A Show Atlas'll Never Forget
Team RWBY, _NPR, and the Ace Ops were all together in a room, waiting for orders and watching the news to keep up with what's happening. Ruby did not care so much about that now, pacing back and forth and worrying about only one thing. "Where could Jaune have gone at a time like this?"
Lisa Lavender spoke on the TV playing in the background. "We interrupt this news broadcast for a special announcement."
"What could be more important than keeping up with the riots? Even more bad news?" Harriet asked from her spot on a couch. "Wait a minute. Isn't that your friend?"
Yang answered. "Our friend on TV? That's never good new- oh my fuck that's Jaune."
Weiss shoved her out of the way. "What!?"
Jaune was indeed on the TV, on a large, well-lit stage with his old guitar in hand. "People of Atlas and all throughout Mantle! I know times are a little tough, but I have a solution."
Blake's eyes widened. "He's not actually gonna…"
"What?" Marrow asked. "Do what?"
"Oh. Oh you guys are in for it." Blake settled into a seat of her own, looking forward to what's to come.
"HOW!? How did he get on national television!?" Weiss freaked out in front of the TV.
Behind him, Jaune had slow, beautiful strings and a piano behind him, being played in the background. He strummed along with them, and sang his heart out.
"~Well it seems to me, this whole world's gone crazy,
There's too much hate and killin' goin' on...~"
Vine crossed his arms, quirking a brow at the TV. "He expects to solve our political turmoil with a song? What kind of joke is this?"
"A hilarious one!" Ruby was ecstatic getting to hear her fellow leader sing again. "Eeee, it's been too long!"
"You don't even know. You don't know the truth," Blake said, ready for what's coming.
"~But when I see the bare chest of a woman,
my worries and my problems are aaallllll gooone~."
"Yup."
Clover's face fell. "What'd he just say?"
"Haaaahahaha!" Ruby laughed unabashedly beside Weiss, who's jaw was dropped.
"~No one thinks of fightin', when they see a topless girl,
maybe if you would show yours too… we could saaave the wooorld...~"
"I'm on board with this!" Elm bursted, having been quiet up until now and startling her team a bit.
"Elm!" Harriet reprimanded.
"What? He makes a good point."
Weiss meanwhile had her hands on her head. "Oh God… oh God this is a nightmare! Maybe it's just in Atlas. The entire world doesn't have to see it, right?"
On TV, the piano, strings, Jaune's guitar and a gospel choir kicked off.
"~Show them to me!
Show them to meee~!"
Meanwhile, in Argus. "WHAT THE FUCK," Terra deadpanned at her own TV.
"Uncle!" Little Adrian pointed at it in recognition.
"Adrian cover your ears!"
"Why are you both so loud in he-" Saphron stopped in her tracks, and dropped the tea cup she was holding with a shattering sound.
"~Unclasp your bra, and set those puppies free~"
"No freakin' way!" Somewhere in Vacuo, Sun dialed up his team. "Guys turn on the TV! He's back! … Yes, that guy!"
"~They'd look a whole lot better without that sweater baby I'm sure you'll agree,~"
Taiyang watched with Zwei on the couch in Patch. "Wow, it's like a younger me. History really does repeat itself."
"~If you got, two funbags! Show them… to meee.~"
Ren came rushing through the door. "Uh guys, have yo- oh. It seems you already know."
"I wish we didn't…" Weiss said miserably.
"Hey, look!" Nora followed after Ren through the door and pointed at the TV. It appeared a blonde woman got right up front of the stage, opened her red coat up and was now jumping up and down excitedly.
Jaune saluted her. "God bless you woman," he said into the mic.
Nora recognized her instantly. "Holy crap, that's casserole mom!"
"Who?" Blake asked.
"Oh dear," Ren winced at the display. "I hope her kid isn't watching."
"~I don't care if they don't match, or one's bigger than the other,
You can show me one,~"
And he spoke. "And I'll imagine the other!"
Marrow's ears perked. "Does anybody else hear cheering?" The group went to open a window to see that Jaune is visible on a massive screen in the town square, surrounded by hooting, hollering and whistling citizens.
Weiss deadpanned. "I want to die."
Ruby was not looking, being too busy laughing on the floor with tears in her eyes while Yang half-heartedly tried to help her up, lost in her own fit of giggles.
"~Even if you're really old, there's nothing wrong.
Don't be sad, your boobs ain't bad, they're just a little long!~"
Somewhere in Atlas, Freya watched from her bed. She looked down at her own chest, and hummed with a smile.
"~Show them to me!~! (Shooow them!) ~Show theeem to me.~ (Show them to him!)
Lift up your shirt, and let the whole wooorld see!
Just disrobe, show your globes, and a happy man I'll be
If you got, dos chichi's...~"
And Jaune spoke. "Which is South Vacuan for two titties." He craned his neck, looking out into the crowd. "And I think we mighta just seen two Vacuan titties."
"Did I mention that he's my leader? I am very proud." Nora puffed up her chest. But Harriet, the girl she was nudging and speaking to, only stared speechless at the TV.
"~I've met a lot of them, but never one I've hated,
Even if ya had thirteen kids and ya think they look deflated.
There's no such thing as a bad breast, I believe this much is true,
IF YOU'RE A BIG FAT MAN, I'M A TITTY FAN, AND I'D LOVE TO SEE YOURS TOOOO!~"
Somewhere far away, Emerald tuned into the live feed from her scroll late, only to see an auditorium full of fat Atlesian men cheering and lifting their shirts up. "What the hell is going on in Atlas?"
"A damn good time!" Mercury watched over her shoulder. "Rather be there than here right now."
"What are you both watching?" Hazel startled Emerald.
She slammed the scroll down. "Uh, nothing?"
The music quiets and slows down.
"~Show them to me… show theeeem to me.
Just like the girls gone wild on TV...~"
"Looks like the rest of the moms joined the first in the front row." Ren commented.
"Seriously, who are you both talking about?" Blake asked again.
"~Just lean back, show your rack, and I'll be in ecstasy,
If you got two casabas… show them… to MEEE~!"
The gospel choir behind him took the chorus over.
"~Mm-hmmm. All the world will live in harmonyyy~!"
Ruby and Yang put their arms over each other's shoulders, swayed with the music and sang along (badly) with the chorus. "Show them to meee!~"
Ghira watched in Menagerie. "I like the way this kid thinks!" He looked over suggestively at his wife.
"Oh, you dog!~" Kali giggled as Ghira brought her down with him on the couch.
"~It'll do ya good, it'll gimme wood, we'll make history~!"
The music broke down.
"~If you love your country...~"
A massive Atlas flag started waving patriotically behind Jaune. Weiss gagged.
"~I'm gonna say it ONE more tiiiime. I said if you love your countryyy, yeeaahhh!~ ATLAS! DO YOU LOVE YOUR COUNTRY!?"
Both in the TV and outside, thunderous cheers were heard.
Elm pumped her fist. "YEAH!"
"I do!" Harriet cheered.
"I mean…" Clover hesitated, and Vine was still silent, processing in his head what he was looking at.
"I'm not even from here and I'm hyped! WOO!" Yang said and bounced on her feet in excitement.
"~Then stand your ass up, drop that dress, hike up them shirts and show them big ol' titties to meeee! Ahh-OOOO~!"
Meanwhile, Salem watched the whole event through her octopus Grimm that allowed images to be projected. "That was the most ridiculous thing I have ever… wait. My Grimm are receding!"
"ALRIGHT!" Weiss stomped her foot. "He's gone too far making a fool of all of Mantle. I'm going over there, and kicking his banana-headed ass!"
Finally, the news feed cut back to Lisa Lavender. Perhaps she did not notice to camera cut back to her. "That… was unexpected."
Somewhere, a rabbit faunus was laughing her ass off.
Lisa cleared her throat. "Uh, anyway, in breaking news, it appears the rioting throughout Mantle has died down."
"Is she saying that worked?" Vine finally spoke.
And work it did. Salem was defeated by the power of song for a day, global crime rates dropped an unprecedented 20%, and Ghira finally got to plow his own wife for once.
(A/N) Song is "Show Them To Me" by Rodney Carrington