Chapter 4: In a Dream State
Teyla and Ronon finished their meal in silence and then they immediately went to John's quarters. Teyla really hoped that John was just sleeping, and nothing had happened to him, but given the way things had been going lately, the chances were that he would be injured again and she was getting sick and tired of him not looking after himself.
Things had been reasonably settled before he'd gone into the sanctuary. The incident with Ford and his buddies injecting them with the wraith enzyme was over weeks ago and even though Ronon, Rodney and she were the ones that had been injected with the enzyme, John had felt an enormous amount of guilt over it. She could only hope that the six months he'd spent in the sanctuary had helped him deal with some of that guilt.
Life on Atlantis had settled into a rhythm, but of course, things were never that simple and at some point, things were going to become unsettled again and more often than not John was in the firing line.
Arriving at the door, she sounded the door chime and waited, but there was no answer, so she tried again and there was still no answer, so she turned to Ronon, "Ronon I do not like this. I know that he could be asleep, but what if he's injured again? Shall we just see if the door is unlocked and go straight in?"
"I'll go in first and then if everything seems alright, I will call you in?"
She watched as Ronon tried the door and much to her relief it opened the first time. She felt a little awkward entering John's room when he was quite possibly sleeping but knowing John anything could have happened to him. Perhaps Rodney was right when he called him Colonel Calamity or Colonel Catastrophe
"Ronon," she called out, "how is he?"
"Come in Teyla, he's on the floor and I'm about to try and wake him? Maybe you should be here when he wakes up since you seem to have a calming influence on him."
When she'd entered his quarters, she immediately ran to John's side where Ronon was trying to wake him. John had obviously not bothered to get changed before he went to bed as he was still in the BDU's he'd had on that day. He still had his beard and Teyla had to wonder if he was ever going to shave it off.
"Sheppard," Ronon said as he tapped him on the cheek, "wake up?"
There was no reply, so Ronon tried again, "Sheppard, wake up?"
They tried another four times and there was absolutely no way that John was waking up, so there was only one thing that they could do.
Tapping her earpiece, she contacted Carson, "Teyla to Dr Beckett, come in please?"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John was annoyed when he found himself in the clearing again. He had no idea why Teer kept bringing him here, but he'd already made his feelings on the matter clear.
It was dusk in the settlement and the sunset was as magnificent as it had been in the six months that he'd spent there. The sky was a deep pink, changing to a deep crimson, with splashes of orange near the horizon. What a waste of a sunset, he thought as he walked around the settlement looking for signs of life. There were birds and animals on the table pecking at any leftover fruit and vegetables, from the last meal that had been consumed there.
He was expecting Teer to walk out of her hut at any moment with Hedda and Avrid following. When nothing happened, he decided that he would go and look for them and a minute later he entered her hut and found that she wasn't there, neither were Avrid or Hedda. Their hut looked the same as he remembered it.
He walked outside again, "hello is anyone there?"
When there was no reply, he headed off to the meditation hut and again he found no one there. What the hell was going on? Why was he here?
There was a roar in the distance, and he sure hoped that it wasn't the beast coming back to torment him again as that was the last thing he needed right now.
He called out again hoping that someone would answer, "If there's anyone here, please answer me?"
There was still no reply, so he walked into his own hut and it looked the same way it had two days ago, he entered and lit the lamp that was beside his bed as the light was fading fast.
Laying down on the bed he looked up at the ceiling and wondered if someone was going to come and visit him, or better still he hoped that he would wake up. After a few minutes, he felt his eyelids drooping and he had to wonder why he was feeling so tired. Ever since he'd arrived back on Atlantis, he seemed to be sleeping all of the time and it was really beginning to become annoying.
He awoke with a start sometime later when he heard someone entering his hut. The lamp was still burning beside his bed, so it was easy for him to see that it was Teer.
"Why am I here? I have told you on numerous occasions that I want you to leave me alone."
"I have decided to keep you here until I know that you are safe. I love you John and I can't come to terms with never seeing you again. When I was a child, I saw you ascending with us, so I still believe that it will happen."
"You do realise that eventually the ancients will realise what you're up to and send you back to earth don't you?"
"That is a risk I'm willing to take so that I can be with you, John."
He knew that it was time for some real truth-telling and even if he hurt her he was going to say it, "Teer, I really like you, but at the moment my job is protecting Atlantis, so I will not be ascending with you and right now I don't have time for a relationship even if I was interested in you, which I'm not," taking a deep breath he continued hoping that he wouldn't sound too rude, "so why don't you go back to being ascended before you are found interfering in human affairs and get thrown out!?"
A look of anger crossed her face, and he knew that he'd hit a nerve, but unfortunately, that was the way only for him to get through to her.
"Well in that case John, goodbye and when you are about to die, I will not be there for you!"
She turned and stormed out of the room, he was about the follow when he heard thunder in the distance, followed by the roar of the beast again. What was she playing at? Had she sent the beast to try and scare him into going with her? Well, he knew that wouldn't work because he'd fight it again if he had to.
He had no idea what to do next, so he lay down on the bed again and willed himself to wake up. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, but within minutes he did find himself falling into a deep sleep.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Carson looked down at the man in the bed and he had absolutely no idea why he was still asleep, or why his brain patterns were so strange. It was almost like he was in a constant dream state and couldn't wake up. In reality, he was constantly changing between deep sleep and REM sleep, which definitely wasn't good.
It had been two days since he had been called to Colonel Sheppard's quarters and Carson had found him unresponsive. After asking Ronon and Teyla what was going on, they had reluctantly told him about how Teer seemed to keep appearing in his dreams and nightmares, but they had their suspicions that she was actually trying to contact him and give him a warning about something.
It was when John finally arrived in the infirmary that he'd actually really had a chance to check him out and that was when he found the deep bruising on John's shoulder. When he'd asked Ronon and Teyla about it Ronon had said that he'd fallen on it while sparring, but he had his suspicions that something more sinister was going on.
He really had no idea what he was going to do next, he'd scheduled a meeting with Elizabeth and the rest of his team at 1300 hours and he feared that if his friend didn't wake up soon, they would have to send him back to earth. He hadn't told John's friends as yet, but that was definitely a conversation he wasn't looking forward to.
A voice interrupted his contemplation, and he intuitively knew who it was, "how is he, Dr Beckett?"
"I'm sorry Teyla, but there's no change."
Turning to look at her, he instantly saw the sadness in her face, "what happens if he doesn't wake up Carson?"
"I'm sorry, but we may have to send him back to earth for further evaluation."
"I really hope that does not happen, because Atlantis is John's home, and his family are here."
"I know Lassie, Rodney is still researching ascension and I am doing all that I can, but at the end of the day I fear that it may not be enough."
"May I sit with him for a while Carson?"
"Go right ahead, I'll be in my office if you need me."
Carson turned and left for his office, there was half an hour left until the meeting with Elizabeth and if he were a religious man, he would have been praying that John would wake up in that time.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The next time John awoke there was sun streaming through the windows. Although he hoped that he was in Atlantis it didn't take him long to realise that he wasn't. For some reason that he couldn't explain he was still in the settlement and as far as he could ascertain he was completely alone.
He had no idea how long he'd been there it could have been a day, or it could have been weeks or even months. Time progressed at a different rate in the sanctuary so even if he'd been here months, only hours could have passed in Atlantis.
Feeling refreshed from what must have been a good night's sleep, he climbed out of bed and walked out of his hut and looked around the clearing hoping that he wasn't alone.
The clearing was the same as it was at sunset the night before and he was relieved that the beast hadn't paid him a visit in the night. He ambled over to the meditation hut and found that it was deserted as well.
Stepping outside he was surprised when he saw Hedda and Avrid coming towards him. He walked over to meet them and tried to work out what they were here for this time and why were they here without Teer?
Avrid walked up to him and shook his hand, "John it is good to see you again and I'm glad that you're safe."
"Why am I here Avrid?"
"Teer brought you to this place because she is incredibly worried about you. The Ascended ones are deciding what to do with her as we speak. They did give us permission to come and help you leave this place though."
"Alright, I'm ready to go home so how do I leave this place?"
Hedda came up to him and threw her arms around him and although it was uncomfortable, he hugged her back.
Her voice was soft as she spoke, "John there is one more thing to tell you before you go."
"I'm listening Hedda?"
"The Ascended ones still feel that you are ready to Ascend, and they want you to know that it is still your choice whether you do or not."
"Thank you, for telling me that Hedda."
"Oh…and they have also given me permission to heal your current injuries."
He knelt so that Hedda could reach his shoulder and when she placed her hands on it, he felt a warm tingly feeling come over him. She repeated the action on his wrist and the small scratch on his head.
When she had finished, he felt even better than he had when he had awoken this morning.
"All you have to do to leave this place is close your eyes and think of home," Avrid told him with a smile.
"Will I see you both again?"
Avrid spoke to him one last time as he began to fade away, "perhaps, but I cannot tell the future John so for now goodbye."
He stood and watched until his friends were gone. Then he closed his eyes and thought of Atlantis and all of his friends who would be waiting for him. It wasn't long before he felt the darkness falling on him again.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Teyla walked into the infirmary to take her turn sitting with John. He had been unresponsive for almost three days now and it had been decided that if he didn't wake up, he would be going back to Earth when the Daedalus came to Atlantis again. She had spent a lot of time over the last few days praying to the Ancestors that he would wake up. Although she didn't believe that they were the divine beings that she once did, she thought that it couldn't hurt to pray for him. Apparently, the Christians on Atlantis had been praying to their God as well.
She looked down at John and although he was completely still and quiet at the moment, there had been times over the last three days that he had been thrashing about and mumbling in his sleep. She assumed that it had something to do with the settlement because she kept hearing him mention Teer's name.
Carson had shaved his beard off when he had first arrived in the infirmary and although she thought that John was handsome clean-shaven, she decided that she had really liked the beard and maybe she would ask him to grow it back when he was feeling better.
Sitting down she held John's hand and started to whisper to him, willing him to wake up. She didn't want him to be sent back to earth because she knew that if he was, she would probably never see him again and she didn't know how she would cope with losing her best friend.
The moment she started singing she felt his hand twitch and when she looked at his face, she was surprised to find that he seemed to be struggling to open his eyes.
She immediately stood up and started to shout for Carson to join her. When she turned back to look at John again his eyes appeared to be closed, but she was convinced that he was still awake; at least she hoped he was.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
When John awoke again the smell of antiseptic assaulted his senses, next he felt the soft bed and pillows and someone was holding his hand, so it was a good bet that he was in the infirmary. Someone seemed to be singing to him, so he attempted to open his eyes to see who it was and when he finally managed the feat, he was happy to see that Teyla was sitting next to him and singing.
Before he had a chance to say anything to her, she decided to yell for Carson to come and join her. It all became so much for him, so he closed his eyes again.
"How are you doing Laddie," Carson asked entering the room? The only problem was that he was speaking way too loud for his liking.
"Shh…." he whispered, while slowly opening his eyes again.
"How are you feeling John?" Teyla asked coming into his view.
"I'm good, why am I here?"
Carson looked at him with concern, "we found you on the floor of your quarters and we couldn't wake you?"
"Honestly, doc, the last thing I remember was leaving the sanctuary where you left me for six months."
Teyla squeezed his hand tightly, "that was three days ago John."
"That still doesn't explain what happened."
"Do you not remember telling Ronon and me that Teer, Avrid and Hedda kept visiting you in your dreams."
"No, I don't remember anything after leaving the sanctuary."
"Don't worry about, lad. We can discuss that later, now I would like to check your injuries to see how they're healing."
"I'm injured Doc?"
"You have an injured left shoulder and wrist. Apparently, you injured them when you were sparring the other day."
He looked up at Teyla when she patted him on the shoulder and spoke to him, "I need to go and do some work so I will catch up with you later John."
"Catch ya later Teyla."
Once Teyla had left he turned to Carson, "do you know what happened with the Hyspergans?"
"Do you remember the meeting with Elizabeth and Teyla about that mission then?"
"I remember discussing it before I ended up in the sanctuary. Why has there been a meeting since I've been back?"
"I think that I should let Elizabeth discuss that with you, but first I will check your shoulder. Don't worry lad, it was only badly bruised so you shouldn't be out of action for too long."
For some reason, he didn't have a scrub top on, so it was easy for Carson to get to his shoulder. While he was waiting for Carson to finish what he was doing he rubbed his hand over his face and very quickly realised that his beard was gone.
"Why'd you shave my beard off doc? I was thinking of keeping it."
"Sorry Colonel, but I needed to get a good look at your face to make sure there were no extra injuries."
"I think I'll grow it back though. What do you think?" He smirked.
Carson looked at his feet, which was something that he always did when he was nervous, "I really don't know what to think John."
John sighed and decided to change the subject, "so how's the shoulder looking doc?"
Carson stood there with his mouth open, and he had to wonder what was wrong with him, "Doc, is there something wrong?"
"No, not at all, your shoulder looks to be 100 percent. Perhaps I should look at your wrist and head as well?"
Suddenly he saw Hedda in his mind healing his shoulder and his wrist Avrid was there, but for some reason, Teer wasn't.
"I think Hedda may have healed it, I'm not sure how but I just had an image of her in my mind healing me."
"Yes, Colonel, you told me that she healed you when you were in the sanctuary after you had fought the beast."
"No, that's not it, I swear that it has happened more recently than that."
"Perhaps there is something to what Teyla and Ronon said when they told me that you were being visited by Teer in your dreams."
"You know what Doc, right now I just want to get out of here and go back to my quarters as I haven't been there in six months."
"You do remember that it was only a couple of hours for us, don't you?"
"Yeah, but are you going to answer my question?"
"I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go home now, but I think Elizabeth wanted to talk to you when you woke up so why don't you head up and see her and I'll let her know that you're coming?"
"Just one last question before you get my clothes. What time is it?"
"It's 1800 hours, so perhaps you should head to the mess hall for dinner before you go to see Elizabeth?"
"Sure, thing doc, can I go now?"
"Aye lad, I'll just get your clothes for you."
John watched as Carson left his room and once he had, he took in a deep breath. Although he'd given Carson the impression that he was fine, he really wasn't. The last thing he remembered was leaving the sanctuary where his friends had left him alone for six months, even though it had only been a couple of hours for them. He had a vague recollection of some strange dreams about the sanctuary, but he assumed they were just bad dreams. He also had to wonder why Carson had allowed him to leave so easily. Perhaps the Doctor was feeling guilty about leaving him in the sanctuary for six months. Not that he was complaining because he had no desire to stay in the infirmary.
He made up his mind that he was going to head to his quarters as soon as he'd been to see Elizabeth because he really needed to get his thoughts straight.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Elizabeth was thinking about heading down to the mess hall for her dinner when she heard a knock on her office window. It had been a long day and she really wanted an early night, but she still had to go and see John for a few hours after dinner. Hopefully, he would be waking up soon as there is no way she wanted him to go back to Earth as she couldn't run Atlantis without him.
When she looked up, she was surprised to find that John was standing in her doorway with a tray of food.
"John it is good to see that you're awake. How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling pretty good."
Elizabeth looked at him wondering whether there was any truth in the words that he'd just spoken, but for now, she decided to leave it. She would keep an eye on him over the next couple of days to see if there were any signs of stress.
Looking at the tray that he was holding she decided to change the direction of the conversation, "is there any food for me?"
"Sure is, I brought Pizza," he said with a crooked grin on his face.
"Well, why don't you come in and sit down then and then after you've eaten, I want to discuss the mission with the Hyspergans?"
She watched as he came and sat at her desk and she could clearly see the sadness in his eyes. Being stuck in the settlement had obviously hugely affected him, but she knew that it would be like trying to get blood out of a stone to get him to open up about it.
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea, as the last thing I remember was us discussing it before I ended up stuck in the sanctuary for six months. Did you end up going to see them?"
"We did end up discussing it the day after you arrived back on Atlantis and you were there. Clearly, you seem to have lost a few memories, so I will have to bring you up to speed."
"Why don't you bring me up to speed while we eat Elizabeth because Carson has said that my memories of the last few days may never return. He has also permitted me to return to active duty as soon as possible."
That comment had her worried, there was no way that Carson should be returning John to active duty so quickly. Perhaps she would have to have a word with him later.
She took a deep breath before telling John what had happened, "Teyla, Ronon and I, went to the Hyspergan homeworld two days ago and they are still keen to trade with us, but there is a condition."
John sighed, there was always a condition, "and what might that be?"
"They insist that you undertake a test of endurance to prove that the people of Atlantis are worthy trading partners and before you ask, Ronon offered to do it, but they need the military leader of the people of Atlantis to do it."
"Okay, what do I have to do and when do we go?"
She was a little shocked that he had just accepted things so easily, "really, you're totally okay with this?"
"Look Elizabeth, these people have the ability to grow an enormous amount of crops, so they are willing to be very generous in their trade. Not to mention that some of the herbs they grow have a wide range of medicinal applications. So, what do I have to do?"
"They haven't actually told me. Minister Mithon is only willing to discuss it with you and he insists that you go alone."
"Do you trust these people, Elizabeth?"
"I don't see any reason why they would harm us, so I supposed that I do. Although I'd keep an eye on Minister Mithon if I was you."
"Well, in that case, I will head off at 0900 hours tomorrow morning."
She sighed, although she didn't have a problem with the Hyspergans she was worried about sending her military commander in there without back up, but she had no idea what else to do because Atlantis really needed their crops. Supplies were running low and although the Daedalus brought them regular supplies, there were always times where they were short.
Her musings were interrupted when John stood to his feet and spoke to her, "I think I'm going to head off to bed now so that I can get an early start. Goodnight Elizabeth."
"Goodnight John, I will see you in the morning."
She watched as her friend walked out of her office and then looked back at the half-eaten piece of Pizza that he'd left behind. Yep, there's definitely something bothering him.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John was relieved when he finally made it to his quarters, and it looked exactly the way it had looked before he'd ended up in the sanctuary. Although his friends had been telling him that he'd actually spent a couple of nights there before he became unresponsive, he didn't really remember it. All he remembered was that his friends from Atlantis had left him alone for six months and although it had only been a couple of hours for them, he remembered every single day that he was apart from them. To make matters worse his new friends from the sanctuary had gone and abandoned him by ascending. Sure, Teer had invited him along, but that was really the last thing he wanted to do.
Lying down on his bed he stared at the ceiling and he wondered if he went to sleep whether he would wake up again in a hurry. Ronon and Teyla had told him that he'd talked about the nightmares he'd had about the sanctuary and the beast he'd fought three times, but he had no recollection of any of them. He had a vague feeling that he'd been visited by Teer, Avrid and Hedda, but he couldn't say for sure.
All he knew was despite what had happened to him he needed to put the last six months behind him and get on with his life and for now, that was protecting Atlantis and her people. So, at that moment he resolved that he would get on with it and not let the past affect him in any way. These were his last thoughts before he drifted off into a deep sleep.
TBC…