Chapter 4: Refuge
The rest of our journey for the day was filled with nothing but silence and quiet sniffs as some cried. The tension was so thick you wouldn't be able to break it with anything. A part of me wished that we would have gone back to at least give Winston a proper burial instead of leaving him alone in the open for the elements and stray creatures to consume. He deserved better than that.
When the sun set over the mountains, we finally stopped to set up camp for the night by an overturned ship. The nearby debris provided just enough cover to block the cold desert winds. It baffles me how a place so ungodly hot during the day could be so cold at night. We managed to build a fire with bits of wood from the remnants of what remained in the old storage carriers. Still nobody spoke as we made our beds for the night and huddled around the fire. After a short time just watching the flames, Minho broke the silence.
"I thought we were supposed to be immune?" He asked, his expression tainted with anger, "That's what that Ava lady said right? We're immune."
"Maybe they lied." I said through my teeth. WICKED's actions had given me a nasty habit of chewing the skin off the sides of my nail beds. I thought of the false sense of security they put me and my friends in for weeks, picking us off one by one for their damn experiments, making us think we were going to a safe place. "They have quite a knack for it."
"Maybe they did lie, maybe they didn't. But if Winston can get infected, we should assume the rest of us can as well." Newt spoke up from the other side of the fire.
Beside me, Frypan sniffed. He made no attempt to wipe away the tears streaming down his face.
"I never thought I'd say it… but I miss the Glade." His voice was calm and even as he spoke, like he wasn't crying at all.
Regardless… Fry's confession hit a sore spot in my heart, and I found myself silently agreeing with him. I missed the Glen, and my friends. For two years I was trapped in there wanting nothing else but to get out. That was all we talked about day after day. The plans we had for when we escaped, what we dreamed our lives would be like on the outside. I wanted those days back. Just mindlessly picking herbs for medicines, and helping to make weapons to get through the maze with. If I had known then what our "freedom" was going to be, I would have just stayed behind with the rest of them and died not knowing what waited for us on the outside of those walls. This was reality though, and you don't get do overs. I laid back on my bag, turning my back to the fire and the solemn faces that showed in the light.
I woke up later to the sound of hushed whispers. It was still dark, and the fire had died down some so all I could see was two shaded silhouettes a little ways away.
"None of the other girls ever mentioned a Teresa before? Ever?" Thomas asked.
"No. Never heard the name." Aris replied.
I tried hard not to eavesdrop, to just close my eyes and fall back to sleep, but it's been so long since I've heard Aris have a conversation with someone since Rachel… well since Rachel was around. I wasn't the nicest to him when he showed up in the box, but I also wasn't the worst. His appearance was suspicious and none of us knew how to act. Rachel though, she was on his side from day one, trusted him with her life the second she saw him. I could only dream of a bond like that.
"You at least know she's still alive." Aris said sadly, "You didn't see her die right in front of you."
There was a pause between the two boys, and my heart ached for Aris.
"I'm sorry. What was her name?"
"Rachel. We were more than close, even without our memories. I just… I knew I could trust her, ya know? When the other girls in the Glenn wanted to throw me into the maze to die, she was the only one on my side. She wasn't afraid to stand up to them, even though she was new too."
There was a pang of guilt in my stomach at his words. I was one of the ones who voted to throw him into the maze, and I never even apologized for it yet. Thinking back on it, I'm not even sure why I was so wary of the two blondies when they showed up. Everything just changed so fast that I don't think I was ready for it. That's hardly an excuse for what I did though. Quietly, I rolled away from their conversation, not wanting to hear anymore.
In the dim glow of the embers, I saw a pair of brown eyes staring at me. As quick as I had seen them, Newt closed his eyes, faking sleep. Or maybe he wasn't and I had only thought I had seen him staring at me. The darkness tends to play tricks on the mind sometimes. Although, some quiet part of me kind of hoped he had been looking.
"Get up, shanks! Let's get moving. Wasting daylight."
A light kick on the back of my knees took me out of my dreamless sleep. My eyes were heavy like I hadn't slept at all, the rest of me just hurt. Minho stomped around our group, kicking everyone awake and barking out commands. Stretching out my sore joints, I brushed some loose sand from my hair and tied it back up with the scrap piece of cloth.
"Why the rude awakening, Minho?" I grumbled while packing my back back up and throwing it over my shoulder.
"We're not gonna get anywhere by sleeping all day. We have a long way to go yet and not enough time to get there."
Everyone finished packing up their bags and stood around our self appointed leader.
"We're not exactly on a time crunch. This isn't one of WICKED's games." I voiced. I didn't exactly hide that I was annoyed being bossed around.
Minho approached me, chest puffed out and standing tall, trying to intimidate me. I squared my shoulders and stood my ground. Crossing my arms across my chest, I glared at him. He may have stood taller than me and had more muscle mass, but I wasn't scared of no tough guy act.
"How much longer until we run out of food and water, huh?" He said lowly, "Do you think we're gonna find a convenient store somewhere along the way where we can resupply and survive another week? Because I don't see any neon lights around that say open."
I clenched my teeth together to avoid cursing him out right then and there. There was no way I'd give him the satisfaction of saying that he's right, even though he is. Whatever crawled up his ass during the night, hopefully it crawls its way back out soon. Otherwise Minho might sport a black eye and broken nose for a while. I pushed past him and stood next to Aris and Thomas. They didn't seem too thrilled with our new hierarch either. Nonetheless, we followed Minho's lead through the desert.
The sun seemed to beat down on us worse today than any other day before. No wind blew through the sand dunes that got lower and the loose sand below us turned to hardened clay. All traces of the burned city that once surrounded us were gone, like it never even existed. My legs started to feel like weights were attached to them, heavy and sluggish. It took all the strength I had left to keep from dragging my feet on the cracked ground.
The hot air burned my dry throat with every breath, and I fought the urge to drink the last mouthful of water I had left. The human body can survive a max of three days without water. A bit of information stored in my memory that WICKED took from me. I've been trying to get by with small sips, just enough to wet my mouth, but I was beginning to get overwhelmed with the effects of dehydration. Maybe one more sip wouldn't hurt. The guys seemed to have the same thought as me as we all grabbed our bottles from our bags. While I unscrewed the cap from mine, I caught Aris from the corner of my eye. He held his canister vertical, shaking it to get the very last drop of water that he could get. His nose and cheeks were burned red from the sun, and his lips were dry and cracked like the ground below us. He must have run out of water a while ago.
I frowned at the inch of water swirling at the bottom of my container. The droplets stuck to the sides tempted me to guzzle it down like a fish out of water, but I couldn't. With a very dry gulp, I stepped closer to Aris and handed him my bottle.
"Here," my voice cracked, "you need this more than I do."
There wasn't much hesitation as Aris snatched my bottle and gulped down every last drop he could get. His guilty eyes avoided me as he handed the empty container back to me.
"Thanks…" he mumbled while he covered his face with his hood and shuffled away.
I sadly looked at my empty container, my body screaming at me for not drinking the rest of the water myself, but I didn't feel an ounce of regret for giving the last to Aris. I'd do it again if I had the chance. With a quiet sigh, I put the container back in my bag.
Suddenly getting a surge of energy, Frypan pointed to the horizon, frantically spewing out unfinished words and sentences. I squinted my eyes against the glaring sunlight, seeing two figures running towards us. Their silhouettes were blurred and rippled by the heat rising from the dry ground. Our group came to a halt as we anxiously watched them come closer and closer.
"Pack in tight." Minho ordered, "If these shanks wanna fight, we gotta be ready."
We all shuffled together, standing an inch apart from our shoulders. The figures stopped ahead of us, their bodies were covered in bandages and old clothes, except for their hands, which were badly burned and cracked from exposure to the sun. How long have they been out here? Where did they even come from? Neither of them said a word as they stood before us, hoarsely panting like sick dogs. Minho stood tall in front of our group, and when the strangers before us said nothing, he stepped forward.
"Who are you?" He asked.
They didn't answer. Their heads moved to the side, like a curious cat preparing to strike its prey. I swallowed a dry gulp of air as they stared us down. At this point I questioned whether or not they were human. The way they looked at us through the slits in the bandages made me very uncomfortable. The way they moved, it was like the creatures from the mall. With more silence, they broke away from each other and stalked around us, never taking their eyes away as they moved. There was a tug on my arm as Newt carefully stepped in front of me. His hand shook like a leaf in the wind. With a quick glance up to him, his jaw was tense and his eyes were locked onto the one stranger circling us, the other out of sight behind us. I could see from one quick look that he was just as frightened as I was.
"There's more of us than there are of you." Minho was the only one to speak up again. He was aggravated with their silence. "Speak up and tell us who you are!"
"We're Cranks." Said the stranger in front of us. A woman. Her voice was cold and ragged, sending chills down my spine. A voice like a monster pretending to be human.
"Cranks?" Minho all but shoved his way through the group to stand between us and them again. Our fearless new leader. "Like those things from the mall that almost killed us a few days ago?"
That explained their animal-like behavior. They were sick, and turning into those horrible creatures. The confirmation just made me want to run even more, to get as far away from them as I possibly could. The two met back together after they finished their circle around us. They bobbed their heads around again, their shoulders stiff with the movement.
"We're Cranks." The other spoke now. A man, his voice just as cold and menacing as his female companion, "Came to see if you were Cranks. Came to see if you have the Flare."
Through the holes in their bandages, I saw their eyes darting furiously between us all. Bloodshot and angry, they studied our faces in a split second, searching us for any noticeable symptoms of sickness.
"So what if we do? What's it matter to you?" Minho challenged again.
I kicked some loose sand towards him, briefly drawing the attention of the Cranks to me.
"Would you shut up?" I said between clenched teeth, "I'd rather not piss them off if it's all the same to you."
Minho all but glared back at me and returned his attention to the Cranks. His hands shook by his sides and clenched into fists. The bloodshot eyes of the strangers stayed on me, their movements stopped to a dead halt. I bit my lip to keep it from quivering in fear and shrunk back behind Newt.
After an eerie silence from the both of them, the male spoke up. His voice sounded more bored and annoyed now than the angry tone he held earlier. "It don't matter. If you got it, you'll find out soon enough."
"If it doesn't matter then why the bloody hell did you run all this way to see if we were Cranks?" Newt shouted to the strangers. He stepped forward, his hand releasing my arm from his grasp. I wanted to reach forward and pull him away from the possible danger these people could be, but I resisted the urge. The twitching movements of the Cranks returned as they eyed down Newt and Minho.
"Not all Cranks are gone." The female said in a faraway, airy voice. Like she was dreaming or reminiscing a fond memory, "Not all of them are past the Gone."
"Different ones at different levels. Best you learn fast who to make friends with, and who to avoid. Or kill." The man said matter of factly. He put emphasis on the word kill like it would be life saving information for us later on. "Especially if you're coming our way."
I stole a glance behind us. Seeing nothing but the dry horizon of the desert.
"What's your way?" I asked, "Is there shelter from the sun?"
"Is there food or water?" Minho cut in urgently.
The Cranks didn't answer our questions. Their eyes lulled off to a faraway place in their minds where we didn't exist anymore. They turned away from us and ran off into the desert, disappearing over the hazy horizon. As we all calmed down from the anxiety of their approach, I began to feel bad for them. If they didn't die in the desert, they would certainly turn into one of those bloodthirsty monsters from the mall. Going into the "Gone" like the girl had barely described.
"Well that was… something." I said after we all took a collective breath, "Was anyone else really uncomfortable or was it just me?"
Minho shook his head and turned towards me. "You really think this is the time for jokes?"
Great. Here we go again.
Before I could blurt out my argument, Newt put his hands up in a defensive gesture. He stayed in his spot in front of me and stared down his companion.
"Calm down, Minho. We should focus on what's important right now." He said firmly.
Minho turned his attention to his friend, that scowl still glued to his face. "And what would that be?"
"They came from somewhere close by. Somewhere where there might be shelter, food, and water." Newt pointed behind us, where the Cranks had appeared from. "We should focus our energy into getting there before we all die of exposure instead of arguing with each other."
"Newt's right." Thomas spoke up from the back, "We should keep moving."
Minho took a moment to glare at each and every one of us before taking a breath and relaxing his tense stance. "Alright then. Let's go."
He shoved past us to lead the way to a possible salvation.
"Asshole." I muttered under my breath.
"He never used to be like that, ya know?" Newt mentioned once everyone was out of ear shot, "He's just been through a lot."
"We all have. Most of us change when we leave the maze. Whoever we were back then, isn't always who we are now." I stared solemnly at Aris, still feeling that guilt for the person I was in the maze.
I lost track of how long we wandered for, all I knew was I was exhausted. Every swallow I made was dry and painful. When the sun started to set, we stopped. No effort was made into making a camp. Wherever we threw our bags was where we would sleep. No fire, no counting whatever rations we might have left, just rest. After I had lay my head down on my bag, there was a shuffle next to me. When I rolled over, I met Newt's gaze. He seemed startled at first, but regained his composure quickly and offered me a half smile as well as his water canteen.
"I saw you give the last of yours to your friend over there." He said, motioning to Aris sleeping nearby, "Have mine."
Before I could give an answer, he all but shoved the bottle into my hands.
"Don't bother saying no. There's not much left, but.. It's enough."
I was too tired to argue with him anyways. I had only intended to take a small gulp and leave the rest for him, but once the warm liquid ran over my tongue, I couldn't stop myself from chugging down every last drop. This must have been how Aris felt when I offered him the last of my water. Once I realized what I had done, a pang of guilt shot through my gut, and I shyly handed Newt back his empty bottle. He stuffed it back into his bag and laid down next to me.
"What you said earlier, about changing after we leave the maze, what did you mean by that?" He asked quietly.
I stole a quick glance at him. His gaze stayed glued to the sky.
"When I was in the maze…" I hesitated as remorse flooded through me. I've only ever kept my thoughts to myself about what really happened in the Glen, Aris knew a little, but he didn't know everything. With a quick breath, I continued. "When I was in the maze, I wasn't a good person. I thought I was. I thought everything we did was the right thing, but thinking back on it these last couple of months…"
There was a shuffle as Newt turned on his side to look at me. I didn't meet his gaze.
"We had a system every month when the new blondie came up in the box. From day one they were judged and watched for any weaknesses they had. We would test them for the first couple of weeks and if they didn't make the cut… well…" My eyes burned as tears fell out. Newt stayed silent next to me, but put a sympathetic hand on my wrist. I was ashamed to say it, the sour feeling in my stomach grew to nausea, and if I had eaten anything today I probably would have thrown up. "The veteran girls believed that only the strong would survive. At the time, I thought we were doing them a favor and being merciful. Sometimes when I'm about to fall asleep I can still hear their cries as we threw them to the maze."
Newt's fingers twitched on my wrist. There was nothing else I could say to defend my actions, because there was no defense for what I did. All of those girls deserved a chance to live and we took that from them. We voted on who got to live and who wouldn't stand a chance like it was our right to play with someone's life like we owned it. I willed myself to go numb to the overwhelming sorrow that terrorized my body and wiped my tears away.
"Aris was one that we were going to throw to the maze and let the Shade's have their way with him. Our votes were split 50/50, but… I was one who voted to throw him to the maze. I never even apologized to him for that. I never apologized to any of them. I don't deserve their forgiveness anyways. It wasn't right what I did."
I thought for a moment that Newt had fallen asleep while I rambled, but as I looked over to him he was wide awake and just staring at me. His expression was puzzled, like he was trying to form the words to say without sounded like a total ass. He kept his grip firm on my wrist as he thought, and after a long silence he took his hand back.
"We've all done things we're not proud of." He said quietly, "Dwelling on it like you are won't make it better, but putting action to it could help you. If you think apologizing to Aris will help heal you then bloody do it. He seems like a reasonable guy."
I looked over to Aris, who was already sound asleep. Newt made a blunt point. It was something I appreciated about him, he was straightforward without being overly rude about whatever the subject was. He made his point and stuck with it.
"Not a bad idea." I said with a yawn. Getting the dark thoughts off my chest brought more exhaustion on top of how tired I already was from the days travel.
"Get some sleep. Chances are, Minho won't let us sleep in tomorrow either." He jokingly smiled towards me, a half smile that reached up to his tired eyes, and I found myself entranced looking into them.
"Thanks." I said out of the blue, "For listening to me, ya know? It feels good to just let that all out."
"Don't mention it." With one last smile, he turned over and fell asleep.
My body felt too exhausted to move, so I just stayed where I was and let myself lull off to a dreamless sleep.
"-up! Guys wake up, look!"
Thomas's shouts pulled me out of my sleep with a start. Groans came from the rest of the group as we all sat up from the ground. Every joint in my body cracked in retaliation with the movement, making me groan more.
"What?" I said with annoyance. It was still dark out, no moonlight shown anywhere as clouds covered the view of the sky.
Thomas pointed a head to a building full of lights. "You see that?"
It was so close, but seemed so far away, like a dream. My heart leapt in my chest at the sight of it. People! With water, food, and shelter! We had a short time to rejoice when a crack of thunder drew our attention behind us. Multiple strikes of lightning hit the ground, and the storm came up on us… FAST!
"Guys…" My voice shook as the strikes of lightning got closer, and I pushed Aris in the opposite direction, "I think we should-"
"Run!" Thomas yelled above the thunder.
The rush of adrenaline fueled my muscles to run as fast as I could with everyone else. I tried my best to keep Aris in my sights to make sure he didn't fall behind, but at some point I stopped looking and kept my eyes forward. Everything around me became a blur, and the shouts of my companions were dulled out by the cracks of thunder. The only thing I focused on was the lights ahead of me. Pushing my body past it's limit to hurry forward, my foot struck a hole in the broken ground, and I fell to the ground in a heap. The second felt like forever as I lay there. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to run.
"Come on, Millie! Get up, let's go!"
Aris grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. White zaps of lightning struck all around us, hurling dirt and rocks at my face, and damn near blowing out my ear drums. My ankle protested against every step I took, but Aris never released my arm from his grasp. Over the pounding thunder, I could barely hear his commands to keep running. The ground shook beneath us with every bolt of lightning that threatened to strike us down. Flashes of white and clouds of dust covered my eyes, but I could still see the door ahead.
We were so close to safety I could almost taste it. Aris practically threw me into the open door before lunging in himself. Newt and Frypan followed in behind us and stood in the doorway yelling for Thomas and Minho to hurry. Seconds later, Thomas drags in an unconscious Minho, who smelled like burnt meat, and slammed the door shut. The lightning outside still roared and crashed to the ground, almost like it was angry we made it to safety.
I leaned back against a nearby wall and slid to my butt. My ankle throbbed with every little movement, and I could feel the swelling push against the side of my boot. I thought it best to not undo my laces to inspect the damage.
"You ok?" Aris stood in front of me, concern written on his face. I tried to hide my wince as I set my leg down.
"I'm fine. Is Minho ok?"
We glanced over to the group of Gladers crowded around their friend, laughing and patting him on the back.
"He seems ok to me." Aris chuckled.
My eyes got heavy as the adrenaline started to wear off. I slumped my head against the wall and mumbled, "Good.. that's good." Then everything faded to black.