As Clark Kent lay on his bed, reading up on the history of the old Snyder place, his mother knocked on the door.
"Clark, honey, we'll be just up the road with the neighbors," Martha told him. "Don't stay up too late."
"I won't, Ma," Clark promised her. "Have fun."
Clark continued reading for a while before he started getting bored and turned on the t.v. to 'The Wizard of Oz'. After a short while, Clark started getting drowsy and fell asleep with the book resting on his chest, only to be awakened by the tornado alarm going off.
"Great," Clark said as he yawned and got up to head to the window. "I hate tornado season."
Off in the distance was a large twister, heading right for the farm.
"A little heat vision should teach that twister a little lesson," Clark said to himself, but it was already too late. The tornado hit the farm, picking up the house and landing it elsewhere with a loud thud after tossing Clark around. "I think that might have knocked the house off the foundation."
Clark headed downstairs and opened the door, seeing he definitely wasn't in Kansas anymore. Everything was brightly colored and there were dozens of little people gathering around.
"Let me guess... Neverland Ranch?" Clark asked as he stepped outside, just as a pink bubble started floating towards him. "And me without a pen to get Jackson's autograph."
The bubble landed, and a woman in pink that looked like his mother stepped out. "Hello, Clark, I'm Glinda the- Clark Joseph Kent, you go inside and put some shoes on this instant!"
"Who are you again? And why do you look like my-," Clark looked over to where the Munchkins were staring and saw a pair of ruby red boots sticking out from under the house. "I swear I didn't do that."
"You killed the Wicked Witch of the East!" the head Munchkin shouted. "Hooray for accidental manslaughter!"
"A person is dead," Clark told them as he went to lift the house, but before he could get to it, the boots disappeared and the socked feet curled up and slid under the house. "I- I don't get it. Is she dead? Is she still alive and still able to do magic or what?"
That's when he looked down and saw the ruby red boots were on his feet. "Oh, come on, red's not even my color! And how am I supposed to get my house back to Kansas?"
"Go see the Wizard, he can help you," Glinda said.
"But you're magic, can't you-"
"No, the Wizard is the only one who can do it."
"But these boots feel magic, maybe I can just click my heels and-"
"NO! No, you HAVE to go on a long and dangerous journey to see the Wizard," Glinda told him, shifting her eyes. "Now, go and follow the only road we seem to have. Oh, and take a jacket, dear, it might get cold."
# # # # # # # # # #
"Follow the yellow brick road, why am I not flying to see this Wizard again?" Clark asked himself as he saw a Scarecrow standing in a cornfield, trying to get rid of some crows. As Clark got closer, he noticed the Scarecrow looked a lot like Pete.
"What are you doing?" Clark asked.
"Trying to scare these crows," Scarecrow told him. "But nothing's working."
"How are you trying to scare them?" Clark asked.
"By tossing straw at them," Scarecrow said.
"That- that's not going to scare them," Clark said. "Let me try."
Clark used his heat vision to aim at the ground, causing the birds to flee.
"Wow, actually scaring them works a lot better," Scarecrow said. "Too bad I didn't think of that."
Clark just sighed, knowing where this was going. "I can take you to see the Wizard, he can give you a brain."
"I'd settle for a flamethrower," Scarecrow said.
# # # # # # # # # #
Soon the two encountered a teenage tin girl talking on the phone that looked like Lana.
"Like, ohmyGod!" the Tin Girl said. "She has put so much weight, I totally can't believe it!"
"She must need a heart," Clark whispered to Scarecrow.
"What teen girl doesn't?" Scarecrow whispered back.
"I totally heard that!" the Tin Girl said as she looked over at them. "Ugh, red boots and blue pants? Ugh, total crime against fashion."
"I didn't have time to change out of my pajamas," Clark told her as he zipped up his blue and red jacket before she could mock his Scooby-Doo t-shirt. "Okay, two down, I just wonder who needs courage?"
"That would be m-me," a voice that sounded like Whitney said as a Lion slowly rose up from the bushes. He stood there shyly as the Tin Girl rubbed her forehead with her tin hand.
"Oh, if it isn't Mr. Stand Me Up For Our Date," Tin Girl said.
"I got nervous," Lion whispered.
"You don't need courage, you need a pair of ba-"
"OKAY!" Clark said as he got between them. "A brain, a heart, and courage is what you guys need, so let's get moving."
"Oh, boy, we're just like a team!" Scarecrow said as he started walking.
"Nah, we're more like a league," Lion told them.
# # # # # # # # # #
The group arrived at the Emerald City, where they saw the Wicked Witch of the West riding around on her broomstick, writing a message in the sky.
"Surrender Clark?" Clark asked. "There's TWO Wicked Witches?"
"Gah, keep up with the story," Tin Girl told him.
"She must be after the boots," Clark said as he looked down at his feet. "I'm putting an end to this right now."
"How?" Lion asked as Clark flew into the sky to meet the Wicked Witch. She was orange and a bit overweight.
"This was... not what I was expecting," Clark said as he floated in front of her. "What do you want?"
"To make Oz great again," the Wicked Witch told him. "You won't believe how great it's going to be, it's going to be tremendous. I'm going to start by building a wall around the Munchkin village."
Clark just sent a fist forward and punched the Wicked Witch off of her broom, sending her into the river below. As she climbed out, she started dissolving into a puddle of orange goop.
"No, my tan!" the Wicked Witch shouted as she faded away into nothing. "And I was going to play golf this weekend!"
"So, like, can we get those things we asked for now?" Tin Girl asked.
# # # # # # # # # #
The group arrived at the Emerald City and were shown into the Wzard's chamber, where they were greeted by a giant floating head.
"Who dares to see the Wizard?" the giant head asked.
"That would be us," Clark said as he stepped forward. "My name is Clark Kent, and I-"
"I know who you are!"
"Then why did you ask?"
"I know what all of you came here for, but first you must kill the Wicked Witch-"
Clark held up the Wicked Witch's broom and dropped it to the floor.
"I meant to say, you must retrieve the Witch's crystal ball-"
Clark rushed out and within seconds had the crystal ball in his hands.
"Ugh, fine," the Wizard said as he came out from behind a curtain, looking just like Jonathan Kent. He brought out a burlap sack with them, reaching in and pulling out a letter. "Scarecrow, you need a brain. So I'm sending you to the local college, where you'll rack up thousands in debt that you'll never be able to pay off."
"Woo-hoo!" Scarecrow shouted.
"Tin Girl, you came here for a heart. But who needs a heart when you have front row seats for New Kids on the Block?"
Tin Girl screamed as the Wizard handed her concert tickets. He reached back into the sack and looked at the Lion.
"You wish to be brave, so here's some liquid courage," the Wizard said as he handed the Lion a bottle of bourbon. "Be sure to drink at least half a bottle a day."
"I don't think there's anything in that wrinkled sack for me, is there?" Clark asked. "That came out wrong."
"Clark, you wish to go home, but you've had the power to do so the whole time," the Wizard said as he walked Clark toward the balcony.
"I have?" Clark asked.
"Why, yes, just close your eyes and think about home," the Wizard said as he pulled a lever and catapulted Clark out of the window. "So long!"
# # # # # # # # # #
Clark sat up in his bed, seeing he was at home.
"What kind of messed up dream was that? It felt so real," Clark said as he lay back and stared at the ceiling. "I never want to have another dream like that again."
# # # # # # # # # #
"That was so much fun!" Mister Mxyztplk said as he watched Clark through a mirror. "He's still a little scrappy, but one day he'll be really powerful, and then the real fun will begin!"
END