Mr. Kobayashi's Dragon Maid, Abridged

Attention: This chapter is really stupid. If you're uncomfortable with frequent sarcasm and undescriptive satire, tough shit bitch. If this is your kind of thing, then strap in, strap-on, and prepare for an underwhelming abridged parody of an underwhelming abridged parody of Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid.

Disclaimer: Does it look like I own Dragon Maid? I'm not even from Earth for crying out loud.

Cover art done by butt3rball5 (or however the fuck he spells his online name), which is a blatant parody of Chobits in case you haven't noticed.

Story by Night.

(I was bored, so I wrote this -Night)

Chapter 4: A-Bridge Between Chapters,

or

MKDR Abridged, Chapter 1: The Abridgening

Hi.

I'm Seiji Kobayashi and I don't have any luck with the ladies because I'm a little antisocial bitch. My excuse is because women don't appeal to me, and it's totally not because I'm attracted to sexy women, because I'm uNiQuE and I'm nOt LiKe OtHeR mEn. Instead of telling the truth and submitting to my primal desires, I'm gonna change the subject because I'm very good at evading my probems.

I like Dos Equis.

I drank too much and ended up on some mountain in the middle of nowhere, but I'm gonna act like I don't remember, because pLoT.

There was a dragon on the mountain and I "pulled a sword out of her" winkwinknudgenudgeinsertmissedopportunityforsexjoke and now she's wet for me because I saved her life. She turned into a human and repaid the favor by doing 69 with me or something.

And then my head hurt. And then I woke up at home. And then there was a dragon outside my door.

"Hi."

"Hi, I'm a dragon named Tohru and I have a hard on for you."

"Okay."

insertfutanaripun

"Are... are you just gonna stand there?"

"Come inside."

"That's your job."

The dragon came inside (MYHOUSE).

"You saved my life and now I wanna stay with you and possibly have sex with you later."

"I have to go to work."

"But you can't get there in time."

"What do I do now?"

"Ride me."

"That's your job."

"Okay."

She flew me to work.

"Since you can't see where your office is due to angled landing, I have a solution."

"What."

"My neck is long, and it features a droop snoot."

Droop snoot?

"The snoot would droop."

The snoot drooped.

"Now that Mr. Kobayashi isn't here, I'm gonna get naked."

The dragon turned into a human and got naked.

"Oh yes. Oh fuck. Please bang me Mr. Kobayashi. Ah. Yes. Harder." I said while shoving my hand up my crotch. "Fuck. I am going to cum. Ah. Yamete. Kimochii. Moan sound."

And then m̶y̶ ̶w̶a̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶k̶e̶ my vag spilled its contents, and I panicked.

"Fuck. Now he's gonna kick me out because I masturbated on his bed. What ever shall I do?"

I used the phone that he coincidentally had in his apartment.

"Hello, Fafn-"

"Death."

"A very good day to you as well. Let's call Quetzalcoatl."

"Like, omigahd, totally, like, gross out, gag me with a spuun-"

"Please hold. The line will connect shortly."

"Valley girl, she's a valley girl,

Okay, fine, for sure, for sure, she's a valley girl, and there is no cure-"

"I should lick up my female juice."

"I'm home."

"Hi. I totally didn't get naked and masturbate on your bed."

"Tohru sus."

"Please let me stay."

"I can't unless you become my maid."

"Okay."

"So, to be a ma-"

"I know exactly how to be a maid."

And then the dragon proceeded to do everything wrong.

"Yeah okay you're hired."

"Yatta."

"I'm fucking tired."

"What do I do now?"

"Go onto the computer and research how to be a maid but in reality you're accidentally watching porn by accident."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna go masturbate to some generic porn in my room and imagine you naked."

"Kono hentai."

"Says the one that masturbated on my bed."

"Tru."

Reprimanding

tohru - you're doing everything wrong
butt3r - ok

/=To Be Continued=|\\||/ ゴ ゴ ゴ