Anne had received a letter from Gilbert on Tuesday. She felt her cheeks become sore from smiling so much. As soon as Lily had given her the letter, she walked slowly into her room. The girls giggled as they suspected who had sent the letter. But Anne was gazing at the letters that spelled out her name. She adored how he put her full name. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. Once in a while, he would add Cordiellia in there, but not today.
She sat down on her bed and moved her nimble fingers over the red wax seal that was imprinted with the crest of the U of T. Carefully she opened the letter and unfolded the sheet within it. She began to read.
Dear Anne,
I'm sorry for the later response, but my roommate thought it would be fun to hide your letter in one of my shoes. I had walked on it all day before realizing there was something in the soul. Don't worry, nothing was damaged, it just smelled terrible.
Anne smiled to herself as she read on.
U of T has kept me on my toes. Many restless nights I've been reading and studying. It had paid off though. I had thought I would only have to balance my classes, but one of my professors has selected me to be a tutor for his nursing students. I really couldn't believe it! I will get extra credit and I will get more practice for my other classes. With everything going on, I'm afraid I have bad news...
I know we had planned that I would come home with you for fall break, but I don't think I will be able to come. I'm very overwhelmed. It has been hard to keep up with everyone before and it's going to be an even bigger struggle now. I'm sorry. I pray you understand, Anne. You do have every right to be mad at me, but I beg for your forgiveness.
My thoughts of you have been more consistent now that I'm stressed. There is nothing I would rather do right now than to hold you in my arms. And all that surrounds us would the chirping crickets and the tall grass of an open meadow. No distractions. No school. Nobody else. Just us. It's the only thing that I think about before I fall asleep because it keeps me calm.
I hope you'll be in my arms again soon. By December I should have a better grasp on things and will be able to enjoy time with the person I love most. My Anne with an 'E'. I hope you'll still be mine, and will always be.
With all of my love,
Gilbert
Anne almost felt like crying. He always ended his letters in the sweetest ways. She had been counting on seeing Gilbert in a matter of weeks, now it will be in a matter of months. A pain pinched at her heart. Why must her love be so tragic? Why couldn't Gilbert be with her right now? Why must time go by so slowly without his presence? It was all just...life she supposed.
After reading the letter over and over, Anne decided to pull out a blank sheet of parchment. As she got out her fountain pen, she took a deep breath and began to write...
Dear Gilbert,
Your fantasy of us is pleasant to think about. My heart flutters at the thought of both of us in Avonlea. I wish we could bring it to life, but I think not until next spring will we be able to be outside with nothing but the crickets.
Jerry and Marilla came to visit this last weekend. Aunt Jo had specifically asked for Jerry to come. They had never said why. Even Cole had come back for the weekend. It was fun to get everyone back together again. I'm sure you write letters to Bash, but Marilla had said he was doing well with the harvest. He had even managed to get the fence fixed. Diana has started to court Fred Wright. It was a little surprising to me, but I think he is a nice guy.
Everyone seems to have romance on their mind, thanks to the Winter Ball that's coming up. I was hoping you would come home for it. Now, I can only hope you would be able to attend with me. I miss us dancing together. I miss you.
I'm not mad, just disappointed. Normally, I would lie and say that everything was fine. But with you, Gil, I must be frank...
Things are alright here in Charlottetown, but it would be much better if I had you to see here every day. I knew this would be hard, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if your feelings are as strong as you say. You're all of the ways across the waters, while I'm still on the Island. I'm sure you're feeling the toll of the distance between us. I don't want to lose you, Gil, I care about you so deeply. But I just want to know if this is truly what you want before we fall beyond return. I'm still your Anne.
love,
Anne
She sighed before sealing the letter in an envelope. It would get there by next Monday, she could only hope to receive a response before she left for Avonlea.
The week had gone by briskly. Diana had seen little of Fred, but she had known he wanted to see her again. Next Thursday night would be the start of the fall break. It was exciting all around, Diana and Anne planned to go home on Friday night and stay all the way through till Monday. Classes would begin to resume the Tuesday after, giving them plenty of time at Avonlea.
Anne had seemed a little disappointed lately. Diana wondered what had been wrong. Surely, Diana knew how much Anne missed Gilbert, but she had a different tone now when she talked about fall break. She had received a letter from him a few days ago and has been acting differently ever since. Diana didn't ask, it was never really the right time. Anne would always change the subject back to Fred.
"When are you seeing Fred again?" Anne asked as they walked to class.
"I think I'm going to talk to him today and arrange something for us this weekend. I don't think he's going home for break." Diana shrugged.
"Well, then we just get to spend more time together," Anne wrapped her arm through Diana's. Diana looked at her in question. Anne sighed. "I suppose there's no point in hiding it any longer...Gilbert isn't coming home."
"What?!" Diana stopped walking. "Did something happen between you two?"
"It has nothing to do with me," Anne pulled her bosom friend along. "He's been selected to help a teacher. Which would be great, and I would be happy for him, if I didn't feel so...miserable."
"Anne, you have every right," Diana shook her head. "He told you he was coming home and he should have kept his promise. That is not okay."
"But it is Diana," Anne assured her. "Just because he's not coming doesn't mean I love him any less! Love isn't measured with actions, it's measured in the connection between two people. That's what matters."
"What?" Diana was a little confused.
"Personality, and just how a person makes you feel," Anne said simply. Diana pondered this. How did she feel? Isn't there just a certain liking to some enough? Diana didn't know. Anne was very wise, she always has been. Although she's also overcomplicated things before. Diana tried to shake off her thoughts.
Later in the afternoon, Diana met up with Fred in the library where he was studying. She sat in the chair across from him. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Good afternoon, Diana," he said with a small smile. "What do I owe you coming to find me here?"
"Nothing," Diana said while she put her hat down on the table. "Well, except perhaps a date?"
"A date?" Fred repeated. "Another round of tea I suppose?"
"And perhaps a stroll too," Diana suggested. "I just thought we should do something together before fall break."
"Why can't we go anywhere during fall break?" Fred asked.
"I'm going home," Diana explained. "With Anne and...well, I guess no longer Gilbert. Never the matter, don't you want to go home at all?"
"No," Fred leaned back in his chair. "I've been waiting to get out of there all of my life, I'm never going back. Maybe Christmas but it's not worth spending my first holiday there." He then looked at her. "You should stay Diana. With me. We can do lots of things together like...well...I'm not sure what they're all really is to do in Charlottetown, but you could show me around. Please, Diana?" He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of hers.
As much as Diana wanted to, she wanted to go home more. But, instead of frustrating him, she decided to not give away her answer. "I'll think about it and give you an answer over afternoon tea on Saturday."
That night, Anne had gone straight to bed without saying anything. Diana was worried about her. She was really crushed about Gilbert's letter. Diana still didn't feel it was right for what Gilbert did. Anne told her that he was at least truly sorry. But to Diana, it wasn't enough. At least Anne had someone who wanted to come home with her. Diana couldn't say much for Fred.
Taking matters into her own hands, Diana got out a piece of parchment and a quill with ink. She placed her candle on the desk before scribbling it down on the paper. She hesitated. It wasn't truly her place to meddle. But, Diana had meddled before, and she was the true reason why Gilbert and Anne got together in the first place. With a reassuring nod to herself, she began to write.
Dear Gilbert,
I'm sure by now you have received Anne's response to your letter, but I want you to discard any reassurances she's told you. She's lying to herself more than you I'm sure. She does want you here. And I think you can spare a weekend with her. Spend time with her before she begins having doubts. You and I both know that once Anne gets something in her mind, it burrows.
I know it is not my place to be writing on her behalf, but I do hate seeing her in this state of despair. Please, do not tell her I wrote to you. Burn this letter if you must.
I hope to see you here in Charlottetown soon,
Diana
She sealed the envelope and searched for one of Anne's old ones. She copied the return address on the envelope and slipped the letter inside. She sealed it with some wax burning off the candle. Quietly, Diana crept out of the room and into the hall. She went all the way to the front door, where the box for letters was kept. Diana hesitated again, but then slipped the letter through the slot.
When she turned around she was surprised to see Lily. She was standing there waiting for her to turn around with a smug smile on her face. "I'm going to bed now," Diana whispered. She didn't know if Lily could read her lips in the candlelight, but she seemed to understand as she nodded. "Please don't tell Mrs. Blakcmore." Lily nodded again.
Diana crept back to her room. Checking to make sure Anne was asleep, she clutched her golden heart necklace and leaned over her. She smiled to see Anne fast asleep. She slipped the letter she used to copy the address back under Anne's pillow. "Goodnight, Anne," she whispered before getting into bed and turning off the lamp.
Days later on the mainland, two letters had traveled only a day apart. Toronto was lovely in the fall, but it made Gilbert feel sorrowful. Avonlea was much prettier with the fall colors, and they reminded him of his favorite redhead whom he loved most in the world. He wanted to be there during this mild fall before it slipped into winter. There was no use not to admit it.
Gilbert had read Anne's letter - this time his roommate hadn't hidden it in his shoe- that morning. She had seemed to be having fun at Queen's. He liked hearing about her adventures until he read that final paragraph.
I'm not mad, just disappointed. Normally, I would lie and say that everything was fine. But with you, Gil, I must be frank...
Things are alright here in Charlottetown, but it would be much better if I had you to see here every day. I knew this would be hard, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if your feelings are as strong as you say. You're all of the ways across the waters, while I'm still on the Island. I'm sure you're feeling the toll of the distance between us. I don't want to lose you, Gil, I care about you so deeply. But I just want to know if this is truly what you want before we fall beyond return. I'm still your Anne.
He was feeling the distance between them, but he knew his feelings were certain. Gilbert had thought that he a proven them to her, but she was still doubtful. He knew she was looking forward to their fall together. It was her favorite season after all. When she told him that she didn't want to lose him, his heart had broken. sliced by her fountain pen on paper. He looked at the paper more closely. There was a water stain on a word. Had she cried? Gilbert let out a deep sigh himself as he held the paper to his heart.
He didn't know what to do.
The next day, he received another letter. He thought it was Anne who had written again. Maybe to discourage what she had written to spare her something within herself? It had taken her so long to bring her walls down, was she perhaps putting them back up? He opened the letter quickly to read that Diana was the one to have contacted him.
She had good points on Anne's mind. He couldn't let those thoughts become reality. Gilbert loved Anne. He loved her and she needed to know as soon as possible. Gilbert got out a piece of parchment and his new fountain pen. Before he could touch the ink's tip to the page, he stopped. He looked up into his mirrored reflection. He should know by now that powerful words like these shouldn't be told for the first time in a letter. That had gone so terribly this summer.
Gilbert continued to pause. Hadn't he told her? He had admitted it in his letter before it was torn up. Surely, he had already told her. He could just write them to her, and she should understand. No. He needed to see her, take her into his arms, and tell her himself. It would be a romantic moment Anne surely wouldn't forget. He knew how much she loved a tragic romance.
He tucked the sheet away and turned to pack up his bags. He didn't care about his school work for now. He would simply bring it with him. Luckily, Toronto started fall break earlier than Queen's. He put his homework in his case. He could do it on the train and the boat. Gilbert knew he had to go. There was nothing else that mattered right now. Just his Anne.