Hi all, please read… First of all, I just use as an outlet to write because I enjoy writing. I'm not a professional writer by any means. I also have dyslexia so yeah...I miss things. I'm not looking to have anyone proofread because I don't take this all that seriously. Sorry if that upsets people. I have been getting a lot of messages about a particular user here who has reviewed my story. I don't know anyone on here. There seems to be some drama surrounding this person and I really want no part in it. Some of the messages I have been getting about the other user have made me very uncomfortable and have been aggressive. I don't really know what is going on but I hope to be kept out of it. It's making me anxious and upset...and makes me want to stop writing to be honest. I blocked the user that was mentioned but the "harrassing reviews" are all through guest accounts and it's just really upsetting me. I hope that's the end of the drama. As I said...I just come here as an outlet to write when the outside world gets overwhelming. I hope it doesn't become a place that causes stress too. Thanks. I don't own the characters or anything involved in this story. Just writing to write because I enjoy these two characters. That's all for now.
A few weeks later, Olivia was in a much better head space since her Mother's passing. Elliot had helped her find a company that would empty the apartment for her. She took only a few mementos and chose to have the rest donated or thrown away. What she did take was mostly stored away in her apartment where she didn't need to look at it and be reminded of the bad memories.
Elliot was happy that she was for the most part, letting him close. They spent a lot of time together, with the kids and at work. She still had a wall up, and there had been little to no alone time, no hugs or moments like at the apartment. Every night that he went to sleep, he longed to have her in his arms again but he wasn't sure that was ever going to happen.
One afternoon, they were working on a case at the precinct and Elliot had to stay late to prep with Alex for court the following day. Olivia was finishing up for the afternoon and looked down at her watch to check the time. Elliot's phone rang beside him and he lifted it to his ear without turning from his notes.
"Stabler." She heard him mutter into the phone, "Hey Ma. Yeah." There was a pause and he saw a frustrated look on his face, "Are you sure? But...yeah no. No. I know Mom. I got it...I know. And you know I appreciate you. I understand...I'll-I'll figure it out okay? Yeah. No I promise it's fine. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you too."
Olivai watched as he tossed his phone down and groaned, "Everything okay?"
Elliot looked up and started to rub the back of his neck, "Yeah...My Mom was supposed to pick the kids up from school. But her friend is sick and she needs to help out so now she can't. I need to talk to Alex but...I know Caitlin can't pick them up. She's out of town looking at colleges."
Olivia smiled at him, "I can get them."
Elliot frowned and sucked in his bottom lip, "I…"
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, "I've picked them up before. You've done so much for me in the last few weeks. Let me help you."
Elliot looked at her and once again was struck by her ability to always save the day, "You're sure?"
She nodded slowly and stood up, "Positive. I don't mind at all. I'll take your car so I have the seats and you can take a cab home later?"
Elliot stood up and fished in his pocket for keys, "Okay. Yeah...um I'd get the girls first. They are out before the twins. And there is leftover pasta in the fridge for dinner. Don't let them try and trick you into pizza or ice cream."
She smiled and took the keys, "I know all their tricks El. Don't worry."
He nodded again and looked around, "Um...I'll call the school and just let them know you're coming to get them." He paused again and sighed, "You're really sure?"
Rolling her eyes again she grabbed her coat, "Yes Elliot. I'm sure. Stop asking. I got it all under control."
He watched her start to walk away, "Liv?" She turned back to him and he sighed, "Thank you. Again."
She smiled and pointed to his desk, "You can repay me by making sure Sullivan gets the max sentence, okay?"
He nodded right back and tapped his desk, "You got it. Call if you need anything."
She waved again and walked towards the elevator not wanting to be late and worry the kids.
Twenty minutes later, she was waiting outside the school, leaning against Elliot's car. She smiled as the kids started to stream out of the school, anxious to get to their parents. She looked around for Kathleen and Maureen but so far didn't notice them. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one boy running towards the car beside her. The little boy was running so fast and carrying a ball in his hands. He was going so fast he didn't notice the stick on the ground in front of him, tripped sending the ball flying.
The little boy jumped back up quickly and started to run after it, despite the fact that it had gone into the street. Olivia saw him running towards it as cars whizzed by and she reacted before she could overthink it. Suddenly she was beside him, pulling him out of harm's way as a car came to a screeching halt inches away from them, "Whoa! Hang on there buddy…"
"My ball!" The little boy yelled, flailing his arms wildly.
"Austin!" A man yelled from behind them, "Austin, are you okay?"
Olivia turned and saw who she assumed was his Father, "Not a scratch."
The man sighed with relief, "Thank you so much. You're quick."
Olivia smiled, "I'm a cop. It's my job to act first, think later."
Austin shimmied out of her grasp and walked to his Dad, "Daddy...my ball."
Olivia turned, picked up the ball and waved the car away, apologizing. "Here you go. But you should really be careful...don't run out into the middle of the street. It's not safe."
"Austin what do you say?" The man asked, leaning down to his son.
Austin looked up and smiled, "Thanks lady."
Olivia laughed, "You're welcome."
"I'm Eathan O'Conner." The boys father said, holding out his hand, "This is my son Austin. I don't think I've seen you here before."
Olivia smiled and shook his hand, "Olivia Benson. I'm-"
"Livvie!" A voice yelled from the sidewalk, "Hi!"
Olivia turned and saw Kathleen and Maureen walking with another girl towards them, "Hi girls. Did your teachers tell you I was coming?"
Kathleen nodded, "Uh huh! Mrs. Winters told me. Is Grandma okay?"
Olivia nodded and gave her a hug, "Yeah honey. She just needed to help a friend and your Dad has court early in the morning. He needs to prepare so I said I'd come get you. Is that okay?"
Maureen nodded, "Of course! Are you going to stay with us until he comes home?"
"Yep. We'll have dinner and hang out. Just the five of us." She beamed at her.
Maureen nodded, "Okay."
"Hi Daddy." The other girl with them said walking towards Ethan.
Austin and his Father walked over to them, "Ah...so you know the Stabler girls? Maureen and my daughter Emma are best friends."
Olivia smiled and looked at him again, "I've heard lots of stories about Emma and Maureen. Nice to meet you."
"Are you Maureen's Mom?" Austin asked as he leaned into his Father.
"Oh...um. No." Olivia said, shaking her head, "I'm her friend though."
"Olivia works with our Dad." Kathleen said from her spot beside them, "They're partners."
"That makes sense." Ethan said with a smile, "Nice of you to help with the kids…"
Olivia nodded, "Well Maureen and her siblings are great. I'm happy to help."
Maureen liked Emma's Dad, but the way he was looking at Olivia at the moment didn't sit well with her. She knew Olivia was beautiful. It was obvious to see. And it wasn't uncommon for men to flirt with her. But she desperately wanted her Father to be with Olivia and she didn't need Mr. O'Conner to stand in their way. Emma's Mom had passed away when Austin was a baby and she knew that Ethan was a single father on his own too. Just like Elliot...but if anyone was going to get Olivia as a stepmom, she was determined to make sure it was her and her siblings.
"We should go." Maureen said quickly, "Don't we need to pick up Richie and Lizzie too?"
Olivia smiled and pointed behind her, "Yeah. Hop in the car."
Maureen and Kathleen turned and started to climb into the backseat of the car, "It was nice to meet you." Olivia said, giving Ethan a wave.
"You too...thanks again for saving Austin. He can be a bit of a handful." He said with a smile. "I hope to see you around again really soon."
Olivia's face flushed, Ethan was a good looking man and she couldn't help herself, "It was no problem. And...yeah. Hope to see you too."
Turning, she made sure to strap Kathleen into her booster seat and checked Maureen's seatbelt before walking around to the driver side of the car. Climbing in herself, she glanced at them both in the rear view mirror and noticed that Maureen was frowning.
Olivia started the car before asking, "Everything okay Mo?" Maureen looked out the window, "Maureen?" She turned back to him, "Did you have a bad day?"
"Nope." Maureen said with a shake of her head, "Just tired."
"Okay…" Olivia said as she carefully pulled out of her parking spot, "Let's go get Richie and Lizzie and then we can go home."
"Livvie, can we get McDonalds for dinner?" Kathleen asked with her sweetest smile.
Olivia chuckled, "Not tonight Katie. But if you're good...I bet we can make some cookies after dinner."
Kathleen cheered and Maureen rolled her eyes which didn't go unnoticed by Olivia.
Later that night, they had all eaten dinner and were currently making cookies in the kitchen. Maureen was sitting at the table doing homework but Kathleen, and the twins were happily mixing the dough with Olivia's help. Olivia kept glancing at Maureen, trying to read her body language and find a clue as to what was bothering her. But so far nothing came to mind.
Once she scooped the cookies onto the sheet, she placed them in the oven and ushered the three youngest to the living room, "Go find a movie to watch. I'll be there in a minute."
Once they were gone, Olivia took the mixing spoon over to the table and held it out, "Wanna lick?"
Maureen shook her head and looked down at her paper again, "No."
Olivia leaned in and waved it in front of her face, "Peanut butter, chocolate chip. Your favorite. You sure?"
Maureen's eyes followed the spoon and she bit her lip, "N-" She inhaled the scent and sighed, "On second thought…"
Olivia smiled as she watched her take the spoon from her, "That's what I thought."
Maureen took a lick and smiled, "Tastes good."
"Good." She looked down at the papers on the table, "Math homework?"
"Yeah." She said, feeling her wall start to crack just a little, "Just some addition. It's not hard."
Oliva smiled at her, "You're a smart cookie. I'm sure you have no problem. Your Dad is so proud of you."
Maureen blushed and looked away, "Hm…"
"So…" Olivia whispered as she glanced back at the other kids to check on them, "You sure everything is okay?" Maureen didn't respond, "You seem a little upset."
Maureen shrugged and took another lick of the spoon, "Everythings fine."
"You know we talked about this...you can tell me anything." Olivia said, hoping to get through to her, "Anything at all." Maureen nodded, "Is someone bothering you at school?" Maureen shook her head, "You feeling okay?"
The young girl sighed and shrugged, "I don't know...just feeling off today. Does that ever happen to you?"
Olivia smiled, "Sure. Everyone has off days...sometimes for no reason at all."
"Yeah…" She said thinning back to the way Emma's Dad had been looking at Olivia, "I'm glad you got to meet Emma…"
Olivia smiled, "Me too. I know she's a great friend of yours."
Maureen thought about what to say next then nodded, "Yeah. She's my best friend. Her brother is in Kathleen's grade too. But they don't get along too well. He's more annoying than Richie."
Olivia chuckled, "Boys can be rambunctious. That's for sure."
"Their...their Mom died. When Austin was a baby." She said eyeing her carefully, "Mr. O'Conner never got remarried."
"Well I'm sorry to hear that. That must be really hard for them." She said, "I'm sure in a way, you can understand that too."
"Mr. O'Conner is nice." Maureen said softly, testing the waters a bit, "He's...a good Dad."
Olivia nodded, "I'm sure he is…"
Nothing in Olivia's expression made it seem like she had any interest in the man and she let out a little breath, "I'm...really glad you're here Olivia."
Leaning forward, Olivia squeezed Maureen's arm, "I'm glad I'm here too kiddo."
They stared at each other for a minute before they heard arguing from the next room, "Here we go…" Maureen whispered.
Olivia laughed and stood up, "You finish your homework. I'll take care of it."
"You always do…" Maureen said with a whisper, Olivia smiled and squeezed her shoulder as she walked by.
Later that night, Olivia had put the twins and Kathleen to bed and had Maureen set up in her room to read. She was downstairs, cleaning up the kitchen and plating some food for Elliot when she saw a light in the front of the house shine through the window. She knew it was a taxi carrying Elliot and her heart soared and she once again was struck by how natural this felt. To be standing here in his kitchen, making him dinner and waiting for him to come home.
Pushing the thoughts aside, she popped the plate in the microwave and waited. After a minute, she heard the door open and listened as he threw his keys on the table. "Liv?"
Her heart fluttered in her chest and she grabbed some silverware, "In the kitchen."
She heard him sigh as he walked further into the house and down to the kitchen, "Hey." He said with a smile when he saw her, "Kids asleep?"
Olivia nodded, "Maureen's reading. But the other three are fast asleep."
Elliot smiled, "I think I'll run up and say goodnight to Mo. You running out?"
She shook her head, "No...not unless you want me too."
He shook his head, "Definitely not. Have a beer with me?"
She smiled, "Sure. I'll grab them, are you hungry? I put some pasta in the microwave."
"Thanks yeah. I'll be right back." He said pointing to the stairs.
"Hey…" She called out to him quickly, "She seems fine now. But...Mo was a bit off when I picked her up. She said she was just having an off day...which happens. But I just thought you should know."
Taking a deep breath, he smiled at her, "Thank you...for taking such good care of my kids Olivia. You have no idea how much it means to me."
He saw the blush rise in her cheeks and she shrugged, "They're great kids El. You've done a hell of a job with them."
"I didn't do it alone…" He whispered, he saw her smile and then he turned to walk back upstairs to check on Maureen.
Upstairs, he peeked in on the twins. They were both sound asleep and he dropped a kiss on their heads. Kathleen was curled up on her side with her favorite stuffed animal, blissfully asleep too. Walking down the hall, he knocked on the door to Maureen's room and waited until he heard her tell him to come in. Poking his head in the crack, he smiled and she beamed up at him.
"Hi Daddy." She whispered, "You're home earlier than I thought you would be."
Elliot walked into the room and sat down beside her, "Me too. I wanted to say goodnight."
Maureen put her book down and smiled, "Is Olivia still here?"
Elliot nodded, "Yeah. I just got home. Did you guys have a fun night?"
Mauree nodded, "We always have a good time with Olivia. She's the best."
Elliot smiled and squeezed her knee, "She is." He watched as Maureen looked down at her lap, they hadn't talked much about Olivia or his relationship with her, "Mo?" She looked up at him and frowned, "What's up?"
Maureen smirked, "Olivia told you I was having a bad day didn't she?"
Elliot smirked and shrugged, "That obvious?"
Maureen smiled and nodded, "Uh uh." He gave her a look and she sighed, "I'm fine. Just...a weird day. That's all. Liv says it happens."
"She's right." He said with a little nod, "But if something is bothering you...I want you to talk to me. Or Olivia. Both of us are here for you."
Maureen glanced down again and started to play with the fringe of her blanket, "Yeah…for now."
Elliot frowned and reached for her hand, "What do you mean for now? I thought we had this conversation. I told you, I'm not going anywhere Maureen. I'm not going to leave like your Mom did."
"I know." She said with a shrug, "But...Olivia doesn't have to stick around forever."
"Oh." He said leaning back, "That's what this is about?" Maureen didn't respond and he reached for her, "Olivia cares about you and your brother and sisters so much. She'd do anything for all of you. You know that."
Maureen looked at him and then sighed, "Yeah. But...what happens when she gets her own family? She won't need us anymore."
Elliot frowned and squeezed her knee, "Honey…"
"I know you said it's complicated. That I shouldn't have to worry about it. That you're friends...but I think that she cares about you too. And you didn't tell me you didn't love her." She pointed out quickly.
He gave her a look, "Maureen…"
"I'm just saying...if you care about her tell her. Otherwise...someone might get to her first." She said softly, "And then we'll all lose her…"
Elliot's heart sped up and he stood up straighter, "Maureen…"
She shook her head, "Just...just think about it? Please?"
Elliot leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her head, "Okay. You should get some sleep…"
Maureen hugged him tight, "Night Daddy. I love you."
"I love you too." He said, squeezing her back, "Lights out in ten, okay?"
She nodded and reached for her book again as he walked out of her bedroom. Her words were ringing through his head as he walked towards his bedroom to change. "I'm just saying...if you care about her tell her. Otherwise...someone might get to her first. And then we'll all lose her…"The mere thought of Olivia starting to date someone else, having her own family that didn't include him or his kids sent daggers to his heart. He wanted her to know that he cared but he also knew that she was guarded and if he pushed too hard...she'd more than likely run in the opposite direction. But if he never told her, never took a chance...what if she took that chance with someone else?
When he went downstairs, he saw Olivia putting a plate down at the table for him. How easy would it be to pull her to him, kiss her and tell her he wanted this every night? She looked up at him and smiled, and sat down in the empty seat beside his. He walked over to her, pulled his chair out and sighed."Check in with Maureen?" She asked softly as she rolled the beer bottle between her hands. Elliot nodded, "Yeah. She's okay." He scooped up a bite of pasta and chewed carefully, "So kids were okay? No trouble?" She shook her head, "No. They were good. Richie and Lizzie were arguing but no worse than usual. Must be the twin thing." He smirked and reached for his beer, "I can only imagine how much worse it will get as they get older. Especially when they are teenagers." She smiled and wondered if she'd still be in their life when they were teenagers, "Probably." She took another sip of her drink, "You and Alex get everything you needed done?" Olivia paused and thought for a moment, "Oh. Well I met Maureen's friend Emma. Her little brother Austin makes Richie look tame." Elliot chuckled, "Oh yeah. He's something else. Always on the run. He drives Kathleen and Maureen crazy. What happened?" She shook her head, "He dropped his ball and ran out into the road." Elliot paused, fork in midair, "He okay?" Elliot smiled, "Officer Benson...always ready to save the day." She rolled her eyes and took another sip of her beer, "Shut up." Elliot smiled and continued to eat, "So you met Austin and Emma." At the mention of Ethan, something clicked for Elliot and he also felt a sense of panic rise in his chest,"Oh. Ethan. Yeah...he's a nice guy." Elliot nodded, "Uh...yeah. Yeah Ethan's done a good job with his kids though." He cleared his throat as he took another bite, "We...we've chatted from time to time. Dropping the girls off at playdates or at school functions. We don't talk much about...our wives. I suppose we vent about how hard it is at times." Elliot swallowed hard and glanced at her but she wasn't looking at him. She had a far away look on her face. And he wondered if she was thinking about Ethan. Was she attracted to him? Did Ethan show interest? Of course he did...every man that met Olivia was interested. He'd spent years watching as every sucker threw themselves at her and it irritated him more than it should. It felt more complicated now. It had always bothered him but this felt too difficult. He didn't want her to date someone else, especially not someone he'd run into. How would it feel for him to drop Maureen off at a playdate and have Olivia answer the door? What if she married him? Maureen had to have seen something between them...thought about Olivia spending time with Emma and Austin...not her and her siblings. That was something he couldn't take… He was about to open his mouth to say something but she stood up, "I should probably head out. I told Fin I'd cover for him early tomorrow. He has an appointment." Elliot watched her finish her beer and then pop it in the recycling. "Oh...okay." She turned back to him and smiled, "I made the kids lunch for school. They're in the fridge. Maureen finished her homework. Lizzie and Richie have show and tell tomorrow but I think I talked Richie out of trying to bring your gun to share…" She said with a chuckle, "And...I think that's it." She smirked at him and rolled her eyes, "I swear if you say thank you again...I'll shoot you with your own gun and make it look like an accident Stabler." Pushing himself away from the table he walked over to her, "Nice...real nice." She smiled at him and shook her head, "I'll see you tomorrow at work?" Lifting a hand, he pushed a strand of hair out of her face and nodded, "I'll be there." She smiled at him, and it took all of his willpower to not kiss her but she pulled away before he had the chance to even really consider it. "Night El."
The next few days at work were a blur. They were swamped and Elliot barely made it home most nights to say goodnight to the kids. Olivia and Elliot hadn't had a moment alone again and she hadn't said anything about Ethan since. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. One evening around four, he was sitting at his desk wishing he could just go home.
Olivia could practically feel the nervous energy radiating off of him, "Elliot." He glanced at her and she smiled, "Why don't you take off? We're all but done here. I can finish the paperwork. The kids will be so excited if you make it home for dinner tonight."
He frowned and shook his head, "I can't leave it all for you."
She laughed and reached across the desks to grab his paperwork, "I got it. Go. Have a warm meal for once, put your kids to sleep. It will be good for them and you. I'll cover with Cragen."
"Or we could both rip through it and go have dinner with them together…" He said quickly and hopefully.
"You know it's never that quick. Go El. Seriously...your kids need you." She said softly, "Work will still be here in the morning...but you can't get this time back with them."
Her words struck a chord with him and he smiled, "You're right." Slowly, he stood up and grabbed his coat, "I just…"
Glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, she saw that he was hesitating, "What El?"
Taking a chance, he tugged on his coat and smiled, "I just wish you could be there with us too."
Before she could say anything else, he turned and walked out of the squad room letting his words flow through her brain as she tried to decipher what it all meant.
Olivia had been right of course, the kids were over the moon to have him home for dinner. Not for the first time, he felt guilt wash over him at all the time he did miss with them. He knew that he needed to work to support them. Especially now that he was on his own…
But he wondered if a different career would give him more time at home. A different career though would mean...leaving Olivia. He loved being a cop. He loved working at SVU. He loved getting justice, taking down the perps. And God he loved working with Olivia. He didn't think that was a bridge he was ready to cross. But...if they became more than friends, would he have to make a choice to leave anyway? Would that be a good thing for all of them? Then of course...she'd be alone. It wasn't that he didn't think she couldn't handle the job on her own. He knew she could. She could protect herself better than most. Still, that didn't mean he didn't like being able to look out for her.
He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Richie burp beside him, "Richard Stabler." He tried to sound stern but a laugh escaped his lips.
Richie giggled and he put his hand over his mouth, "Scuse me."
Elliot leaned forward and tickled his son, "That's what I thought…"
Bernie, who had stayed for dinner smiled at her grandson, "Never forget your manners Richie."
"Yes Grandma." Richie said with red cheeks, "Sorry."
Elliot laughed again and looked at his kids, "How was school today?"
"Good." Lizzie said with a smile, "Richie and I painted. Well I painted...Richie tried to eat it."
Another laugh went around the table, "Buddy...don't eat paint. Don't eat anything that's not food. Okay?"
"Okay Daddy." Richie said with another burp, "Scuse me again."
Elliot smiled and then looked at his two oldest girls, "And what about you two? School go okay?"
Maureen shrugged, "Same old same old. Glad it's the weekend." She paused, "Oh but I have a field trip coming up next week. I have a form for you to fill out and I need ten bucks for the bus and lunch fair."
Elliot nodded, "Okay. Remind me again after dinner." He turned to Kathleen and smiled, "And what about you Katie? How was your day?"
"Good." Kathleen said from her seat, "My teacher said I had the best handwriting in class."
Elliot smiled at her, "Good baby. That's great."
"And Austin's Daddy volunteered during snack time today." She said with a smile, "He asked about Livvie."
Elliot and Maureen both looked at her quickly, "Oh really?" He asked, trying to keep cool, "What did he say?"
"Nothing really. He just asked how long I had known her. I told him that I couldn't remember her not being around." She shrugged, "And then Austin told me that his Daddy had said he wished he had gotten her number."
Elliot's heart was pounding in his chest, "Oh…"
"So I gave it to him." She said, reaching for her water, "So they could have a playdate."
A silence fell over the table until Maureen yelled, "You what?"
Kathleen looked at her older sister, "I gave Austin Olivia's number. I wrote it in crayon on one of his drawings."
"How do you even know her number?" Bernie asked curiously, sensing the tension.
Kathleen shrugged, "I have it memorized just like Daddy's. In case we need her. Daddy said it's good to be prepared."
"I...did say that." Elliot said leaning back in his chair, "But um...honey you shouldn't really-"
Maureen jumped up from the table, "I can't believe you!"
Elliot sighed and looked at his oldest daughter, "Maureen…"
Kathleen looked between her Father and her sister, "What? What did I do?"
"Kathleen you didn't...you didn't do anything but-" He was struggling to find the words but Maureen interrupted him again.
"You just made us lose Olivia." Maureen said with tears in her eyes, "That's what you did!"
Kathlene looked at her Dad, "What does she mean lose Olivia?"
Elliot went to respond but Maureen started yelling again, "Don't you get it? Ethan likes Olivia! They aren't going on a playdate. They'll go on a real date. And then they'll get married and Olivia will be Emma and Austin's new Mom instead of ours!"
"What do you mean new Mom? We have a Mom. She's going to come back." Kathleen said from her spot.
"You're such an idiot!" Maureen yelled with tears in her eyes.
"Maureen, that's enough." Elliot said quickly, "Don't you talk to your sister like that."
"I told you." Maureen said looking at her father, "I told you this was going to happen but you didn't listen!"
"Maureen…" He said, trying to walk towards her, "Calm down."
She stepped back and shook her head, "No! Olivia is ours. She has to be! I don't want her to be Emma's Mom! I want her to be my Mom!"
"Our Mom is coming back!" Kathleen yelled again, "She's coming back!"
"Kathleen…" Bernie said, going to comfort her, as the twins started to cry too.
Elliot cringed and tried to figure out which child needed him the most, "Mo...I know you're upset but we have talked about this. Olivia has her own life-"
"So that's it?" She said as the tears streamed down her face, "You want her to be with another family? You don't want her around anymore?"
"No...no of course I want her around. But Maureen...she's allowed to make her own choices." He said with a frown.
"But what's your choice?" Maureen asked, "What do you want? Because I want her here...I want her here all the time. Not just for visits I want her in our family for real."
"But if Olivia lives here...where will Mom go when she comes back from her trip?" Kathleen asked from her seat as Bernie held her.
Bernie looked at her son and sighed, "Elliot…"
Turning slowly, he looked at his second daughter and his heart ached for her, "Kathleen...sweetie. I'm sorry. But Mommy isn't coming back."
"What do you mean?" The six year old girl asked, "She's our Mom. She has to come back. Mom's don't just leave forever." She looked at Bernie and whispered, "Do they?"
"Ours does." Maureen grumbled, "And I'm glad she did. I don't ever want to see her again!"
"Don't say that!" Kathleen said, clinging to her Grandmother, and the twins started crying harder.
"Maureen that's enough." Elliot said, he knew that this was going too far now, "You're upsetting your siblings. You need to stop. I know you're angry but that doesn't mean you can just-"
"I hate you." Maureen said, stepping back before turning to run upstairs away from him, "I hate you! I hate this family!"
Elliot stepped back as if he had been slapped, "Mo…"
"Let her go Elliot...let her go." Bernie whispered, "She needs to cool off."
He sighed, turned back to his other three children and then sat down again, "Guys…"
Kathleen turned to her Father, "She's really never coming back for us?"
Elliot lifted a hand and slid it over his tired face, "No honey...I don't think she is. I'm sorry."
Lizzie hopped down from her chair and quickly went to crawl into his lap, "Are you sad Daddy?"
Looking down at his youngest, he tried to smile, "I'm just...sad that you are sad. I don't want that."
Kathleen leaned into her Grandmother, "Are you mad that I gave Austin, Olivia's number?"
Glancing down he shook his head, "I'm not...I'm not mad Kathleen. But you shouldn't just give out people's number without them knowing. Olivia...might not want Austin's Dad to call her."
He knew he had said it more out of hopeful feelings than thinking it was true, "Oh...I'm sorry."
"It's okay." He said reaching out to squeeze her hand, "Everything is going to be okay."
"Maureen hates me now…" She said with a trembling lip.
"No. She didn't mean that. She's just...upset. She didn't mean that. Sometimes when people are upset they say things they don't mean. But your sister loves you. I promise. I'll talk to her and she will apologize. She just needs a minute to herself." He said.
They were quiet at the table before Richie asked, "But...does Olivia want to be our Mommy?"
"Buddy…" He whispered, "It's...Olivia cares about all of you so much. And she and I are great friends. Best friends. But...it's different. Things are just...different. We can't expect her to want to be…" He shook his head, "It's just complicated."
"Sounds like life is complicated." Lizzie said with a sad little shrug.
Elliot couldn't help but laugh though he felt like his heart was breaking in two, "You're right about that sweetie."
An hour later, Elliot was pacing the hallway outside of Maureen's bedroom. His Mom had gone in to talk to her first and he hoped that it would soften his daughter's mood. When the door opened, he turned anxiously and saw his Mom give him a look that said he was walking into the lion's den.
"That bad?" He asked, hand on head with a frustrated sigh, "What did she say?"
"Elliot...Kathy did a number on that girl. She is feeling abandoned. And if Olivia hits it off with Emma's Dad...she will feel it again. She really cares for her...more than I think any of us realized. She's attached." She said with a shrug.
Elliot frowned and looked down, "Maybe I shouldn't have had Olivia over so much…"
"Hey, no." She said reaching for her son, "Elliot that's not what this is about. Besides, if Olivia didn't want to be around she wouldn't have come around. She doesn't do things unless she wants too. She wants to be here."
Elliot glanced up at her, "Mom...I don't know what to do."
Bernie smiled at him and touched his cheek, "You never were good at telling people how you feel. So like your Father...it took him three years to ask me out!"
Elliot blushed and shook his head, "Ma this is...this is big. I mean she's my best friend. And I have a lot of baggage. If I screw this up...or if she doesn't feel the same way there is so much to lose. Not only would the kids be devastated...but so would I. I can't lose her."
Bernie's face lit up, "You really do love her. I mean I assumed...but now I know."
"I do." He smiled softly, "More than...more than I thought it was possible to love someone. She's everything. Sometimes I feel guilty because I know I didn't love Kahty like this but-"
"You and Kathy weren't meant to spend forever together Elliot. I knew that from day one." She said with a sigh, he looked anxious, "You did what you felt was right because she got pregnant. I'm not saying it was wrong...but no matter what happened, I never saw it not ending in divorce. It broke my heart...and I'm grateful for it because of the four children you got. But this was inevitable. I didn't think she'd leave the kids...but it is what it is."
Elliot frowned, "I love my children. And no I wasn't happy with Kathy...but maybe if I had made different choices...at least they wouldn't have been so hurt."
"You can't change anything now. And at the end of the day...I don't think you would want too. Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie and Richie are your life Elliot. You're such a wonderful father. You've sacrificed so much for them. But at the end of the day...you deserve to be happy Elliot. And if Olivia is what you want...I think you owe it to yourself to find out if there is even a slight chance for it to work." She said giving his arm a squeeze.
"I don't know if she feels the same way…" He whispered, "That's the scariest part."
"That has to be her choice." She answered, "But from what I've seen...I think she definitely feels the same. Even if she is scared." Bernie stepped around him and patted his back, "But right now...your daughter needs you."
Elliot thought about what she said, then turned and went to enter Maureen's room. His heart thumped hard when he saw her sitting in the window seat, staring out at the dark night. She was clutching a pillow to her chest and he could see the tear tracks on her cheeks. She didn't even turn to look at him when he walked into the room, but she didn't tell him to leave so he took that as a good sign. Closing the door behind him, he walked into the room and sat down at the other end of the seat.
Clearing his throat, he turned to her slightly, "Mo...I know you're upset. But you owe your sister an apology. Probably Lizzie and Richie too. You scared them."
He saw her lip tremble and she pulled her knees up to her chest, "I know."
"Listen…" He reached for her and instantly her wall fell and she crumbled, falling into his arms, "Oh honey...shhh, it's okay. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay."
"How can you say that?" She cried into his chest, "Olivia's going to leave us. She's going to fall in love with Mr. O'Conner and have a whole new family. She'll never come around. And it will be one more person that doesn't want me."
Elliot squeezed her tight and rubbed her back soothingly, "Mo, Olivia loves you so much. If she didn't...she wouldn't come around."
Maureen clung to him like she had as a toddler, "Then why can't you just tell her-"
"Because…" He whispered and she tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her go, "I know it's hard to understand. But, sometimes even if two people care about each other there are just things...that stand in their way."
This time, she did detach herself from him and frowned, "Well that's just stupid." He gave her a look and she frowned, "Well it is! If you love someone, what else matters?"
He didn't have an answer to that and he just smiled, "When did you grow up?"
She shrugged and looked down, "Probably around the time that Mom left…"
Elliot frowned and squeezed her shoulder, "I wish things had turned out differently. You know that, right?"
"I know. But...it is what it is. But now we have the chance to have something better. Don't you want to at least try?" She asked, "Come on Dad...do you really want her to go on a date with Mr. O'Conner?"
"I...want Olivia to make the choices that work for her. I want her to do what makes her happy." He said honestly, though it was tearing him apart.
Maureen rolled her eyes, "But you make her happy! And you could make her happier…"
"It just...has to be her choice. Okay?" He said softly, "Can you try and understand that?"
Maureen huffed and leaned back against the window, "What if she doesn't know you are a choice? That we are a choice?"
Elliot frowned and knew that this conversation was far from over, but for now he needed it to be, "I think...for tonight we need to table this conversation. I want you to go apologize to your siblings. And then...we can go downstairs and have some ice cream. I came home early tonight to spend time with you guys. And I'd like to do just that."
Maureen sighed and stood up, "Fine." She walked towards the door and then paused, "Just out of curiosity...did Olivia cover for you so you could come home?" His face flushed and she smiled, "That's what I thought…"
When she left the room, Elliot leaned forward and rubbed his hand with his face wondering if things would ever not be complicated…
The next day at work, Elliot was very distracted. He spent most of the day trying to ready Olivai's body language to see if he could tell if Ethan had called or not. But they were pretty busy and she had thrown herself into the case as usual. It wasn't until lunch time that he even had a moment to talk to her about anything other than work.
"Thanks for letting me go last night." He said from his desk as they both ate. "The kids were happy I was home early."
Olivia smiled up at him, "Good. I'm glad. Did you guys have a good night?"
He paused for a moment, "Well...yeah. Yeah...I guess."
She raised an eyebrow and reached for her water, "You guess?" He blushed and she looked straight at him, "El, what happened?"
He knew he couldn't tell her what the argument had been about, she'd be mortified. He also knew that bringing it up would open a can of worms he wasn't sure either of them were ready to face. "The kids we're just...arguing a lot. I had to play referee quite a bit. But it was fine."
Olivia smiled at him and leaned forward to toss the remnants of her lunch in the trash, "Pure chaos I assume?"
He smirked and nodded, wiping his own hands on a napkin, "Something like that."
Olivia's phone pinged and she thought about the night before when she had listened to the voicemail from Ethan. She had been very surprised. She didn't know how he had even gotten her number. She also wasn't sure what to make of it. He was an attractive man, seemed nice enough and under normal circumstances she might have called him right back to say yes to dinner. But this was Maureen's best friend's Dad...it was complicated.
Very complicated.
And if she said yes...what would that mean for her and Elliot? Not that there was a 'her and Elliot'. They were just friends. Just partners. Right? It was so easy to get caught up in all those moments when it felt like they were more but she didn't know what he felt. And she didn't know if she was willing to risk losing what they did have. Even if it meant something so much better…
But if she dated Ethan...and if they hit it off...what would that mean for her relationship with Elliot and his children? She couldn't imagine that any man she dated would be okay with her spending so much time with Elliot and his kids. In fact, the few flings she had made it more than clear that they weren't okay with her friendship with Elliot. When she glanced up at Elliot, she saw that he was staring at her with a look that confused her. As if he was...sad, worried even.
"Um...Elliot I...I don't know if this is...is weird but I think that maybe I should tell you that-" She was rambling and she knew it.
She didn't need to finish her sentence, because he knew this was it, "It's okay Liv...I know."
Sitting up a little straighter, she frowned, "What do you mean you know?"
He cleared his throat and pushed his chair back, "Um...you're talking about, Ethan? Right?"
Her face flushed and she looked down again, not able to meet his gaze right now. "How...how did you know?"
"Kathleen...she told him your phone number." He said softly, trying to read her demeanor, "He was volunteering at school and it...came up."
Olivia's mouth hung open, "I was wondering how he…" She shook her head and looked back up at him, "Listen El I-"
"He's a nice guy." He blurted out, "I think he's a realtor. Stable. Good Dad. Respected in the community. The other single Mom's seem to fall all over him so I suppose he's easy on the eyes." He couldn't seem to stop himself from talking about Ethan's good qualities even though his brain was screaming at him to shut the hell up.
"Oh...well yeah he seems nice. I mean I only briefly met him." Her mind was reeling, what was Elliot trying to tell her?
"Well clearly...you made an impression on him." He smirked at her, "Not surprising."
She blushed again and looked at him, "Elliot I-"
"It's...it's okay." He said softly, "I mean if you want...if you're interested. I think you should go for it."
Silence hung between them and both of them were staring at each other, shocked by what he had said. Both wondering what it all meant. Did he really want her to go on this date? In Elliot's mind...he wanted to hit himself. But part of him felt like this would give him the answers he was confused by. If she wanted to go out with Ethan...that would mean she wasn't interested in him. She didn't want more than what they had...and he had to know. He had to know before he took that chance.
But in Olivia's mind...he was telling her that he didn't want more. That though he was grateful for her friendship, for her partnership and help with the children, they would never be more than that. He didn't want her as a partner in life. Didn't want her in a romantic way. He was trying to give her the hint to move on.
"Oh…" She whispered, "I...I mean are you sure? I didn't want things to be awkward. For...for anyone. I mean considering…" She shrugged softly, her heart was pounding and she wanted him to understand what she was saying, "Everything?"
She felt like an idiot and so did he but he shook his head, "No...no awkwardness. You have your own life to live Olivia. And if you think this could be...something good for you. I say go on the date."
"Okay…" She said standing up, she felt her legs wobble and she knew it was because she felt like he had just broken her heart into a million pieces, "Maybe...maybe I will."
"Great." He said, turning from her quickly because he couldn't look at her, not now.
She was going to go on a date with Ethan O'Conner. She was going to have dinner with him. Maybe hold his hand. Would there be a kiss at the end of the evening? Would she take him back to her apartment? Would she let him stay? She had let Elliot stay...when she said she never let anyone else stay before. He had held her. He had kissed her head, told her he loved her but she had no idea.
But clearly...clearly she didn't want him.
Olivia stumbled back from her desk, "I um...I'm going to check in with Alex about-"
"Yeah. Good. Um...just let me know if she needs anything else from me." He said shuffling papers around on his desk.
Olivia didn't wait for him to say anything else, but she slipped her phone in her pocket and quickly exited the squad room. For Elliot's part, he fell back into his chair again and groaned, resting his head in his hands. What had he just done?
From beside him, he heard someone huff. "What?" Elliot asked looking at Fin.
"Man...I don't get you two." Fin said, shaking his head, "I really don't get you two…"
"What are you talking about?" Elliot said with a grumble, "Were you eavesdropping?"
Fin rolled his eyes, "Not like I couldn't not hear. You're only a foot away. What the hell was that?"
Elliot leaned back in his chair, not in the mood to argue, "I don't know what you're talking about Fin."
John sighed and threw a folder down on his desk, "He's talking about the fact that you just totally and completely blew it my friend."
Elliot's head snapped up and he frowned at Munch, "Excuse me?"
"Elliot...you two have been dancing around each other for years. And lately we've thought…" Munch shrugged slightly, "That maybe you'd finally get your shit together. But apparently not. I mean you just told her to go on a date with another man."
Elliot looked down at his desk, "Olivia is a grown woman who is capable of making her own choices. If she wants to go on a date with Ethan...then that's her choice."
Fin rolled his eyes again, "But...that's not her only choice, is it?"
Elliot shot him a look, "You been talking to Maureen?"
Fin chuckled, "No. We just all see it...yet the two of you can't."
"Olivia and I are friends. We're partners." He said quickly, "That's it."
"Okay." Munch said standing up as he walked towards his friend, "Keep telling yourself that. But if you ask me...she was asking you if you felt it too…"
Elliot looked at him, a pit forming in his stomach, "What? What do you mean?"
Munch smirked and mimicked Olivia, "I didn't want things to be awkward. For...for anyone. I mean considering...everything?" He rolled his eyes, "That was your out my friend. All you had to do was tell her not to go…"
"Or better yet...ask her out yourself." Fin said walking over to stand beside his partner, "You really screwed that one up Stabler."
Elliot looked back at Olivia's empty desk and felt his heart plummet to his stomach, "I assumed...she meant she was worried about the kids. Ethan is the father of one of Maureen's friends."
"Maybe that's part of it too." John said softly, "But it definitely wasn't all of it…"
Elliot groaned, "Shit…"
"Hey maybe the date will suck." Fin said with a shrug, "But with the picture you painted for her about all his great qualities...I'm going to assume it won't. So...good luck with that."
John roughly patted Elliot's back, "Better luck next time my friend…"
Elliot heard them both walking away and he hung his head slowly wondering if they were right. Had he missed the signs? Had he totally misread the situation? And if so...was it too late to fix it?