a training field meeting an uncharacteristically unconfident Naruto surfaced in her mind. "But if I remember correctly, you said you liked people like me."
Naruto's mouth fell open. "Oh no, no, no. Don't you do that," he said, a real grin forming on his face. "You're trying to mess with me," he accused. "What's up with everyone messing with me lately? A bunch of bullies- the lot of you."
Hinata laughed. "I don't know about all that. But really, why did you duck away?"
Naruto shrugged. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," he admitted. "You've been a little nervous lately so I wasn't sure if you would want to see me."
Hinata felt her shoulders drop. She never wanted to push people away like this- accidentally or not. She appreciated his thoughtfulness but she never wanted to have him run from her.
"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. That wasn't my intention...to make you feel that way."
Naruto shook his head. "No, I get that. I didn't...I've just been hearing a lot of rumors floating around so I was acting a bit off myself-"
"Rumors?"
Hinata watched as Naruto's brows furrowed and his cheeks turned red. He almost looked mad. "Don't worry about it," he grumbled. "They're dumb."
Now she was curious.
"Tell me," she said, poking him in the stomach.
Naruto gently swatted at her hand. "No!"
"Naruto-kun!"
"Hinata-chan."
"I'm going to withhold all future recipes until you tell me," she threatened playfully.
Naruto looked affronted. "That's evil," he whispered. "But you know what? Fine! I don't need it. Ramen for life, baby."
They laughed together for a moment, feeling elated, untroubled, and uninhibited.
"I'll find out eventually you know," she eventually said, clutching at the stitches in her sides as she looked back up at the taller ninja. Her breath caught in her throat at the abrupt change in his expression-
Naruto was staring at her, a soft smile on his face, his cobalt eyes dark and heavy lidded. As if out of his control his bandaged hand moved towards her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear that had come loose during her laughter fit.
She felt her face heat up as his finger gently traced her cheek for a moment longer than necessary before he pulled back with a sigh.
"You have a boyfriend," he said with a huff.
"Huh?" her previous bashfulness evaporated, leaving her open-mouthed and startled at his words.
Naruto scratched at his cheeks, looking frustrated as he stared off at nothing. "The rumor," he clarified. "Was that you were dating someone. That you had a boyfriend."
Automatically, Hinata knew her entire face must have been red. "A b-boyfriend?" she stuttered, cringing immediately. She hadn't stuttered in forever. "I definitely do not have a boyfriend."
Naruto's eyes searched hers, his mouth a thin line and she suddenly felt so naked and exposed under his powerful gaze.
"I don't," she promised. She didn't know why she was so adamant but a part of her felt like she had to make sure he knew this. That he understood.
She saw his jaw tighten as he swallowed.
"I'm glad," he said quickly, a light pink dusting his fair skin. "I mean that's great! I mean- no. It's not? Wait. You shouldn't just date anyone, ya know? Someone who can take care of you properly and knows you well. But I'm not telling you who you should date. Or even if you should. You should! But you shouldn't. No wait-"
Hinata felt like time froze as she processed what was happening.
He was obviously very upset at the thought of her dating someone… and glad that she wasn't. He was flustered, trying to figure out the right thing to say-
"Naru-"
"Where were you coming from?" he asked instead, clearing his throat as the blush on his face slowly faded.
"Oh, um." Part of her was glad the conversation had shifted but part of her yearned to know more- Why was he so affected? "I was visiting Neji-niisan."
"Oh awesome. I'm sorry I haven't gone with you recently."
"Don't be," Hinata said immediately. "It's not your fault. I've been preoccupied recently and…" She trailed off not sure of what to say.
"We should both go together another time," Naruto supplemented, smiling at her as he clasped one hand on her shoulder. "I can't ever thank Neji enough..."
Hinata's eyes shifted to the ground. She could almost hear the unspoken "...for saving you." But maybe that was just her loverstricken mind searching for what wasn't there.
"I would like that, Naruto-kun," Hinata said, once more meeting his gaze.
He grinned, pulling his arm back as he turned to go. "Remember, I told you that stupid rumor so you still owe me a cooking lesson!" he exclaimed.
She smiled, agreeing easily. "I'll see you later, Naruto-kun."
"Bye, Hinata! Take care, 'ttebayo!"
She watched him jump towards the rooftops before continuing on her way back to her home. Just earlier she was feeling content and at peace. After her encounter with Naruto she felt...hopeful as well.
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Kurama ate, slept, and breathed Naruto. Out of all of his hosts he could easily say he had one of the best relationships with the blonde haired brat. Sure, it started off rocky, to say the least. But it bloomed into a very great companionship.
He didn't often voice his opinions, especially when it came to menial everyday things. Most of the time he lay dormant in his head, sometimes he speaks with the other Bijuu, but mostly he sleeps.
He's learned a lot about his container's habits and how he thinks. He has a knack for fighting- a natural instinct when it comes to the field of battle. He's a smart kid when he puts his mind to it.
But he really was damn stupid when it came to his feelings and Kurama was getting tired of it.
Kurama was pretty certain he knew what the kid felt for the girl. And he was getting annoyed with all the back and forth. He really needed to chat with him if not for Naruto's sanity, then his own. Even though several days had passed since the incident at the hospital, Naruto continued to agonize over his slip up and the fox had enough. Naruto had wanted to tell the Hyuga he liked her. And that's it.
"Liked."
Naruto.
What's up Kurama?
Let's talk.
Unperturbed, Naruto allowed himself to relax, an easy enough task as he was already lounging on his couch, gently drifting down into his mindscape. He stared up at the great beast, a large grin on his face.
"You missed me, Kurama?"
"Shut up, kit," the Kyubi said, settling down on his hind legs. "I want to talk about the girl."
"Hinata?" Naruto asked, frowning. "Why?"
"You are my container. And you are my friend. When strong enough, our emotions feed off each other, Naruto. You care for her. And by proxy...I care for her."
A sly smile formed on Naruto's face as he tilted closer to the fox. "Aw, Kurama, you like Hinata too," he teased.
The fox huffed in his face. "This is serious, Naruto. Your emotions have been causing havoc in your mind. Sometimes you think you love her. Sometimes you're not sure. The time you saw her outside the hospital you said you wanted to tell her you liked her. Your friends are more aware of your feelings than you are. They tease you constantly, for good reason."
Naruto stared at the ground, uncomfortable with the truth in his words.
"Feelings are complex," he murmured.
"Yes. I don't deny that. But I want to help you clear your confusion. I want you to think about what you really feel about her."
Naruto paused, trying to remember all of their interactions, all the times she affected him. He had known her for a long time. She had been a constant, shining beacon in his life even when he didn't really know it.
"She never hated me," Naruto spoke. "Growing up...she was one of the few that actually seemed to like me. She supported me in her own way. She believed in me."
Kurama chose to be silent, letting the boy contemplate on his own.
"She encouraged me, actually. Not only did she not hate me but...she motivated me. Like all the way back during our Chunin exams I was so nervous and discouraged but she had confidence in me," Naruto exclaimed, ripples of water shaking the surface of his mind as he paced back and forth. "She thought she became a better person thanks to me. Me! A prankster kid who just wanted to be acknowledged. And she saw me. She was there for me- weird, shy, and sometimes silently. But when I thought of myself as a failure she was adamant I was wrong. We motivated each other to keep trying- always."
Naruto paused, swallowed tightly. "I've gotten so used to protecting people. Jumping in to save others- I don't mind it. I want to. But...when I was the one stuck it was Hinata who jumped in to save me."
At this a deep rumble sounded from Kurama's throat as he brought his snout closer to Naruto's face. "Yes," he hissed. "This moment is important. But more than I think you realize."
"She confessed to me that day," Naruto said, clutching at his chest. "She almost died that day- to save me. She told me she loved me before she got skewered. She tried over and over again because she's Hinata and she doesn't give up. And I'm such a fucking idiot for not realizing the extent of that love- what she actually meant-"
"Not just that," Kurama spoke slowly. "Yes, she said she loved you. Then she risked her life for you. But what I want to point out is how you reacted."
Naruto stared into his sharp red eyes remembering that day with frightening clarity. "I used you," he whispered. "I thought she was dead- I didn't know what I was feeling. I was devastated, heart-broken, numb- all at once. And I used you almost willingly." His expression was wild as images of her broken body played in his mind. "Six tails, they told me. I broke the sealing necklace. I almost progressed to nine tails."
"She was taken down right in front of you," Kurama emphasized.
Naruto squeezed his eyes shut, hating- loathing that memory. Flashes of other times he almost lost her hurtled to the forefront- her face off against Neji that almost killed her... her fighting against the disguised white zetsus, her almost getting impaled by a stick because of him...again. Back to her body slamming to the ground with a sickening thump- the squelch of her flesh as she was pierced and the red...the red blood painting the ground around her like a sick piece of art.
"It was the worst I've ever felt," he ground out, gnashing his teeth together.
"Kit," Kurama nudged him with his nose. Naruto realized he was breathing fast, his body panicking at the images that consumed him. "I realize this is hard but this is important. You ended up in this very place unsure of anything anymore. You asked for help. And I offered it."
Naruto looked at the fox with wide eyes. "And I would have taken it," he whispered. "You told me to destroy everything and I was ready to. Anything to stop the pain that I was feeling-"
"You were so engulfed in your grief, and I was ready to prey off it," Kurama said, unashamed. "It was a different time. We had a different relationship. You were prepared to release me. But another thing that interested me was despite tearing the ground apart you deliberately avoided hurting her. Despite the chaos and how far the fight advanced...you made sure not to harm her body."
Anguish overcame him as he remembered that day. How after- when he was able to reign in his emotions he had immediately checked to sense for her chakra- blindly hoping she was still alive. The frantic, all encompassing, and absolute feeling of relief he felt when he realized she was-
"I loved her," Naruto said, suddenly feeling a sense of calm envelop him.
Kurama growled in approval. "I believe you did feel something for her. As you said before, feelings are complex. You had a lot going on and-"
"And I've been told I'm emotionally constipated," Naruto chuckled, wiping at the tears he didn't realize were flowing down his face. "Even Pain realized it. 'Love breeds hate,' he had said. I never really understood but...he was right. She was my friend. A precious person. A part of me loved her...and I thought I lost her. And the rage I felt afterwards triggered my transformation."
"I don't necessarily agree that you are clueless when it comes to your emotions," Kurama said. "I believe you do things subconsciously."
Naruto thought about this for a moment. "I could tell what she was feeling just by looking at her… During the war, I held her hand. I wanted to hold her hand. At the time I just didn't understand romantic love," he said, sounding embarrassed.
"Your friends are right to call you dense," Kurama stated.
Naruto didn't disagree. "I've been going back and forth being confused all this time for no reason," he whispered. "I've wasted 3 years tiptoeing around my own feelings! I've loved her for a long time and I just didn't know." He groaned, flattening his palms against his face. "I'm an idiot, Kurama."
"Yes."
Dropping his arms to his side, he looked up at Kurama, his expression fierce- his blue eyes bright, excited- determined.
"I have to tell her," he stated immediately. "It's not fair to her. And it's not fair to me. I have to tell her."
Kurama simply nodded, feeling the surge of energy his container got- the excitement mixed in with the slightest bit of apprehension.
"Tell her," Kurama encouraged. "Before you lose her to someone else."
Immediately Naruto's brows furrowed as his lips set into a deep frown. He knew the boy wouldn't allow that. He just needed the push.
"Thanks, Kurama," Naruto said before closing his eyes and returning to reality.
Good luck.
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Night was settling in Konoha as a blanket of darkness gently overtook the village. The roads were lit from the lights of stores and homes and the stars as they twinkled to life in the darkening sky.
Naruto didn't know where Hinata would be. Logic told him she should be at the Hyuga compound but as he made his way there he hesitated. Maybe this wasn't the right time. What was he going to do? Go up to the gates of the Hyuga compound and be like hi, I know it's getting late but can I see your daughter mister Hyuga sir?
Should he sneak into her room? Wouldn't she be creeped out by that? Like what's up, Hinata. I just came to your bedroom to tell you I love you. Please don't be scared.
Naruto stopped, doubt slithering up to take hold of his heart.
"Ahh, this is so hard!" he yelled out loud.
"Naruto?"
His head whipped to the side and he saw a familiar head of brown standing at the entrance of a gyoza shop.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, suddenly feeling relieved. He needed advice and who better than the father figure in his life.
"You alright, Naruto?" Iruka asked, walking up to him.
Naruto felt like he could burst. "Iruka sensei. I'm in love!"
He didn't mean to say it.
But he didn't regret it.
A brief look of shock covered his old teacher's face before his expression melted into one of joy. "I was wondering when you would realize," he said, staring at him fondly. "I heard rumors around the village about you and a certain Hyuga."
Naruto's face turned red. "Huh? Rumors? I haven't even talked to her yet."
At this Iruka's eyes narrowed as he considered something. "Let's go to my place," he suggested. "We can sit down and talk about whatever you want. I bought extra," he finished, pointing at the bag of food in his hand.
They walked through the streets in comfortable silence, Naruto lost in his thoughts as Iruka shot him cheesy grins. Once Naruto was settled at Iruka's small table he felt his anxiety start to rise again.
"So?" Iruka prodded, handing him a serving of gyoza. "Want to get straight to it?"
Naruto thanked him quietly, poking at the food. "Iruka-sensei, I don't know much about love. I didn't really grow up experiencing it, ya know?"
At this Iruka's expression softened and he looked almost guilty. "And I'm so sorry about that, Naruto. You didn't deserve that. I wish I did more-"
Naruto shook his head adamantly. "No, I'm not blaming you. You were one thing in my life that I could honestly, fully depend on. I'm just trying to say...it was hard for me to properly distinguish how I felt about Hinata."
Iruka nodded in understanding as they both took some time to contemplate on old memories, thoughts and feelings, as they quietly ate their food.
Finally Iruka spoke. "Everyone has trouble with feelings. But I can understand why you in particular would find things like love harder to grasp. You said you were thinking about Hinata. What conclusion did you come to?" he inquired.
"That I love her," Naruto answered easily, smiling to himself. "I've loved her for a while. I was just too dense to notice."
Iruka laughed, reaching over the table to ruffle Naruto's hair. "I'm so glad. If anyone deserves your love, it would be Hinata."
Naruto stared at his teacher, his pleased expression falling. Maybe Hinata deserved his love but...did he deserve hers?
"Iruka-sensei, I'm worried. Hinata...Hinata's too good for me-"
"Naruto-"
"No, listen," Naruto said, resting his chopsticks on the table as he took a deep breath. "She is. I was a fool for not noticing her feelings for me. She's basically the princess of Konoha- beautiful, strong, smart, kind. And she loved me- a good for nothing kid that was despised. A jinchuriki that people feared. She loved me when everyone hated me. She's the eldest daughter of the main branch Hyuga Clan. I don't...what good am I to her?" He dropped his head in his hands, relinquishing all of his fears to his former sensei. "Not only that...sure she said she loved me before but...what I'm worried about now is that she doesn't love me anymore."
Iruka listened to his pupil's concerns with rapt attention. He understood why all those negative experiences from Naruto's childhood stuck with him and why, even now- after he was recognized and accepted not only by the people of Konoha but people from all of the nations- why it made him doubt himself. It made him feel unworthy of someone's love- Hinata's particularly. It hurt him to see Naruto have these doubts. Iruka knew that his worries were unfounded. There was no one else Hinata Hyuga would love other than Naruto Uzumaki.
"Naruto...you know how I mentioned rumors?"
Naruto nodded solemnly.
"Well, I've heard whispers around the village that you two were already in a relationship," he said. "People have seen you two together- training, eating, holding hands…"
Naruto felt his cheeks heat up. "Well, yeah. I eat and train with all of my friends." He couldn't explain the hand holding.
"I can't give you conclusive answers, Naruto. That's up to Hinata. But has she ever done anything to make you doubt her? That made you think she considered you in any way inferior to her just because of her name and way she was raised?"
Naruto's eyes moved down to his empty plate before he slowly shook his head. She had been acting strange recently but she still never shied away from him. Hinata wasn't the type of person to judge others. She would never blame him for his upbringing or for who he was inside, Kurama included. Hinata always accepted him for him.
He felt hope bubble up in his chest once more.
"Do you think I should tell her?" he whispered.
Iruka smiled. "If anyone is deserving of an unconditional, romantic love- it's you Naruto. And Hinata. And I for one would be ecstatic if you two could find that within each other."
Naruto felt his heart beating fast as his excitement grew once more. He needed this talk. He needed this conversation. Iruka helped him work through his self doubt.
Naruto liked to portray himself as strong- and he was- in many ways. But he still had his insecurities. He grew up feeling dead last. Or feeling second to Sasuke, always. And Hinata...Hinata never made him feel like that. Hinata deserved every compliment- every kind word people said about her. And she had the heart to love him-
He was feeling motivated- ecstatic. Excited even- to finally get this off his chest- to admit to Hinata that he loved her. To apologize for making her wait-
Naruto pushed away from the table, getting to his feet. He bowed low.
"Thank you, Iruka-sensei!" he shouted, before straightening up. "Thanks so much!"
He turned and disappeared before Iruka could even stand.
He decided, propriety be damned. He was going to see Hinata tonight.
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As soon as the Hyuga gates came into focus, Naruto felt his hesitation come to the forefront again.
What if she's sleeping?
It's not that late, Kurama helped. You're looking for excuses.
Naruto cringed. He was right.
He jumped on top of the walls surrounding the compound, briefly grateful for the darkness before remembering- duh, Hyuga. If they wanted to see me- the darkness wouldn't matter.
He knew where her room was. How could he have known her for over a decade and not know where she lived?
He crept along the walls, the only illumination coming from some lit windows of the building itself, the stars, and a lamp in the courtyard. He was hyper focused on his objective, his mind clouded with thoughts on what he was going to say, conversations that might not happen- and the fear of rejection. He crouched, approaching the side where he was sure Hinata's room was when he froze, feeling eyes on him.
He was caught.
Glancing down into the yard he saw a familiar Hyuga staring up at him, a cheeky grin on her face. She waved nonchalantly, a kunai with a little charm in her hand.
"Are you coming down?" Hanabi asked curiously, her voice too loud for Naruto's comfort.
Immediately he jumped down, hushing her.
Hanabi's grin grew.
Crap.
"Naruto-oniisan," she beamed. He could practically feel her oozing with joy- to have caught him lurking in the dark meant more fun for her. She was mischievous, he knew that from the stories Hinata would tell. "I haven't seen many people sneaking around the Hyuga compound-"
Briefly Naruto wondered who else was creeping around Hinata-
"-I think I know why you're here but I want you to tell me," Hanabi said, crossing her arms behind her back. She stared at him innocently but from what Naruto had heard from Konohmaru and Hinata herself, Hanabi wasn't the pure, wholesome little girl she appeared to be.
"Uhh…"
"That's a start," Hanabi said with a quiet chuckle, twirling the kunai impressively in her hand. "Let's see...could you possibly want to see my father? It seems a tad bit late for that but I'm sure he can make an exception for you. Shall I call him?"
"No!" Naruto exclaimed immediately, wincing as he quickly looked around, waiting for a horde of Hyuga's to descend on him. When none came he turned to glare at the younger ninja, who had clearly just been training. "Hanabi, I'm here to see Hinata."
"Now we're getting somewhere," she snickered.
The way her pale eyes glinted in the dim light made Naruto think of a predator staring at its prey.
And I'm the damn prey, he thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
"Say, Naruto-oniisan, I never got to ask you. What did you think of my elder sister's mission gear? I helped her pick it out, did you know?" She was casually picking at her nails with the pointed end of her weapon, having a discussion with him as if they were friends gathered for tea and not like he wasn't just trying to slip into her home undetected. "I've heard from people that a kunoichi can use her body to her advantage during battle so I was wondering if her outfit could be a beneficial distraction. What do you think?"
Naruto turned red. This girl-
In truth, it had been a hindrance of sorts many times when they sparred. He still remembered that embarrassing time he short circuited the first time he saw her, not understanding why he felt his body heat up at the sight of her- why he loathed it when Kiba pointed out the things he wanted to compliment her on. The way her teammate could casually touch her in ways that he couldn't because for him it would mean more-
And how when they sparred, usually he could focus but occasionally when the light hit her just right- her eyes would twinkle and she would glow. The sweat that dripped down her form when they worked particularly hard… How confident and imposing she would look when she was in her element. The way her clothes clung to her body, form fitting but comfortable enough for her to perform her moves with practiced ease. How mesmerized he would be by her dance-like fight and not truly recognize then why her body impacted him so-
But he couldn't- wouldn't tell Hanabi that-
"Are you listening to me, oh savior of the ninja world?" Hanabi jested.
How can someone so small be so evil?
"Hanabi?"
Naruto froze, staring into the younger girl's face as she began to smirk like a cheshire cat. Naruto heard the sound of a window being open-
"Hanabi who are you talking...Naruto-kun?"
He almost didn't want to look. But he turned and saw the window above them open as Hinata leaned forward, a confused expression on her face.
"Neechan, look who came to visit," Hanabi said sweetly. "He's here to see you."
Naruto gave Hinata a feeble smile, waving his hand as if he wasn't just caught in the most awkward situation he could think of.
"Hi, Hinata."
She tilted her head. "Naruto-kun, what are you doing here?"
"Ah, Naruto-oniisan, don't forget to take your shoes off by the window since you're sneaking-"
"Hanabi!" Hinata admonished as Naruto felt his face grow even warmer.
"Don't worry though," Hanabi continued, ignoring her older sister. "Since I like you, I'll try and keep people away from this wing of the compound but try to be quiet anyway okay?"
Naruto heard Hinata make a sound of frustration and embarrassment as she chastised her sister for saying such things- but all he could think about were the implications of Hanabi's words and how much he found he liked them.
Something about surreptitiously entering Hinata's room late in the night, right under the noses of dozens of Hyuga, was almost invigorating-
If he wasn't already blushing, he definitely would be right now.
"Goodbye you two," Hanabi singsonged, laughing as she ran back inside. "Don't have too much fun!"
Naruto tried his best to regain his composure as he jumped up to Hinata's window, swinging his feet over the ledge. Immediately he went to remove his shoes.
"You don't have to-" Hinata started.
Naruto shook his head. "I do. Trust me," he chuckled.
He stepped in, automatically taking in his surroundings- in this case her bedroom. It was simple, neat, and clean. Bright and cozy all at once. His gaze ventured to her. She was obviously getting ready for bed, dressed in a loose sweater and shorts, her long legs bare. The weather was getting colder outside. He hardly noticed it with Kurama feeding him heat but it was noticeably warmer in her room.
Or maybe he just felt hot for other reasons. He couldn't tell.
She was waiting for him to say something and suddenly he was at a loss for words. He was never at a loss for words.
"What's up," he said, immediately cringing. What's up? I climb through her window after the sun went down and all I got is 'what's up?'"
But Hinata just smiled kindly, laughing softly. "You tell me."
Naruto scratched nervously at the nape of his neck. She wasn't freaking out so that was a good sign, right?
"First of all, I'm really sorry to just barge in like this. I just...I was thinking and I really had to come see you."
Hinata waited patiently, staring into his eyes curiously. He felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Why was this so hard? He wasn't a coward. They were just emotions. He could admit his feelings-
"Hinata, you're really great, you know that right?" he said, allowing his arms to relax at his sides. She smiled gently, shaking her head, her mouth opening to try and deny what he undeniably knew was true. "No, really. You're amazing and I need you to know that. You're beautiful, inside and out, honestly. You're one of the strongest people I know, in more ways than one." He took a step closer to her, feeling his heart thudding in his chest. "And I can't tell you how extremely lucky I feel that you once told me that you loved me."
Her jaw dropped as pink dusted her cheeks. "Naruto-kun, I-"
"I'm not bringing that up to embarrass you or anything," he said quickly, grabbing both her hands in his own, savoring how petite they were and how they fit in his larger ones. How strong he felt just being by her side. "I bring it up because these past few years I was a fool."
"Naruto-"
"I was, Hinata," he said adamantly. "I was. I was a fool for not realizing the extent of your feelings. For not realizing you loved me as something more than a friend. And I was a fool for not realizing that what I felt for you all along was love too."
She looked taken aback, her mouth opening and closing as she searched for words to say.
"I love you, Hinata," he said, feeling his emotions well up inside him. "I love you so much. I've thought a lot about it and, damn it, I've loved you for a long time."
"Naruto-kun…" she had tears in her eyes now as she trembled in his hold.
"It's true, Hinata. All this time I always sought you out. I always wanted to be by your side. I always wanted to spend time with you, spar with you, eat with you- All this time I loved you. I loved you long before the war but I just didn't know it."
"You're crying," she whispered, as tears rolled down her own face. She gently extricated her hands from his grip, caressing his whiskered cheeks as she wiped at his tears.
Naruto leaned into the palms of her hand, melting into her warmth.
"Please, Hinata," he begged. "I need to know if you still feel the same."
Hinata inhaled sharply, letting out a choked laugh as if he said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
"Naruto-kun, of course I love you. I've always loved you," she said confidently. He felt his heart soar, all the insecurities and fears he had melting away in an instant. "There's never been anyone but you."
He didn't know what to say. The joy and relief that he felt had him walking on air.
So instead of speaking he pressed closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, leaning down so they shared the same breath.
"Hinata, you don't know how happy that makes me," Naruto said, his voice deepening. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to feel this type of joy forever. This boundless hope.
She was smiling, a soft, tender smile as silent, happy tears trailed down her blushing cheeks. He followed a tear with his eyes as it sloped over the curve of her cheekbone and stopped at the corner of her lips. The words were out of his mouth before he could think to stop them.
"I've wanted to kiss you for so long now-"
"Not as long as I wanted to kiss you," Hinata whispered- almost challenging him as she slid her hands up his chest.
The ember inside of him surged into a fiery flame at her words- at the heavy lidded look she gave him as she nervously nibbled her lower lip. He surged forward and she mirrored him- he brushed his lips against hers, a tingle shooting down his spine that rooted him to the floor. The kisses were soft at first as he kissed her bottom lip- her top lip- all the while tightening his grip around her waist.
The fire that ignited inside of him blazed into an inferno as her lips parted to take a moment to breath-he pressed his lips against hers again with more force, cautiously and curiously caressing her with his tongue. She reciprocated immediately, her fingers curling against his jacket as her knees buckled. He grasped her- wanting to be closer- wanting to feel more-
He didn't realize he had been pushing her backwards until her calves touched the edge of her bed. They stumbled, lips parting briefly as they laughed, collapsing onto her sheets.
Naruto smiled tenderly at Hinata as she lay in her bed, dark hair fanned out around her, lips red from his touch. She stared back at him fondly, running her fingers through the thick of his hair.
"I can't believe I finally get to kiss you," Hinata murmured, her cheeks heating up as she realized she said the words out loud.
Naruto smirked. "Believe it," he whispered.
Her laugh was cut short as he swept forward again, capturing her lips as they explored this step in intimacy. His knees straddled her hips as he leaned down, and he learned he loved the gasps and sighs she made- it encouraged him to want more- to do more-
His hands slid down from her waist to the flare of her hips, his fingers at the hem of her sweater.
He wondered if she was as soft as she looked.
She hummed, head tilted back, as he trailed his kisses down her neck, nipping at her exposed skin.
"Hinata," he groaned, wanting to press his hips square against hers but even through his lustful haze he maintained that self control. He would be damned if he did something she didn't want-
But the way she whispered his name sent shivers through his spine and he could feel his pulse racing, his body heating up-
Thoughts of him being in the Hyuga compound had long since left his mind. It didn't matter right now. All that mattered was him and her. The way she made him feel. The way he was making her feel-
Her fingers explored the muscles of his back-
His fingers wandered to the skin of her belly-
Her breath hitched and she flinched.
Immediately Naruto felt like he was doused with cold water.
He looked up from his ministrations and felt his face go white at the look of fear on her expression-
"Hinata!" he yelped, sitting up, immediately pulling his hands back as if burned.
Guilt coursed through him-
Fuck! Shit, I moved to fast- I scared her-
"Naruto-kun-"
"Hinata, I'm sorry," he apologized, jumping up off the bed, running his hands wildly through his messy hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't...I didn't...fuck."
"Naruto-kun…"
The way she said his name made his heart drop and his blood run cold.
Oh no.
He almost didn't want to meet her gaze.
But he did. Blue looked into sad, lavender ones.
"It's not your fault," she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around her knees as if shielding herself from him. He could see unshed tears form at the corners of her eyes. "It's my fault-"
"No, I pushed too hard-"
Hinata shook her head. "No, not that. I enjoyed that," she said softly, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly. "But...we can't do this."
Naruto swallowed thickly. "Yeah. I get it. We'll go slow."
"No, Naruto-kun. I mean...all of this."
Naruto felt like the world was crashing around him. "What?"
She wouldn't look at him. "I can't do this to you-"
"Hinata, what the hell are you talking about?" he lamented. "Do what to me? I love you, Hinata-"
She buried her head in her arms, all but curled up on her bed. "Please stop."
"You love me too," he continued, ignoring her pleas. "I don't understand."
After a moment she looked up at him, eyes wet but her expression determined. "I do love you, Naruto-kun. But I can't be with you."
He was beyond feeling shocked right now. He was angry.
"You're not making sense," he argued, frustrated.
Hinata took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. I shouldn't have encouraged this. It's not fair to you-"
"The hell-"
"Please," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I can't...I can't tell you yet. But I have something going on that I can't force on you."
Naruto didn't even know what he was feeling anymore. He was confused and angry and heartbroken-
"But you love me," his voice cracked.
Hinata looked like she was in physical pain and all he wanted to do was go and comfort her. Be closer to her. Protect her.
"I can't do this to you," she repeated.
"You're not telling me what-"
"I can't," she cried with more emotion and resolve. "It's not fair to you."
Naruto grit his teeth. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was happening. He felt clueless. He felt like an idiot all over again.
He walked back over to the window, fixing his hoodie and quickly putting his shoes back on.
He took a seat on the window sill, a soft breeze blowing through her room as he stared at her, arms now wrapped tightly around her abdomen.
"Hinata, I love you," he said. "I don't know what the hell is going on and I won't pressure you into telling me. But what you said about it not being fair to me…? I think what's not fair is you not giving me the choice to make that decision. Whatever that is."
Silent tears flowed down her cheeks and he felt his heart clench.
"I'm not mad at you," he said softer still. "I just wish I understood."
She looked at him once more and Naruto had never seen her look so broken before.
"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun."
Naruto just sighed, feeling his own eyes start to burn. He turned away from her and jumped into the night, allowing the darkness to swallow him.
So much for hope.
.
.
Author's Note:
Sorry, Naruto. Bit by bit misconceptions are being cleared up though.
Next chapter both characters will get more clarity don't worry! Hinata's allowed to be confused and conflicted with everything going on. Naruto got his talk with Iruka. Hinata will get hers with Kurenai. :) Maybe she can knock some sense into her. Seems like Naruto isn't the only confused one here lol.
P.S. I finished writing a smut scene lol (I'm getting ahead of myself). I haven't written one in a longgg time but it'll come eventually. But angst/pining babies first! Smut later.
I predict the big how-it-happened reveal in 1 or 2 chapters. Thank you for all the support. It's super encouraging! I really need it because this week I had so much trouble finding the motivation to write so thank you. Until then~