"Mikasa, what were you doing?" He began, unsure of his words. He scratched the back of his head and looked away.
". . . walking. . ." she uttered, fumbling with anything coherent.
"I was also walking," he awkwardly added. Followed by both simply standing in quietness as neither could stop thinking about the night. That night where everything between them went hazy, everything had a new meaning that neither knew how to process.
"Good, keep walking, it should be good for your legs," Mikasa continued, stepping further away and found the place to be suffocating.
"Mikasa . . . about that night, I mean when we, no I―" Eren's word faltered, he somehow found saying the word 'kiss' to be hard. It was so much easier with Onyonkapon, but in this moment his tongue was tied.
Mikasa nodded swiftly. She wasn't sure of how to respond, she had no way of knowing where exactly Eren was going. But she found it relieving how he was actually showing some kind of expression, even if half of his face was in shadows.
"I'm not sure, I mean I know I did that. But I'm not sure if you―" Eren paused, getting engrossed in staring at Mikasa's face now illuminated by the moonlight. He always found her looks to be striking, especially with the new haircut.
"I'll forget that if that's what you are saying," Mikasa concluded, looking to her side. She couldn't forget even if she wanted to, but if that's what Eren wanted then there was no point holding on to it. She felt a tinge of disappointment.
"No, no I don't," he replied quickly, feeling a little bit of panic growing. At the same time, he hated how his words couldn't manifest what he actually wanted to state. Things were so much easier when all he had to do was sprout vengeance or remain utterly quiet.
"Then? I don't understand. Why did you do that ?" Mikasa found herself confronting him, a position she wasn't hoping to take. But, now all she could do was question his 'logic' because this was unlike him.
Eren was at a loss for words, unable to understand the most basic 'why' of the matter. Yet deep down he knew why, and he found it hard to admit. He could've simply said he wanted to, but that felt more of an impulse than something genuine. She wasn't deserving of his impulsivity.
"I did that," he drew closer, finding the steps to be harder. "I did that because it felt like the right thing to do," he admitted, as his face fell headfirst into a deep flush, his upper lip was quivering and his green eyes were ablaze.
"Just because it felt that way doesn't mean it was." A part of Mikasa couldn't help but feel disappointed further. Is this how being led on felt like? She wasn't sure, she had never even considered the possibility of romance. They never had such luxuries provided to them.
"No, Mikasa not like that," he tried again partly raising his hands, withholding the urge to take hold of her arms. "What you were saying, it just made me feel happy," he loudly admitted with every ounce of intensity, now his fingers dug in her arms. There they stood, with him making sure she wouldn't run.
Mikasa could squirm under his intense gaze, but she didn't move. Yet her face couldn't hold back on its reddish undertaking, equally matching his. They were held in the moment, everything around them just fell in place.
"I'm glad it made you happy," Mikasa muttered, deliberately ignoring the glaring implications. She didn't want to believe it. It just felt too good to be true.
"Thank you for saying those words. Thank you for everything," Eren went on, not bothering to hide the effect this moment had on him. He embraced his fluster with a smile, glad he could even do such a thing.
"Okay. . . no problem," Mikasa looked up at the ceiling and scratched her neck. She was still held in place by his strong arms gripping her. Although, if she wanted to she could've easily gotten out, she somewhat liked it.
Her nonchalance started to aggregate him. He knew she was purposefully not acknowledging what conspired between them. Did she not feel the same way? No, he knew she felt the same way, thus her hesitation confused him.
"Dummie," he whispered, channelling his younger self's youthfulness. He drew his head in closer, leaning forward with little to no space between them. He softly collided his forehead into hers, an action he had done out of rage way back when they were still trainees.
"I feel the same way, that's what I've been trying to say," he whisper-shouted a new revelation. Mikasa inaudibly gasped, her mouth left slightly ajar as Eren didn't move away, he stayed firm against her forehead. She couldn't meet the intense gaze, but she could feel his hot breath on her face and how his skin felt against her. Perhaps it was the mixture of shock and embarrassment, she found moving to be hard.
"I don't know what to say," her voice stammered, being unable to articulate every emotion this moment brought out.
"Just tell me if you disliked what I did. Did you dislike it when I did that ?" A plea could almost be detected in his voice. Realizing how Mikasa was having trouble breathing, he reeled his head back but kept his body against her.
Mikasa wasn't sure she could get redder, but she did remember that night. She had been caught up in just the action, that she never considered if she liked it or not. It confused her if anything, but there wasn't anything else. Wasn't there?
"I don't know how it's supposed to make me feel," she voiced her uncertainty. She cared about Eren, she would go to the end of the world for him, but anything beyond that didn't make sense.
Eren's face fell and his eyes subdued. "Oh, I see."
He undid the grip and stepped back. Just like that, he was slipping away, just like every damn time he was falling where she couldn't get to him. She didn't understand what part of her words faltered him, but she knew it had to be her words.
"Have a good night, I suppose." Eren's emotionless reaped back, as he took more steps away from her.
Mikasa's emotions went from worried to irritated. This entire situation was his construct, now it fell on her to maintain it. A position she didn't want to handle and found to be his shortcoming.
"Dammit Ereh," she growled, taking hold of the back of his hoodie. The turn of events surprised him, whose body seized up. With a single tug of her strength, she splattered him against the same window and blocked any room of exit. She fixed her hands on the opposite side of his shoulders, a task proving to be a tad bit difficult given the broadness.
"I've never been kissed before, how do you expect me to know how to feel?" She confessed in firmer words and boldness.