"Bad move there, pal..."
Han's voice rang out as they sat around the Holochess table, Chewbacca sat across from him and a young Ben Solo, about 7, sitting next to him. Chewbacca had just made a move to which Han had reacted to, trying to act snarky despite understanding he was losing.
"Dad, is it true you've lost every single game you've played against Uncle Chewie?" The kid spoke up, pushing up on his knees with his small hands against the outside of the table, careful not to mess with the board itself. His father scoffed at this.
"Now hang on a second, what have you been telling him?" Han asked, pointing an accusatory finger at his big furry copilot.
"(The truth!)" the wookie roared in response, clearly amused. Ben giggled, pushing a hand over his mouth as he avoided eye contact with his father, who had looked over immediately. Scoffing once more, Han shook his head.
"Buncha liars….doesn't matter 'cause-" he started, leaning forward in his seat before making a move. Once doing so, he leaned back with his hands behind his head, "-I've just won." Solo smirked.
"(Uh-huh…)" Chewbacca muttered as he made one final move. Han, who tried to keep his cool exterior, pursed his lips nervously. The wookiee's piece attacked Han's in front of it, and all Chewie's others did a little victory dance. It seemed Han had lost again.
"Well…" Han started, slowly lowering his hands to his lap. Smirking slightly, he leaned over to Ben and cupped a hand over his mouth though he made no effort to hide his words, "He cheats anyways," At that, Ben let out another round of giggles which caused Chewie to stand up and begin to roar in protest...
Suddenly, Ben was jolted awake by the ship exiting hyperspace. It seemed as though he had managed to doze off for a few. Blinking his eyes a few times, he realized that what he had been experiencing was just a phantom of a memory and that he was, in fact, still in the shadow of Kylo Ren. The warmth of the dream was something he desperately wanted to return to. It had been such a long time since his dreams were filled with anything but freezing darkness. Lifting a hand and running it along the cut on his face with a wince, he certified that he was still a grown adult and Han was still gone.
Sighing, Ben shifted and pushed himself up with a pained groan. Huffing slightly, he shut his eyes once more and pinched the bridge of his nose. The stinging of the interior lights blaring in his tired eyes caused his head to throb. That and the fact that he most likely had a broken nose. Slowly opening his eyes once more, he gave a glance around the room. Ben realized he probably wasn't out very long, but it was enough to make him have to catch his bearings once more. Seeing FN2187 still unconscious in the corner, and his own bloody and dirty black clothes on the ground, indicated to him that nothing had changed since he'd closed his eyes.
After a few moments of recovery, he finally decided to get up. His face twisted up from the pain in his abdomen as he did so, but this time, he refrained from hitting it. Instead he simply endured it. Once finding stable footing, he slowly made his way down the hallway to the cockpit.
It wasn't an easy journey. He found himself stopping and starting as he moved farther and farther down the hall. He had been up in the cockpit itself with Chewie and his father plenty of times, even steered it once from Han's lap. But it had been years since then, and so many things had changed. He almost felt like he didn't deserve to finish his trip, didn't deserve to sit in those seats or look out that window. But he persisted.
Finally he arrived at the doorway. In an almost knee-jerk reaction, he quickly found himself in the co-pilot seat. It felt like ripping off a bandaid; it needed to happen and happen quick, or else it would hurt too much. As he found himself in the familiar cushion, he lifted his eyes to stare as blankly as he could out the windshield. Swallowing back the rising lump in his throat, he could feel tears start to subconsciously streak down his cheeks again. Ben tried very hard to ignore them.
Chewbacca, who had only noticed Ben's presence when he'd shuffled into the copilot seat, glanced over briefly. He could see the tears on Ben's cheeks and the way the kid gripped the seat as if trying to hold it together. The wookie thought it best to let the other be, and continued his job of piloting the ship to the surface of D'qar; the planet which housed the resistance base. Which housed Leia.
Staring out the window, Ben watched as the planet grew closer and closer by the second. Surrounding them were a few dozen X-wings returning from their victory at the destruction of Starkiller Base.
The Falcon began to enter the atmosphere, and Ben's chest tightened, causing his breath to hitch slightly. His stomach churned as he watched the surface become ever closer as time passed. This was it. He wasn't sure how he could even step out of the Falcon without being arrested or shot on the spot. It wasn't like anyone else but Leia would be happy to see him. That was, to assume that even she would be happy about it. He didn't know what he was going to say, let alone how to avoid getting killed.
The resistance base was now coming into view, the ability to make out the shapes and the dots of little people becoming easier and easier. X-Wings landed and the dots could be seen colliding, no doubt embracing one another in celebration. Ben sniffed a bit. His brows furrowed and he swallowed his rising emotions back, before suddenly standing up and going to leave the cockpit. He was feeling overwhelmed, and if he was really going to cry again he didn't want it to be in front of Chewbacca.
"(Ben…)" the wookie's roar broke the silence as Ben was just about to leave. He froze, eyes staring at the ground in the hallway, wanting desperately to keep walking as he held back his tears, "(It'll be fine…)" Chewie tried, though he wasn't entirely sure of the truthfulness behind the statement. Nodding disbelievingly, Ben sucked in a quick breath before walking out of the cockpit and back down the hallway towards the main hold.
Coming back to rest on the end of the semi-circle couch, Ben leaned forward into his knees as he placed his head in his hands, careful of the injuries he'd sustained. He let the tears flow freely now into his palms as he desperately tried to push away thoughts of the cockpit. It had been a bad idea for him to go in there. He didn't deserve to be in there. But all he could do now was wait. He thought for a second about waking FN2187, but decided against it. There wasn't enough time to explain everything, without getting hurt or causing a commotion on the base. He opted for simply sitting idly by.
Suddenly, the Falcon thudded down as its landing gear touched the platform on the base. It seemed as though they had arrived. Hearing the ship's engine beginning to shut down caused Ben's heart to pick up speed. He wasn't sure what to do, or where to go. Moving his head so his chin rested in one of his hands, he waited not-so-patiently for Chewbacca to return to the main hold, hopefully with an idea of how to handle this.
Soon enough, the heavy steps of the wookie echoed down the hallway and he appeared in the main hold. Ben sat up at his arrival, looking to him expectantly. Only, Chewbacca didn't look back at him. Instead, he moved around the semi-circle couch and over to where he had sloppily placed Finn. Grunting softly, he picked up the limp body of the ex-trooper bridal style and began to exit the hold. He wasn't about to help the kid figure it out. Even though he was happy, in a way, to have Ben back, he figured whatever waited for him outside the ship was well deserved.
Ben felt his stomach drop, almost as if he could sense the wookie's line of thinking. Gulping, he pushed himself to his feet as he watched Chewbacca exit the main hold and head towards the boarding ramp. Glancing around the room, he decided he desperately didn't want to be left behind. Snagging the lightsaber off the holochess table, he clung to the weapon as if expecting it to prove his innocence. Hurrying after Chewie, he was halfway down the hall when he heard the boarding ramp hit the ground.
Chewbacca, who was now stepping down the ramp and blinking at the sudden rush of sunlight, continued on his way as if Ben wasn't even inside the ship. As soon as Chewie's eyesight cleared the ship, the first thing he spotted was her. She stared up at him a few yards away. The look behind her eyes was tired yet hopeful; drained and exhausted, but it sparkled nevertheless. Glancing to Finn, she quickly looked back up at Chewie with a questioning yet worried look. Shaking his head slightly as he approached, the wookie signaled that Finn wasn't, in fact, dead as she had expected. She looked relieved for a moment, but the tension was quick to return. Chewbacca took up her whole frame of view of the ship, but she could sense something else. It wasn't just an empty ship. As Chewbacca drew closer and closer, she took in a deep breath.
"Is...Is he really here?" She asked softly, her voice cracking. If Chewie wasn't paying attention, he may not have heard her. The sound of x-wings landing and resistance members cheering rang out all around them. Despite hearing her, though, he chose not to answer. He kept his eyes on her before moving slightly out of the way, passing her on his way to drop Finn off at the medical bay.
As soon as the wookie moved and her eyes refocused on the ship, that's when she saw him. At the top of the boarding ramp, darkened by the shadows of the Falcon, stood Ben Solo. She froze, her chest tighter than ever before.
Ben, who had made it to the top of the boarding ramp a few moments ago, hadn't seen her. Chewbacca's massive frame blocked her from view and the only reason he hadn't followed was the hesitation of not wanting to get shot down immediately. Now, as his uncle stepped out of the way, Ben finally laid eyes on her. His heart clenched tightly and the lump crept back up his throat as he felt weak in the knees. There, on the landing platform, was General Leia Organa. There was his mother.
The two of them stared at one another as if afraid to move; as if moving would destroy the vision in front of them. Ben, despite being happy to see her again, wanted to recoil back into the metal of the Falcon. He had no idea what he was going to say to her. Leia was in complete and utter disbelief. Her son was on that ramp, and any worry that it was Kylo Ren shredded away bit by bit as she took in his image.
Finally, she started forward. Her steps were slow at first before they picked up pace. She certainly wasn't running, but she wasn't taking her time either. Ben, gulping back his feelings as best he could, took slow steps forward down the ramp. Each step he took removed him from the shadows, letting the sunlight cast itself upon his being until he was fully aglow with it.
When the two finally met, it was on the landing pad. He had just stepped off of the ramp when both their bodies paused only inches apart. Ben could feel his eyes sting as he stared down, holding his breath as if expecting the worse. Leia could feel tears gently pool in her eyes as she stared up at the face of her son. Despite her stoic outward appearance, the General was torn apart inside. On one hand, she was almost certain the reason Han didn't return was because of Kylo Ren. On the other, it seemed as though Kylo Ren was no longer present.
Ben couldn't read her. His fears and doubts crept back in as he looked down at her, and his vision blurred from the tears that began to leak subconsciously down his cheeks. Once, long ago, when he had been enclosed in the shadows of darkness, Snoke had told him he'd never be accepted back by his family. Perhaps Snoke was right. He wondered how she could ever forgive him after everything he'd done. He was lost in his thoughts, drowning in his anxiety, unaware that his focus had departed from her despite his eyes still gazing at her face. But he was suddenly brought back to the present. A warm but gentle hand pressed against his unwounded cheek. His breath hitched and his eyes widened slightly as they refocused on his mother.
"...Ben?" Leia breathed out softly after a long moment of silence. The name left her lips as if it was being dusted off from a long hibernation in storage. It caused Ben to flinch slightly, pursing his lips together tightly as he stared down at her. Out of everyone to say his name, her's was by far the most comforting, yet heartbreaking. Slowly, he gave a small nod.
"Y-yeah..." he replied, his voice cracking in the process as he desperately tried to hold it together. He let his head tilt ever so slightly into her palm, careful not to be obvious about it, but clearly missing the touch of his mother. She noticed this, but made no attempt at making this information public, "Hi, mom…" the words left his mouth before he could really think about them.
Drawing in a shaky breath, Leia stared up into the eyes of her son. Hearing herself referred to as a mother, instead of a princess or a general, made her heart expand in a bittersweet took this moment of exchanging looks to really feel their force connection. Ever since Ben came to be, their bond was unlike any other. It was stronger than his and Han's could ever be. Nothing could compare to a mother and her son, and Ben was, and always had been, most certainly a mama's boy.
Suddenly, Leia retracted her hand in favor of moving in and wrapping her arms around Ben in a tight embrace. The hug was a little awkward. She was quite short compared to him now, and her head only reached his chest. But it was also awkward due to the fact that Ben had gone stone cold rigid. His eyes locked to staring dead ahead and he felt like a statue under her arms. He hadn't felt the warmth of his mother in so many years, even before Kylo Ren existed. Once they had shipped him off to train with Luke, there weren't many times after filled with the kind of love and compassion Leia hugged him with now. His fists tightened, the one on the saber gripping the weapon tighter and tighter as the floodgates behind his eyes opened wide and tears made like waterfalls down his face. His heart was beating faster than it ever had and anxiety filled his being. How could she just accept him so easily again after everything he'd done?
The general, despite feeling how stiff her son was in her arms, didn't let go. She was careful not to hug him too tightly, as she could tell he was most likely hurt more places than just his face, but she relished in the feeling of simply being able to be around Ben Solo again, let alone hug him. Still grieving the loss of Han, seeing him again made everything just a little better, even though she was almost certain Han was gone because of him. She feared this could be an act, that Kylo could be hiding under another mask; that it was all just a ruse to get close and tear everything she loved apart from the inside out. Leia tried desperately to push those thoughts away, wanting only in that moment to relish in the presence of who she perceived to be her son.
As if Ben himself had heard her, he abruptly put her fears to rest. Slowly, she felt his arms reach around her and return her embrace. He was overly cautious, however, as if waiting to get stabbed in the back. Ben had slowly succumbed to the emotions that gnawed at him and begged him to free himself of the pain and loneliness he felt inside. The more he gave in to the hug, the more he felt weak in the knees and felt his nose clog up as more tears rushed from his eyes. Finally, once fully engulfed in the hug, he let out a small sob as he buried his head into her shoulder.
Now that he had fully embraced her, she couldn't hang on to herself either. She began to cry with him as she let herself grip the back of Ben's shirt. Still being careful of wounds she couldn't see, she clung to him as if letting go an inch would rip him away from her again. Leia's heart soared in her chest as it filled with their connection, the force feeling as though it was beginning to balance itself within her own being. The feeling of Ben embracing her once more was enough to make everything okay. Relief was washing over her like a warm waterfall in a clearing full of sun.
Feeling his mother's hands knot themselves in his clothes caused another breathy sob to escape him as he wept into her shoulder. Fear still gripped his heart, that this could all go away, or that once their embrace was done, the warmth would recede into anger. It seemed it would be a very long time until he could fully, truly, relax.
Finally, after what seemed like, an eternity, Leia pulled back slightly. The two moved apart, but not far, as the general moved her hands from around him to the sides of his upper arms. Looking up at him, her cheeks were glimmering from tears and her eyes were red, yet she bore a large closed-lip smile nevertheless. Ben stared down at her, brows raised expectantly, the fear of an anxious child lying just behind his eyes.
"I knew you'd come home…" Leia finally spoke, her words soft and warm which wrapped Ben's heart. His brows shifted slightly even higher as if questioning this statement. All he imagined was that everyone thought he was a lost cause, "I never gave up hope,Ben," she assured, giving his arms a soft squeeze and adding a small nod to top it off. Gulping softly, he pressed his lips together tightly before giving her a hesitant nod. He didn't entirely believe her logically, and certainly didn't believe her emotionally, but he tried to push forward anyways. Her smile turned a bit sad and she gave a small sigh, though it was unclear the emotions behind it, "I'm….glad you're home," Leia assured.
"I…" Ben started, his voice cracking causing him to swallow before trying again, "I am too." He flashed an extremely small smile that just slightly turned up the corners of his pressed lips. It would've been easy to miss for anyone that wasn't paying extremely close attention like his mother was. After another moment of staring at one another and taking in the moment, she drew in a breath.
"What happened to you?" She questioned, one hand going up to the cheek with the large cut that ran down it. Ben flinched away from it slightly before letting her touch the part of his cheek which was uncut. Glancing at her hand for a moment, he looked over her facial features. Ben was unsure of how to answer this question quickly. Almost as if she had read his mind, the Princess raised her brows softly, "Long story?" Her son gave a small nod in response. Understanding, she drew in another, larger, breath, "Okay. Let's get you some medical attention and you can tell me all about it while you're recovering," and with that, she started to turn to walk back to the base.
Quickly, Ben grabbed her arm with his free hand, the other still tightly around his grandfather's lightsaber. His heart skipped a beat anxiously at the prospect of heading straight into the den of resistance fighters, all of whom would no doubt want him dead, despite what his mother felt.
"I...should wait in the…" He couldn't even bring himself to say the name of the ship behind him, though it seemed like he didn't have to. Leia gave him a look that could only say 'don't be ridiculous' before realizing how genuinely terrified he seemed to be. She couldn't just push him, not when she saw a scared child behind his eyes. Sighing softly, she glanced away before looking back to him with a confident yet understanding smile.
"Ben," Leia started, "You are my son. You've returned home. It's time to stop hiding," she tried, compassion lacing her words, though clearly she wasn't about to coddle him too much by letting him hide on the Falcon, "Come on," she encouraged, reaching out her hand for her son to take, "It'll be okay."
The young solo's breath hitched in his chest as he stared down at her hand. She was right, and he hated it so much. He wanted desperately to stash himself away in the shadows, to convince the whole galaxy that he had vanished. But seeing the look in his mother's eyes and feeling the sincerity that laced her words, he let out a small yet defeated sigh. Slowly, he extended his free hand and placed it inside her's, cautious and trembling as he did. The hand with the saber adjusted but kept a firm grip on the weapon. He held on to it tightly as if it would prove his innocence, as if it were a symbol of his redemption. In a way, it was.
Once Ben's hand was firmly in her's, Leia pressed another smile to her lips as she turned away now. She started slow, walking away from the Falcon and towards the base. Ben, who felt sort of silly being pulled along by his mother, followed. His head was hanging, though his eyes flicked around their surroundings as if trying to gage people's reactions.
At first no one seemed to notice. With every moment, he became more and more aware of resistance fighters celebrating and hugging. Love and joy at the downfall of Starkiller Base filled the air; such a stark contrast to anytime the First Order experienced victory, Ben recalled with a shudder.
Slowly, one by one, heads started to turn. The commotion in the immediate area dimmed as if the moon was creeping in to block out the sun. Eyes of all kinds stared at General Leia Organa and her son. As soon as he started making eye contact with a few of them, he dropped his eyes to watch the ground as he walked on. Hateful whispers and the sounds of hands dancing anxiously at blasters were the only things he heard in his ears as he subconsciously picked those hostile sounds out of all the rest. Ben hoped soon he could be out from under the hostile eyes of the resistance.