Waking Up
Chapter 4
He was nervous. More nervous than he had ever been before. He knew that from the moment he had woken up.
It had been over a week since they had last spoken. Things had been left disappointing between them.
Nothing really resolved. He continued to write. Polite missives, nothing like what he had sent before. He couldn't, because now he was unsure.
He received a few letters from her too. He made excuses though. Appreciating that it was her last weeks and things would be busy. Yet still he felt disappointed. Yet still he felt hurt.
He was a grown man. He didn't want this to happen to him again. He couldn't let this happen to him again. He didn't want to lose something good, something as solid as Molly had quickly become in his life.
He had lost something good before. His first marriage he had let slipped away from him. Causing him to question his worth. He wasn't going to let that happen again.
And so that is why he made the decision. That was why he was here today. Anxiously walking up and down, and simply waiting.
Waiting for her return.
He used his connections well when asking around as to the day and time of her return. He learnt it all. And so, he now knew that it was today, it was soon.
He also knew that she hadn't asked him to come, and more importantly he hadn't told her he was coming. He didn't know how she would react to seeing him there at the airport. Waiting. For her. Unplanned.
He never doubted that there would't be anyone there to meet her. He'd known that there hadn't been previously, and he didn't expect things to have changed.
Once he had all the information it was a simple decision. The decision had come to him suddenly.
He had woken up in his lonely room, finding himself scrolling through the pictures of her he had on his phone. Re-reading her last letters. Noticing the differences in them from the beginning to the end. When she first left him there was so much hope. There was so much love. There was so much possibility and potential for them. But then he went and shouted at her. Making her feel worthless and useless. Making her look at him in a different light, and then the tone of the letters had changed. He had crossed a line, and he knew he had no right to do that. He hadn't wanted to do that. He needed to make amends.
So, sitting there alone in his room that's when he came to the conclusion that he had to act. She was too important to let go. To lose. He loved her.
Charles looked again nervously at his watch. The takeaway coffee in his hands remained untouched. He was too anxious, too chewed up to consider possibly enjoying it. Her plane had touched down on the tarmac over 20 minutes ago. He knew that they would be the usual declarations and passport controls to go through. That there would be equipment she would need to deal with on her return. To hand over. So, he knew it was too soon for her to come through the arrivals gate but still he couldn't help but look.
Eventually there was some movement. He moved backwards and forwards on his chosen spot. Scanning the crowd for any familiar face. Uncertain whether or not his presence there would be, when she noticed, a joyful thing or an embarrassing thing. Whether or not his attendance to welcome her back to the UK after this three month tour would be the start of something, or the end of what they already had.
And then he saw her.
Looking more beautiful than he had remembered. But even though he saw her beauty he could also see that she was weary. Still wearing her combats crumpled and grubby from her long travels. Her hair, mostly pulled severely back, had just started to come loose a little bit at the bottom. He briefly saw there were dark circles underneath her eyes, but her head was mainly downcast, watching her feet as she moved through the corridor carrying the heavy bags. She looked sad and uncertain.
His sighed with relief. Relief that she was home and with relief that she wasn't looking for anyone. Her focus was firmly on the path she was treading. Following the rest of team through the corridors waiting to find the generic transport to take her back to base.
He stared at her and smiled. He couldn't stop himself. He knew this maybe not what she wanted, but even seeing her from such a distance gave his heart such happiness.
And then suddenly for some reason her head lifted up and her eyes locked onto his. As though there was some visible force drawing them towards each other.
She stopped as soon as she saw him. Dead still in her tracks. He stood still too, straight back and unsure. He wanted to march towards her but she looked unsure.
He saw her take half a step back as she recoiled with the surprise of seeing him. And so, it was that that made him realise that he might have made one huge judgemental error by turning up. That maybe she didn't want to see him.
And then he saw it.
He saw the half smile on her face. And he returned it. His half smile spurred her into a full smile and he did the same. His heart skipped as seeing the sight of his Molly, her face beaming and her feet being placed in front of her quicker and quicker as she moved towards him. He smiled and chuckled. The happiness blushing out of him. This hadn't been a mistake. She was pleased he was there, so he moved faster towards her too.
Both of them disregarded the public environment they were in. That didn't matter. Disregarding how out in the open they were with their feelings to each other. Nothing mattered. What did matter was that they held each other again and they healed that little rift that had started over a week ago once and for all.
Within moments she had collided into him and he grabbed onto her. Fiercely.
"Charles." She whispered into his chest and he give out a little chuckle. "Are you real?"
It sounded so good to hear the happiness and wonder in her voice. She hid her head deep onto the jumper he wore. Seeking safety. Seeking reassurance.
He forced her to look at him. Holding her by her forearms and pushing her back a little bit.
"Molly look at me." He pleaded.
And she did.
There were tears in her eyes, but still with a big smile on her face.
"What are you doing here?" She asked bewildered. "You never said?"
"No, I never." He replied smiling and stroking the wispy bits of hair that were tumbling from her severe hairstyle. "I couldn't keep away." He admitted.
She smiled. Noticing him shift the weight on his good leg.
"You came all this way just to see me? You drove?" Knowing he hadn't been driving when she had left.
She watched as he nodded.
"What about your leg? You're a nut job you are."
He dipped his head also forgetting how tiny she sometimes could be and kissed her lips.
"I did. Leg's fine, and I hope that I am your nut job?" He asked with a touch of uncertainty as he stood straight.
She shook her head and smiled, and rather than words she stood up on her tiptoes and pulled his head back down closer towards her and returned his kiss.
"I've bloody missed you." She whispered softly as the kiss ended.
"And I've bloody missed you too Dawes." He said.
For a moment time stood still as they just silently held each other Then the noise, the reality around them woke them up from this dream like state. They both knew that time was short.
It was routine. It was something she hadn't thought to alter, she had to follow the plan. As previous arrangements had been made for her to return to base, she now had to use the regular transport. It was too late to make any changes, and the bus was waiting to leave.
Sad that the time they had was short, but still worth it as it showed them both the lovers tiff was over.
She grinned up as he walked side-by-side. Only a slight limp as he did so. Both of them slowly moving their way towards her transport.
"You look good without the boot." She teased. "You look great."
He nodded and let out a huge breath. "Feel good. Better. Stronger." He admitted.
"I still can't believe though you drove all the way here. Does it hurt?"
He shook his head and turned and looked at her. Accepting the gentle shoulder bump, she gave him as they walked alongside each other. The smile only half there as she spoke with true concern for him.
"Had it all planned." He said quietly. "Was going to meet you, let me take you home, at least back to barracks. Spend some time with you." He paused as she raised her eyebrows and a big grin spread across her face. "Yes I know you have to go and see your parents; but I thought we might at least... I don't know have some time together."
She sighed at him softly shaking her head and eventually turned and looked at him again with a half serious mask on her face.
"That would've been so nice." She admitted.
"Yes." He agreed sadly. "It would've been perfect."
"Remind me again?" She asked bravely. "Why we ain't doing that? Why I am hauling myself all the way back to barracks and we've got no plans to see each other?"
"I stuffed it up didn't I Molly? The other day on the phone shouting at you." He stopped suddenly and she had to backtrack a few steps just to stand face-to-face with him again. "I'm so sorry Molly. I had no right to speak to you like that."
"No, you didn't." She replied slowly taking hold of his upper arms and squeezing ."But I totally understand why."
"God when I think back about what I said and how I spoke to you...well I could've ruined everything." Then he looked at her pleadingly. "Please tell me I haven't ruined anything."
She slowly smiled and shook her head. Her eyes are shining and happy.
"No. You haven't. So, can we make plans then? To see each other? I've been dreaming about seeing you, being with you for weeks."
He let out a very happy giggle and a big smile. "Dreaming? Weeks and weeks?" He teased. "Well maybe we'll just have to do something about that Dawes."
"Definitely." She said quickly. "You'll come and ..."
He finished off her sentence.
"Come and see you? Yes."
He pulled her in for another hug. Potentially risking things being so public, but he didn't care, and it mattered not. She wasn't in his chain of command. A decent time has passed since the last tour. In reality it was nobody's business but theirs.
"I can't bloody wait." He whispered into her. "I've missed you so much."
She enjoyed the smell of him and she could have stayed there being held by him for hours. She breathed him in. The smell of her man. A smell she had missed. Different from the smells she had been assaulted with over the last weeks. He smelt woody, clean, and hers. Not the sour and dusty tones that clung to her nose still. The smell of him was something she had dearly missed, and so she nuzzled her head into his chest further.
"Did you just smell me?" He asked amused.
"Might have! You smell so good." She lifted her head back slightly. "Is that alright?" She asked him.
"Smell away Dawes." He chuckled "Smell away!"
Soon, too soon she heard her name being called and signs of her colleagues itching for the bus to leave. With one last kiss and hug, she broke away.
He stood watching her walk away. Surprised at how sad he felt. He'd really not thought about anything past the point of seeing her. All he had thought about was seeing her again and now he had he was lost. He started then to slowly move towards his car giving her one last smile and wave.
"Thought you said no one was coming to meet you?" Her Colour Sergeant asked.
She had drawn the unhappy short straw of being the last on the bus so this was the only seat. She didn't mind, as she sat down to the sarcastic applause from her other travellers by her late arrival, her Colour was a nice lady. It was just the last three months together, sharing every day together, Molly had hoped for some time apart from her. Time to sit and to dream of Charles, and for them to plan about how to start again.
"I didn't know he was." Molly said politely but didn't want to talk about it. Missing and regretting their separation already.
"So, I take it he is your fella then?" The Colour smiled. "The one that's been writing to you these past few months?"
Molly turned and looked at her boss. And really smiled.
"Yes...my fella." The words sounded good to her.
"He must be pretty keen." The other lady continued. "To come all this way just to see you for ten minutes."
Molly sadly smiled.
"Well, we hadn't exactly planned on him meeting me here."
The Sergeant continued to look out of the window knowing that Molly was looking anywhere but towards her.
"I had someone once who would do that for me." Her Sergeant half spoke to Molly half to herself. "A long time ago."
Molly just hummed her half hearted acknowledgement.
"Then I was foolish. Didn't treasure it I guess." She said huffing out sadly. "Put the Army first."
Again, Molly made a small sound as her reply but said nothing more. Her misty eyes were eagerly searching out any last glimpses of Charles she might have had.
"You know." Her boss went watching Molly in her search. "It's not too late. It's kind of up to me." The Sergeant said more loudly.
The bus hadn't moved, still waiting to leave the car park as there had been some last minute paperwork that the driver was still sorting.
Molly heard her her boss this time and turned to look at her.
"What do you mean?"
The sergeant looked at Molly, a half grin on her face. "Well, it's up to me who stays on the bus and who goes. My discretion. I mean as long as you report at barracks when you're meant to I don't really care how are you going to get home. As long as all the paperwork is all in order."
Molly started to move from her seat, half scribbling in on the form her Sergeant had silently offered her.
"You sure?"
"Dawes if I had a fella that came all this way to see me, there's no way I'd get on the bus full of stinky squaddies and head back to the barracks with them."
Molly stood fully now. The smallest of details now completed on the form. Passing it back to the Sergeant.
"Right Dawes, get your kit off the bus as quick as you can and then get your arse into the car park and find him."
Molly didn't need to be told twice.
The next few minutes were filled with panic. Grabbing her bags as quickly as she could and scrolling through her phone to call him. Each unanswered ring made her more worried that Charles had left the car park and she was abandoned. Worried that he might have plans that would not involve driving her back to the barracks.
Molly sprinted over to the vast car park to seek him. Scanning every car as she did so, certain she'd made a mistake. That he had left. She need not have worried, instantly recognising his car moments later. He sat there head pressed up against the headrest, his eyes closed, and she watched him taking in large deep breaths.
"Room for a little one?" She asked as she knocked on the car window. His head whipped up, his eyes wide with surprise.
"What?" He grab open the door and jumped out to stand next to her pulling her in as she giggled.
"I said room for a little one?"
"You mean?" He looked at her in surprise.
"Yeah." She nodded her head frantically. "Yeah me Sergeant just let me go. Apparently she's not too bothered how I get back to barracks as long as I report in three weeks from now. Bright and early."
"Three weeks?" He let out. "Three weeks Molly? That's more than you said. Three weeks?"
"Yeah I know. But that's what I got free. I mean that's if you want to." Suddenly she became very shy and uncertain. "I mean that's if you want to spend that time with me."
This was no time for half measures, and he kissed her with the force only three months separation can bring.
"Of course, I bloody do. I've told you that." He whispered once he had broken away from her. "It's all I've ever wanted."
They traveled along silently. Her eyes heavy and she fought the sleep but had little energy in her to talk. It didn't matter they both sat in a happy contented silence. His hand held hers firmly on his lap as the miles ticked away.
"We could go out for a meal tonight?" He broke her thoughts. "Somewhere nice. Special."
She smiled at him softly. "I'm cream crackered." She said. "Do you mind if we don't?"
"Ok." He sighed. Then tried again. "I'll just drop you off. See you in a few days after you've seen your parents?"
She turned to him and pulled his hand to her lips. Looking at him really properly for a long time. He had been right he was getting there. He look stronger. He'd lost the pale pallor months of hospital stays gave you. His eyes weren't to sunken in his face. There was a peacefulness about him that had not been there before. He looked now more relaxed, and less tortured. She knew he had a way to go. They both did. The horrors of their tour together would need time and understanding, but she could be see that this man that she loved was starting to get there.
"You know I don't need a fancy restaurant for this to be special don't ya?" She waited for him to turn his head, to look at her. Waiting for him to nod.
"I'll be happy." She continued. "With a take-away pizza and a cuddle from you. That's what would make it perfect."
He smiled and enthusiastically returned nodding his head. "Done." He agreed. "So, you going to sneak me into your room then Dawes?" He chuckled at her.
"Of course, I am. " She teased back. "Can't let my rep be ruined by all and sundry knowing that I'm with a Rupert now can I?"
"Indeed." He played along. "Could you imagine what your mates would say about that?"
"I know." She laughed. "You're lucky I'm taking pity on you since you've driven me all this way. I'm just really just being kind by letting you stay over for the night."
"God you're all heart Dawes." He laughed out as he pulled into the Guardhouse car park to register his car on her camp. Then turning back as he half got out of the car he shouted over the car roof. "Bit previous there aren't you Dawes! Who says I staying the night?"
She got fully out of the other side. Continuing their friendly banter as he walked next to her and slung his arm around her shoulder. She gazed up at him.
"Oh, you're staying the night mister. You know it and I know it, and not just cause I'm so kind-hearted and all that."
He raised his eyebrows willing her to continue.
"No. You're staying cause I bloody love you and have bleedin' missed you. And I've three months of missing you to catch up on."
He flushed with the implication and promise, nodded in agreement as the approached the Guardhouse reception.
"Might make you right their Dawes. Might make you bloody right there."