Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned the rights to 911 or its characters. It all belongs to Fox TV and the show's creators like Brad Falchuk, Ryan Murphy and whoever else.

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Chapter 4

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Eddie Diaz grunted lightly as he pushed up the weights he was currently bench-pressing in the gym area of the 118. It was a particularly slow day at the station with everyone milling about and staying occupied. Eddie had obviously opted for a workout and Buck was right there spotting him.

Only problem was the tepid silence that reigned between them.

It had been more that four months since Chief Miranda Williams had revealed the truth to all of them about the lawsuit and Buck's actions in safeguarding them.

Bobby was back to being the captain but it actually hadn't been a smooth return. As per the orders of the Department, Bobby was allowed back to work but had to wait two weeks before he was allowed to retake his position as captain. There had been no welcome back party, not for Bobby, not for any of them just Interim Captain Mills curtly greeting Bobby up in the lost and then loading him with all of the nastiest chores and the now obligatory edict that Bobby was going to be the man behind for the full two weeks.

Bobby had gotten to work with no complaints, Buck's eyes coldly satisfied but also conflicted at seeing Bobby as the low man at the firehouse. Hen and Chim were silently sympathetic but understanding that this was the only way Bobby would be let back in fully, but experiencing a small taste of the crap he put Buck through. Eddie himself had had a hard time meeting Buck's gaze, knowing he would see the lingering pain in those bright blue eyes, knowing the part he played in putting it there.

Even now as Buck was spotting him, the younger man was quiet and pensive, not the usual chatterbox who would have been inundating him with random facts about weight lifting, like who invented the first dumbbell or which muscles get worked out the best with the exercise Eddie was doing.

Instead there was only silence and it made Eddie feel like an even worse failure. He had promised Buck that he would fix things between them, he had promised and instead of making any progress it was like he had hit some invisible wall that Buck was not going to let him through.

He had no one to blame but himself. Sure they had all played a part in the whole debacle but Eddie had been the most hurtful. It made something in Eddie burn acridly as he remembered his past behavior, especially his blow up at Buck at Howie's. His best friend had just been trying to apologize to them for a lawsuit that wasn't even real. Eddie cringed at how disrespectful he'd been to Buck.

As he continued to pump the weighted bar up and down with gritted teeth, his own cruel words kept echoing in his head.

How he had called Buck exhausting and asked him why he was whining so much, why he couldn't just suck it up like the rest of them. His words had landed like daggers in Buck's heart, he could see it even in the moment he had hurled them at Buck, but he had been too angry, to self-righteous to car.

It had only gotten worse when Buck had finally come back. He had just jumped on the bandwagon of punishing Buck and had just stood by while his best friend had been bullied not only by Bobby but also by firefighters on a completely different shift. Chief Williams may have torn him to shreds that day four months and some weeks back, making him feel like he was just an inch tall off the ground, but Buck's silence, his stoicism as he still kept Eddie and everyone else at arm's length just sent Eddie straight to the ground, taking that remaining inch from him.

Buck was starting to pull away from him, Eddie could feel it. He was spending less and less time at the Diaz house even though he would Facetime with Chris constantly.

Eddie was losing Buck again, and this time it was from the sadness he had caused the other man with his angry lashing out, and not his self-righteous indignation over the lawsuit.

" That's enough Eddie." Buck's sharp voice cut through Eddie's melancholic thoughts as the weighted bar was taken from his slack grip and placed back on wrack.

Eddie sat up with a shaky breath, his arms feeling light jelly after having done more reps than he could count, that he hadn't paid attention too. Instead he had just gotten angry and disgusted with himself and done the movement over and over again without thought.

" You okay Eds?" Buck asked as he stepped around the bench press machine to gaze down at Eddie.

" Y-Yeah, just got lost in my head for a second." Eddie said with what he hoped was a reassuring look.

Buck nodded and it looked like he was about to say something when Bobby's voice sounded.

" Hey Buck, come help me with lunch." The now fully returned Captain of the 118 said with a warm smile as he stood at the base of the stairs that led up to the loft.

" You go it Cap." Buck said with a genuine, though still too small smile coming to his face. He turned to Eddie, gave him a nod, and then promptly walked off to follow after Bobby.

Eddie could only watch him go and sigh, longing overtaking his heart as he got up and headed for the showers.

On top of everything else, Eddie had come to the rather earth-shattering, life-altering realization that he might be a little bit in love with said best friend whom he hurt and alienated.

Good times... really good times.

As Eddie went to maybe drown himself in the showers, upstairs in the loft Bobby set Buck to helping by asking him to chop of the vegetables for the homemade spring rolls Bobby planned on serving today. As he he watched Buck start chopping a carrot, Bobby felt his own heart lurch a little.

Buck was finally off the blood thinners, he ran no risk of bleeding out from a single cut. All his worrying and meddling had been basically for nothing but his own feelings of guilt and wanting to control the situation after feeling so powerless. Facing down Freddie Costas had been one of the most terrifying things he had ever done, amplified by the sight of Buck trapped with his leg crushed under tons of steel. The pulmonary embolism had been the proverbial nail in the coffin of his confidence in himself and in Buck.

Now as he subtly watched Buck, Bobby couldn't help but feel that familiar, crushing regret settle over him. Things were not back to 100% between them and Bobby couldn't blame the younger man for it, he had breached Buck's trust in his misguided attempt to keep him safe and ended up making the younger man's life a nightmare anyway. As Chief William's had so brutally and efficiently said it, by putting Buck on the nastiest chores to teach him a lesson, to punish him really, Bobby had gone and put him at further risk too.

He screwed up plain and yet not so simple. This was a fuck up of multiple levels and they were still only in the beginning stages of reconciling. A couple of therapy sessions together here, some nice team dinners there were by no means nearly enough to absolves any of them for the part he had played in nearly destroying Buck's spirit.

But even before the lawsuit fiasco, Bobby finally understood that they had all not been there for Buck like the could have been, like they should have been. While man was recovering and rehabilitating his injury, they had all done what Bobby now understood to be the bare minimum of being there. It was the same after the embolism, and the tsunami that had followed. They had all just assumed Buck would be ok like he always was. It never once occurred to them that Buck was not some superhuman being, that despite his own strength he was still in need of support and above all love and reassurance.

Bobby had accused Buck of thinking he was invincible, reckless and always in a rush to run headlong into danger, but with four months to really think about things Bobby now understood the fallacy of his own thinking. Buck may have been full of bravado and irresponsible in the beginning but he had grown leaps and bounds from that. He was a problem solver and he was strong. Buck was the one who knew he wasn't invincible but he always kept trying, never one to give up, it had been them who had thought Buck invincible in a way, that he'd always bounce back and required just a modicum of support.

Bobby had been the one to take away even that by going behind Buck's back and telling the higher-ups that he was a risk because of the blood-thinners and that he wasn't ready. Bobby now understood what Athena had already seen, that Buck was a grown man who just needed to be told he wasn't replaceable, that he deserved to know of Bobby's concerns and they could talk it out. Instead of listening to his wise wife, Bobby had just plowed ahead and done what he thought was best, and then stupidly felt outraged when it had all naturally blown up in his face.

Now here he was with Buck so close and yet so far away.

It was his ongoing punishment.

Bobby would simply have to reconcile with needing to be patient and letting things that he and the others broke actually repair themselves in due course.

The spring rolls were ready about an hour later along with soup and salad, and they had just finished eating when the emergency horns blared in full force.

The call was to a collision in the suburbs, and when they reached the scene it was like the air got sucked out even though they were all outside.

It was bad, a minivan vs a motorcyclist. It had been a case of distraction on the part of the driver of the minivan with her four children in the back. Unfortunately for the motorcyclist the impact had not thrown him over the minivan but somehow pinned his arm between the front of the car and his bike. The young man had thankfully been wearing a helmet and now sat dazed, bleeding, and stuck.

All eyes of the 118 turned to Buck, but instead of a haunted look there was only burning hot determination to help. Seeing this was more than enough to galvanize everyone else.

" Let's move!" Bobby called out as he let the charge to help the victims and fellow first responders.

If Bobby ordered Buck to help make sure the mother and the kids were alright while the rest of the team dealt with the pinned motorcycle rider, the younger man did not protest, in fact he actually sent Bobby a fleeting grateful look.

The kids and the mom were shaken and battered but ultimately not suffering from any life-threatening injuries. Buck went the extra mile of keeping the kids distracted while the rest of the team went about freeing the poor young man who was pinned. As he heard the young man's pain-filled cries Buck did his best to keep the echoes of his own screams of agony while trapped under the truck, the ghostly remnants of his own terror from that hellish ordeal taking over his whole body.

Soon, much to the relief of everyone involved the members of the 118 were able to free the motorcyclist. By some miracle the young man's arm was actually not a mangled mess of flesh and bone. It was for sure broken in at least two places but not totally crushed as it could have been. Only the doctors at the hospital could truly assess the full damage. As he watched Hen and Chim load the young man into the back of their ambulance, Buck felt a tell-tale ache starting to spread through his own leg, from his ankle all the way up his calf to his knee.

Gritting his teeth and trying not to limp, Buck followed after Bobby and Eddie back to the fire truck to head back to the station. Throughout the ride Buck could feel both Bobby and Eddie's eyes on him, but his main focus was just to breathe through the phantom pain that had decided to flare up and greet him like an old friend.

When they reached the station Buck made a show of walking straight and without a limp despite his leg feeling like it was on fire as they all headed to the gear alcove to take off all their heavy protective gear. Once he was out of his heavy gear the pain lessened a little but did not dissipate entirely. Not wanting to tip either Bobby or Eddie off about how he was feeling, Buck headed upstairs to the loft to just grit his teeth and bare it.

As he halfheartedly swiped at his Instagram while sitting on one of the plush sofas, Buck looked up when there was a dip on the sofa beside him to see Eddie sinking down beside him. Before Buck could say anything, maybe tell Eddie he wasn't in the mood for small talk when Eddie pulled out his own phone and then pulled up a photo before holding it out to Buck. Curious Buck took Eddie's phone and the moment he saw what it was his whole face lit up like Christmas.

The photo was of none other than the indomitable Christopher Diaz, who was getting sweet kisses from an adorable black and white hamster, the class pet, with one of his signature bright grins on his face. All courtesy of one Carla Price.

" Aww that's fantastic, thanks." Buck said quietly as he looked to Eddie and handed him back his phone.

" You're welcome Buck." Eddie said as he smiled back at his best friend before his smile dimmed a little and he continued.

" How are you doing though?" He asked quietly.

At Buck's guarded look Eddie elaborated.

" The call was pretty rough, just wanted to check with you man." Eddie said.

" I am okay man, yeah some memories got stirred up but I am okay. Besides, main thing that matters is you guys got him out and to the hospital ASAP." Buck said while trying to keep his own heart from pounding against his sternum and hoping Eddie didn't see that he was still in pain.

Thankfully right at that moment the 118 ambulance rig that Chim and Hen used came rolling back into the station.

" Hey let's go and ask Hen and Chim how the guy is doing." Buck said hastily as he rose from his seat, barely bit back a wince, and then headed for the stairs with Eddie frowning but following in his wake.

The rest of the shift passed by in relative peace, just one other call to a cat stuck in a tree that Bobby climbed up the ladder to retrieve for the nice old lady who had called it in, thankfully leaving Buck to lean against the truck and watch rather than aggravate his persistent leg pain. Slowly but surely the hours passed until finally it was time for everyone to head home.

" Wanna come over?" Eddie asked hopefully as he and Buck made their way out to their respective vehicles.

Buck wanted nothing more than to see Christopher and spend time with him, if he were completely honest with himself he wanted to be with Eddie too, but his body would betray him to the former army medic and would probably lead to another giant fiasco about how he wasn't competent to work. Clamping shut on his screaming heart, Buck forced himself to smile and shake his head.

" Nah man, I am just gonna head home, have some dinner and call it a night. Today was tough." Buck said with sadness taking over his eyes.

Eddie immediately understood and pushed down his own disappointment. His place with Buck was still kind of precarious, and he didn't want to risk overstepping so soon after they were all reunited. With a sigh Eddie nodded.

" I'll see you tomorrow then." He said with a nod.

" Yeah Eds, see you." Buck said quietly before he turned away and headed for his Jeep.

Eddie was about to head for his own truck when he happened to look at Buck inside his Jeep. Eddie felt his heart slam to a halt inside his chest when he could see the sheer agony on Buck's face reflected in the side-view mirror, the tears his best friend was barely holding back. Before Eddie could even think of what to do, Buck was pulling out of his parking space and headed out of the lot, disappearing around the corner and out of sight.

" I knew something was wrong." Eddie thought to himself before his eyes hardened with determination and he started formulating a plan.

A couple of hours later, after he had gone home to change and had dinner with Chris before dropping him off at Tia Peppa's for the night, Eddie found himself standing in front of the door to Buck's loft debating whether to knock or just use his key to let himself in. Deciding that if Buck was in that bad amount of pain as he had seen earlier, then he shouldn't force his best friend to walk over to come and open the door, Eddie fished out the key to Buck's place from his pocket and used it to get the lock open. He opened the door as quietly as he could and stepped into the loft.

The entire loft was dark and the lower level was silent but as he made his way further into the room, a muffled sound caught Eddie's ear. It was coming from upstairs in the bedroom area. Feeling his stomach twisting itself into a million knots, Eddie toed off his shoes and then headed for the staircase. With agonizing slowness Eddie made his way up to Buck's bedroom loft, as he reached the top of the stairs Eddie felt his heart seize yet again as the sound that had caught his attention became clear.

Sobbing, quiet and pain filled sobbing.

Eddie's eyes immediately went to the bed, and the sight that greeted him took his breath away and made his knees go weak for all the wrong reasons.

There laying curled up on the bed was Buck with his back to the stairs, clad in only a pair of white boxers. His one leg was extended out with a flimsy ice pack over the inside calf, his bad leg as Eddie immediately recognized. Eddie felt his own eyes burn as he caught sight of the way Buck's shoulder, bare and almost glowing from the light streaming in from outside were shaking with more silent sobs. No wanting to startled Buck badly, Eddie quietly shuffled across the room to the edge of the bed before he wet his suddenly dry lips and then urged his voice to work.

" Buck?" He asked quietly.

The effect was instant as Buck jerked and sat bolt upright, his tear stained face shocked at the sight of his best friend standing by his bed.

" E-Eddie what? Ah!" Buck gasped as another spasm hit his leg, his entire body going tight with tension.

Eddie immediately switched into medic mode as he climbed onto the bed, his hands seeking out Buck's healed but traumatized limb.

" Tell me where it hurts." He ordered.

" My whole leg, but where they put the rod in." Buck croaked out miserably after a moment of hesitation.

" How long has this been going on?" Eddie asked as he pressed his hands to Buck's leg, finding the whole limb to feel heated and angry beneath his palms.

" Since the call with the motorcycle guy." Buck said reluctantly with a hiss as Eddie began to message his leg.

" Dude that was over six hours ago, why the hell didn't you say anything?" Eddie asked in outrage.

" You're not my keeper Diaz, it only hurt a little and I already took a hot soak. I was doing fine." Buck growled back defiantly.

" Oh you call me finding you bawling your eyes out fine, that's good, that's just great." Eddie said sarcastically.

Buck just glared back at him balefully before he tore his gaze away and stayed silent, hissing occasionally as Eddie found a particularly sore area and worked his thumbs into it.

" Just lay down on your side and relax alright?" Eddie said as he gave Buck a pointed look.

Resisting the urge to pout, Buck gave Eddie the stink-eye but complied as he lay down properly and forced himself to loosen up. He breathed through the pain, also hyper aware of Eddie's strong, unmoving presence beside him.

His whole body was starting to feel on fire for a completely different reason, this being the closest he and Eddie had been off duty in weeks. Buck kept his gaze firmly on the wall but his body was losing itself to the sensation of Eddie's strong, calloused hands over his scarred up leg.

Slowly but surely the searing hot pain that had plagued him all day was slowly fading to a dull, manageable ache under Eddie's ministrations.

When Eddie drew his hands away some uncountable time later, Buck's entire body was relaxed, his breathing even and the pain faded almost completely. Before Buck could turn to thank Eddie and maybe asking him why he'd come to his place, Buck was letting out a sharp gasp of shock as Eddie promptly plastered himself against Buck's back, his forehead coming to rest against the curve where his neck and his shoulder met. Eddie's arms wrapped loosely around him, one going over his chest and arm while the other burrowed under him and came up around his collar bones.

It was unexpected and intimate, so completely out of the blue that Buck could only stay still and gawk for several moments before he got his voice to work.

" Eddie wha?" Buck began to croak out when Eddie shook his head and cut him off.

" Shannon asked me for a divorce, before she died she asked that she not be my wife anymore." He said without preamble, managing just barely to keep his voice from wavering as that all too familiar hurt rose up inside him.

" Then she left me and Chris forever Buck... and then you left too." Eddie said with his eyes burning.

Buck lay there completely stunned. Out of all the ways he thought he would spend his abysmal night he could have never contemplated things being this way, living in this moment with Eddie Diaz.

" But... But I wasn't trying to leave, I was just trying to get back to you guys, to you man." Buck said as he blinked rapidly and felt his own throat tighten up.

" I know, I know that now, the lawsuit wasn't even real but at the time I just... It felt like me and Chris were getting abandoned again, that I'd allowed you into our lives only for you to rip yourself away. It hurt Evan, it hurt so much." Eddie said with a hitched breath.

Buck averted his gaze and turned away to hide his own crumbling face as he spoke.

" I didn't ask for a full-fledged sting operation against that bottom-feeding lawyer to fall into my lab, and it felt like you had all left be behind first Eds. I was fine with waiting, with taking the time to heal, but I was stuck and you all just moved forward. Even after the tsunami you all just thought I'd be magically okay after I thought I got ou... your son killed. On top of that you all just let Bosko move right in, even when she had busted ribs from the same tsunami. You don't do that Eds, you just don't let someone tape over another person's name and then be all shiny new besties with them. You're actions were your own but Bosko's the one who led you to all that street fighting bullshit, and I will never forgive her for that. What would me and Chris have done if something had happened to you? If you had been the one to get the bones in your nose knocked into your own brain?" Buck gritted out with anger rolling off of him in waves.

Eddie tightened his hold around Buck and shook his head.

" I am so sorry Buck, I know I was stupid. It just made me so mad that you were deliberately not speaking to us. I know now that you were under orders but at the time I just felt like you didn't give a damn about anything but the job, that you couldn't see how mush we missed you but wanted to back only once you were 100%. I know Cap was wrong to go behind your back, his intentions were good but you're an adult and he should have been straight with you. When Mackey brought up Shannon and everything that went down I felt so hurt that you'd go and blab about something so personal to that slimeball that I just lost all reason." Eddie explained before he sighed and shook his head. He took a deep breath and steadied his nerve before he pressed his forehead to the back of Buck's shoulder and spoke.

" I think I was more angry at you than I was with Shannon because I... I never loved her the way I love you Evan." He said, finally revealing one of his inner most truths.

It was like the air was sucked out of the room as Buck whirled around in Eddie's grip, turning over sharply to look at the other man with a totally gobsmacked expression on his own face.

" W-What?... Edmundo what did you just say?" Buck asked once the ability to speak returned to him.

" The truth... why I got so mad at you even though you're right, you weren't leaving. I couldn't talk to you for like three days tops and it set me off enough to turn to punching and kicking other people. You stopped being just my best friend Evan Buckley, it's now to the point where I can't bear to not have you with me. I think part of me fell in love with you from the moment I saw you really smile at me when were were getting that grenade out of Charlie's leg, and the rest of me just kept falling deeper and deeper with every wonderful thing you did or just every time you were yourself Buck." Eddie said honestly as his eyes began to brim. He stubbornly held them back as Buck spoke.

" You love me?" Buck asked bewildered still.

" Y-Yeah." Eddie answered without hesitation.

" Me?" He asked softly, his whole expression so painfully hopeful but afraid.

" You." Eddie again answered without fail.

Buck nodded and then seemed to mull it over in his head before he took a deep breath and looked Eddie straight in the eye as he spoke.

" I just... I love you too, but I am still so mad at you Eds." Buck said as his face crumbled again and fresh tears flooded his eyes.

" I know and you have every right to be. I promised that I would fix us and that starts by letting you be as mad as you want with me, I hurt you a lot and I deserve your anger, but I need you to know that I am still gonna be here for you to be mad at and when you finally stop being mad. You're stuck with me and Chris and I know you have no problem with that."Eddie said with a throaty laugh as Buck grinned back at him and nodded vigorously as he finally raised his own arms and wrapped them around Eddie.

" No, no problem with that." Buck croaked out before he pulled Eddie the rest of the way to him and buried his face into the older man's neck.

They hugged each other tight, their croaky laughter mixing together into a totally new and wonderful sound. Then Buck was letting out a loud and low groan and pulling away from Eddie before he chuckled.

" Ohh man Eds we'll work out the finer details later, right now start massaging my leg again... and take off your clothes while you're at it." Buck ordered sternly with a hungry look Eddie's way.

Eddie chuckled himself as he pushed himself up onto his knees and shed the jacket he was wearing, grinning back at Buck while he made a show of pulling up the hem of the Henley shirt he was wearing underneath.

The jacket and the Henley were tossed off to the floor along with a pair of jeans, but two sets of undergarments tellingly did not follow as Eddie got to work on chasing away the ache that was flaring up in Buck's leg again. This was not the time for full carnal pleasures, this was the time for intimacy and reconnecting.

It was time for healing while shirtless.