Chapter 4

4x12

The Sullivans arrived home exhausted a few hours after joining the protest with the rest of the team. That, added to the psychologically hard 24 hours they'd had, took a toll on them and they were worn out the second they set a foot in their house.

"Home sweet home!" He joked, in a low voice. "I really don't want to eat. I'm going straight to bed." She told him, taking off her jacket. "Right behind you". He agreed, equally tired, as he hung his own jacket beside his wife's. It took them a little longer than two minutes to get rid of their street clothes and into bed for the long awaited nap.

Andy was the first to wake up a couple of hours later, but she stayed in bed for a while, just enjoying the closeness and the ease of seeing her husband relaxed. Although she was happy that he had opened up a little about his internal battle, it had been hard to hear how much he had been struggling with and doubting himself. Thinking that she was ashamed of him, couldn't have exactly helped either, so she made a resolution to talk to him about the real reason why she didn't mention his demotion to her family. She spent some time lost in her thoughts, but was brought back to reality when he shuddered suddenly in his sleep. "Robert?" She called him, gently touching him on his shoulder. The result wasn't the expected, because he woke up abruptly. "Hey, it's me." Andy said with a soothing voice. "Are you ok?" She continued when he didn't respond, the worried expression evident in her eyes. "Yeah...you scared me." He answered still sleepy, apparently unaware of the antecedent. "Baby, you were shaking in your sleep. I think you were having a bad dream or something." She explained concerned, but he just rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Robert…"

"I'm fine, Andy" He assured, flashing her a not so convincing smile. She gave him the same pleading look that he had given her, a while back, when he told her that there were a lot of things to consider in his decision to promote Maya over her. "I don't remember what I was dreaming about". He surrendered.

"Ok, do you remember feeling agitated?"

"No" His answer was sincere, and when she didn't say anything back, he reached her hand and talked again. "I'm ok."

"And we? Are we ok?"

"Where's that coming from?" Sullivan pulled his hand away, surprised by the turn their conversation had taken.

"I don't know. You won't talk to me and I feel like we've been walking on eggshells around each other lately… I mean, I think we had a moment yesterday…"

"But?" He asked, offensively.

"But we keep fighting"

"Are we fighting?" He asked, getting up before she could reply.

"Robert…"

"Andy" He said, rhetorically. He quickly put on a pair of sweatpants and stormed out of the room. She followed him downstairs, getting dressed first as well, and found him by the fridge. Following a brief moment of consideration, she just decided that it was better to let it all out.

"Tía Sandra and Tío Johnny are good people, but they're also judgy." Ignoring his confused face, she continued before he had any chance to say anything. "They judge their own daughter because she won't be with who they want her to be, they judged me when I told them we were separated and I didn't want them to judge you. They're a little bit nosy too, so they won't stop asking you all kinds of questions, including the embarrassing and uncomfortable ones. I thought you wouldn't like to be put in that position. But I promise you I'm not ashamed of you. I'm so proud of how you've owned your mistake, faced the consequences of it, that I can't even put it into words. And you still keep showing up to do the job." She made a pause that he used to vent the same way she had done.

"It stings not to be a captain anymore, or a battalion chief. I'd like my job back, but not at your expense, Andy. I don't want you to fail." At this point, she tried to intervene but he didn't let her. "I want you to succeed. That's all I ever wanted for you. Even when I didn't promote you, which I know now it was a mistake, but at that moment I was told it was the right thing to do. I want you to be a captain and anything that you want to be after that. And I'd like to help you get all of it because I love you, not because I don't think you'd be able to get it on your own. I know you don't want my help, I get that it'd be looked at badly because you are a woman, it sucks but it's how it is, but that's another conversation. I won't try to help you again, unless you ask me to, even though it hurts a little that you don't want me by your side. But I really, really, need you to understand I'm not your enemy here."

"I know… And I love you too." She said, not sure when she had started crying, overwhelmed by his words. God, she loved that man. "So, we are ok..." She said, after a few seconds of silence, giving him a watery smile.

"Yeah, we are. And I will talk to you about these last few weeks and about the bad dreams one day, but not now. I'm not ready yet."

"Dreams. As in plural? Like it's happened before?" She worried. "Andy…"

"Ok, ok. I"ll be here when you're ready." She guaranteed, hugging him.

"I know."

PS: This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I'd like Sullivan to be promoted back to Battalion Chief, after the events in episode 4x13, and be the one to support Miller with the lawsuit. He has the experience despite everything. Promoting Maya, just to have the captain position available for Herrera, would be too much too soon for me. Anyway, they could always bring someone new.

Happy Iternational Nurses Day, Nightingales!

Hang in there!!

xo