"What I don't understand, Naruto, is why don't you start looking for your own place?"
Sakura is trying to be polite lecturing Naruto, yet It comes out a little strained still. Naruto, for once, is oblivious to her struggle. And it's not that he does not care; it's simply the fact that he thinks he reserves the right to be selfish sometimes, and if this not one of those times, then when? He has overstayed his welcome, that's for sure, but he does not have a home to go to anymore, and he has no desire to search for one. So, he just …stays.
He is good where he is for now.
"I will, soon," Naruto replies vaguely and takes the baby from her. He babysits as he promised, and it does not even bother him as much as he imagined. It's actually quite soothing. He catches himself thinking more often than not that he would probably make a good father one day. The fact that he can't have children of his own should not stop him if he ever decides to become one.
"Naruto." Sakura sighs. "I know you like it here. "And we love having you're here. But there is simply not enough space for all of us."
"And?"
"I am saying it's time you get an apartment. You have the means to do it. You have the funds to do it. You have the time to do. "
"What exactly you saying, Sakura?"
Not that Naruto wants to know, but he thinks this is an appropriate thing to say to sustain a conversation.
"Do it."
"She replies shortly in a commanding sort of voice that she usually reserves for giving out orders. "And do it soon... please."
"Ok, fine."
He concedes, smiling down at baby Sasuke, now sleeping peacefully in his arms." I will."
"When, Naruto?'
"Tomorrow. "
And with that, he walks out to put the tightly wrapped bundle in his cradle that he swings several times for reassurance before walking away. "You just watch me. "
But things get crazy at work after this. There are several assignments in the row between which Naruto does not even bother coming back to Sakura and just sleeps on the couch in the lobby. More often than not, he is too exhausted to go out to buy a newspaper, and when he is almost ready to begin searching, Naruto gets injured.
It's unexpected even though it should not be, not in his line of work, but it comes as a slight blow to Naruto's confidence and a big one to his ribcage. It's a routine mission to retrieve documents from the Mist spy hiding out in the forest for the past two weeks. He is not even supposed to take the assignment; he is off duty, not to mention tired and underslept. But the nagging feeling, call it nostalgia, makes him volunteer to go solo.
It turns out to be a trap. There are seven Mist assassins taking cover in the bushes charging their weapons at Naruto as he notices them, just a second too late to charge at them first.
They are not very smart, nor are they exceptionally trained, all seven of them, but they make up for in numbers for what they lack in skill. Naruto calls for backup before deflecting the first hit; he may be reckless sometimes, but far from stupid, and he would instead let his pride suffer for a day or two then end up dead. He takes three out of seven down quickly without breaking a sweat but then meets shuriken thrown at him full force with his body. It lodges neatly at Naruto's side, and he thinks how stupid it was of him not to wait for Shikamaru to go on this round together. Or to take on this assignment at all, all run down from working double shifts and lack of sleep. He acted childish and irresponsible. He still has few minutes of active battle before he passes out from the pain, or worse, blood loss or an organ failure, depends on what got punctured; the fourth Mist assassin is dead on the ground bleeding from the gap in his head—four down three to go.
He may be able to succeed here still. Maybe not. Naruto is very unsure of his abilities at the moment ; then, suddenly, the forest is flooded with Konoha's finest, and the last thing he sees before passing out is Shikamaru's face, angry and very pale.
When Naruto comes to briefly, he is in the operating room- he's been here before once or twice, and that is when he knows he did it this time.
The injury turns out to be not so bad after all - three broken ribs, minor soft tissue damage, and by some unforeseen miracle - no major organs hit.
"By the stupid case of lack that seems to follow you everywhere, brat. "Sakura explains the phenomena to him after the surgery. "It's great that it exists, but I would not count on it all the time. It's bound to run out one day, you know."
"I know."
Naruto is off active duty for three weeks and not to leave the hospital until he is cleared by Sakura herself, who brings him a heap of newspapers and a notepad.
"Perfect opportunity to look where you will be moving after you are all healed. "
"You will kick me out just like that?'
He is cranky from not being able to move, in pain, and extremely miserable.
"I sure will." She sighs. "For your own good, Naruto. It's time for you to get off your butt and to move on with your life."
And she is right, the time to do all that was yesterday, only he is not sure how and if he has the capacity or desire to proceed. But moving is a must; so, he nods, takes the newspapers from Sakura, and lets her help him sit up, which is a project in itself.
Naruto frowns and fumbles with a pen after Sakura lives. He misses Shikamaru something terrible. He has not seen him in a few days, not since the incident in the forest, but he is too proud to ask for him or even send a note. All the feelings guarded carefully for years inside the steel cage of his heart are now free to roam and explore the essence of Naruto's confused being. He welcomes the exploration, but it makes it so much harder to function during the day in ordinary situations. He should do something about it and get some kind of closure or resolution, but he is too chicken to do it.
The young nurse sticks her head in the room and blushes as she does every time she sees Naruto, getting ready to run.
Naruto smiles back, and the nurse flees as expected. It's his only entertainment these couple of days, and he has been very, very bored.
"It's funny how you manage to get admirers even in a hospital bed when you can't even walk to the bathroom on your own."
Shikamaru sounds amused but looks nothing like it. Naruto's heart is beating fast as he absorbs handsome face and worn-out demeanor. He might have lost a couple of pounds and more than one night of sound sleep. Hell, he looks like Naruto did just a week ago before the forest battle. Naruto's heart is beating fast, and he swallows before answering, weighing carefully every word that comes out of his mouth.
"Sure I can. If somebody unhooks my IV for me."
"You know you could have died this time, right?"
"Well. We don't exactly work in a ramen restaurant, Shikamaru. All of us face that possibility every single time we walk out to the assignment. "
"Yes, we do. But it does not mean we have to be stupid about it, do we? And minimize our possibilities of getting killed?"
"No, it does not mean that."
Naruto sighs. Shikamaru rubs his face, runs his fingers up and down silver scar, something he does only in the moments of extreme agitation. Naruto sometimes wonders if he is the only person ever to witness it because Shikamaru is rarely agitated with other people.
Naruto's heart aches for him. He surrenders to the feeling, weeks of crying about it after be damned. He learned a long time ago that being in love with Shikamaru means being in pain simultaneously, but he will still choose this over not loving him at all.
"Don't do this again, Naruto," Shikamaru warns him earnestly. "I don't think I can go through this again. If you don't care about yourself, surely you care for me still?"
"Always."
"My life does not mean much without you in it, you know?"
"If me almost dying made you admit that it was all worth it."
Naruto manages a smile. A bold move on his part, but he has nothing to lose.
"When you got married years ago." Shikamaru continues, oblivious. "I thought -well if I can't have you, you know, with me, in my life, in my bed, I will just be by your side. It will be enough. And it was enough for me, for years."
"And it was enough for me - for years."
"Loving you is not an easy thing, Naruto. You are freaking high maintenance. You run away. You get married. You get divorced, you resign your position. You are moody, you don't know what you want, and when you finally figure out what you want, you decide it's ok for you to go and almost die."
"It was not intentional."
"I am still in love with you, Naruto. As crazy as it sounds, even more so than before, when we were kids, and you pretended you did not love me back."
"We are not kids anymore."
"Is that a clever way of saying you reciprocate my feelings?"
Naruto's voice comes out shaky, almost like he needs to learn to talk all over again after years of silence. He never knew the intensity of speaking his truth before.
"I left my wife for you. I have no home, no future, nor the desire to have either one without you by my side. Would not you think it means reciprocation?"
"I honestly don't know Naruto."
"You are not the easiest of people to obsess over for fifteen years either, my love. One minute you are run hot, then suddenly, you turn ice cold. You can be vindictive and spiteful; you can hurt me deeply with your words and actions like none else can." Naruto exhales. "But I look at your face, and the whole world disappears - nothing else exists. Ever since the moment that we've met."
Shikamaru's face softens.
"Who knows what the future will bring, Naruto. We could both die tomorrow for all I know. But trying to bit this is like trying to outrun a train. It's useless and futile, and it's not getting us anywhere."
"Maybe it's time to stop running?"
"I will if you will."
'I think we should at least give it a try."
There is past, and there is future, and there is also present. Past is all about lost chances and missed opportunities - unsaid words, unrealized dreams, broken promises. The past is done, and there is no point in looking back. Future, of course, is unknown, as Shikamaru rightly noted. But in the present moment, they can try to weave the pattern of their destiny together. And this is more than they could ever hope for, Naruto thinks, smiling, more than that they ever dared to attempt; so may it be so that they succeed in all the names of love and second chances.
The end