Chapter 4: golden butterfly, black rose
Alina woke up with a new purpose: to observe and listen.
She hastily threw the blankets and sheets off of her and put on her kefta as she realized she might be late for breakfast.
Running down the stairs, hair a mess, the Sun Summoner smiled and greeted everyone on her path.
Some replied. Others just stared oddly.
She entered the hall to find that, as usual, Marie and Nadia had left a seat empty between them. Alina gingerly took it.
"Good morning!"
They gave her smiles as they reciprocated the greeting.
"You're in a good mood today." Nadia noticed, taking her spoon.
"I slept like a baby." she lied. She hadn't gotten that much sleep -Genya must've gotten even less- but she felt good that day.
Just the day before, she had been able to summon on her own for the first time, and she had to stay positive if she wanted to accomplish her new mission.
She engaged more in the chatter with the grisha women that day, venturing so far as to reply with questions of her own to get to know them better.
"I didn't know you had a brother, Nadia." she said, genuinely surprised as they made their way to Botkin's stables.
The woman nodded with a half-annoyed, half-endearing smile.
"He's grisha too. A few years younger, so he's still at school. His name's Adrik."
"Is he a Squaller too?"
Nadia confirmed that he was, because of course, the little rat had to copy everything about his older sister.
Alina laughed at that.
"The little girl seems very happy for someone who's about to get into a fight?" were the words with which Botkin received her.
Alina fought back the need to recoil. The only time she had won so far had been against Zoya, …if one could consider that a win given what happened right after.
"Maybe I'll be lucky today." she beamed at him.
Botkin seemed almost surprised.
"Positivity is fine, little girl, but you need to focus during a fight. But first." he clapped his hands twice, immediately getting all the attention. "Run around the lake. Twice. The last one to get back here will help the stable hands for the rest of the day."
Alina really ran like never before that day.
Her side hurt, and she almost felt like she wasn't getting enough air; but after the first half, her legs didn't burn so much anymore, and she felt almost as good as she did when walking.
"Damn, Starkov." she turned her head to see that Michail, a heartrender with a hard-shaped face and kind, green eyes, was easily keeping up with her. "When did you get this fast?"
"Practice." she said, a little breathless but feeling nice with the cold air slapping against her face. "Besides, I really don't wanna end up in the stables."
He laughed at that.
"That makes two of us. I hate those animals."
Alina frowned. She just didn't wanna clean up their shit, but other than that, she could find nothing wrong with horses.
"Why?"
"Those long faces," he said, gesturing over his own. "they're scary."
"You're scared of horses?!" she asked, disbelieving.
"Why don't you yell it a little louder?" he asked, looking around at the disperse group, but he was smirking. They weren't at the front, but they weren't slagging at the back either.
"Sorry." she leaned in. "I'll keep your secret if you help me not to be the last."
"I don't think you need my help," he laughed. "but sure."
She got knocked down on her ass by a short Inferni woman with dark blonde hair, but Alina laughed it off, hiding her embarrassment, and stretched out a hand. The Inferni rose an eyebrow and then helped her up.
"Thanks." she told her, dusting off the back of her kefta.
"For kicking your ass?"
"Hey, I think I did learn a thing or two." she winked. "Next time I'll be ready."
"Oh, so you want a rematch?" the woman asked, amused, as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"If you're up for it." Alina shrugged.
"Deal." they shook hands. "But it'll have to wait until we're done with him." she said, nodding towards Botkin, who was busy making rounds, watching the others. "I'm Natasha, by the way."
"Alina."
"Oh, I know. Everyone knows." she smiled once more before retreating to a small group of Inferni that had reunited by a corner.
As she passed by the lake in her usual route to Baghra's hut, Alina got startled by the damage she had done to the perfectly green grass. Gardeners were still at work getting rid of the black mass she had left in her path, going so far as to dig into the earth. They saw her passing and glanced up, some frightened, others definitely not amused.
"I am so sorry." she whispered frantically, before hurrying her steps.
"Don't let the heat out!" was all the greeting she got from the ancient woman.
Alina closed the door and hurried to the chair that awaited her. She was smiling.
"I don't think that will be a problem." she said, proud of herself.
She scoffed. "So I have heard. Show me." she said, hitting her in the arm with her cane.
"Ouch!"
With a nasty frown, Alina placed her palms in front of the others and called the light that she had rejected for so long. So eager to answer, her power rushed through and out of her, and she was almost puzzled by its intensity. She focused on keeping the orb small.
"Uh. Well, it took you long enough."
"A 'Congratulations' would be nice."
She got hit again. Her light wavered and then solidified again.
"Congratulations? What? Do you want a parade thrown in your honour as well? For what? Doing what you were supposed to do your entire life? Shut up and expand the orb. Make it encompass the entire place."
With deep breaths, both to concentrate and control her anger, Alina steadily expanded her light, making it fill the hut.
"Bend it to its shape."
Carefully, she tried to do as she was told.
"You were right, about being held back." she uttered as she tried to shape her light to blend in with the walls.
"I know." the woman said, petulant. "Now call it back and repeat until there is no effort to it."
Alina tried, and tried again, but as eager as her power was to explode, her body was eager for a long, long nap. There had been so much repression, so much denial for so many years, that it was as if the light wanted to just explode out of her body and consume it all.
It scared her a little, but she focused.
The Darkling had told her she was magnificent, Alina remembered, and he had made it sound like she was capable of anything.
The way his grey eyes shone with such intensity, like he wanted to engulf her into his arms and have her all to his own, the way in which his hand felt against hers, or how just even being next to him made her want to lean into and over him like a lazy, overly clingy cat.
She'd lay on top of him all day if she could.
Alina wondered what would've happened if Genya hadn't arrived at the moment she did. Would The Darkling had kissed her? What would his lips taste like? How would his beard feel against her skin? Just exactly how good was he with his tongue?
Alina blushed. The light flickered, as if excited at the mere idea of the man.
She had kissed a few people before, but him, there was something about him that told her that if he should kiss her only once, she'd spend the rest of her life running after the very same sensation and more.
"Dreaming about your dark prince again?"
She looked at Baghra.
"What?" looking around, she noticed that her light had expanded farther than the hut and she was glowing.
Alina snapped her hands, and everything was dark again. Her fingers tingled with power, her eyelids closed with exhaustion.
"I-I wasn't-" she blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the new environment.
"Stupid, stupid girl. You need to focus on your task."
"I'd concentrate better if I wasn't being hit every five min-OUCH!"
"Do not make excuses with me. You are lazy, easily distracted, you do not know what you are getting yourse-"
"You know, for someone who's supposed to be such a great teacher, I've still got to see some actual teaching." Alina snapped. "All you do is yell at me, hit me and belittle me; yet one conversation with The General I can finally summon." the brunette spat, each word more angrier than the previous one. "So don't try to blame me for your shortcomings."
Baghra was silent, nostrils flaring. When it looked like she might raise her cane and hit Alina right in the head with it, she opened her thin lips instead:
"Out." she uttered, almost inaudible. "Out! And do not come back!"
"Gladly!"
Alina stood up and marched for the door, her steps almost as loud as the insults the old woman was throwing after her.
"Stupid girl! Unconscious! Just another pawn of his! You never learn! Lazy! Stupid! Blind!"
It was a good thing the old crone couldn't see the tears of frustration and shame in her eyes.
She was on her way back to the Little Palace, trying to decide if she should bathe or go to the library first.
Baghra's words still rang in her head.
Maybe, if she was quick, really quick with her bath,...but then again, she was getting too used to such a luxury, that once in there it was quite difficult to leave unless the water turned cold.
But if she went to the library, she'd be there until the words blurred and her eyes burned.
On the other hand, there were other grisha in the library, and she couldn't afford to walk in there smelling like-
"Alina?"
General Kirigan's smooth voice had her turning on her heels, hand still massaging the spot on her arm Baghra's cane had so harshly landed. She had managed to hold back the tears, but the woman's word still stung.
"Moi Soverennyi." She greeted but forgot to bow.
He looked at her arm.
"How was your lesson?"
"I spent months with her and nothing; five minutes with you and I can summon." She basically spat, still bitter at Baghra's harsh words. "I think that speaks for itself."
He smiled, almost.
"Give the old woman some credit. She is good at what she does."
"Terrorizing isn't teaching." she replied, and then, with her head high, added: "She didn't get me to summon."
"No." The Darkling agreed, taking a step towards her. All engulfed in his black cloak, he almost seemed to float. "You did it. It was all you." He said it with such reverence that her breath became shallow.
She didn't look away from his eyes. The storms swirling in there were magnetic. There was so much going on in there at the moment, yet it all sped up through those grey orbs so fast she couldn't make sense of it.
"Why don't you teach me?" The words slipped from her tongue before she could think better of it.
He rose an eyebrow, taking another predatory step towards her.
"I serve the King. I run an entire army. I do not have the time to train everyone personally, nor would I want anyone to think they are favoured above others."
He was so close to her now, she had to crane her neck to look up.
"You once said there was no one else like us; who could be a better teacher?"
In truth, she also wanted to see him more often. Glimpses as he passed through the Little Palace or left Os Alta, and the occasional conversation weren't enough for her.
"You flatter me, Miss Starkov."
"I only state my opinion." she took a step, shortening the distance, like he was a magnet calling for her.
Mirth shone in his eyes. It made her smile.
"I will be going away for a few weeks." At this, her smile fell, and his formed as he tilted her chin up with his gloved fingers.
Alina stared up into his eyes, dark with something.
"I'll miss you." She whispered, foolishly, without thought.
"Will you?" He asked, almost perplexed for a moment.
She found herself nodding.
"I know we don't get much chance to talk, but I like talking to you." She confessed, a knot in her throat. "You understand all,...this." she flickered her fingers and a tiny orb of light formed above her hand.
His eyes followed suit, almost fascinated, like he still couldn't quite believe her power was real. And when he looked at her, it was like he couldn't believe she was real.
His hand rose and shadows swallowed her light. Alina watched them dance, entranced by his power, and noticed it taking shape.
"For you." The Darkling said, handing her a black rose, from the base of its steam to the very last petal. "To remember me by while I am gone."
Disbelieving, she reached out and gasped as she touched the shadow. There was a little bit of gold in there, her own power hidden within, shimmering weakly here and there.
"I don't have anything to give you." She said, lamenting.
He leaned down, his beard rough against her soft cheek.
"Trust me, Alina," he whispered, her name on his lips against her ear making her tremble. "I could not forget you if I tried."
There was the whisper of a kiss against her cheek that seemed to linger for the longest moment, …and then he was leaving, cloak flipping behind him as he left the sun Summoner holding onto a small piece of shadow and a piece of her heart gone with him.