NOTE
JUST A QUICK TRIGGERWARNING
MENTION OF PANIC ATTACK IN THIS CHAPTER
Chapter 4: Loosen up a bit!
Once the squadron and I arrive back at the Horde we all split up to our separate sectors for a debriefing from our fight with the princesses. My squad and I were stripping our armour in the locker room as they went on in conversation, I made the decision to tune them out long before arriving to the lockers. Their voices gave me a headache if I listened to them drone on long enough.
Lonnie in particular wouldn't shut up about our missing, dropping the subject seemed to be hard for the tanned cadet, amazed by the newly found 8 foot tall glowing princess. The thought of the blond making my heart clench, I scowl at the thoughts and feelings Adora brought to me, especially after leaving me behind.
"Did you actually get to see her!" Another cadet asked excitedly, her eyes twinkling as she awaited an answer, hands clasp together tightly.
"No… but that's a good thing! We were lucky to just get out of there alive!" I roll my eyes at her words, a scoff leaving my lips before I could stop it, I jump from the top of my locker, taking a step closer to the group.
"Oh please" scoffing once more as I cross my arms, eyeing up the tanned cadet, eyes narrowing as she rolled her eyes at me, the nerve. "She's just like every other princess we've learnt about, all sparkle no substance" taking another few steps closer, taking a deep breath as I try to keep my anger under wraps, "She simply caught us odd guard that's all" shrugging as I eye off the rest of them.
"Suuuure… you're the only one that saw her up close and you didn't even land a hit on her" she smuggling smiled at me, Kyle and Rogelio share a look, worry seemingly taking over as they continue to watch us, "what don't tell me you froze up" a menacing laugh leaves her lips as she try to taunt me, my eyebrows furrow, causing me to take another breath before I explode, taking another step I feel an unconscious growl leave my lips, I couldn't stop it if I tried if I'm being honest, I was vibrating with anger wanting to rip Lonnies stupid smile from her face. I step up to be nose to nose with her, staring down into her eyes, this time letting a growl come out, this one more aggressive.
"You think I'm afraid of some princess?" It come out as another growl, her insult still adding fuel to the fire inside me, 'I'm not afraid of Adora' it had to be a joke. I grab her shirt roughly, you could hear her uniform tearing from my claws, pushing her into the locker. "I could take her out if I wanted to" my growl was growing louder, I managed to simmer it down to a smirk as I let Lonnie down with a shove, "I know her stupid little secret anyways".
"Oh yea?" She scoffs back, rolling her eyes once more as she took a daring step closer to me, arms crossed as her eyes were locked with mine, each daring the other. "And what's that" she questions, jabbing her finger into my chest, her stupid smug smirk grows wider.
Growling as I steady myself, I had to close my eyes to calm myself once again, knowing, Adora wasn't there to remind me lashing out wasn't the smartest idea, 'don't be a dummy' she would say, I could almost hear her, reminding me. Shaking my head clear of my thoughts of my Blond partner. I take a step forward, but before I could do anything two other cadets have taken a stand behind Lonnie. Smirking to myself, 'guess she can't win her own battles' I think to myself, humming to myself as I spin around.
"Like I'd tell you" shrugging as I go to leave,
"Easy there Catra, your pretty little partner isn't here to protect you anymore" I could hear her and her lackies laughing to themselves as I round the corner, I don't even bother to reply as I try to keep my cool.
I could feel my breathing pick up, and in a rushed panicked sort of way my eyes start to water, darting quickly in a panic this of course made it difficult as I navigated myself towards my room, as soon as I managed to find my door I was gripping the wall I could feel myself falling into a severe panic attack, something I haven't had to deal with since I was a kid, before Adora.
Looking around in blind panic as the room started to spin, shrinking around me. My chest felt tight, I tossed my mask to the side, tears rolling down my cheeks, hands gripping my sides roughly, I could feel my claws digging into my skin, that would definitely leave a mark, after a few seconds I managed to rip my shirt off and to the side, nails back to my sides, clawing into my skin, my fur sticking up in a frenzy. I could feel my lungs finally filling with air. Well needed air.
Once again I'm tossed into a blind frenzy as I make my way to my bed, knees roughly knocking into the metal frame, dropping forward I climb to the top, eyes still darting, but this time searching for Adora… and that's when it started to sink in… it hit me like a tank… no an army of tanks… Adora was gone and she wasn't coming back… no wait she didn't abandon me I-I abandoned her… no she left me… left you to pick up the pieces. I can hear the voices in my head fight for dominance, whispering everything I do and don't want to hear, reminding me I was alone for the first time in years, since before Adora came into my life, since we were partnered together.
'She pleaded with you to come with her, why didn't you? Why did you run from here? You're the idiot' I shake my head, confused and anxious, my hair being tossed around as my hands run roughly though my mane. 'She left you… she thinks she's better than you, why else would she join the princesses' shaking my head furiously, my breathing becomes ragged again, hands dropping to my sides, gripping my blanket, knuckles turning white.
Was it true? Did Adora not care about me like I did her? Did she not feel the same? Or am I just the idiot her walked away?
It was all becoming to much for me, searching the room for something to distract me, that was until they landed into the etching I made years ago, running my shaking fingers across the etching, a shaking smile crosses my lips at the memory, thinking back to 3 years ago when we were 15, god so much had happened in the last three years, I pull my hand back, running my fingers across my lips as I let the memory wash over me, I'd take anything to stop the panicked state I was in currently.
*FLASH BACK 3 YEARS AGO*
"Oh come on Adora" I giggle, pulling her hair out of her stupid pony tail, pouncing onto her back, my legs wrapping around her waist tightly as my arms wrap around her neck, our giggles vibrating between us, "loosen up a bit!" Giggling louder as she wraps her arm around her back, gripping my hip as she turns me around her body, keeping me close as our chests are now pressed against each other, her hands now gripping onto my thighs as she looks up to me, a fright blush making its way onto out faces.
"Hey! I'm just looking out for you dummy!" She giggles into my chest, her grip loosening a little as she pulls back slightly, smiling up at me once more as her left hand moves up to brush back my hair behind my ear, causing my blush to deep end and a light purr to erupt, my body vibrating gently at the closeness.
"Sounds like you like me… that's kinda lame Adora" I tease, readjusting my hands behind her neck, my fingers running through her hair, nails lightly scraping her scalp as I feel her slowly walk us towards out bunk, our eyes locked as we smile adoringly at each other. My eyes suddenly widen as I realise what her plan was, my arms tightening as I watch a mischievous look flash across her ocean blue eyes as I feel her hands leave my thighs.
"Oh yea?" She questions, moving her face closer to mine, our noses touching as her ha d makes its way to grip my side gently, I close my eyes at the feeling, trying to control myself but as I open my eyes her eyes were gleaming, her gorgeous lips pulled into a smirk as she hears my breathing hitch at the closeness and placement of her hands. "I thought you were the lame one" it came out a husky whisper as she brings her face closer, lips grazing my ear causing me to shiver at the feeling of her warm breath on my skin.
I-I am d-definitely not the lame one" I manage to stutter out as she pulls back, her face now close to mine once again, a sly smirk on her lips.
"I definitely think you're the one projecting here" that stupid smirk was driving me crazy, she could see that, our closeness was definitely not helping. Adoras arm we now tightly wrapped around my waist, her left gently stroking up my side, sending shivers down my body once more.
"Says the blushing blonde" I joke back, a chuckle followed as she broke eye contact, eyes looking around our bunk before slowly making their way back to meet my mismatched eyes once more, her smile growing much more, she opened her mouth to say something but instead smiled widely and that's when the attack happened.
Her hands now poking into my sides, igniting laughter from the pit of my stomach, my arms tightening around her neck, unconsciously pulling her face into my neck as I laugh, her giggles vibrating my chest as her hand make their way to my ribs, hitting all the sensitive spots of my ribs, her arms were keeping me close, locked to her body as I try and worm my way out of her grasps, sadly her grasp was to strong. Dam Adora and her stupid biceps.
"S-stop Adora!" I manage to let out as my laugh became louder as she continued her attack to my body, her laugh matching mine as her face moved to my neck, I fell quiet as we fell down to the bed, before I could move out of her grasps the blonde trapped me once again under her thighs, straddling my waist as she hands started their attack once more. "No-not fair!" I giggle out as I try and push her hands away.
"Just admit you like me and I'll stop!" Adora giggled as she gazed down at me, eyes twinkling with something I just couldn't put my finger, eyes now filled with tears as I laughed harder, that was until I felt soft lips against the most sensitive spot on my neck I never knew I had, and for all of a second I forgot how to breathe. Biting down hard on my lip to suppress a moan.I was brought back to reality when raspberries were being blown onto my skin, the vibrations from it alone had me giggling like a child again, our laughter echoing through our room.
Soon after she pulled back, her hands gripping my wrists as she pinned the to each side of my head, we were both out of breath and flushed pink at this point, my heart now racing for… other reasons as I take in our new position, a position that up until now I could only imagine to see in my dreams.
"So Catra" my favourite blonde rasps out, her voice deeper than usual as she peers down at me, eyes dark as her pupils widen, her usual mischievous smirk gracing her face. "Are you ready you like me?" Rolling my eyes as I attempt to move my hands, but this just caused her to bring the higher, to meet just above my head as she moved to grip them with her left hand, her right running gently through my hair down my face to lay along my jaw gently. Her face now close to mine, eyes burning into each other's as I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves.
"Who's projecting now dummy" I reply quietly, eyes daring her as I manage to bring my signature smirk back onto my face, even though my whole body was on fire, she always seemed to make me lose some control of this fire. Adoras grip tightens around my wrists once more as she comes closer, her nose brushing past mine I could feel her breath against my lips, making my body quiver at the thoughts running around silently in my brain.
"I'm not projecting" god my senses were in over drive, the smell of her vanilla deodorant seemed to surround me, taking over my senses. Our body's pushed together were setting flames inside of me, fuel to my raging fire within. "I just-" she rubs her nose nervously against mine as her blush deepens, "I was talking to one of the captains about partners and-" she leans back a little, beet red at her inner turmoil, eyes twinkling with curiosity, seemingly afraid to finish her sentence.
"I won't judge you Adora" I lean up, craning my head to rub my nose against hers, trying to give her the courage to finish, "we're partners after all, you look out for me and I look out for you remember?" Smiling softly as I feel her relax aft as the me, her grip loosening ageing my wrists in that moment I take the chance to wrap my arms around her neck, keeping her closer as I run my fingers through her hair softly. This seemed to be enough encouragement for her.
"There's something I wanted to try" her eyes leaving mine as they flick around my face, a blush deepening as her eyes land on my lips for a few seconds before meeting my eyes once more. This blush makes me smirk, eyebrow raised in curiosity. "I-I've seen a few older cadets and even captains do this and I just-" her eyes landing back to my lips and that's when I understand what she was trying to say, holding back my sarcasm I move my right hand to cup her face.
"Hey dummy I'm not going to judge you it's okay" smiling up at her lovingly, trying to confirm it through my gaze that it was totally okay to do what she was thinking, no judgment. Secretly on the inside I was bouncing around with pure happiness and excitement. She nodded slowly as she took a deep breath as her hands cup my cheeks gently, her face slowly- no painfully makes its way closer to mine.
I close my eyes as I feel her nose brush against mine, her hot breath sending chills down my body once more, we stay like that for a few seconds and that's when I realise. Opening my eyes what I see just confirms it, her eyes filled with panic, those ocean blues filled with a panicking storm, I grip the back of her back as I realise she just needs to be pushed to it, taking the lead as we all know she'd back out. Pulling he gently down I meet her lips with mine, a spark of electricity ran between our bodies as our lips began to move slowly against each other's. Pulling back slowly I gaze lazily up at her, the kiss was small, but small enough to send my mind into an Adora filled haze.
A deep blush seemed to take over the blondes neck and face as our eyes met, her fingers gently running along her lips as she was taking it all in, eyes shining with that look again, what was it?
"That was-" she couldn't even finish, a small gentle laugh comes from her lips, some what in disbelief as she looks down at me again, I lay there in silence as I try to figure out my thoughts, as if my brain was going into meltdown over a small innocent kiss. Next thing I know my hand was cupping her cheek, the other lazily scratching her scalp as they were tangled in her blonde locks, tugging her down once more, keeping the distance between us small.
"I don't think I quite understood what was needed I need to do it again to understand" I smirk up at her before closing the gap between us, crashing our lips roughly together, this kiss was more hungry that the last, this time we were fighting for dominance, my fingers roughly tugging at her hair, nails scratching at her scalp, she moans into my mouth as she grips my hip tightly, her other gripping my jaw in place keeping me in control as she ran her tongue along my bottom lip, a small moan leaving my lips as she slip her tongue against mine, once again fighting for dominance.
Our breathing more ragged as our hands and tongues fought, I bit down gently on her lip, bringing out a louder husky moan from the blonde, this just igniting the fire more as she readjusted her body to fall between my legs, her hips moving against mine as our movements only became bolder by the second.
Pulling back for air I take the moment to flip out bodies, straddling her thighs as I lean down to capture her lips once more, my animalistic side took over, her right hands sliding beneath Adoras shirt, nails slowly raking down her abdomen pulling another moan from her lips, the blondes nails gripping into my back holding my flush against her body. After awhile I pull away keeping our closeness as I take a breath, needing air as we giggle, foreheads resting against each other's as we are left panting from lack of oxygen, not that we're complaining.
"Oh you definitely like me" I smirk, pecking her lips as a weak chuckle leaves her lips as she pushes me off to the side, snuggling her face into my neck as she wraps her arms around my waist, as I wrap my arms around her.
"What ever helps you sleep at night" a playful response comes as she kisses my neck gently, we continue to lay there for awhile, time always past in a blink when Adora was around.
Soon after Adora sat up peering down at me gentle smile on her lips as she played with her fingers, reaching out I grip her hands, moving to sit beside her, nose rubbing against hers as our eyes lock once more, an encouraging nod is sent her way.
"That was amazing" eyes shining "I wish we could do that more" she shyly admits as she brushes her hair behind her ear, looking away from me. This caused me to smile gently at her, fingers gently gripping her chin as I mover her face to look back at me.
"Who says we can't?" I question as I lean in to kiss her nose, hand now resting on her cheek as she keeps our eyes locked.
"Maybe it could be for special occasions?" A hopeful look now shining through her eyes, those ocean eyes always seemed to break down any wall I tried to keep up as she smiles at me, chuckling I pull her closer into my side.
"Anything for you dummy" snuggling my nose into her cheek before moving to reach over Adora, smile shining on my face, so goofy that my fang was hanging over my lip, ocean blues looking at my quizzically. "This is a special occasion we should remember forever idiot" announcing before flashing a claw out, engraving out faces into the hard metal frame, a triumphant smile gracing both our faces as we gaze at each other warmly, lips meeting once more for a quick soft peck before we move down the bed, keeping each other close, cuddling for the rest of the night talking about nonsense.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
Tears now streaming down my face at the memory, fingers gently running along my quivering lips, 'why didn't you go with her? You're such an idiot!' I think to myself as my hand ran across the etching once more, the anger taking over as my arm involuntarily moved back, claws out as I slash them across the metal, eyes wide as I take in the etching, Adoras face now ruined as the scratch marks ran deep.
That's when I seem to loose it, my anger coming out like an ugly beast, my fists colliding with the bed, claws now shredding my bed to pieces. Mattress, pillow, blankets... even the parts of the bed frame now in pieces as my anger slowly simmers, my knuckles now swollen and claws now sore from everything. My breath shaky as my tears come out once more, a storm releasing as a sob broke though my body, shaking me to my core as I let everything out. A strangled cry fills the room as I let my feelings take over my body.
It was at least an hour before I was finally able to stop the tears, my mouth was dry and throat was sore. It took all I had to stand, slowly making my way to my bathroom, splashing some cold water onto my face to distract my body from the inner turmoil. Losing Adora was hard, I never thought I'd had to ever pick.
Suddenly I'm shaken from my thoughts as I look into the mirror, jumping at the sight of shadow weaver behind me, spinning around, hissing automatically at the scare.
"What do you want? Better yet what are you doing in here?" I question, leaning against the sink as i eye her carefully, arms crossed as her creepy stare was set on me.
"Rude as always I see" if i didn't know any better I would have said she just rolled her eyes at me, but I was very easily distracted from her creepy icy cold voice, pulling me from my thoughts. "With such a big failure under your belt it would be wise for you to show more respect, Cadet" she had made her way closer to me, cupping my cheek roughly as her words were spat down at me, she knew as much as I did Lonnie was right, with our Adora here, Shadow weaver was going to make my life hell once again.
"I did exactly what you asked" I spit back, smacking her hand from my face as I take a step forward, trying hard not to show an ounce of fear. "It wasn't my fault you neglected to tell us that there were PRINCESSES there" my ears were ringing from anger, body almost shaking.
"I gave you a simple task, bring back Adora" she states, rising in the air to intimidate me, it was definitely working but I wouldn't ever admit it out loud, "instead you failed like expected, you show once more you can't do anything with out your precious Adora" she hissed, voice growing louder, "your partner is still missing, do you not care?" She asks venom laced in her words as she takes in my shaking form, my fear evidently showing.
Taking a step back, my thighs hitting the sink as I try to control myself once more, fists tight in balls as I breath in deep, 'just like Adora showed you, breath in for 7 out for 5' i scowl at the thought, 'no Adora abandoned me everything was a lie'.
"News flash if Adora wanted to come home she'd be here right now. Adora is gone, she defected. And I'm starting to think she had the right idea" stepping forward now, forget the breathing exercises, Adora was right, I should go to her, we're partners we stick together. "So maybe it's you who should be showing a little more respect to me" poking a finger into shadow weaver definitely wasn't the smartest idea but in this moment of anger it was.
"Lies!" She s reaches, growing bigger as her words echo though my rooms, she was towering over me, "Adora isn't here anymore to protect you and your insolence cadet" her long bony finger pointing down at me, "you will answer to a higher power, Lord Hordak himself" and with that everything went dark. I knew I shouldn't have pushed but losing Adora has me hurting in ways I didn't know possible, maybe now I understand how Lonnie thought, but then again screw Lonnie, she would never understand losing a partner like Adora...no one would.