Love to lose~
(Featuring Love to lose song by Georgia Ku)
-x-
"I don't want you to die, please." She broke, her quivering voice crying slowly,
"Please don't leave us," she sniveled, "Don't,"
He gulped and closed his eyes fretfully. Her fingers clasped on his shirt on his chest tearing it almost. He let her touch him and lowered his chin as she leaned into him and bitterly wept. She wanted to hug him and bury her head in his chest and cry her heart out, but she wasn't sure if he would let her.
"I didn't leave you. You did, Himmy." He whispered,
"I know, I know. I was wrong." She admitted and pulled back, fumbling her fingers.
"It doesn't matter now anyway. We are over." He darkly uttered. She winced at the depth of his words, "You're here, because of Simone. Not because of me."
When things get heated
We say things, we don't mean it
Though we know they ain't true
Say you're leaving
Get careless with our feelings
What's the worst we can do?
"This place," she chuckled bitterly, wiping a slight tear on her cheek, "It brought so many memories. I haven't come here for you or for redeeming our past relationship. But this place did a magic on me," she smiled earnestly and sighed and gnawed.
"I don't believe you Hilary. I don't trust you. You cheated on me and found no remorse for leaving for another man. It's no big deal for you-"
"You're right." She nodded, "I cheated on you but I didn't cheat Kai. What make you say that? Did Kai said you the entire story? I know him very well, Tyson. I've been with him for 3 years. He might have met you to discover our story's background. "
"What do you mean?"
"I left him because he wants me to choose him over Simone. And I can't afford that. I've loved and lost. Lost you, yeah because of my own selfishness or because of our misunderstanding. Even you were at fault but more? I'm. Agree," she spit out all honestly, "Lost Simone, because of you. But I've not lost Kai. I've left Kai. For Simone, only for her."
"Now you're saying you've lost me?" He mocked and pointed a finger to himself in surprise, "Lost me? Or left me too like Kai?" He edited her answer.
She squeezed shut her eyes and clenched her teeth, "How much more you want me to surrender my ego before yours, Tyson? How much? Should I beg you or touch your feet?" She glared at him helplessly, her heart breaking.
"Every inch of it," He held her chin and pulled her close unceremoniously. She almost slipped from the step and clutched his shoulders and gasped,
"All of that bloody ego and lies of yours Hilary," he whispered huskily in raspy tone.
"Do I get Simone after that?" Her heart was thudding down.
He glared into her eyes and moved closer, "You think she would want you with her after she knows what you did with her dad?"
She licked her dried lips and calmly answered, "She should hate me. That's obvious," Hilary amusingly smirked, "What will be her reaction though when she discovers the entire truth about us? What you did to me...Your vile treatment with me- isn't that counted?"
"Who'll tell her that?" Tyson asked tersely,
Some days, I really wanna hate you
'Cause you always know just what to say
By now, I know the words to break you
And you know what breaks me, too
"No body." Hilary smiled and moved back wisely, "I won't say her anything. I don't want her to hate you too. That doesn't matter who will say what to her. I don't want my daughter to think and feel how unlucky she has been to have such heartless and quarrelsome parents."
Tyson gasped. He never thought about this, "What are you even..."
"I admit I was wrong," She swiped her puffed up red eyes and looked into his. She felt furtive, "I know I can't win against you if we ever meet in court for our daughter." Her trembling voice was still bold in its own words and style, "But I'll fight. I fight for love until I win or lose. Be it you or Simone,"
"I am not believing you changed," he was confused. His heart told him how much different and humble she had become but his hard brain wasn't accepting it. He still despised her, or say he still choose to behave and feign that he disliked her.
"I wish you could believe." Her eyes welled up at this point and became blurry. She sniffled and moved to walk down, "I wish you could understand that I left Kai for Simone," her voice croaked,
"I know that," he groaned, sharply looking into her teary face,
She smiled nostalgically and cupped his cheeks, "I forgive you for everything you did to me. But still, I don't deserve your apology. I don't ask either." She left him and walked down, "Meet you in court, Tyson. You gave me no choice."
Her words melted him. He introspected over and over. Her words reverberated in his head as her teary face with genuine pleas came across. Her eyes were not lying, neither was she. There were true tears. He wasn't addled anymore. He knew his Hilary, and she wasn't lying to him this time. He knows that.
'Maybe I'm doing injustice to Simone just to avenge Hilary.'
Hilary walked through the large expanses of hall, rubbing her tears and eyes over and over,
'Maybe I'm wrong...'
He turned at the staircase to look at her, "Hilary wait!"
.
She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn. He darted downstairs and ran for her. Her heart jolted as his feet chased her from behind. As he reached for her and turned her to face him, he saw her face ruined tears in redness. There was so much obscurity on her face, about him. She didn't like to believe, she refused to believe he changed. Her nose quaked and her throat wobbled in sobs. He wished he never had to live this moment to watch her this broken. He just wanted to hug her right now and calm her down, just like he used to do.
In his presence, he never let Hilary cry like this ever in his whole history of relationship with her. But now?
"Just... just don't cry, okay?" He said softly but ultimately snapped. More tears streaked down her cheeks and she sobbed into her palms. His heart shuddered watching her breaking down and sniveling so pitifully. He felt utterly gutted.
"Himmy, don't cry. I-I forgive you." He gently whispered and eventually smiled. He softly cupped his palms over her hands that contained her face that was sobbing.
"C'mere Himmy, you didn't love to lose me. I'm here and yours," he surrendered courteously and lovingly bounded her in his arms and pecked her head. She lifted her wet face and slowly raised her gazes to face him gingerly, "How much you've started to hate me Tyson? How much!" Her feet shuffled and her was agonized.
"Even I wasn't capable of hating you this much when I left you," She veered her face away in disgust and cried,
"I don't hate you, Hils. Its just the anger and built up worth of years-" he tried to appease her, pulling her close and snaking an arm round her back.
"You called me whore? And that breaking hearts is my art? What about that!" She whimpered,
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean it exactly-"
"Please don't hate me." She hugged him tightly and nestled into his shoulder, "I realize that I can't take your hate. Punish me, leave me but don't show your hatred to me. It crumbles me. Please,"
He hugged her back. He had had enough. He gave up his own ego now. Damn, Hilary was his wife, Simone's mother and his first and only love. 'I can't hurt her this much, damn. She's so much broke. I never saw my Hilary crying, not at least because of me. Damn everything that we did wrong!'
She moved back from his embrace and buried her face in her palms.
"I'm so sorry, Tyson! I'm so sorry!" She sniveled and implored him,
"I was so wrong and selfish! I shouldn't have left you. I-I... I don't know how I became so uncaring of your love and became a ruthless lover and cheated you." She admitted, confused with her own self.
He clasped her hands and intertwined, "I know, I know. I was ruthless too. I edged you on death's bed, Himmy." He bit his trembling lips, feeling excruciated and guilty too, "I didn't have a big heart. But what I could've done? I wasn't able to tolerate your deceit and see my heartthrob loving another man,"
Calming her cries, she stuttered, "I wanted you, not your money at one point. You were busy and away from me through the hours of day. I needed your love, your attention, your talks, just you by my side. But you became too engrossed in you career that it was becoming more important to you." With trembling fingers, she boldly clasped his hands, "I'd no intention of cheating you. When I found Kai... we just became friends. I started seeking comfort in him. I know you hate it, but just listen up," she gulped a lump in throat, "He isn't a bad person but I'm. And no matter how bitter it sounds, I'll say this right at your face, I helplessly fell in love with him. I needed his attention and love which you're not giving to me. He gave me all, filling those aching caverns of heart."
Tyson grimaced and pulled off his hands from her clasp, "You still blame me?" he was staggered and hurt.
"I don't!" she snarled, "Just listen to my heart. I don't blame you but I'm saying what I've felt. You've to know! I know...I know now that you were trying to fix us, to give me time but it wasn't really possible in your part and...it wasn't sufficient for my selfish-self that time." She took a breath and tremulously exhaled, "I thought you'd remain the same and never give me time! That's why I even lied to Kai so badly. I'm sorry. I went to depths to not lose him."
Tyson was quiet. He was expressionless, solemnly somber, just listening to their past from her thoughts... He let her hold his hands once more tenderly, "But I lost you. And I regret that." Swiftly, she cupped his cheeks and boldly asked, "What you did to me was your revenge, out of hate! Agree, your angst was legit. But it could have cost my death." Closing her eyes, she tittered, "Had... had you already imagined me in my coffin, Tyse?"
He let out a shaky gasp, turning pale momentarily.
"I'm not scaring you." she smiled half heartily, "But could you have lived your life peacefully knowing you killed your love? Would that have at least doused your hatred for me?"
For few seconds, they were silent. The entire bungalow was quiet. With hands held of each other, eyes closed, noses softly touching and heavy hearts trying to exonerate, they contemplated.
He was the first one to say:
"We both were wrong, Himmy, more or less. I'm sorry for not giving you time." he regretted of his mistakes too.
"I was more selfish, I admit. At times I didn't care how tired you were. I irked and tortured you and you endured it all. I feel like I manipulated and used you sexually, but never gave the care you deserve. You were so caring but I wasn't." She couldn't look into his eyes as she confessed her flaws,
"I forgive you. All I asked you was not to leave me. I always lovingly endured your ego and willful attitude. Himmy, you've the right, use me sexually for your pleasure because you're my wife. But please, be my wife then. Stay in that status and don't bring anyone else in between us," Tyson lifted her chin with his fingers and stroked her cheeks with his calloused fingers, wiping them dry, "I'm ready for all that. I had accepted you in my life with those flaws and embraced you. But I can never tolerate you loving any other man than me."
"I'll never let this happen ever again. I've found you once more and I'm happy about that. Kai was my mistake and distraction. And I've gained back my senses of what I was losing: You. I've got you back. I'm grateful...because I didn't love to lose somebody like you. I forgive you too," she smiled finally without any tears and pressed a firm affectionate kiss on his jaw,
I didn't tell you all my secrets just to pull my heart out
I didn't take you to my family just to show you their house
I didn't work this hard to get this far then leave it so soon
I didn't love to lose somebody like you
Redeeming, he hauled her and hugged her finally, locking her in his prison of embrace and embers of revived love, fondling his fingers into her hair, letting them get beautifully open and disheveled. As he nuzzled into her neck and breathed on her skin after years, his senses jolted in euphoria, stimulating his ecstatic hormones to be poured into his veins once more.
"Damn everything you did wrong and I did wrong. I forgive and I forget." He whispered into her ears. As he slightly pulled back and gently touched her lips with his, he found her the same.
"Same strawberry lips," he smirked. She blushed and skittishly smiled,
"Take them, it's all yours," she blissfully surrendered,
"What, lips?" He peppered feathery kisses on the corners of her mouth,
"Every part of my body, soul and ego. I give it all to you." Her lips amorously moved against his. Her hands raked into his lush tresses and she advanced to fully kiss him on lips which he gladly accepted. Before he progressed to literally take her to any spare room or even kitchen counter to fulfill their desires, she moved back. He frowned,
"What's wrong Himmy?" Tyson asked, "Simone won't be up for at least an hour more."
"I know she's sleeping. I visited her room already." Hilary calmly answered, and cupped his cheek.
"We should take sometime for us and utilize this opportunity then?" He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear,
"Tyse I'm not talking about Simone," she glared at him, "What are you hiding from me?"
"What?" He feigned to be confused. Her other hand unbuttoned his shirt's few buttons and her fingers stroked his chest, "Why aren't you saying to me?"
"W-What about?" He stuttered nervously,
"I don't want to lose you. Neither does Simone wants to lose you." She pleaded and cupped his face in both her palms. Her ruby eyes shone in pure tears dancing to fall down.
"I'm not leaving anyone of you. What's wrong Hils?" Tyson softly kissed her forehead.
"How much more time do you have?"
He was startled. 'How did she know?' He suddenly remembered that his reports were openly splayed on his bed upstairs,
Looking into her eyes, he swore, "As long as my heartthrob is beating and mine."
"Please tell me," her voice cracked, "Why didn't you say me before? Blame me, I was so bloody blind to notice your coughs growing day by day." She disappointedly sighed in nostalgia
"Few years,"
"How many?" She stressed,
"Maybe 2 or 3." He smiled, "I'm not scared though. Simone has got you now and... and everything will be fine."
"Hm right. Simone has got me. And me? I've got none." She simpered fretfully.
"Hilary..." he mused, "I can live normally... on one condition."
"What?" She was bated,
"If I could get a right lung transplant before the tumor spreads,"
"Then let's go to the biggest hospital tomorrow and ask them for donation right tomorrow!" Hilary squealed at his face, "We can definitely afford it no matter how much expensive it is!"
"Hils, I've applied for being in need of transplant long back. But they haven't found one yet. That's the real issue." He rubbed her head and smiled, "Its upto fate. If I've to live, I'll live."
"No it's not up to fate, its up to us! We are going to Kyoto tomorrow along with Simone. There are more better hospitals. I've to pack bags now and book tickets now. Shit, so much work-" she hurriedly began jotting all the things to be done.
"It can wait for some more time, at least for now." he swiftly pulled her close, just looking into her gorgeous face with immense affection and gratitude, "But I can't... at all."
Some nights, we're closer than ever
Sometimes, we're running out of space
When we're high, it can't get any better
Until we come down again
She colored and lowered her blushed face from him. As he lifted her passionately in his arms in bridal style and climbed upstairs into his room, she recalled how messy his room has been and they both would need to first sort out and make their room tidy enough before starting a long waited desired and sizzling session on bed. To add, she knew that Simone would be up by then.
As she smirked thinking about Tyson's pissed off reaction seeing the condition of his own bedroom, Tyson literally had the idea of her thoughts. He triumphantly cheered as he walked into a separate Study room attached to his bedroom which was pretty clean, tidy and fresh containing a spare bed in the corner. Hilary gasped seeing this. She incredulously looked at him as he tossed her softly on the bed and locked the door,
"I-I completely forgot about this part of our bedroom-" she skittishly smiled. He amusingly smirked and pinned her beneath him on the bed, locking her body between his knees. As she stared into his face coming closer than it was possible, she felt her body going slow and relaxing and going limp from all sensations. All she could feel was her own heart beating along with his as he feverishly kissed her on lips genuinely without removing her clothes or unhooking her bra. He kissed her with pure passion of honest sense, tangling his fingers sensationally into her brunette locks and getting her drowsy. He kissed her without battling her tongue but by tasting it with delicacy. His body was upon hers but she wasn't crushed nor he pressed it to a point of discomfort. Her breaths were slow but deep. Her hands cupped his jaw as he softly bit her lower lip. She felt as if the night winds were cooler than they were anticipating. She felt as if she's the only one for him, once again dancing in a field of dandelions and wishing and asking God for him.
When he parted, he whispered in her ear, "Himmy, one plus one equals what?"
"Tyson." She answered in same softly ragged breath that smelled like him.
He smirked and delightfully teased, "What did I ask you?"
"What..." her lashes batted and she opened her eyes fully and mused,
"Don't remember?" He discarded his shirt over the counter and his hands reached at her hem of top.
"Umm... never mind." She winked.
"As for now, I'm taking fifteen minutes of you and me- Just a glimpse of what you were missing," he undressed her slowly
She could feel how much her heart was relishing and her skin was liking and cheering each touch of him, "The only problem is- this bed is little too small for us and I don't have any condoms right now."
She flamboyantly smiled and whispered, "My dear lion-hearted husband, I don't think I've any problem with anything as long as you're with me."
Prologue:
The next day of their reconciliation, Hilary, Tyson and Simone went to Kyoto for Tyson's health treatment and searching up for a lung transplant. Hilary recovered the pictures and photos from his phone which Tyson has deleted. Tyson realized that he hasn't permanently deleted them that time. Nevertheless, he was grateful to have back those memories retrieved.
As per Simone, Fae had already told her by showing a picture who her mom was- Hilary- the same woman Simone saw in parks few days back then. Since Fae was the only woman close to Simone, she trusted her like a mother and always obliged her and listened to her curiously. It took little time but Hilary eventually established her motherly position in heart of Simone.
A month later, they received a call from Kyoto's city hospital that a fresh lung transplant was available. Tyson and Hilary quickly availed for it and he was operated. Even though the transplant would actually prolong Tyson's lifetime by five years at most, he lied to Hilary that he had a normal lifespan; just so that Hilary doesn't live in unrest and anxiety about his life's period.
Hilary changed a lot after her reunion and settlement with her family. Both she and Tyson worked cautiously and sweetly for a good upbringing for their daughter. Hilary rarely argued with him, cared for him more and his physical health. Their issues of ego were greatly subsided and every negative aspect in their past relationship was delicately repairing. Hilary became more truthful and loyal to Tyson. Her selfishness was curtailed. She looked after Simone and for her own safety, she herself chose to stay at home and away from any job.
She was inwardly scared that she might repeat her mistake of past if she worked out anywhere. Tyson respected her decision. He was the head of BBA and its management was still his duty. However he had lot less burden than before because many others were appointed to look after the sport and its future.
Hilary also met Kai the next day along with Tyson. She apologized him for leaving him and told him how Simone had brought a big change in her life and reunited her with her daughter and husband. Kai was little upset and pissed off initially for what she did to him but he eventually forgave her, "At least Hils, after you reconciled with Tyson, you became a better and responsible woman and a loyal lover who doesn't lie." He remarked. Hilary was Kai's first love and he always wanted her to be cherished and happy. He kept her in his life when they dated because he knew that she wasn't happy with Tyson. Now if her happiness lied in Tyson and Simone, he let her go.
As of now, Kai's married to Danielle, which was again a phase of happy love story in his life and surprisingly, Danielle turned out to be Fae's closest cousin.
"Himmy, take rest. Don't stress so much. It's not good for you or the baby," Tyson appeased his 4 month pregnant wife as she was infuriated with Simone who had overslept and forgotten her homework, "I'll take take of Simone. I promise she'll complete her homework before dinner,"
"Its the only best option for you two," Hilary warned and reclined on the soft duvet, "I am taking a nap,"
"Sure, mom I promise I'll get all A's this term! Dad teaches maths so well and easier than you!" Simone declared excitedly in her naïve honesty,
"Oh wow," Hilary grinned sarcastically, "Carry on then Simo."
The female blunette walked down to her room to start her homework and finish it as soon as she can so that Tyson can guide and train her for blading once again.
"Don't worry, she's got your brain. She'll nail all exams with no biggie," Tyson winked at her.
"Hmm," Hilary nodded, she was slightly worried. She held his hand and opened her mouth to say something.
Tyson sat near her on the edge, "What's up Himmy?"
"I'm scared. Answer me honestly, are you okay? It's been four years since the transplant. I feel something uncanny and not right as days pass by," she asked him eagerly with pleading hopes,
He don't want to lie but he does. Rolling his orbs he says, "As long as my heartthrob is with me, I'll be there." He kissed her gently on lips and quelled her worries, "You just keep loving me more and more each day and night," he amusingly cheered, "I'll live longer."
"Sure?" She cups his face and keep it very near just so she can stare into his auburn eyes deeply and judge him for this moment, "If that's what will give you longer life with me, then my love will end you to live forever even after I die,"
He chuckled and pulled back from her hold, "My dear lovely- daring darling wife, I genuinely want you to live more. I actually want both of us to live forever. You just keep loving me and I'll do the same." He smiled cheerily, "The one who loves more gets a life shorter than the other,"
At that time Hilary didn't understand the precise nestled meaning of his words. But a year later when Tyson passed out, she definitely realized the message of his words. He obviously knew his term was ending and he would not live more than a year. He however lived every moment he had with Hilary and Simone to fullest and poured out all his potential to give them the happiest memories ever that they could cherish after he would be gone. He was very excited when Makoto was born. He knew he wouldn't be able to see his son growing up, he still was contended to live those moments. His precious daughter Simone always cheered him. Before he died, he had transferred enormously huge amount of cash in Hilary's account along with handing his position in BBA to Hilary. He died, but secured the future of his wife and children.
His death wasn't sudden, but gradual and expected. It was painful but he at least died in Hilary's arms in his own house in front of his kids and not on hospital abandoned beds. His children and wife were with him in his last breaths, he didn't want anything more than that.
All he had been explaining Hilary since a month before his supposed death was to be okay and move on in life after he'd be gone. He told her over and over to not grieve over his death and stay mentally stable because she wasn't just a wife but a mom too who has to handle a young kid like Simone and baby Makoto.
His death shook her very hard. Those days were extremely difficult for her. She was downtrodden and crestfallen for months. As time passed by and as she received constant mental support from Fae and Hiro, she was becoming stable and slowly okay. In her heart, the loss was the biggest.
She visits his grave almost everyday. Placing roses on it, she speaks to him, says what's up in home with her, Simone's studies and blading tactics, and how fast Makoto is growing. She believes he's listening to her. She feels he's smiling at her even in death. She feels he's saying 'Himmy, give a rest. You speak so much.' There's one thing she always says him before she leaves though, "You won, I lost. You loved me more and died first. Had I been more concerned and affectionate, you would have been alive. It's so hurtful to live without you, but yeah I'm moving on. In my heart, you're safe and I'll love you the same till eternity and even in death, you're not getting rid of me, Kinomiya."
A/N: So... a bitter-sweet ending this was? To all the Tyson-lovers, don't curse me XD And credits to that beautiful someone whose shared post inspired me to write that TyHil tryst XD Eeeks, no teasing please XD Share your thoughts.
As for me: I believe both Tyson and Hilary were at fault in their relationship and had their own issues of pride, ego and impatience. Hilary's fault was more. Kai was just all honest and purely a character with no flaws here. I loved hearing all your opinions and thoughts on both Tyson and Hilary, but the ones which matched best with mine were of "Wanderer's Cynefin". She was the only one who accused Tyson too. XD
I know Tyson's death shook you all or maybe you were expecting that already but the title already said it 'Love to Lose', and Hilary no matter how, lost Tyson- once because of her own selfish reasons, and at the end because of fate. I believe fate punished her. Because those 3 years she left Tyson, she was very happy and fine in her life with Kai, but Tyson wasn't. He was alone and without love. And now, Kai's happy with Danielle too. :) So I guess the ending does justice to everyone's karma.