Chapter 4

Ginny crossed her arms defiantly for strength under the glowering eyebrows of her mother, who surveyed her like a hawk. Caught red-handed climbing back through her window past midnight was not a good look. She stalled, taking off her shoes and hoping she was sober enough to appear steady.

'Virginia Miller, you tell me where you've been right now.'

'Out,' said Ginny.

'Well, yes, I saw that.' Georgia's voice was lilting, almost musical. 'When I saw you wiggling through your window I did assume that you had been outside. What I would like to know, my darling underage daughter, is where you were and who you were with.'

Ginny didn't see any scenario where she could tell Georgia who she'd been with, at least not without making everything worse.

'Why are you in my room?' Ginny deflected.

'You didn't say goodnight. I came in to check on you before I went to bed. Only to find your window open and you not here.'

Ginny fixed her mother with an obstinate, sour face.

'So you came into my room without permission.'

Georgia's eyebrows raised dangerously on her forehead.

'Don't even think about turning this around on me. You are 15 and I came into your room to find you missing. No sign of any struggle, so I assume you left voluntarily. But you don't write, you don't call.' Georgia began to pace in font of Ginny, her hands gesturing emphatically. 'I'm okay with you doing a lot of things Ginny, but leaving the house without telling me where you're going is not one of them.'

Georgia squared off in front of Ginny.

'I'll ask you one last time, missy. Where were you, and who were you with? I won't ask what you were doing, because I can smell the pot on you from here.'

'I was with Max,' said Ginny. 'She found some of Marcus' stash hidden in her room. She thought it'd be fun to smoke it.'

'Her room?' Georgia said suspiciously, searching for holes in Ginny's story.

'No one checks Max's room,' Ginny supplied easily, stealing her words directly from Marcus. 'So he hides it there sometimes.'

Georgia eyed her beadily, her eyes sweeping across Ginny, unconvinced.

'Hmm,' Georgia said. 'Well, I'll deal with you in the morning since you're back in one piece, and it's so late. You're a very bad daughter for making me miss some beauty sleep.' She pulled Ginny in for a hug. When she pulled back, Ginny saw a poisonously polite expression on her face. Georgia walked innocently towards the door, shutting off Ginny's light. 'Tell Max I just love her perfume. Mm, so masculine. Night, peach.'

Ginny closed the door behind Georgia and flopped face-first in defeat on her bed for several shameful minutes.

Her phone dinged in her pocket. Ginny reached down awkwardly and brought it up.

M: Goodnight

And he sent her a selfie, hair tousled, face relaxed. Ginny felt a pang of wanting. She took and sent a photo too, curls everywhere, eyes soft and smile gentle.

Ding.

Another selfie. This time he was clearly lying in bed and had removed his shirt. His eyes were dark and moody, cheekbones stark.

Ginny's heart throbbed distinctly. Nervously, she pulled her own shirt off and took another photo in kind, exhilaration pounding in her ears and sharpening her breath. Georgia's nose had been astute; Ginny could smell Marcus' cologne as well, or whatever he wore – removing her shirt had whipped the scent up around her, and her mind flooded with Marcus. His presence lingered with her, the silk of his lips and the weight of his gaze settled heavily in her stomach and lungs, anchoring her to the earth. He'd planted himself on her, growing and twisting his way like ivy across a house. As Marcus sent her another photo, Ginny reached for earphones and got under the covers, removing her pants and underwear. With a trembling finger, she initiated a voice call.

He said her name, and Ginny felt a hook pull her navel, dragging her down somewhere warm, comfortable and sensuous. All this time Marcus had snatched away her control, the sensations he brought leaving her buffeted and billowed in his wake. But this, as she explored her own body for the first time, was something else. This, as she heard him do the same, gave her fever and chills, gave her strength. She revelled in being forthcoming, high on the autonomy of wanting, taking, and having. It turned out sex can give you passion and power.

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Ginny stared at her pill. Georgia had pulled her out of school the very next day after Ginny's late-night return, marched her into the doctor's office, and signed her up for a new monthly subscription. The anti-baby kind.

'Since you're off cavorting with boys and lying to me about it, I at least want you prepared,' she'd said. Then she'd glared at her. 'Have you had sex yet?'

'No,' Ginny had lied.

'Well, wait a couple of weeks to make sure the pill is working. And take it every day at the same time.'

'I know, I was there in the doctor's office. I heard the instructions.'

'Well, good, at least you're listening to somebody. But please. Please tell me before you do.'

And that had been it. No grounding, just medication. No 3rd degree to confirm her company on that night. Ginny was surprised, especially as she'd thought that Georgia would just start sniffing the boys Ginny hung around, seeking a matching scent.

Those requisite couple of weeks had passed since being put on the pill, and Ginny was at Norah's with the rest of MANG, getting ready for Brodie's Halloween party. But she was hiding in the bathroom, thinking of Marcus as she took her pill at 7pm like clockwork. Their first experience together had been, not a disaster, but she knew it hadn't been good. Ginny wasn't sure if she was ready for a second. Ginny's first instinct was to confide in Max. But she couldn't. If Max knew she was on the pill, she'd ask why. Ginny wanted to explode. But she took her pill, and buried the blister pack at the bottom of her bag, shuffling back to Norah's room.

Ginny was ready to let loose a little, and dance and drink her stress away. As the 'Baby One More Time' Britney, Ginny felt she clearly had the supreme costume. She loved the little pink pom-poms in her wig.

'Max, you look amazing,' said Abby, as Maxine made some final wig adjustments.

'I knowww. Thank you,' Max simpered. 'Red jumpsuit is one of Britney's best looks.

'Do I look okay?' Abby asked, her hands pulling at the pants she wore.

'You look hot, like Madonna's gonna come here just to make out with you. Or I will if Madonna doesn't show.' Max grinned flirtatiously at Abby, wiggling her shoulders.

Abby looked pleased, and fixed the angle of her hat.

'Norah, that legit suits you,' Ginny offered, as Norah finished sweeping her blonde wig into a neat bun, locking her Toxic flight attendant costume in place. 'Jordan's going to lose it.'

'I might have given him a little preview after I bought it,' she smirked.

'You blew our reveal?' Max gasped. 'What utter betrayal.'

'Don't worry, I swore him to secrecy. Or he won't get into the mile high club with me.' Norah said it so casually as she applied some mascara that they almost didn't react. Then they shrieked and laughed. Norah grinned.

Max gasped.

'Sophie just texted, she's going to be late. What do you think that means? Is she blowing me off?'

'Yes,' said Abby.

'No. It means she's late,' Ginny said sternly. 'Relax, please. You've been stressing out about this way too much. Now let's go.'

They paused in the mirror briefly, 4 stages of Britney Spears. Ginny felt aglow and wholesome. Ginny felt connected. As MANG pulled sexy faces in the mirror, she was just one of the girls. She wasn't the 'other'. She smiled brightly, and began to push Max forward.

'Come on, let's go!'

Brodie's party was already in full swing as they arrived. Norah texted Jordan to get a Britney song put over the speakers, and Max made her grand descent down the stairs. Ginny went last, channelling the pop icon to the best of her ability. She danced, and smiled. She laughed. She was happy.

It wasn't until Bracia arrived and failed to hide her judgement of Ginny's costume that Ginny was reminded. Right. She's black. And she's white. She's neither.

The world suddenly shifted. Her costume was no longer comfortable. Her friends became aliens and the people responsible for perverting her identity, somehow making her more white while also fist-bumping her and pulling her into dance circles to twerk. She'd even worn that basic white girl sweater and infinity scarf earlier. Had she forgotten? Had she erased a part of herself? Had she fetishised herself?

Ginny escaped to the bathroom, greeting Abby briefly as she did so. She wanted to vomit. Pangs of grief and isolation lurched her stomach. The blonde-haired woman in the mirror revolted her. She hated her. Ginny watched her breath rise and fall, and hated it. Anger seeped in her veins like poison. She wanted it to stop. She needed it to stop; the sheer force of the pain threatening to overwhelm her. She wished for her lighter, and noticed a lit candle on the vanity. Ginny stretched out her arm.

She reached the sensitive flesh of her wrist over the tiny flame, and measuredly brought it down until it seared her skin. It worked like magic, sapping all her pain from her heart to her arm. She held still until she began to shake, and all she could feel was the need to save herself from the fire. Reset, Ginny could face herself again. It wasn't so bad now. She wiped her tears gently, steadied her breath, and went back to the party.

Hunter approached her comically, his vampire cape held across his face mysteriously.

'I vant to suck your blood,' he said dramatically in an impression of Dracula, but coming off very much like The Count from Sesame Street. 'But I am a friendly vampire, and vill haff to suck this jello shot instead.' He offered her a small cup with bright green jello, and cheers'd her. Ginny downed the shot with Hunter and tried to smile at him. Hunter's smile faltered.

'Um,' Ginny said, fishing for something to say.

'Are you okay?' He dropped the accent, and she could see him looking critically at her. Could he see the redness of her eyes?

'Yeah, I'm fine,' she grinned. Hunter looked unconvinced. He put his caped arm around her shoulder and led her back upstairs to a quiet room away from the bathroom. Judging by the posters of women on the wall, Ginny assumed this was Brodie's room.

'What's wrong?' Hunter sat on the unmade bed and looked at her sympathetically.

'Nothing,' Ginny said, unconsciously trying to tuck her hair behind her ear, and foolishly flipping back her blonde pigtail in the process. She bit her lip as she felt a twang of discomfort in her stomach. She leaned back against a desk and looked at her shoes.

'You don't like your costume?'

'No. Yes.' Ginny paused. '…I don't know.'

'Is this about Bracia? I overheard you two…'

Ginny gazed at Hunter. She measured the shape of his eyes and the features of his face, the colour of his skin.

'I just...I was reminded that my identity changes depending on who's looking at me.' Her eyes dared him to laugh at her struggle, to invalidate, to make light. She was ready to unleash, wound tight like a metal coil, at the slightest hint.

But he nodded.

'Yeah. I'm half Taiwanese, half Caucasian, so I get it. It sucks. Hard.'

Ginny breathed.

'Yeah!'

Hunter smiled gently in understanding.

'I'm sorry you're having a hard night.' He stood up and walked over. He pulled her into a gentle hug.

Ginny was surprised, but hesitantly returned it. She remembered the awkward hug from their date; this one compared favourably. Hunter's arms tightened around her waist slightly. She didn't mind. Ginny smiled sadly in solace; this was something Hunter was uniquely able to empathise about amongst her friends. As Ginny leaned her face against Hunter's collar, a remarkable sensation of closeness enveloped her. He was warm, and he was nice.

Ginny remembered Marcus.

'I better get back…' she said softly, and relinquished Hunter. He nodded awkwardly. They walked back in silence, glancing at each other briefly.

They didn't speak again at the party, and Ginny left in a hurry after Max dissolved into a weeping mess following a disastrous interaction with Sophie. She struggled to return Max to her home quietly, the alcohol making her both easily-distracted and a little stubborn. Marcus saved the day when he arrived in Max's room, and he wrangled Max successfully into bed without alerting Ellen to their plight.

Ginny and Marcus lingered together outside Max's bedroom, eyes deep and gazing.

'Marcus,' Max's voice came from behind her bedroom door.

Marcus glanced at the door, but largely ignored her. He checked over Ginny's shoulder, then leaned in for a kiss. A familiar swooping sensation lifted Ginny's spirits. It just felt right.

'MARCUS!' Max would not be denied.

Marcus pulled back and rolled his eyes.

'Meet me in my bedroom?' he whispered, not letting Ginny look away.

Ginny nodded, and made a show of walking downstairs.

'Bye Ellen, bye Clint!' She signed goodbye over in their direction, having been taught by Max. Once outside, she crept over to the trellis underneath Marcus' bedroom window. She felt a brief worry about what might happen if the neighbours saw her, but climbed up anyway.

Marcus' room was different than she'd expected. There was a beautiful eye painted on the wall, lovely colours overlapping. Ginny was staring at it when Marcus walked in, and she didn't turn to face him. She was surprised to feel tears start to brim.

'What do you see, Marcus?' she said quietly. Her voice was low and unemotional.

Marcus walked over to her, clearly confused by her sudden change of mood. She could see him follow her gaze and glance at the eye on the wall.

'What do I see…?' He was looking at her, searching for more information.

'When you look at me. What...what do you see?'

She didn't know what she wanted him to say. She swallowed nervously, and tipped her head back to prevent the tears from falling, lips quivering. Marcus fidgeted on his feet and brushed a hand through his hair. Ginny took a moment in the silence to pull off her blonde wig with disdain, throwing it on the floor at her feet. She released her hair from a tight bun, tipping her head forward to loosen it and flipping her head back. She felt bare. Nude. Revealed. She pressed a finger to the burn mark on her wrist, clenching her teeth.

Marcus put a hand on Ginny's back and searched her face for an answer or a cure to her pain.

'Ginny, what…?'

Ginny turned to face him, and the tears spilled over, but she waited for him to answer. Marcus was visibly confused and pained.

'I just…' He struggled to put his thoughts into words, so unprepared for this level of questioning. 'I just see your eyes.'

He fixed her with such a look that it halted her tears. She read the meaning on his face through the hair fallen across his features, even if he hadn't uttered the words to her. Even if he never would. She reached for him, pulling him back to her as the truth struck Ginny in her navel and chest.

Marcus Baker saw her.

Marcus Baker loved her.