Chapter 4

Dean looked up at me, his eyes dazed. "But you're . . . you're talking 'bout—"

"Incest? Yeah, but so what? We're both consenting adults and can't inbreed together, so no one would be getting hurt. And considering the fucked-up shit that we do on a regular basis without a second thought, do we really care what society might think, assuming anyone even learned the truth?" I pointed out. "So why can't we do what we actually want, what makes us happy, for a change?"

"I—I . . ." He paused and took a deep breath. "You—you really mean it? You really want . . . me?"

I took hold of his hands again. "Dee, I've wanted to be with you since I was twelve years old! The only thing that held me back all this time was thinking that you didn't want me the same way and that you'd be disgusted if you knew. But now that we're on the same page—"

"You sure about that? 'Cause things haven't been exactly five by five between us for months," he interrupted, his expression unsettled. "Some of that's on me, 'cause I wasn't straight with you 'bout what happened in Hell and how it messed me up. But you . . . you've been lying to me pretty much since I got back, going behind my back with that bitch Ruby, the whole nine yards! So forgive me if I'm having a little trouble believing we can just hold hands and skip off into the sunset together!"

"You're right. I—I haven't been fair to you. I guess . . . I got so caught up in the need to get back at Lilith for what she did to you that I ignored the fact that you've been right here this whole time, and that what you've needed is your brother, not another revenge-obsessed vigilante," I admitted. "If nothing else, what just happened showed us that we're meant to be together, to be a team, which is something I lost sight of.

"I promise that I'll do better from now on, if you'll give me the chance. No more secrets, no more lies—and no more Ruby either, if that's what you really want. Just you and me against whatever messed-up supernatural crap comes our way, like it always should've been. What—what do you say?" I asked.

"That's all I've ever wanted, Sammy. Screw the angels, screw the demons, and screw whatever destiny shit any of 'em try to shove at us. What matters is that we're together and got each other's back." He hesitated before leaning over to kiss me.

I kissed him back eagerly and said, "You're the most important thing in my life, so I'll do whatever it takes to make this work."

"I hope that's the case, but we'll just hafta see what happens. Are we done with the heart-to-heart for now though? After living for weeks on nothing but rabbit food and that master cleanse crap, I'm starving!" He put a hand on his belly and feigned fainting.

I laughed at his antics. "There's still more to talk about, but we can do that over food. It's probably a good idea to get moving too, to make it harder for those asshat angels to find us. Let me get changed, and we can look for a diner to get an early lunch before we go."

I pulled some clothes out of my duffel and quickly stripped out of what I was wearing. I had to admit it felt good to be out of the impersonal polo and khakis and back into my own things—and I certainly didn't mind how Dean ogled me while I dressed either. He stuffed my Sandover duds into the trash bag with his, and we then grabbed our other bags, loaded them into the Impala's trunk, and left.

We found a takeout grill place on our way north out of town, about a block off of Route 285. Dean ordered a jumbo bacon green chili cheeseburger, onion rings, and a milkshake, while I got a club sandwich, chips, and iced tea. Once our food was ready, we took everything over to one of the picnic tables in their outdoor dining area.

I waited until Dean had finished half of his meal (complete with loud happy noises at being reunited with meat, carbs, and grease) before asking, "How long has it been for you, since you realized how you felt about me?"

"I dunno . . . not as long as you, that's for sure." He thought for a moment. "It was after you'd shot past me height-wise and managed to finally pack some muscle on that beanpole frame of yours, so I guess that was sometime after you'd turned seventeen."

"Does that mean you've got a size kink, dude? You like that I'm bigger than you?" I shot back with a grin.

"No, that ain't it!" he snapped, though the faint blush on his cheeks belied his protest. "It's just that before, you were still the pipsqueak kid that I'd spent my life taking care of, so there was no way I coulda thought of you like—like that. I guess I had to wait until you looked more grownup before my feelings could change. My turn to ask something—was this why you left me to go to college?"

"It wasn't the main reason, but yeah, it was part of why I felt I had to go. It was mostly about getting away from hunting and Dad's obsession so I could try to have a safe, normal life, but I also thought that if I put enough distance between the two of us, maybe I could get over lusting after my own brother. It was the real reason why I picked that big fight with you later, because I couldn't do so when you kept visiting, calling, texting, and even sending postcards," I admitted.

"Those coupla years were probably the hardest fucking time of my life. Not being able to see you or talk to you, wondering what I'd done to piss you off so bad—and it didn't help that Dad decided not long after that we could cover more ground if we split up. If it wasn't for the people that I managed to help, I wouldn't have had much else to live for," he said quietly. "When I broke into your apartment and you agreed to come with me to look for Dad, that was the best day ever, man."

I slumped and hunched my shoulders. "I'm so, so sorry, Dee! I seem to have this awful habit of only thinking about my own feelings and not considering how my bullshit might affect you—and I need to change that. Not that it's any consolation for how I treated you back then, but I did miss you terribly, even when I was with Jess. The night that you came back for me was the happiest moment of my life too, at least until now, and not even losing Jess right afterward could make me regret having you back."

"Makes you wonder how different things mighta turned out if we'd talked more and been honest with each other—not just 'bout how we feel but also the rest of the shit we've been through. We coulda been together this whole time, and maybe we coulda found better ways of dealing with everything—ways that wouldn't have resulted in you dying, me going to Hell, or you shacking up with a demon," he pointed out. "So like you said earlier, no more hiding things from one another, 'cause that just causes more problems."

I felt a pang of guilt at that, because I still had a doozy of a secret that I hadn't revealed. I knew I needed to tell him the whole truth about what I'd been doing with Ruby, but doing so now would simply cause a huge fight. I swore to myself that I'd come clean about the demon blood soon . . . but not until after we worked out this change in our relationship.

Instead I smiled and respond, "I agree. We're stronger when we work together, not at cross purposes. We can't change the mistakes we made before, but we can try to do better going forward."

We finished eating shortly afterward and got back on the road, heading north on Route 285 to Route 25. We kept our conversations during the drive casual for the most part, but our physical contact increased dramatically—holding hands, laying a hand on the other's thigh, resting an arm on the back of the seat to put a hand on the other's neck or toy with his hair, and so on. We stopped somewhat early in Pueblo, CO, where we pulled into a chain hotel at the southern end of the city instead of the usual fleabag motel.

The room we got was a very pleasant change of pace, with its plush king-sized bed, comfortable sleeper sofa, large flat screen TV, modern fixtures and décor, and general cleanliness. We washed up and changed into something a little nicer before heading downtown to a restaurant the hotel front desk recommended. We shared a plate of steamed mussels, then I got grilled pork medallions with tomato chutney and green chilies, while he had beef tenderloin with au poivre sauce and mango chutney, washed down with a cabernet sauvignon. While we ate, we argued good-naturedly over showdowns between various movie monsters and how they'd fare against their real counterparts.

Once we were back in our hotel room, I asked, "So what happens next?"

"Lemme get cleaned up, and then we can see what being together-together is like without those fake memories in the way." Dean smiled and gave me a quick kiss before disappearing into the bathroom.

While I waited, I first undressed and put my clothes away in my duffel, since we didn't plan to stay here past tonight, and pulled out some supplies. I didn't want to do anything too clichéd or sappy, but I did find a classic rock station on the clock-radio and set it to play at a low volume. I then lay back in the middle of the bed and tried to relax.

He emerged not long after that, clad only in a towel around his waist. He dropped his clothes onto his bag and then eyed me admiringly. "Damn, little brother, you look good!"

He undid the towel and tossed it on the floor, then hurriedly climbed onto the foot of the bed, from where he crawled up until he was crouched above me. I reached up to tug his head down, and we kissed passionately until we were breathless. He then rolled us over until I was on top and moved his mouth to the base of my neck to suck a love mark there, while his hands roamed up and down the muscles of my back. I in turn slid mine up to his chest, where my fingers flicked and pinched his nipples, causing him to gasp and arch his back.

After a couple minutes of this, I shifted down until I could take the head of his cock in my mouth, sucking on it like a lollipop before swallowing down as much of his length as I could. I bobbed my head up and down, swirling my tongue around his shaft, while my fingers slipped down to fondle his testicles and rub against his perineum.

"Fuck, Sammy! Where did you learn to suck cock so well?" Dean moaned, his eyes rolling back.

I pulled off and grinned up at him. "Let's just say that I experimented a bit at Stanford before meeting Jess."

I continued to blow him for a little longer, before sitting up and grasping the backs of his thighs. I pushed his legs up and back and paused to admire the sight of those round buttocks spread to reveal that tight hole, then reached for the bottle of lube and condom I'd set on the nightstand earlier.

I held up the foil packet. "Do we need this? I've used protection with every partner I had other than Jess, and we both got tested before we stopped using these."

"Same here, dude. Besides, with as often as we've bled all over each other, it'd probably be too late already if one of us had something nasty," he commented. "Now hurry the fuck up!"

I nodded and tossed the condom back on the nightstand, then slicked up my member with the lube. I positioned my glans at his furled entrance, took hold of his thighs again, and pushed in. There was a bit of resistance before clearing the outer ring of muscle, and I groaned at the taut heat surrounding me as I slowly sank all the way in.

"Sonofabitch, you feel awesome! This has gotta be the biggest goddamn cock I've ever had!" he panted when I bottomed out.

"And this is going to be the only cock you'll have from now on!" I growled, before beginning to move.

I withdrew until only the head of my cock was still inside him and then plunged back in, angling to brush against his prostate. I kept my strokes slow at first and gradually built up speed until I was pounding vigorously into his snug passage. He meanwhile rocked his hips and squeezed his inner walls in time with my thrusts, keening each time I hit his sweet spot. We surged together for quite a while, our pleasure building and cresting. As we rushed toward the peak, he shoved a hand between us to grasp his member and strip it rapidly. He suddenly cried out, his seed spilling over his fingers and his channel clenching around my cock. This pushed me over the edge as well, and I shouted while pulsing into his slick depths.

I fell back onto the mattress beside my brother, breathing heavily. "Wow, that was . . . just wow!"

"You happy, Sammy?" Dean's expression as he looked at me was warm and tender.

"Yeah, I am, Dee. I think this might qualify now as the best moment of my life!" I replied, sliding an arm under his shoulders. "What about you?"

"I'm real good, kiddo. I've been dreaming 'bout this so long that it feels almost unreal right now," he said, curling himself around me with a satiated smile. "I still wanna burn that yellow shirt though!"