Hello, fellow Fanimaniacs! *gasp* Can it be? An update that didn't take five months!? Woah :o
Before we begin this chapter, my friend's birthday was last week. She loves Animaniacs as much as I do, so could we get a "Happy Birthday Evie" in the reviews for her? It would make her day! Thanks :3
The crowd gasped. So did Constable Ralph, unnoticed by the townspeople.
"A ha'penny?" Nurse said, looking shocked.
"It's real!" confirmed Yakko.
"He has a whole ha'penny!" exclaimed an awestruck Dr. Scratchansniff.
The crowd cheered, as Brain watched from his mousehole.
"We've got a ha'penny today!" sang Wakko.
"They've got a ha'penny, hooray!" cheered his siblings.
"How did you dos it?" wondered Scratchy.
"All work and no play!" responded Leela.
"They chopped wood!" sang Dot.
"They chopped suey!" added Yakko, pulling out a bowl of the Chinese dish, complete with chopsticks.
"We pitched horseshoes and hay!" Leela demonstrated, chucking a horseshoe.
"They milked jokes and cows for their fee!" continued Yakko, as the group passed a cow sitting in one of the train cars.
"It was more than we thought it would be!" exclaimed Wakko.
"An entire full year's salary!" marveled the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.
"And now we've got a ha'penny!" finished Leela.
"They've got a ha'penny today! They've got a ha'penny, hooray!"
The villagers, led by Rita and Runt, danced into town.
"All those days of hard work, and here's your reward!" congratulated Yakko and Dot.
"Now there's nothing in this world that we can't afford!" exclaimed Leela.
"You can buy any toys you pick!" sang Dot, running into an abandoned shop and reappearing holding a jack-in-the-box over her head. The box sprang open to reveal a puppet that looked exactly like Wakko, who looked pleased.
"And eat candy until you're sick!" grinned Yakko, gesturing to the run-down candy store.
Leela hadn't looked so elated in a year.
"Plus a gourmet meal, for madame and monsieur!" a refined-looking chef held a steaming turkey dinner under their noses.
"And still you'd never be poor!" finished Yakko and Dot.
"Because they've got a ha'penny today! They've got a ha'penny today!" the crowd sang.
"Our water tower shanty we can finally repair!" grinned Wakko. "I can even buy my brother some new underwear!"
"It's like we've won the lottery!" beamed Leela.
"Because they've got a ha'penny!"
"We'll buy burgers at the butcher's, and blintzes at the baker's!" explained Wakko.
"Groceries at the grocer's, season tickets for the Lakers!" added Leela, as beside her, Jack Nicholson was hit in the head with a basketball.
"You can buy my new elixir!" offered Dr. Scratchansniff.
"You can buy it by the bucket!" exclaimed Hello Nurse.
Leela gagged.
"There's just one little problem," grimaced Dot.
"It's lousy, you should chuck it," snapped Yakko.
Leela frowned. Lousy was an understatement, but did they have to be so blatant about it?
"It's so hard to believe it really happened to we, we're going shopping with our ha'penny!" sang Wakko.
"They're going shopping with their ha'penny!" echoed the crowd.
Elsewhere…
"Duh, newses from the village to report, sir!" saluted Ralph.
"What is it?" a bored-sounding Plotz said as he gobbled down more food.
"Duh, it seems that two of the townsfolks is happy," continued Ralph.
"What do you mean?" gasped Plotz, finally looking up.
Ralph leaned in close.
"Wakko's Warner's and that Leela's girl have come into the possession of… a ha'penny!" he whispered.
Plotz's eyes widened and turned into dollar signs.
"Ka-ching!"
Back in Acme Falls…
"They've got a ha'penny today!" repeated the townsfolk. "They've got a ha'penny today! With it, they could buy themselves a tropical cruise!"
"But first there's one important thing that we have to choose!" broke in Leela.
"My sister has been ailing quite a lot!" lamented Wakko.
"We don't exactly know what she has got!" frowned Yakko.
"You plan to spend your ha'penny on what?"
"An operation to save our little Dot!" sang Wakko and Leela.
"To cure whatever problem she's got!" finished the crowd. "An operation to save our little Dot!"
"It's a present to her from we!" smiled Leela as she stroked Dot's head.
"All because we've got a ha'penny!" Wakko held the coin up high.
"Because they've got a ha'penny!" echoed the town. "In the village that's called Acme, they're going shopping, so let's get hopping! They're going shopping with their ha'penny!"
Cheers echoed through the village.
"And we're all thrilled for your good fortune," smiled Plotz as he approached the duo. "Now, about your taxes."
Everyone groaned.
"Taxes? What taxes?" asked Wakko incredulously.
"Yeah, what the heck?" snapped Leela, sensing something wasn't quite right. "We've always had to come to you on a monthly basis, I know for a fact Yakko and Dot just did a few days ago!"
"New policy, my dear," Plotz chuckled as he patted her head. Leela slapped his hand away.
"Get your hands offa me," she snarled.
"Well, let's fill out your tax forms and see how much you owe," began Plotz, a cunning, greedy smile on his face all the while.
"First, we total your income and calculate your deductions for the year. How many dependents, include city, county, state, and federal taxes including license fees. Oho, that takes you up into a whole new tax bracket! The king will be absolutely delighted."
"The king is a jerk!" shouted Wakko.
"Yeah!" yelled Leela. "A complete paji boka."
"Ooh, good," cackled the Baron. "That qualifies you for the calling-the-king-a-jerk-and… err… whatever-you-called-him tax," he continued, flicking his quill in Leela's direction.
"Which is a total falthu, I'm sure," Leela muttered under her breath, switching into her second language in case Plotz happened to overhear her.
"Huh?" said Wakko, but the greedy man was already talking again.
"Then add property tax, sales tax, excise tax, stamp, tea, and thumb tax, shipping, and handling multiplied by your shoe sizes-"
Wakko and Leela spoke at the same time.
"But I don't even wear shoes!"
"Wakko doesn't even wear shoes!"
Plotz took no notice of them.
"-and you owe a grand total of… exactly one ha'penny!"
With that, he snatched the coin from Wakko's grasp.
"Wha-?!" yelped Wakko in a mix of surprise, shock, indigence, and anger. Plotz was already climbing back into the royal carriage.
"Hey!" yelled Wakko angrily.
Leela, whose face had steadily been growing redder and redder, finally snapped and began screaming curses at the Baron and Constable in a flurry of English and Bengali, knowing their chance to save Dot and find her family was slipping away. They had thrown away their shot-
NO! Not now, brain. STOP WITH THE HAMILTON REFERENCES!
"I HOPE YOU STEP ON A LEGO, YOU WARM TOILET SEAT! OUR TOWN, OUR FAMILIES ARE RUINED BECAUSE OF YOU! PAJI PA JHARA!"
It was as if all the negative feelings from the past three years were finally pouring out in one smoldering volcano of rage. Luckily, Yakko stepped in before things got out of control.
"We can't let him do that to you guys. It's unfair! We have to stick together and stop him!"
There was a mechanical clicking sound as they were surrounded on all sides by armed forces. Dot quickly slipped away.
"Uhh, or not. If you have any questions, just talk to my lawyer. He'll explain everything!"
Quickly, the lanky toon pulled the mime into the circle, pulled himself and Leela out before his friend could utter a single word to land them in more trouble, and ushered his siblings away from the scene. As they headed for their shanty with people shooting them sympathetic looks from all sides, they could hear the soldiers beating the unfortunate mime. Leela fought the horrible sinking knot in her stomach, the painful lump in her throat, the hot tears slowly filling her brown eyes, the crushing feeling of disappointment, the voices in her head whispering of her and Wakko's failure, and how she had let everyone down and would never see her family again.
She had to stay strong for her younger sibs, and her elder one,
too.
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Leela roamed the dark, quiet streets, tears still running down her frozen cheeks. The occasional sob racked her body. She had been roaming for at least two hours now, ever since she and the Warners, her new siblings, most likely - her breath hitched - had returned to the shanty. Her breath made little puffs of air appear in front of her, and ruefully she remembered how she and her brother would use to blow puffs of air and pretend to be smoking. She quickly shut out that memory, she was gloomy enough as it is. She decided to do the one thing that would cheer her up, besides reading - singing. And tonight, instead of a Hamilton or a disco or a pop song, she would make up her own, turning her sadness into music, just like John Lennon and Paul McCartney.
"So much for our ha'penny…"
She was shocked when a voice replied.
"Now Acme Falls is back in misery…"
In a nearby alleyway, she could see Rita and Runt on the prowl. Through a broken window, she could hear snatches of conversation from Slappy and Skippy.
"Should I, or do you wanna carve?"
"Frankly, I'd just as soon starve!"
Leela noticed a flickering light and realized it was Scratchy and Nurse's campfire.
"I'm ztarting to feel ze stress!" sighed the kindly doctor. Then he and Hello Nurse grabbed onto each other. "Acme Falls is ha'penniless!"
Leela felt a strange bittersweet sensation. It was nice that everyone joined together and sang, and pretty powerful-feeling as well, but the reason that they were singing kind of sucked. Majorly.
Leela headed in the direction of the shanty. She knew she shouldn't have been out so long, the Warners were probably worried sick about her. Suddenly, she heard a sound: a horse's nicker. And she had a feeling she knew which one. All of a sudden, her feet seemed to lead her to the stables.
It had been at least two years since Leela had enjoyed the comfort of an animal (one that didn't talk, that is), something she had sorely missed. Or at least the comfort of a pet to call her own. Sure, there was Phar Fignewton, but Dr. Scratchansniff and Nurse were always around her, preventing Leela from having a heart-to-heart with the mare about all of her troubles. That was the great thing about animals: you could talk their ear off all day and they would always listen, never interrupting you. But tonight, with Phar Fignewton in the stables to try to keep her warm, Leela could finally lament to her. The smell of hay filled her nose.
"Hey, girl," she said softly, crossing over to her stable. The white horse looked at her as if to say, little late to be wandering, eh?
"Yeah, I know," Leela sighed. "It was just one of those nights, y'know? One of those days, actually."
Phar Fignewton gave her an understanding look.
"I'm guessing you heard about the whole ha'penny fiasco from Scratchy and Nurse, right, Figgy? And Pinky, too."
The mare nodded.
"Everyone's heard about it at this point."
Leela let out a tiny yelp. Then she noticed the three mice perched atop Figgy's head.
"Oh, hey, guys," Leela sighed, realizing it was Daisy who had spoken and not the horse.
Priya gave a little smile and Pinky waved.
"Couldn't sleep?" asked Daisy.
"Well… not that I couldn't sleep… more like I've been wandering around ever since we got back to the shanty." Leela sighed. "I feel awful. I mean, I told Yakko I was going for a walk, but everyone knows I prefer to bike! I do take walks, but not for two-hour ones! I guess I just needed a distraction…"
The animals seemed to understand. Nobody said anything, but the silence that filled the air was rather comforting. It was Leela, once again, who broke the silence.
"Hey, where's Brain? Off working on world domination plans?"
"Not exactly world domination plans, but I believe he is working on mathematical equations," responded Priya. "That is his distraction. Pinky-"
"I wanted to go see Phar Fignewton! Narf!" interrupted Pinky.
"Pri and I didn't have any distractions, so we decided to go with Pinky. I can really see why he likes Figgy so much," added Daisy, fondly patting the mare's head.
"I guess I should go now," said Leela, rubbing Phar Fignewton's nose.
"Maybe, to relieve stress, you could meditate and do yoga with the Warners, as we did with your mother," offered Pri.
"And probably never will again," Leela sighed sadly.
"Leela," said Priya sharply, "look at me!"
Leela obeyed out of pure shock. Priya never raised her voice.
"The king, the baron, and the constable have taken everything from us already," the purple-eyed mouse continued. "But do not let them take away your hope, your spark. It is a powerful weapon."
"I'll try, Pri," Leela said. "I promise."
"Just think of fun fun silly-willy happy sunshiny things!" chirruped Pinky.
The girl laughed and delivered one last pat to the mare's nose, then started for the door. "I need to get home now," she called over her shoulder. "Thanks, you guys! For everything!"
Leela ran through the streets, knowing the Warners must be worried sick. Her foot splashed in a puddle.
Wait… a puddle?
Leela screeched to a halt and turned around. It was a puddle! How on earth was it not frozen over yet?
She looked at her wavering reflection on the water.
"Goodbye, Leela Sinha…"
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and opened them.
"Hello, Leela Warner."
She walked away without looking back.
Wowza! Tons of plot(z) twists in this chapter, less if you've seen the movie, obviously. The next few chapters will be when the action really begins :D
I've been getting more inspiration recently, so hopefully, updates will come sooner! Yay!
Also, here are some translations for the Bengali words I used:
Boka: idiot
Paji: Rotten/dirtbag
Paji pa jhara: I wipe my feet on you (like a rug. This might not sound too bad, but believe me, you have to be pretty angry to use it in India.)
Falthu/falthoo: Fake
Fanimaniac out!