Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable in this story. They are owned by Kore Yamazaki. I just play with her characters.

Chapter 4: Shame like a Block of Lead in the Stomach

Chise woke up from her bed feeling groggy from two days' worth of lack of sleep. It was now Tuesday morning, and she still couldn't shake out of her mind the events that happened that Sunday night. She had ventured in the hedge maze, and when she unknowingly landed in the Tower of Remnants, she was chased by someone called Zaccaroni who sprouted insect arms and legs from his body. Then she was saved by Professor Ainsworth, and she felt that all was well, until he too transformed into something she could not name. She struggled to label the feeling she felt when she came face to face with Professor Ainsworth's other form. She felt like the lengthened ochre horns, the elongated, skeletal jaws with sharp fangs, and his towering black shape were tattooed on her mind. No matter what perspective she took, there was one thing that felt certain: it looked like he wanted to eat her. But he stopped himself at the last minute when she touched his mandible and whispered her observation that he was in pain. And for that she was thankful.

Still, there was no helping the apprehension she felt for the day ahead. Today was another day for a Magecraft lesson, and she felt unready to face Professor Ainsworth again. How would they both react when they see each other? Especially now when the fleeting dreams she had from the little sleep she got for the past two days were of him and his other shadowy form. Nonetheless, she determined that she would keep quiet about what happened, mainly because of what she saw in his glowing crimson eyes that night. She didn't know how, but she saw so much pain and hurt. And for some unknown reason, she wanted to find a way to help him.

xxxx

He was absent in today's Magecraft class. A graduate student who was a teacher-in-training showed up in their class to deliver the news. Professor Ainsworth called in sick, and in-lieu of today's lesson, they were to submit an essay about different sleeping-aid potions. Half of the class rejoiced at the prospect of a free period, while the other half grumbled their complaint about the essay. Chise couldn't decide which half she would join, as she had conflicting emotions of her own. She was anxious in seeing Professor Ainsworth today because she wouldn't know how to approach him, but she was also regretting his absence because she wanted to know if he was alright. Clearly, he wasn't, and that made her worry even more.

"Is something wrong, Chise?" Lian asked, and she didn't know that she was frowning until he pointed it out to her.

"Nothing, I…" Chise stopped herself. She really couldn't tell Lian what was on her head right now, not when she promised herself that she would be quiet about the incident she had with Professor Ainsworth. "I guess I was just looking forward to the Magecraft class today."

"Yeah, me too. And to think we have an essay to do. Though it is a good thing for me, no Fae this time." Lian nodded in agreement. "I wonder what happened to Professor Ainsworth."

"I wonder too…" Chise muttered in reply. Lian was already finished packing his things, and Chise picked up her bag. They stood and exited the classroom, with Chise's heart feeling heavy with every step.

xxxx

Professor Ainsworth finally showed up on their Thursday period, dressed in his usual long, black embroidered robe. He was in his normal human form of a man in his late twenties with chest-length white hair. Chise was relieved when she saw him as she entered the classroom, eyeing him cautiously for anything different. He didn't seem like he was hurt and in pain, but it crossed her mind that perhaps he was just hiding it very well. The roll call of students started, and even Professor Ainsworth's voice was in the same usual pitch when he confirmed each student's attendance. Maybe he already did recover? Maybe there was nothing wrong with him at all? But she saw a substantial amount of blood that night from where he stood—

"—tori…?"

Chise felt someone nudge her middle, and she was knocked out of her train of thought. She looked to see who the culprit was, and she saw Lian inclining his head toward Professor Ainsworth's direction.

"It would seem that Ms. Hatori is present physically, but absent in spirit. Perhaps I should give her half a point for today's attendance." Professor Ainsworth remarked in a light, cheerful tone that it made the whole class laugh. After the laughter died down, he continued with the roll call.

Chise blushed in embarrassment. What was happening? She was thinking about Professor Ainsworth when he was right there in front of her. He was just… so normal today. So much, that she couldn't associate him with the black, shadowy form of his that haunted her dreams lately. Did he even remember what happened between them last Sunday night? Or was it just a figment of her imagination? She really wanted to know, but she couldn't just blatantly ask him in the middle of class. So she decided she would ask him afterwards.

"So does anyone here have questions regarding the essay I asked you to make about sleeping-aid potions?" Professor Ainsworth enquired his class, and the lesson about different sleeping aids began. One by one, Chise's classmates asked their questions. Was there a difference between a nightmare-prevention potion and a dreamless one? If cottonflies' wool could make you sleep better, why wasn't it included in the ingredients of any sleeping aid potions? Was there any Fae whose magic can put you to sleep?

Patiently, Professor Ainsworth answered every question, even the wackiest craziest ones Chise's classmates could make up. It was turning out to be another fun Magecraft class. Just how it always was when he was teaching. Chise observed carefully, and she again began to appreciate just how much good of a teacher he was. Professor Ainsworth was dedicated, passionate, and considerate. It was as if he cared so much about his students that he was willing to put the effort to make them understand every nook and cranny of Magecraft.

Soon enough, the class ran out of questions, but they have already reached the end of the period by then. Each student packed their bag, stood up, and exited the classroom. Lian too did the same, but before he stood up, he reminded Chise that they should do the homework on Magical Theory together in the library an hour before dinnertime. Chise nodded in agreement and told him she will be there. Finally, there was only Professor Ainsworth and her in the classroom.

He was erasing the notes on the whiteboard with an eraser when Chise hesitantly approached him. Sensing her presence, he stopped and turned towards her, smiling kindly. "Is there anything I can help you with, Ms. Hatori?"

Chise took a deep breath, wondering if she should break the seemingly innocent atmosphere between them. But then, didn't she want to know if what happened to both of them was real? "Um, are you alright now? I mean last Sunday night, in the hill in the gardens, you look like you were not well and—"

The sound of the whiteboard eraser falling to the floor resounded in the room. Professor Ainsworth's human eyes widened, and he put his right fist to his mouth to curb his shock. And then he placed a hand on the whiteboard, leaning his weight to it. He refused to look at Chise's eyes as he realized something. "Y-You… you were there. It was… real?" He gasped out, the incident becoming clearer and clearer in his mind. "You saw me… and I…"

Chise came to her own understanding too, that perhaps she was right that Professor Ainsworth had simply completely forgotten. She felt regret seeping in her veins. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? Why did she give in to her desire to know the reality? She could have spared him from the guilt that was eating at him right now.

"I'm sorry. I—I can't talk about this right now." Professor Ainsworth said, and hurriedly he exited the classroom without another word, leaving Chise alone and bewildered.

Chise sighed heavily. That didn't turn out well, but then again, she didn't know what she should have expected. Damn her and her meddling, inquisitive mind.

xxxx

Wanting to distract her troubled self, Chise then decided to immediately go to the library and just stay there until the time Lian comes and they do their homework on Magical Theory. She went to the sitting area and chose a spot in a secluded corner at the back row. She then opened her textbook and notebook, hoping to get a head start. She looked at the first problem and tried to work out a solution. She went at it for around fifteen minutes, looking at it in different angles, until she huffed in frustration. She didn't know how to even start to tackle it; the formulas needed to solve the problem seemed so complex for her simple mind. She leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes, feeling tired already. Truthfully, Professor Ainsworth's reaction when she approached him was clouding her mind so much that she couldn't concentrate. Regret was eating at her. Maybe she shouldn't have done it at all…

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the chink who doesn't look like a chink."

Chise's eyes snapped open, and she saw Lucy Webster standing tall across the table in front of her. She was in her school robes, her long, black hair flowing elegantly from her head to her shoulders. Yet it contrasted with the bitter scowl that adorned her fair face.

"What can I do for you, Lucy?" Chise asked, knowing that it was better to act kindly than incite her wrath.

Lucy flinched lightly at the sound of her name being said casually by Chise, but she quickly recovered. With a mocking smirk, she taunted, "Not with your runaway of a boyfriend today, are you?"

"Oh, if you mean Lian, he'll be here in an hour. I can tell him that you were looking for him and you dropped by to say 'hi'." Chise replied, rather more nonchalantly than she intended. It made the Webster heir more furious. To her, it seemed like the redhead was ridiculing her with her politeness.

"Why you, insolent bitc—" Lucy hissed, but stopped before she could finish her insult. She went wide-eyed for a second, as if she saw someone appear behind Chise's back. Then she backed away, and with a more uncommon civil voice, she said, "I'll see you next time, then." She left without another word.

Chise sighed deeply in relief, and a smile crossed her face. At least, this time she did not cower against Lucy Webster's bullying. Sensing a presence behind her, and figuring it was Lian, she called out without turning her back, "You've saved me again, Lian. I thought you'll come before dinnertime—"

"Ms. Hatori."

Chise quickly turned around in surprise, knowing who the owner of the voice was. It was Professor Ainsworth. The one who made Lucy cease her taunts was him. Her mouth went agape in shock. She wasn't expecting to run across him in the library, with the way he avoided her when she approached him after today's Magecraft class.

Professor Ainsworth shifted his weight between his two feet. It looked like he was debating something in his mind. Then tentatively, he asked, "May I speak with you in private?"

"S-Sure." Chise answered, unexpecting his request. "Where would you like to talk?"

"In the hill in the gardens, north of the hedge maze." Professor Ainsworth answered with more certainty this time.

Chise nodded, finally understanding the topic they would discuss there. Professor Ainsworth started to move, and she stood up and followed him, leaving her things on the table to reserve her spot in the sitting area. They exited the library, and headed to the hedge maze. But on the way there, Chise inadvertently noticed something. As she and Professor Ainsworth were walking towards their destination, people who they were coming across with all made an effort to keep a distance from her shadowy companion. At first, she thought she was just seeing things, but it became more evident the more people they passed by. There were even two instances of Muryans completely moving out of their way just to avoid him. Chise wondered why this was happening. Did they also know about Professor Ainsworth's other form?

Soon enough, they arrived in the hill in the gardens. Chise was surprised by how much Professor Ainsworth knew his way to it from the hedge maze. He seemed to have memorized the quickest path towards it, for they arrived in such a short amount of time. They kept walking though, ascending until they reached the lone tree standing at the very top. When they reach the shade of the tree, it was then that Professor Ainsworth made his thoughts known.

"You could report me. I wouldn't mind." He said with his back turned away from her, as if finding the barks of the tree before them more interesting. It seemed like he didn't want to face her throughout this conversation.

"W-What?" Chise asked, confused by what he was trying to say. "What do you mean?"

"I now remember what I did to you that night."

"Then do you remember how you protected me? From that guy with insect arms."

"Yes, but I almost…" Professor Ainsworth started to reason, carefully choosing a better word for what he wanted to do to her that night. "…hurt you afterwards."

"You didn't. Sure, I was shocked when you… transformed, but you didn't hurt me at all. You stopped yourself."

"I could have. I… wanted to." He admitted, his voice feeble and weak. God, he had wanted to eat her. Surely there was no forgiveness for that.

"But you didn't. Why are you trying to incriminate yourself?" Chise asked, finally realizing what he was trying to do to himself. Professor Ainsworth's back was still turned away from her, and it irked her a bit. With a firmer voice, she demanded, "Will you look at me, please!"

Slowly he turned his body and looked at her. And Chise finally understood why he wouldn't face her in the first place: his eyes were filled with fear. A very stark contrast from the zealous ones she would usually see during their Magecraft classes. Noting the difference, she took a deep breath and locked her green eyes with his. "What would reporting you accomplish? To whom should I report you to?"

"Mikhail Renfred. He is my… superior of some sort. As for what would happen, I would be taken away from this place."

"Then I won't." Chise answered with conviction without taking her eyes off of Professor Ainsworth's. He seemed shocked at her resolute answer, his mouth becoming agape. "Why should I? First of all, you never harmed me. You even saved me. I should be thanking you, not accusing you. If what happened still makes you feel guilty and if it would give you a peace of mind, then know that I forgive you."

Professor Ainsworth looked at her as if she had sprouted three heads on her neck. There it was. The thing he was hoping for but was not expecting he would receive ever since he made the decision to talk with her regarding this matter. Yet she gave it to him willingly and freely. The fear in his eyes was gone and was then replaced with astonishment. "You truly are one of a kind." He breathed out in so much wonder that Chise flushed at his compliment.

A breeze blew gently between them, and she finally felt that the things that were hard to say but were needed to be said were already said. At long last, she plucked out the courage to ask him, "What happened to you that night?"

Professor Ainsworth stiffened at the question and looked away from her. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me. You owe me that, at least." She coaxed him, though feeling a bit remorseful that she had to use that card against him.

He took a deep breath and reluctantly began, "As you might have already noticed, I'm not entirely human. I am a creature of shadows and thorns, and I have many forms. That night, I came back from… an errand. And you unfortunately encountered me when my will was at its weakest."

It was a cryptic answer at its best. His words were carefully chosen, as if he was being mindful of being politically correct to avoid being offensive. Yet Chise found that she was not bothered by it at all. If that was the best he could do to describe himself, she decided not to push further. Then she remembered her reason why she had approached him after their Magecraft class today. "Are you still hurt? I mean, I saw blood from where you stood and—"

"Ah, not anymore. I saw to it to give myself medical treatment."

"You mean you treated your wounds yourself?" Chise asked, not quite sure if she understood what she was hearing from him.

"Yes, I'm quite adept with it after so many years."

"I'm glad." She replied, satisfied with his answers. Well, that was one of her concerns finally addressed. She debated if she should say what was on her thoughts the past few days, and then just decided to say them. "I was worried about you, you know. You didn't come to class this Tuesday, and I had thought that something really bad must have happened to you."

Professor Ainsworth looked at her with puzzled eyes, wondering what on earth could make someone worry about something that almost harmed them. Then he remembered to mention the reason for his absence. "I simply needed time to recuperate."

Chise nodded in acknowledgement. It was a fair enough reason, and she felt a little silly how she worried so much. She looked at the sky above her, the yellow rays of the sun slowly starting to turn orange. She found it beautiful and was about to say so to Professor Ainsworth when she caught him with his eyes focused on her. There was no ill-will, fear, nor pain in his eyes; he was just simply gazing at her in thoughtful consideration.

"I won't tell anyone the things you've told me. Or even what happened that night. You have my word, Professor Ainsworth." She assured him with a smile.

Finally, for the first time in their strange conversation, he returned a smile of his own, warm and comforting. "Thank you." He said, barely above a whisper, but the implied meaning was there.

For the forgiveness. For the trust. Thank you.

xxxx

Additional Notes: This one's a shorter chapter than the usual. I promise to make it up on the next one. And things about Elias will be further revealed in the future chapters too. I hope you look forward to it.

BlueNachturne: Thank you for your review of Chapter 3. I'm glad the little cliffhanger I put in the end served its purpose. :)