Chapter 4
Several hours later, Victoria declared she was ready to go home. Audra had just finished a dance with one of the Keller boys and went to join her family. She was tired and while she'd had a marvelous time she didn't want to linger. Jarrod was trying to think of a way he could take Jingo into town without looking suspicious. Even that thought gave him pause about reconsidering meeting with Juliann. He pushed that away as the desire to see her again was strong.
A small commotion brought their attention to the lone horseman coming their way. It was Fred Madden, the town sheriff.
He stopped just as Jarrod had helped Audra and his mother into the surrey.
Fred tipped his hat as he said, "Victoria. Audra. Boys. Jarrod, I was wondering if you had some time to come back to town with me? Had a little dust up at the saloon. Harvey Wallace made another visit to town."
Harvey Wallace was one of Jarrod's clients from when he first started his law practice. Harvey's wife had died suddenly leaving Harvey inconsolable and he'd become the town drunk. He'd gotten better over the years but would occasionally fall off the wagon and need Jarrod's services.
Jarrod sighed but was also thankful. This would give him the excuse he needed to stay in town to see Juliann. He kissed his mother good night. Nick tied Coco to the surrey and climbed up to take the reins. Jarrod untied Jingo's reins and told is family to not wait up for him.
"Need me to go with you?" Heath asked.
"No, I won't be too long. Harvey just needs a little hand holding," Jarrod replied. Heath hesitated but nodded his agreement and followed his family back to the ranch.
Much to his delight, Jarrod's prediction of not needing to spend a lot of time with Harvey was true. The man had fallen asleep in a drunken stupor and no amount of shaking him would bring him around. He'd be safe for the night in the jail. Fred apologized for wasting Jarrod's time, but Jarrod didn't mind at all. He looked at the clock and realized he was already a few minutes late meeting Juliann.
"No worries, Fred." Jarrod passed a few bills to the sheriff. "Hopefully, this will cover Harvey's expenses. If you need anything else, let me know."
Juliann had been waiting near Jarrod's office for about 15 minutes. She was beginning to wonder if Jarrod had forgotten or maybe she'd misunderstood. Or perhaps he changed his mind. That thought brought great disappointment to her heart.
She heard a horse approaching and noticed Jarrod riding toward her. The full moon was bright enough that when he stopped and dismounted, she was able to see him smile.
"I'm sorry I'm late. I was unavoidably detained."
Jarrod led the two up the stairs to his office and resisted the powerful urge to take Juliann's hand. He was upset with himself for even thinking about it. He also – with heavy heart – knew he was dangerously close to a line that he shouldn't cross. Some might say he was a toe over. He had used the excuse that he wanted to catch up with Juliann, but he could have met her for breakfast at the hotel, in a public place before her stage left in the morning. Truth was, he wanted her all to himself.
Jarrod used his key to open the office door. The room was dark, but Jarrod lit the lamp nearest to the doorway and the room soon filled with a soft glow.
Juliann smiled as she looked around. Jarrod's office was exactly how she would have pictured it. She took in every inch from his large desk, to the bookcases that held the multitude of law books, to the leather couch off to the side.
Jarrod enjoyed watching her and when her eyes finally rested on him, she couldn't resist widening her smile.
"I'm so proud of you, Jarrod. I knew you'd be successful," Juliann enthused. Her praise made Jarrod's heart sing.
Jarrod gestured to the couch and they sat.
"How have you been?" Juliann asked. She too was wrestling with the fact she was playing a dangerous game of being out this late with Jarrod.
"I've been…well. My practice is going well. The business for the Ranch keeps me busy…" his voice trailed off as he held Juliann's gaze.
"That's what you tell everyone else. Tell me how you've really been."
Jarrod felt a lump in his throat. Truth was, he wasn't doing well at all. He missed Beth. He was lonely and tired. No, not tired. He was weary. He wasn't finding the fulfillment any longer in his work. He knew he couldn't share any of this with his family because they'd worry. Or try to fix the problem. He shared with her his heart, opening up to her in a way he hadn't opened up to anyone in a long time. He talked about Beth and how her death affected him. About how he was so enraged with grief that he knew if Nick and Heath hadn't found him when they did, he would have killed Cass Hyatt outright and not had any remorse. He talked about Nick standing between him and Hyatt, Jarrod's gun pulled and ready to shoot. The thought of what could have happened still haunted him. He talked about his cases, mentioning Jeff Bowden and how he had vigorously defended him, believing he was innocent only to find out that he had indeed been guilty. He felt relief at releasing the burdens he'd been holding in for far too long.
"Jarrod Barkley…the defender of lost causes," he said sadly.
Juliann listened, blinking away tears. Her heart ached for Jarrod and all he'd been through. She wished she knew how to comfort him and decided that just listening would have to be enough.
"What about you, Jules?" Juliann's heart fluttered at the nickname. No one else ever called her that. No one except Jarrod. Jarrod's term of endearment broke open the dam she'd painstakingly built over the last 15 years.
It was Jarrod's turn to listen. His heart constricted knowing that she wasn't happy. Her marriage was not a good one. Her relationship with her mother, who was now living in the same town, was also not much better than it had been in the past. Jarrod remembered Juliann had been very close to her father Carl, but things always seemed strained with Letha Stettler. Juliann believed she was a failure and felt defeated. Like Jarrod, she was lonely. She couldn't stop the flow of tears as she spoke. Jarrod reached into his pocket, pulled out a handkerchief and pressed it into her hands.
Juliann took the offering and began to wipe her eyes. She felt tired and a little embarrassed after confessing all she had. Both remained silent for several minutes.
"I'm sorry," Juliann whispered.
"For what?" Jarrod asked.
"You didn't need to hear all about my sad marriage. I know I overshared. It was just good to have someone to talk to who wouldn't judge me. Who would just listen."
"I could say the same of you, Jules."
Again, hearing her nickname caused Julian's heart to flutter. She dabbed her eyes one more time and held out the handkerchief to Jarrod. He reached for it and their hands touched. They stared into one another's eyes and Jarrod waited for Juliann to pull her hand away, but she didn't.
"I often wondered why you broke things off so long ago, Jules? Why you chose Simeon," he couldn't hold back the questions he'd been wanting to ask for years. His blue eyes held hers, their sadness causing Juliann to look away.
Juliann's brow furrowed. She knew she owed Jarrod the truth, but she wasn't sure she was ready for that conversation.
"I made a mistake," was her response although she hadn't meant to say it out loud.
Her eyes flew to Jarrod's. He looked at her with a confused expression on his face.
"I should have chosen you, Jarrod. I should have waited for you. I regret every day since."
Once the tears started again, Juliann couldn't stop them, and Jarrod reached for her. She didn't resist him, allowing him to take her in his arms. When she was spent, she rested against his chest listening to the soothing sound of his heart as it beat and thought how safe she felt with his arm around her shoulders. She sat up and looked at him to say something, but the words died in her throat. They leaned in at the same time and kissed one another. The kiss deepened and neither did anything to stop it. They embraced and before either one knew it, they were lying down on the couch, Jarrod's body covering Juliann's.
Juliann wrapped her arms around Jarrod, her hands caressing his back. Jarrod's hands moved down the length of her, relishing every second. When Jarrod's mouth moved toward her neck, Juliann moaned. The sound was titillating, and Jarrod was getting to a point where if he didn't put a stop to things….
The clock in the room began to chime, calling out the hour. Juliann was startled and sat up quickly. She put her hand on her mouth, registering the shock she felt.
"Oh Jarrod, I'm so sorry," she gasped trying to catch her breath.
"No Jules. I'm the one who should be sorry."
Juliann stood and walked to the middle of the room. She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling cold. Jarrod for his part was trying to get himself under control. She'd felt wonderful to hold.
But she's someone else's wife, his mind reminded him.
"I should go," Juliann said softly, though in truth she did not want to leave.
"I'll walk you to the hotel," Jarrod said, standing up.
"No, Jarrod. I can't have you come any closer. I won't be able to resist…"
At any other time, what Juliann said could have been comical, but both knew she was right. And Jarrod was in the same predicament.
"I'll watch from the window to make sure you get there safely," Jarrod said. Juliann smiled her thanks and then left. Jarrod sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. What had he almost done?
He watched as Juliann walked across the street to the hotel. She turned back as she reached the door and looked up to the window of the office giving a small wave. Then disappeared inside.
Jarrod stayed where he was at the window, looking out into the darkness contemplating the line he had crossed. He honestly never thought he would even consider having an affair with a married woman. Especially after what his father had done to his mother. Jarrod had struggled with the knowledge of his father's affair, and it had taken him years to come to terms with it. He and Nick had made promises to one another that they would never cross this line. Both vowed to one another to never follow in the footsteps of their father in that way. When Heath had come to claim his heritage, the knowledge of their father's sin was like a slap in the face to both. But while they hated the circumstances surrounding Heath's existence, both were close to their brother and thankful for having him in their lives.
Jarrod knew he shouldn't have asked Juliann to meet him tonight. He knew what could happen and yet he couldn't stop himself. He blew out the lamp and locked up his office. Then made his way downstairs.
His sigh was heartfelt as he mounted Jingo and headed toward home. He hoped everyone was sleeping because he didn't want to see anyone. The guilt he felt was overwhelming. And yet he knew if given a choice, he would do it all over again. That was what bothered him the most.
Jarrod took a deep shuddering breath. He couldn't help but think of his father again and wondered if this was what it was like for him and for the millionth time wished he could talk to his father again.
Sleep did not come easy to him that night and Jarrod rose feeling tired. He joined his family at the breakfast table but did not take part in the conversation going on around him. His mother noticed his quiet but didn't question him. She'd heard him come in late the night before and figured he was tired.
Heath also noticed Jarrod's quietness. He had heard the dark-haired lawyer come home late and thought of questioning him. While the three brothers all were different, Heath and Jarrod shared a similar trait. Where Nick was an open book and one rarely needed to guess what he was thinking or even feeling, Heath and Jarrod were more reserved. At first glance, it was believed that Heath was the most reserved of the three, but Heath knew Jarrod was intensely private. He rarely shared anything about his personal life, particularly when it came to women. Heath knew he wouldn't be open to questioning.
In truth, if Heath had questioned Jarrod, he probably would have talked to him, at least a bit. Jarrod was having a difficult time coming to terms with his actions and wasn't sure where to turn.
Several weeks later Jarrod seemed to be back to his old self. Both Victoria and Heath had wondered if perhaps his mood from a few weeks before had anything to do with Juliann's visit. Victoria remembered well the love her eldest son had for his childhood friend. Losing her had hurt him but he had moved on and then met Beth. Once she was taken from him, Victoria saw in his eyes the same sorrowful look she knew she carried in hers. It broke her heart to think about not being able to take that loss from her son.
Jarrod, after finally coming to terms with what had happened, decided to put it all behind him. He still cared for Juliann but saw her as unattainable and left it at that. He threw himself into his work and tried to put Juliann from his mind.