Chapter 4: The Same Damn Sprite

Dante knew it was a matter of time before he had to spill it. The hunger was killing him, and the silence was on his ass, too.

"So…remember when Marvel and Capcom crossed over for like…the third time?"

Eyes closed in meditation, Vergil responded, "Yes, I do."

"You, uh…you were in that one, right?" Dante asked casually.

"Yes."

"…" The devil in red proceeded to beat around the bush, "I always thought we'd go at it in more promotional matches."

"If I recall, we never got one match up."

Pretending to realize that just now, Dante said, "Wha—? Oh, yeah! You're right! We…never did. Never even got put on the same team."

With disdain in his voice, Vergil said, "Unlike Project X Zone."

Remembering that ordeal, Dante admitted timidly, "That was…kinda fun, huh?"

Vergil remained stock-still, save a microscopic head-shake.

Reluctantly, Dante got mentally prepared. He should just go ahead and explain himself, now. However, he quickly chickened out, partially changing the subject, "Hey, you ever notice Nero keeps getting shafted from Capcom's big events?"

"Not really."

"I think he's got some potential…"

Vergil merely grunted.

Remembering something, Dante said with a grin, "Speaking of big events, I remember I met this crazy chick…"

-X-

Riding in the backseat of their SUV, Dante casually listened to Nero and Kyrie civilly disagree about nothing too important.

"Ah, I don't know…if people wanna pay for each other's healthcare, then let them do it on their own terms," Nero gave his two cents.

Kyrie, the driver, retaliated, "People aren't outright paying for others' healthcare, they're making it more affordable—"

"Through taxation," Nero clarified. "Point is, you're taking choice out of the equation by doing that. And since when was healthcare ever supposed to be cheap? Don't you want to get what you pay for?"

Kyrie sighed irritably. "Nero, it's about more than money. People deserve to have peace of mind, especially in a changing economic climate."

Gazing out at the bright, sunlit country road, Nero smiled and said, "You know what else gives us peace of mind? Hard work. We get what we put in, and that's all the more reason to give back."

Kyrie smiled as well. "You think saying something that corny means you won, don't you?"

"Isn't that how it works—?"

"DANTE!"

"AAAH—what the fuck?!" Kyrie shrieked, barely able to see past the literal person pressed against the windshield.

"Oh-you-gotta-be-kiddin'-me," Dante mumbled in disbelief.

"DAAANTEEE—!"

"Dante—what the FUCK is that?!" Nero shouted, reaching for Blue Rose.

Meanwhile, Kyrie was expertly swerving in panic, and she ended up taking the SUV off-road, spinning out in the grassy field. Luckily, the raging succubus was thrown off from the sheer inertia, but by the time the vehicle came to a halt, everyone was thoroughly rattled.

Nero was the first to jump out, pointing his gun at the visibly indifferent ruler of Makai. "What the hell's the matter with you?! Are you tryna kill us?!"

Standing there with her arms crossed, Morrigan asked, "Now, why would you ask me something so silly? If I wanted you dead, you'd already be burning alive in that metal death-trap."

Dante was the second to exit the vehicle. Rubbing his skull in both irritation and dizziness, he swore, "What in the shitting hell, Morrigan?"

"Dante!" she cheered unnecessarily. "You haven't been at your shop in a couple of days!"

"Yeah, I know. Trish is running it…"

"Well, why didn't you tell me about your little vacation? We've been missing out on our nightly transactions…"

While Nero fixed him with a perturbed stare, Dante went wide-eyed before pleading, "Ya think we can talk about this later? Possibly?"

Morrigan retorted, "Sure, if you promise to squirt me some of your nectar soon."

Kyrie asked from the car, "Okay, what and why?"

Mortified, Dante retched, "Uuugggh. This is what happens when you've bitten off more than you can chew."

"Speaking of biting and chewing, please don't put up a fight this time," Morrigan requested. "Now, we can do it here or wherever you're headed."

Thoroughly repulsed, Nero squeaked, "What the HELL?!"

Dante growled, "Morrigan, I'm not about to let you fuck me in public!"

Kyrie yelled, "You're not doing it back at our house, either!"

Laughing, Morrigan clarified, "I meant fight, not fuck! There're so many ways to have fun with you, Dante!"

"Ay-ay-ay…" Rubbing his eyes, Dante informed her, "Look, I'm a little swamped today. And tonight. Maybe we can go a few rounds tomorrow when I'm back in town?"

"Aww, you're no fun."

"Damn," Dante uttered, admiring her pouting stance.

Suddenly, she asked, "Well, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

Nero peevishly leaned back against the vehicle, muttering, "Someone needs to introduce you to a shrink…"

"Morrigan, this is Nero, a possibly new business partner, and the sweet young lady driving is his girlfriend, Kyrie. Uh…ahem, guys, this is a…friend of mine, Morrigan."

"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance! I bet you two are in loooooove~!" Morrigan sang that last part, blowing kisses at either of them.

Nero exhaled and declared, "Okay, so we're gonna get back on the road, now. Maybe send a postcard instead of going full psycho—"

"Oh, he's soooo in love!" Morrigan interrupted, also flying up close to him. "He hasn't even stared at my breasts more than twice! What a lad!"

While Nero faced away, boiling while Morrigan pushed her boobs together, Dante suggested, "Hey, Morrigan, maybe we can get a quick round in right now."

"Really?!" She seemed excited.

"Sure. I feel like gettin' the blood pumping."

"Okay, then. Lay on the ground with your mouth open, darling."

"Oh, wow," Kyrie actually seemed amused by that.

Dante showed his grumpy side, "I meant let's FIGHT, Morrigan!"

Lightly slapping on his chest, she replied, "I know—I was kidding! So, where's your sword?"

"It's at the house, but don't worry about it. I'll try a little CQC."

"Sure thing, love. But it's your funeral."

"Hey, uh…" Kyrie poked her head out the window nearest them. "I kind of wanted to get home and cook something. Since you know Dante so well…" She then noticed and ignored Nero vigorously shaking his head "no", continuing, "…you're invited to stay for dinner with us."

Practically shoving Nero aside, Morrigan got face to face with Kyrie, yelling in glee, "Oh, I'd love to! FYI, I prefer low-carb, low-fat, low-sodium, low-meat, low-tar, low-feathers, sugar-free, and low-soul, if you don't mind."

"I'm making chicken parm."

"Perfect!"

-X-

"Yeah, and, uh…Morrigan really loved sucking my soul, I tell ya hwat."

"Ah."

Vergil had grown less and less responsive, only offering grunts and head nods.

…

"ALL RIGHT! I was thinkin' about SUICIDE, OKAY?!"