N / a: Hello again!
We arrived at the three-weeks interlude approached in the middle of the S08x01 episode. I thought Otis deserved a funeral worthy of his greatness, and I sincerely hope you like it.
We will have our favorite couple getting even closer and mostly talking.
Thanks to all who are following, to the ghost readers and those who leave wonderful comments !
Send suggestions, criticisms and music to inspire me !
= Ch. 04 =
"I'm a little drunk,
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without,
I just need you now"
=Need You Now – Lady Antebellum=
(8x01 – Part II)
Sylvie POV
Three days passed after the news of Otis's death.
The funeral would be tomorrow, due to his brothers coming from another country, it took a while to free his body. He would be veiled in the chapel of St. Ignatius and would receive the honors compatible with his position. The CFD thought that caravans and street stoppages would not be necessary. The most fun, loving and loyal guy in his home would not receive the necessary honors for his person because he did not do great things. Big things. He died in the line of duty. He died to give others a chance to live. His death will not be one among many for those who knew him.
The 51 would not be the same without it.
She wouldn't be the same without him.
But she knew that he would not want her to fall into bitterness. He would say something like "I will haunt you if you continue like this". Otis would always be with her every moment. He would live forever in your memory and your heart.
Joe was inconsolable and has not wanted to set foot in the apartment since everything happened. He set out some clothes for him that later Chloe would pass to pick them up. He was with Otis in his final moments holding his hand and saying a prayer that he would never forget him and that on a remote day they would meet again. He said he spoke a sentence, but he didn't want to know the meaning of it, because he was afraid of what it would be.
Chloe appeared later and picked up the clothes. She hugged her and Stella, who stayed with her that first night. They cried and recalled their most fun moments with Otis. When they went to sleep it was 3:00 am, wishing that it had just been a nightmare. When she woke up in the morning (more like an early afternoon), she realized that she couldn't run away and needed to be a little alone to mourn and process Otis's death. Stella went home later, as she would have a shift the next day, hugged her and said that if anything was needed, she was supposed to call. On the second night, she wanted to call someone to talk, but everyone was dealing with the pain of losing Otis in her own way and then picking up a bottle of José Cuervo from the secret hiding place and that was all she remembered when she woke up with a hangover... fucked on the morning of the third day alone with the fucking bells ringing.
.
.
.
Matt POV
It had been three days since the fucking fire.
Three days for the loss of Otis.
And I hadn't seen Sylvie for three days.
The waiting room scene still loomed over her head, from where she was crying like a lost child and being comforted by the Chef. It was too much even for him. He couldn't believe he lost a friend and teammate like that and so he took turns and tried to focus on something else ... but in the end he couldn't.
Useless. A useless and cowardly man who hadn't been able to find the strength to help Sylvie's suffering or even his. Like a useless man he stood in shock watching her as he cried. Like an idiot, he watched every expression, every tear she shed ... it was as if the world became more gray than it was.
Joe Cruz hadn't gone to the apartment they shared, except to get some clothes and stay at Chloe's. As for Sylvie ... she had Stella's company the first night, before having to go on the shift the next morning.
And then the second night during the shift, however, he was unable to sleep. It was 3:00 am when he decided to leave his cabin to try to process everything that was going on and think about how things went. He had mended shifts because he needed to focus on something so as not to falter and all he could think about was that in less than 48 hours before the mattress factory fire that ended up killing Otis, he and Sylvie talked about many things and he promised her that day that he would win her over, he had even made a reservation at an Italian restaurant "La Fontana" the day after tomorrow.
The day after tomorrow will be Otis's funeral and the atmosphere of romance is gone as a flame came into contact with the water.
During the day, he thought several times about calling her and several times he gave up before the call dialed. What would he say to her? What would he do to console her, when he himself wanted comfort? In the end he was a coward who gave up before he even started.
Sitting in Truck 81, he saw that there was an unanswered voice call and called you to listen to it ... and what he heard left him ecstatic, worried and amused ...
"Matt ... I probably know that you must be jumping off a roof trying to get away from everything and everyone ... and I know that I'm getting incredibly drunk and I won't remember it so stop what you're doing and listen to me! Do not suffer in silence and stop internalizing everything to the point of becoming the Hulk ... I am suffering too, it seems that José is making me forget a little ... I do not know if you know my friend José Cuervo but I will introduce you to you soon ... well if truth be told at the moment I will not share José with anyone he is mine and only mine, just like you ... I don't know why I said that ... blame the drink if you want ... but the truth is that after we talked, I want you to be mine ... I miss you when you are not there and it seems like an eternity that I didn't see your stupid face ... "
The message cut off here and went on to the next one.
"It's me again! I don't really know what I just said to you ... maybe I suffer from recent memory loss like Dory from Finding Nemo ... the one who sings 'Keep swimming, keep swimming' you know? I have always found myself particularly like Cinderella of the "Bibdi-bobti-bo" type, you know? More today if I could choose a Disney movie that I always loved was Belle and the Beast! Yesssss! Did I say I think you look like Prince Adam? Adam is the Beast if you're asking ... not that I think you're a monster or anything! I think you're a guy who hides a lot of things, keeps a lot of feelings and ends up not being able to demonstrate the truth and maybe that's why you are kind of Kamikaze and act on impulse and end up making bad choices ... I can't stop talking nonsense .. .and that was not what I called ... I wanted to hear your voice ... I wanted to know if we're going somewhere ... Damn I can see you frown and give that sexy singing look and smile. ... I dreamed of our kiss on your truck and the way I wanted to ride hard on your dick ... "
The second message stopped here and went on to the next
"Hey, it's me again ! Where were we? Ah I really don't remember ... Señor Cuervo was leaving me a little out of orbit and then I switched to Mr. Stolin..stoli..I don't know how to speak Russian and I think I drank too much ... Matt I don't want to shocks you but I think I'm seeing a Dalek here ... Daleks are the villains of Doctor Who who look like that thing where you put pepper, you know? I don't know how I remember that ... Otis made me watch 10 seasons and I still don't understand why Rose Tyler can't be with the Doctor! Curse of the Time Lords my ass ... (here he heard some tears) ... And I can't believe he's gone ... I had bought some tickets for Who Con ... and he's not here ... .I will miss him and see him on the shift ... thinking that I won't see him again is very sad ... it seems that the sadness does not seem to go away ... everything in this apartment reminds Otis .. … even the crap of that vodka that I can't speak, the name reminds me of it! And damn it hurts (he heard her sniff and then he seemed to drink some more vodka) He had so many things to do ... he had to be at our wedding and he would babysit our kids when we wanted to go out shagging away from the kids (he heard her stop to take another sip of what was probably vodka) Here I am digressing again talking about marriage and children when we haven't even fucked yet ... and I dream about it for a while, you know? I even have a costume (here she laughs) Okay ... I'll tell you! I want you to fuck me hard with you wearing only your helmet and nothing else in the Truck 81 cab ...
Then proceeded to the last recorded message
"Matt ... I think I said a lot of things and I won't remember that tomorrow ... I want you to know that you are not alone and you will always have a friend in me ... I know you must be blaming yourself for Otis's death ... please don't blame yourself! He probably wouldn't want you to do that! I don't want you to do this ... I need you to know that you are not to blame and not need to carry all the weight in the world ... I know that many things happened at 51 have changed and brought feelings that we hide even from ourselves ... I'm afraid that more things will change and you realize that I'm not worth it ... that everything we talked about was an illusion of my head ... and I don't want to ... I can't deal with your indifference ... Otis' tragic death will leave a mark on all of us ... but we must also reflect on what that means ... life goes by very quickly and in a matter of snapping your fingers you die and I don't want to having to regret what I didn't do or say ... no matter how much ... no matter how much I ... Damn! Come and see me, you bastard!"
He stood there absorbing the messages and came to three conclusions. First, he was a real imbecile who isolated himself in his own pain. Second, he hoped he could relieve Sylvie's fears soon and prove that yes he could be a wretch, but he would be hers alone. And third and most importantly, the hours could not pass faster for him ... because on that third day he would run to her.
.
.
.
Sylvie POV
The fucking bell didn't want to stop ringing.
Getting up with a hangover from hell she staggered from the couch to the door. If she were some smart guy she would have some good words on how not to wake someone with a hangover! That is, NEVER!
Unlocking the door and opening it with all fury, she was ready to curse whoever was there. And then he was completely in shock because he did not know if it was the result of a delirium caused by the drink, but at his door was Matt Casey. Matthew Gregory Casey...The guy who was the sexy personification of house 51 and who she's been raving about was in front of her while she looked like an incarnated zombie cub.
"Hey can I come in?" he said "I brought breakfast"
Then the smell of pancakes and bacon ... and with it a great nausea that made her run towards the kitchen sink to put everything out. Damn it! What a sight of bloody hell she must look like.
She heard the door close and a few seconds later someone held her hair while she put it all out. Shit! She swore she would never drink again! What was she thinking? Of course, she thought of nothing but forgetting the fucking pain she was feeling. And for a change she never thought she could drink so much to be helped by him at that moment. The cast on his left arm supported by the sling was bothering her and it was probably due to the fact that she slept on him on the sofa or maybe it was because yesterday she forgot to take the pain medication.
Turning on the faucet and sipping some water from the sink she cleaned up all of her dirt, but that didn't leave it unnoticed that Matt was making little strokes on his never in the meantime. Rising from the sink and trying to look composed, she finally looked at him. He was looking at her worried and before he could say anything she hugged him. He hugged her back tight as she breathed in the scent of her cologne with a fragrance of wood and forest. And shit, if she was in that situation she might as well grab him right now.
"I'm sorry you had to witness this," she said, still hugging him and not looking at him.
"Don't worry about it," he said, petting the back of his neck.
"I'm probably stinking," she said. "But let me stay here just a little while longer."
"Stay as long as you want" he said "these arms are yours for as long as you want"
Pulling away a little and finally looking at him she said "What if I want this and more for a long, long time?"
"Then you will have all of me," he said at last, kissing her forehead.
The touch of his lips on her skin made her shiver. How can he do that with small gestures, when she didn't know how she really felt about him. She really liked him. A lot if you were sincere. But there were still many things that needed to be said. Things that needed to be unlocked from Pandora's box if they really wanted this to go forward.
Withdrawing from her embrace she said "I'm going to take a shower and I'll be right back"
"Sure, I'll be here"
Going to the bedroom she grabbed her towel and a sweatshirt and went to the bathroom. While bathing, she tried to absorb what had happened in the past 48 hours. Otis died, she left with a broken arm and would be out of work for at least three months, had she been drinking too much and was starting to remember talking to someone about Dalek's painting in the room? My God! What had she done and more importantly to whom did she call? She forced the memory but was unable to remember. And there were only two things left to do if it was who she thinks she called, deny until the end or go with the flow.
Wearing a sweatshirt and yoga pants, and after brushing his teeth and tying his hair in a high bun, he walked barefoot towards the kitchen where he could smell fresh coffee, it seemed that Matt had cleaned up his mess. Arriving in the kitchen and seeing the counter with the table set for breakfast was something that happened in one of her most remote fantasies and a part of her believed that all of this is part of a hallucination caused by yesterday's drinking.
"You didn't have to do all of this," she said as she approached sitting on one of the counter stools.
"I know.. more than that I did it," he said, serving a plate of pancakes and bacon and handing it to her.
She thanked him and the silence settled between them. She poured him a cup of coffee and they both ate the food on their plates. Plus Sylvie Brett was a curious person and needed answers to her questions.
"Did I call you last night?" she said, swallowing hard.
"Called," he said, staring at her with a wry smile.
"My God" she said putting her hand over her mouth in shock "please tell me I didn't do it ... actually ... tell me what I said"
"Well ... you told me not to channel the reverse Hulk, you said I looked like Prince Adam of Beauty and the Beast, something about a Dalek and a Rose Tyler" he said with a sly smile
"Was that just it?" she said suspicious of his smile
"Well ... you also told me that you had some erotic dreams after our kiss, a fantasy involving me, you and my helmet in Truck 81 and of course calling me a bastard" he said with that stupid malicious smile.
"Holy shit I want to die" she said hiding her face with her hand "I don't ... I can't even look at you right now to apologize"
"Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed" he said taking my hand off my face "in fact most of the messages you were cute"
"I don't feel cute right now" she said.
"But this was something I felt like I needed to hear, you know?" he said "I amended two shifts because I was not able to deal with the pain of losing a firefighter on my wing, but also one of the greatest people I have ever met ... and you too were injured because of a call from me .. .I felt guilty more ... I needed to hear that you didn't blame me and that you would still be around "
"Matt ... what happened at that factory was a fatality ... if we keep thinking about what we could have done differently, we won't be able to move on" she said putting her hand on his face . we shouldn't be worrying about what hasn't been said, but what we can say here and now ... we don't need to hide who we are in a mask ... what I mean is that you and I don't have to hide the things for each other ... even if they are difficult "
He took her hand and made little caresses and said "I don't want to hide what I feel ... but sometimes it is so hard that ... it seems like all I do is drive away those I love ... and that makes me feel like I'm cursed "he said taking a deep breath without letting go of his hand" I think you know I had a bride before Gabby right? Hallie was a nurse and worked in a clinic, she was amazing, we had our differences and her family hated me, but I loved her deeply and I lost her ... I lost her to a fire in the same clinic where she worked "
He took a deep breath and took the cup of warm coffee and drank some. Taking her hand out of his sip he picked it up and placed it on the counter without taking it out of his hand, as if he had gathered the strength to continue talking. She waited for him to continue, petting her hand.
"I thought I didn't deserve love due to my parents' relationship and how it ended ... and I met Hallie and thought that finally my life was getting in the way, she died and at that time I only survived because I had the support of Severide and Gabby "he said taking a deep breath" Gabby was always there, when I needed it and even if I didn't need it it didn't matter if I wanted to be alone or not ... I couldn't help falling in love with her after everything we've been through ... we were with fire and passion and for a while I thought we would be together for many, many years ... but the truth the fire goes out with time and the passion fades and in the end I once again drove the person who loved to do the right thing "
"What do you mean?"
"We were trying to start a family for some time and in a consultation we learned that due to the ectopic pregnancy that she had a few years ago she had a 25% chance of having severe bleeding during pregnancy and eventually dying. When I said no...and talk abbout to trying and adopting a child ... she just goes on a humanitarian mission and after a few months she asks for a divorce by mail. What a fucking husband I went to in the end ... I try to do the right thing and in the end I am abandoned again... a man completely fucked, coming from a destructive home that in the end the only guarantee I have is that I will be abandoned in all the relationship I have or will have"
My poor lost boy, what have they done to you? You hide yourself in a serene mask and act as if everything is fine.
"Matt ... what happened to your parents was a sad thing for a child to have to witness ... you could have been 13 years old but nothing knew about the real cruelty of the world and your parents were destructive people ... maybe there was another way out this, but in the end the choice was not yours! You didn't aim the gun and shoot! It was your mother's choice and it's entirely her fault! Hallie was a tragedy and there was no way you could do anything to avoid it "she said and took a deep breath to continue "As for what happened to Gabby ... I can be one of the first people to say how inconsequential and impulsive she can be ... the last time we spoke she treated me miserably for days and then acted as if what she did it was nothing. Sometimes I wanted to strangle her for the way she treated you or me or even when she said things about you that have nothing to do ... I think her self-sufficiency in the end prevented her from seeing many things that were not her point by sight"
She watched him absorb his words and then continued, "But it doesn't take the person away from him ... we may both be hurt by his escape ... more in the end if things were not as he wanted, you would be destroying yourself together. ..what I mean is that you deserve to be heard and have your opinions taken into account and not only when it suits the other party, but also to put out everything that frustrates you in the other ... and you deserve to be loved, not only part of you but all about you the good and the bad parts ... after we talked that night I knew that a relationship between us would not be easy and you said you wanted to win me ... but I also want to win you ... I want to know every bit of you, be it good or bad, and if you let me, I want to be by your side when you fail".
He stared at her for a moment before he leaned over and kissed her. Feeling his lips on hers was intoxicating, as if nothing in the world could separate this moment and then he separated from her and said "I don't know what I did to God to deserve your affection, more I promise that from today on I will do the my best to prove that i will be worthy of him"
=0=0=
"Two hearts, one valve
Pumpin' the blood, we were the flood
We were the body and
Two lives, one life
Stickin' it out, lettin' you down
Makin' it right
Seasons, they will change
Life will make you grow
Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry
Everything is temporary
Everything will slide
Love will never die, die, die
I know that ooh, birds fly in different directions
Ooh, I hope to see you again"
= Birds – Imagine Dragons =
Matt POV
Talking was really liberating.
After that conversation at the kitchen counter they sat on the couch and talked more about what would happen tomorrow. He told her about plans to take her out to dinner at the Italian restaurant "La Fontana" and that with Otis's funeral there was no atmosphere for romance. What she totally agreed with and said that after she removed the cast from her arm she could take her on a real date, but even then they would enjoy that little bubble between the two.
They chatted some more until he yawned and said he would leave more than they would see later. To him surprise, she invited him to sleep in her bed, not that something happens, but just to sleep.
I confess that I don't know if I could control myself with her by my side, more to my surprise, it proved that I was wrong. Being with her beside me on the bed, smelling her sweet vanilla scent brought me a peace that I didn't know I missed for a long time.
And with her in my arms I fell asleep. And for the first time in a long time I was able to allow myself to dream about the possibilities in the future.
When I woke up I realized it was around 12:00 pm, first I was lost not knowing where I was and then I noticed that someone was left in the middle of my chest. The blond hair and the scent of vanilla were unmistakable, and then I realized that everything that had happened in the past few hours was not an illusion.
Being with her so close was a dream and if truth were told he was afraid of what would happen when the universe wanted to take sides, as it seemed that he was going to self-sabotage and ... he really couldn't continue thinking like that ... he wanted everything with it whether the sides are good or bad... but for that he had to acknowledge his problems first. Talking to someone willing to listen was totally new and strange to him, because it was one thing to be used to always take what others wanted and live for it and another to be heard without expecting high expectations ... just to be heard.
Internally he could not help comparing what he was feeling with what he felt in his previous relationships ... He always ended up giving in to the other's will for fear of losing and in the middle he canceled himself ... With Halley, he gave up on the dream of having a family for the sake of her career and lost her to a fire ... With Gabby, he gave up everything every moment and when having a child with him could kill her ... and in the end, as always, she decided on her own the path she wanted and resulted in a divorce. Now, being here remembering all the past moments, he couldn't help thinking that the fear of being abandoned prevented him from seeing things more clearly ... Had he been more open, might things have been different? I didn't know how to say ... everything he went through, all the pain and loss he felt, in the end it would have been worth it at that moment when he was with Sylvie in his Arms.
If he really started to think, he couldn't help but fall in love with her. Her joy, kindness, tenacity ... including her dubious musical taste made him start to fall in love with her little by little.
Plus the fear however of losing her for whatever reason was there, lurking behind a door hoping to get out and find a way to end it.
"You are thinking too high and I am still trying not to wake up yet" she said with her eyes still closed.
"How you do it?" he asked.
"It's a godsend," she said, laughing and opening her eyes to demonstrate those little sapphires that fascinated me.
I couldn't help laughing with her, her laugh was so captivating that I couldn't resist kissing her, which she responded with enthusiasm. He wanted to touch her, yearned for her touch, but while that fucking cast was on his arm he couldn't touch her the way he wanted to. Then he would try to take things slowly until she said she wanted more.
When they parted, Sylvie asked him, "Is it wrong to be happy now, even with such sadness about Otis's death?"
"No ... I think we should feel the pain at his loss, but we should also feel joy at being alive and being able to be here together"
"Being a human being is a complicated being," she said. "We feel so many things at the same time that we don't have to process and yet we feel ... Wow, I'm incredibly philosophical now, huh?"
He laughed and he couldn't help but think how cute she was and said "You are all philosophical and I am more open to talking, I think we make a good team, right?"
"The best"
.
.
.
Sylvie POV
Matt stayed for a few more hours, before leaving for the Loft.
He wanted to be with her so he wouldn't be alone, but she told him that she needed some space to mentally prepare for the funeral tomorrow.
And that gave her time to organize the apartment, especially the room that looked like a war zone.
She finally managed to clear most of the room at 6 pm, when she heard the door open and there was Joe with Chloe bringing a pizza. Chloe walked away from Joe and came towards him, giving him a big hug, whispering that everything was going to be all right and that she would be there if something was needed. She walked away saying she was going to make a delicious dessert for the three of us and headed for the kitchen.
I can't help but smile because of that, Chloe was really perfect for Joe.
"Did you have a sleepover without me, Roomie?"
"Well there was me, vodka and a Dalek...so it was quite a party," she said, trying to make fun of her drinking night.
"Never say that a Dalek doesn't ruin a party" said Joe "Damn ... I miss him so much!"
Joe sat on the couch and I hugged him. "I miss him too ... it still doesn't seem real and I want to believe that it was just a nightmare ... but this pain is very real so as not to believe that it is an illusion"
Taking a deep breath, she continued, "It is difficult to see Otis's things scattered around the apartment imagining that he is going to come in and make us watch some Syfy Channel series ... it makes us think it could be anyone ... this job is difficult, we are the first to arrive and sometimes we couldn't get out ... What happened to Otis was a fatality and I know he was happy to be able to be with you in his last moments ... you were the brother that life gave to him Joe and it's up to you, me and the whole 51st to preserve his memory "
Joe cried again and I continued to hug him. Chloe came and hugged him too and the three of us were holding each other until the tears and sobs stopped. It took a few minutes, but when Joe finally calmed down he said "He said a few words in Russian before his heart stopped beating ... I'm afraid to know what those words mean ... afraid that his last words would be how disappointed he is with me "
"Otis would never be disappointed in you ... I know it's too soon, but when the time comes to find out, you'll find out" said Sylvie
"What if I never want to know?" he asked
"Then we will never know" said Sylvie "Now ... wipe away those tears and we will eat something ... tomorrow we will say goodbye, but today we will remember all the crazy moments of Otis"
Despite the pain, sadness and the doubt or curiosity of Otis' last words, Joe told funny stories about him and when they met. We keep telling stories and remembering precious moments we spent with him ... he will never be forgotten.
The night came to an end and the day cleared ... and it was time to say goodbye.
The entire 51st was present from the church during the celebration and each of us had the opportunity to embrace and offer our condolences to the family.
It was difficult to say goodbye to such a wonderful person, but she could feel that he was in a better place. Otis could leave knowing that the legacy he left on us could never be forgotten, we will remember him and pass on to the next generation and the next generation of smoke-eaters.
Laughter, love, devotion, nerd, companionship ... there were not enough words to say how special he was ... and now he has become a star that will look after us.
=0=
N/a: Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment ! 😉